why are people turned of by people with mental; health problems?????
i have mental health problems and if u knew me u would not think i have but i have. why are people put off by this???
why are people turned of by people with mental; health problems?????
i have mental health problems and if u knew me u would not think i have but i have. why are people put off by this???
because people are lazy and ignorant and would much rather find someone without mental health problems than to deal with the extra effort that would need to go into a relationship with a person with mental health problems.
thanks for the reply. but most people with mental health problems are as normal as anyone. not one of my friends realised i had mental health problems. i dont see why they cant see we are normal. we dont need much more effort than normal tbh.
thank you x
RHK,
I agree with your assessment. Think of it this way though - early on, the other person does not know you yet. Personally, it doesn't bother me, but I can understand how someone does not want to get involved casually with someone who may need a lot of help. the last thing someone on a first date wants to hear is "If I pass out here's what you need to tell the EMS."
Mental health issues also come with a perception that a degree of drama may be around the corner.
Again, I don't really agree with this, but I comprehend it.
-PP
i have anxiety and depression so im not going to pass out and stuff. i might have a down day but that would be it and would not take muh to cheer up just a hug would cheer me up. people with mental health problems like mine just want to feel loved or feel like they belong but people dont understand and alot think we are dangerous
thanks x
most of us have down days from time to time. And feeling loved, feeling that there is someone there for us makes those down days fewer. Good luck.
Gollum to keep the answer simple, it scares people. A flock of white sheep will be skeptical of the black sheep initially. The reindeer were skeptical of Rudolph until Santa gave him the first position on the sleigh. Pardon my humor. It takes people a little time to warm up to those who are different. I wish this weren't the case, but it is.
thank you for your comments. i just wish people would understand more. i know it seems a wierd thing to say but people need to learn and understand others before judging. and i would like to say people should not judge people if they have problems. they should judge them on how they are as it should not matter what problems people have. ive had a few girlfriends and i told them after a year of goin out with em i had anxiety and depression and they all finished me next day of me saying it altho they loved me ive had 2 of my exs wish they never did it and the recent one only finished me 2 months ago and she regretted it aswell. but because i had problems they finished it.
thanks for replying
xx
i deal with depression and anxiety as well, and i've realized how much of an impact it really does have on a relationship. to say that mental health problems are insignificant is false. it does take some extra effort on the other person's behalf to deal with some of the symptoms of their partner's depression/anxiety. i'm not saying that you are like me in any way, because everyone is different and has gone through different experiences to make them who they are. if a hug is all you need, then you're lucky. i'm a bit more complex than that. but it is definitely true that there is a negative stigma associated with mental health issues.
i personally don't think it's necessary to relinquish that information about yourself until you can fully trust the other person and have given enough time for the person to realize that your mental health really isn't an issue, that you have it under control and they have nothing to worry about. i wouldn't go around advertising it.
I have OCD. Due to the current circumstances within my marriage I am suffering from a deep depression as well. Presently I am taking enough antidepressants to put a smile on a Rhinoscerous. lol There is certainly a stigma attached to mental health issues. Mental problems are a matter of degree, however. Everyone has them, its just a matter of how much they are affecting your life or not. People with depression, OCD, ect. are generally very inteligent and caring people. In my opinion, the people that recognize the problem and seek treatment are much more inteligent and concerned about the quality of their life and those around them than those who choose to remain ignorant. I myself generally choose not to reveal my problems to most people. Those I do reveal my issues to usually know me well enough by then that their opinions are already formed and won't be affected by it.
i would say that the girls you dated are a bit too superficial and you are probably better off without them. if you were with them long enough for them to realize that your mental health was under control and they still decided to end the relationship, then they aren't worth your time anyway. i know it might dig away a bit at your self-esteem, but stay strong and you will soon enough find someone who will accept you for who you are...isn't that what we are all looking for anyway?Quote:
Originally Posted by gollom555 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
i agree that people are ignorant and uneducated about these types of issues and their first instinct is to flee rather than to be open-minded and learn. but that's how you weed through the ones that aren't worth your time. i have to deal with the same crap...it takes a lot of patience, but just think positive. maybe you are better off with someone who has a similar issue as you do and can respect and understand what you deal with.
thank you for this comment. im sorry about your stress. i have depression and anxiety. ive been suffering with it for a while. i have tried telling people i have it and not telling people i have it and it does not seem to work. i am on 2 different types of anti depressants and am currently trying to get on the list for cognative behavioural therapy (CBT). thank you for the comment.
x
p.s any advice anyone could give would be appreciated as im having problems finding people
thanks
thank you. i never thought about it that way. thanks. x
I'm in a similiar boat, it's anxiety I suffer from which can lead to bouts of depression.
I was with someone for twelve years and they lived through it with me, my first bout was around two years in to the relationship, so they understood it and accepted it as part of me. I've just started dating someone new, when is the right time to tell them? Well if things work out for us I won't be telling her for a while yet.
Hopefully I may never need to, I'm on Citalopram and have been for some time, I'm also attending CBT and have been referred to a Clinical Psychologist so have hope that with the help and support I am recieving I can put it behind me and lead a "normal" life.
i wish you both the best of luck. i haven't gone on any medication and i'm still having issues getting off my ass and going for some professional help. in the next 6 months i will be moving back home and am looking at it as an opportunity to start fresh and take charge of my life. i personally would like to avoid taking any medication. i have the belief that medication just hides the symptoms, and that real therapy is the only way to get at the root of the problem...now if i can only build up the motivation to actual get therapy i'll be a lot better off.
thank you. getting help of people who are going thru similiar things is always good. thank you for your stories. im not a fan of tablets. im taking 2 different types of medication and its 2 tablets in morning and 2 at night. i hope i can be referred for cbt as i have heard good things about it. thank you. x.
keep the messages coming guys. i want to help spread and get rid of the stigma about people with mental health problems.
xx
Yes, we should all date crazy people to show how productive and not ignorant we are. I'm not putting up with emotional baggage because I don't have to and you know why? A relationship is not something you deal with and work with. The point of one is to make you happy. If I'm not happy in one I am out of that relationship, doesn't need to be more complicated then that. Depression and anxiety everyone has, seriously...some just more then others. Since no one mentioned at first what kind of mental health problem for all I know we can be speaking of borderline ape shit crazy.
that is quite rude. im not crazy yet i have mental health problems. this is an example of the stigme people with mental health problems have to cope with. yes the point of a relationship is to make you happy but as i have said alot of people with mental health problems are normal and maybe more caring the most people.
Are you trying to start a pity band wagon here like the last guy? I don't care that you have issues and you think they are a disorder. You think everyone around you doesn't get depressed from time to time and has anxiety during certain occasions? Psychologists/shrinks do a hell of a job making you people think that you are somehow "special" that is for sure. Someone on here put down people who wouldn't date those with mental disorders yet women don't date a man simply cause his cock is to small? really? talk about a bad order of priorities. Everyone is a hypocrite these days I swear. I get into relationships personally in order to INCREASE my happiness, if it doesn't do that the relationship is pointless...I might as well be single. Wait till the day you start dating and ignoring women because maybe one has ears that look funny or another one because she dresses poorly..in my opinion mental health is far more important then any other issue.Quote:
Originally Posted by gollom555 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
yes it is but im not saying im special in anyway and have not put that. im just tryin to raise awareness and get advice. i know everyone in some part of their lives willl suffer from anxiety or depression or both. i have been to many of doctors and specialists trying to get help. mental health is not something to joke with and im trying to help get rid of a stigma that covers it. i would just hope i can do a little to help it. i have been in relatioships and broke up cos they found out i had problems. i know how it feels. i like to be in relationships for exactly the same reason, but because i am labbelled with mental health problems people avoid me like the plague. sorry about jumpin at u but am having a bit of a down moment. sorry my friend.
I would not have a relationship with someone who had mental problems. For one thing, I have a child. There is not telling how this could affect her, really. Even if it's something like depression... not going to deal with it. I don't want to be someone's cheerleader. You may not be able to tell from being friends with someone that they have mental ailments, but if you are in a relationship with someone... it's going to creep into the situation eventually. I would rather be with a person that has a physical ailment than a mental one. Also, mental illnesses are often hereditary, so I wouldn't want to have a child with the increased chances of this.
This is not saying I have anything against people with mental illnesses, I just really don't want to deal with it.
Why do you tell yourself and others that you have a mental disorder? That won't help you. When you have a "down moment" just take it for what it is, sadness over something. I think professionals are going about healing depression the complete wrong way.Quote:
Originally Posted by gollom555 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
that's fine. everyone is entitled to their own choices. no one is making you date someone with depression or anxiety. but i'm pretty certain you will pass along that way of thinking to your child, who will then also discriminate against people with mental health problems and they will pass it along to their children and so forth. i guess the best solution is to just lie. don't tell anyone about your mental health issues and you shouldn't have any problems.
How did I say I discriminate? By NOT choosing to date them? I choose not to date women, am I sexist?Quote:
Originally Posted by RdHrshyKss [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
what would you do if you had a daughter who started dating someone suffering from depression? would you be ok with it? or would you try to convince her to go out and find someone without it? in my opinion, everyone has to deal with some form of depression, there are just some people who are better at ignoring it and not letting it affect them as much as others. so to say you choose not to date people who suffer from depression, even if they have it completely under control, is discriminatory. but again, you have the choice, no one is making you. but since there are a lot of people out there like you, i would suggest that the OP just not tell anyone about it so that he can't be judged prematurely like someone like you probably would.
My daughter is 6, not worried about that yet. And I do not have to deal with depression at all. I know if my daughter's boyfriend had HIV I would try to get her to date someone else, but I don't know what I would say if she said her boyfriend is depressed.Quote:
Originally Posted by RdHrshyKss [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
i would hope that you would say that if he makes her happy and she loves him, him having depression shouldn't mean a damn thing. as for the HIV thing, that's a really touchy subject. i would have to say that people with HIV have a much worse stigma for good reason. not dating someone with depression because you think it might be a problem, even though you aren't really sure it will be, is less logical than not choosing to date someone with HIV for obvious reasons.Quote:
Originally Posted by sparkle_jello [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
and i must note that people may be predisposed to suffering depression worse than others, but i firmly believe that it's the social experiences that one has that makes it become an issue. so just because someone has suffered depression in their life does not mean that their children will. if their children are brought up in a good environment and have good values and confidence instilled in them, i don't see why depression would become a factor.
I thought we are talking about full blown disorders here? Not regular depression.Quote:
Originally Posted by RdHrshyKss [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
How does someone who is depressed make someone else happy when they can't even be happy themself?Quote:
Originally Posted by RdHrshyKss [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Seriously, you are taking this WAY too personally. Not all people are the same, that is a good thing. I am one that happens to be very choosy when picking a mate, in all areas. I've known depressed people, and I really just don't want to live with it in my house. I've had depressed friends, in reality they are hard friends to keep because they are always gloom and doom, but I've had them. I'm not going to post politically correct answers to make everyone happy. You haven't done one thing to change my stance.Quote:
Originally Posted by RdHrshyKss [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
you guys are the one saying that you choose not to date a depressed person. there are so many ranges of depression, to make that statement is just silly. i suffer from bouts of depression but it doesn't make me more abnormal than the next person. everyone has their own differences. and i already told you that no one is going to make you date a depressed person. you are free to do whatever you will. all i suggested was for people like me and the OP and others who have acknowledged their issues should just keep it to themselves so that they won't be prematurely judged by people like you. it's really very simple.
I'm pretty sure when someone like the OP says "Mental health issues" and is seeing shrinks he isn't talking about a mild case of depression. Which is why I said what I said above.
it is possible. just because we have issues with the way we feel about ourselves doesn't mean that we can't love and care for another person. i suffer from bouts of depression and anxiety every now and then, but it doesn't mean i don't love my boyfriend. if he were to come on here, he would vouch for how caring i am, and how willing i am to put plenty of other people before myself, which is probably part of the reason i get so anxious, because i take it a little too far at the expense of myself. and i can see how someone who doesn't acknowledge their issues and who doesn't try to actively take control of it could let it go too far and could inevitably end up hurting their relationship. but what i'm trying to say, is that there is no reason to not date someone who suffers from depression if they are actively trying to work on it. this whole thread was started because the OP had dated someone for a year, trusted them enough to tell them about his depression, and they dumped him the next day. if that isn't completely ridiculous, then i don't know what is. if the person was content with the person not knowing that they had depression for a whole year, then it shouldn't have been an issue. but it was, because the girls he dated were ignorant. and i feel that someone who says "i won't date a depressed person", just like that, without being willing to understand the entire situation is just ignorant and is probably not worth getting involved with anyway. it's just the replication of this type of mentality that bothers me. people being close-minded and passing those viewpoints down to their children.Quote:
Originally Posted by Only-virgins [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
mental health issues is a really broad statement. he probably should have said "depression" and noted that he has it under control.Quote:
Originally Posted by Only-virgins [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I don't buy that at all. They date him for a year and can't tell that he has a serious chronic depression problem and only realize it when he tells them. After a year? really? Either he has a really mild case that everyone has and is blowing it out of proportion, he dates morons, or he is lying to us.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Only-virgins [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
it's a possibility. but you underestimate the power of medication.
I would not want to be with someone who, in order to be normal, would have to be on medication.Quote:
Originally Posted by RdHrshyKss [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
we agree on that point. i don't agree with medication either...psychotherapy is the only type of treatment that gets to the cause of the problem. but in order for it to be effective, the patients need to have a good support structure. and if everyone thought like you, they wouldn't have anyone to rely on.Quote:
Originally Posted by sparkle_jello [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
okay,. i have suffered with anxiety for 1o years of my life and im now 20. so i have had it for half of my life and i have suffered with severe depression for 5 years of my life. i take 2 tablets in morning and 2 at night. if u are saying you would not date someone who is taking tablets then you are discriminating and have a stigma against people with problems. i have had a few girlfriends and have made them all really happy but i choose to be honest with people as it helps me relieve my stresses. okay!!!! i have friends. yes i have lost one or two but that doesnt matter as the ones i love have stood by me thru the worst times i have ever had. and saying that you would not go out with somone who has depression cos u have a kid is a bit harsh. most of my girlfriends either had brothers and sisters living in house with them or they had sons or daughters. it doesnt matter. people with depression and mental health problems are more caring and sympathetic than most people because they have gone thru alot. and BTW most people will suffer from a mental illness, wether it is depression or anxiety. so how would u deal with it if your daughter got depression. would u kick her out of the house????
thank you RdHrshyKss for understanding xx
Clearly, you have issues.Quote:
Originally Posted by gollom555 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
go on. what issues do i have???? most people will suffer from something and you cant get ur head round it. or u got somet wrong and dont wanna admit it. if u met me in the middle of the street u would not know i had depression and anxiety til i told u.
i would like for u to explain my issues.