Did she string me along?

We were together for about 2 years, but toward the one year mark, things just weren't the same. A few weeks before the two year anniversay, I told her I wanted out because I felt like I was putting in more work than she was. It was like she cared about me, but didn't care enough, ya know? We both thought it was best to see other people...

When the 2 year anniversary came up, she strangely wanted to hang out. We did, but it was awkward. This was in March 2010. I still had feelings for her, but she just wanted to remain friends and that upset me a lot. That I was trying to work things out and she didn't want to. I ended up getting angry and told her some things about how she's selfish and blah blah blah...

We both cut off contact and started seeing other people in March and April. Nothing serious. I ended up realizing that I still loved my ex, so I got back into contact with her at the end of April. She wanted no part of it. Pretty much ignored me and told me to move on. I was heart broken and tried to get her back for a few weeks, but failed. During that time, she was telling my grandmother behind my back that she loved me and wanted things to work out, so it was weird for her to tell me the complete opposite.

Then the ex randomly shows up at my college graduation and party one night in May. I'm still in love with her, so I try to kiss her that night, but she pushes away. A few weeks later I decide that I'm going to move about 4 hours away. She finds out about it and begs me to stay. I tell her I have to move. We end up getting back together and things are great for about 2 weeks, then she gets on my computer in June 2010 and my FB is logged in... she reads my messages and finds out about some "stuff" that happened between me and another girl while we were broken up in April. She gets upset about it and pretty much says it's over with me now.

A week goes by and I get some messages from her saying she still wants it to work, but that she needs time. I tell her I'm tired of her not knowing what she wants anymore. She tells me she loves me and we're back together at the end of June. I move away on July 1st. Things are great and perfect, even though it's tough for me to go back and see her.

August 1st, we go away with my family for the weekend. We're totally in love again, no fighting, just a romance that was like the first year together. When I leave, she begs me to stay with her for another day. Of course, I can't, so I drive to my house about 4 hours away. My family discusses some concerns about my ex to me... they think she is too quiet and hasn't tried hard enough to be friendly toward them. This part is true. My ex pretty much didn't say a word to my mother. She stayed downstairs the entire trip... kind of anti-social. So I call my ex and tell her she needs to try harder... blah blah blah... and it turns into a fight.

I sense a distance between us over the next few weeks. She pretty much stopped calling me, yet I saw her FB updates saying that she was happy and that she was going out a lot. I thought giving her her space was the best thing. Then August 24th, she sends me a text breaking up with me.

I spent September and October trying to get her back, calling her way too much and showing up at her house to see her two times. That ended badly, with her pretty much saying she wants nothing to do with me anymore. I sensed there was another guy and I asked her if there was someone else, but she said no, up until the last time I talked with her October. From that point on she ignored every contact I made with her. Even changed her number.

I recently found out through FB (we're not friends on there anymore, I found out through a mutal friend) that she uploaded some romantic kissing pictures of her and another guy in Mid-September, just 2 weeks after she broke up with me. Apparently, this was the same guy she was "seeing" when we were broken up in April. But for her to upload romantic pictures of them, that means it's pretty serious to her. We didn't even have pictures like that. Seems to me like she had this guy on the sideline the entire time... Or maybe I was on the sideline?... I honestly don't know what to think, but I've had nothing but obsessive thoughts on this thing for months.

Sorry to hear about all of this man. I would say this though -- you are obsessing over someone that would break up with you via TEXT MESSAGE? Dude...that person is not a nice person. Move on, give your love to one of the 1000s of girls out there that deserve it. And I know that this is a hard pill to swallow but really? VIA TEXT MESSAGE?

Let it go...I am sorry

I know man... I don't get it either.

MAn come on! Is this really what you think love is? This is punishment and you're doing it to yourself. She aint worth two shits man and you deserve someone who can at least be consistent damn. Get her out of your life and take a nice long look at your self esteem man. You've got to put "self" first. Go find a girl thats worth all the sacrifices of a relationship!

This happen because you both didn't have proper closure the first time. People tend to not let go because they think they can get back what they had before. It's like beating a dead horse. You both needed to move on, and you both needed to accept that the relationship had ended a long time ago. She didn't lead you on, you both were just confused as to what you wanted.

I kinda feel that the relationship ended even longer ago then what I mentioned. She broke up with me around the 1.5 year mark, but came running back after 2 weeks. Maybe it was because we were both afraid of letting go and being alone?

I care about her and wish her the best, but I still feel so sad knowing she's in someone elses arms and that she wants nothing to do with me.

You can't force her to love you but you can woo her with your charm. She may not return. THe other thing is some attractions are based on emotions and physical attraction and the hurt stems from loosing that physical contact. But you should learn to let her go out of love. If you love some one set them free. If they return, they are yours, etc.

What is frustrating in your case is you let her go and she returned, but now, she won't. So, let her be. What she did to you she may do to the next guy so do not take it personally. Its how she acts in this situation.

Did she lead you on? Maybe a little but that's part of the dating game and its beside the point. Is she with you now or with someone else? The answer to this question should direct your actions and efforts.

Please don't follow in my foot steps and hold onto this idea that someday she will realize that she made a mistake. She won't. She probably isn't making a mistake -- you probably aren't right for her....for any number of reasons. Let it go -- be very very weary if she reaches out to you -- ignore it frankly ... and move on.

Life will get better but only if you don't let your past (her ) destroy your future (any other girl out there). It gets better, then harder...then better...

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Originally Posted by BeingAlpha [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Please don't follow in my foot steps and hold onto this idea that someday she will realize that she made a mistake. She won't. She probably isn't making a mistake -- you probably aren't right for her....for any number of reasons. Let it go -- be very very weary if she reaches out to you -- ignore it frankly ... and move on.

Life will get better but only if you don't let your past (her ) destroy your future (any other girl out there). It gets better, then harder...then better...

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I think that she's going to expect this new guy to put up with her like I did. I think he will in the beginning, but once her true personality comes out he'll realize he ain't gettin anything good from it. I have a feeling that that's when I'll get a phone call. I'm not counting on it though, because my behavior afterwards pushed her away even more (my constant calling...)

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Originally Posted by mmiller5373 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think that she's going to expect this new guy to put up with her like I did. I think he will in the beginning, but once her true personality comes out he'll realize he ain't gettin anything good from it. I have a feeling that that's when I'll get a phone call. I'm not counting on it though, because my behavior afterwards pushed her away even more (my constant calling...)

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DO NOT WAIT FOR A PHONE CALL FROM HER. Sounds like you are bitter and unable to move on with your life - that is not good. Your relationship with her is OVER, like FINISHED - for whatever reason. So move on.

I'm just wondering where you thought things would change? You were putting in more work from day one, you felt like it wasn't enough at the end of the first year, and yet you made it to almost two years? It should be pretty apparent that while she likes having you around when she needs it, she is only thinking of herself and what she needs. You provide it for her when it's convenient for her, and when you are moving away because you want to, she begs you to stay? After she wanted out and away from you? And you give in? I know you can't help how you feel but you have to be rational about this. She is not the only girl for you and you will find love with somebody else. The fact that she treats you this way, and that you allow it to happen, makes you all the more the sad and tragic figure.

Take from this the all-important lessons. When you notice somebody isn't putting in 100 percent of their effort, if they don't want to grow with you, it's going to stagnate. Second, if she wants to break up with you, begging them, calling them, will only push them away. It will make them feel like their decision was even more correct. Nothing is more pathetic than a blubbering "I can't live without you" begging and pining after them. If you don't respect who you are with, you won't get anywhere with them. She stopped respecting you a long time ago.

She could use a reality check. This guy may give it to her, and refuse her shit from the get go. He may fall into place like you did with her. She is going to have to learn it the hard way from somebody and that somebody isn't you. You may care about her, you may want to help her, you may want to be with her, but you just can't. You know better. Stop looking at her facebook, stop trying to figure out ways to win her back, start concentrating on yourself. What you need. How to be better at your job or school, how to get in great shape and eat right, what you enjoy doing and pursuing them with reckless abandon. You want to move 4 hours away for a better job or for your personal preference? Do just that. Don't build your life around somebody else though because they can't guarantee anything. The only thing guaranteed is what you do, and you have control over that.

You can't help how you feel about her, but you can control what you do. What you have been doing has got you to where you are today. Isn't it time for a change in behavior and attitude?

Just wondering... While you were sending her all those texts and calling her non stop, did you bother to ask her to return your balls back? I know it sounds rude but man, come on, lets put 2 and 2 together. She isn't worth it if she's breaking up with you over a text message.

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Originally Posted by cmacattack1 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm just wondering where you thought things would change? You were putting in more work from day one, you felt like it wasn't enough at the end of the first year, and yet you made it to almost two years? It should be pretty apparent that while she likes having you around when she needs it, she is only thinking of herself and what she needs. You provide it for her when it's convenient for her, and when you are moving away because you want to, she begs you to stay? After she wanted out and away from you? And you give in? I know you can't help how you feel but you have to be rational about this. She is not the only girl for you and you will find love with somebody else. The fact that she treats you this way, and that you allow it to happen, makes you all the more the sad and tragic figure.

Take from this the all-important lessons. When you notice somebody isn't putting in 100 percent of their effort, if they don't want to grow with you, it's going to stagnate. Second, if she wants to break up with you, begging them, calling them, will only push them away. It will make them feel like their decision was even more correct. Nothing is more pathetic than a blubbering "I can't live without you" begging and pining after them. If you don't respect who you are with, you won't get anywhere with them. She stopped respecting you a long time ago.

She could use a reality check. This guy may give it to her, and refuse her shit from the get go. He may fall into place like you did with her. She is going to have to learn it the hard way from somebody and that somebody isn't you. You may care about her, you may want to help her, you may want to be with her, but you just can't. You know better. Stop looking at her facebook, stop trying to figure out ways to win her back, start concentrating on yourself. What you need. How to be better at your job or school, how to get in great shape and eat right, what you enjoy doing and pursuing them with reckless abandon. You want to move 4 hours away for a better job or for your personal preference? Do just that. Don't build your life around somebody else though because they can't guarantee anything. The only thing guaranteed is what you do, and you have control over that.

You can't help how you feel about her, but you can control what you do. What you have been doing has got you to where you are today. Isn't it time for a change in behavior and attitude?

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I honestly don't know why I thought things would change. I guess it was because she would always come running back after I was out of her life, so I figured she would try harder.

And I didn't give into her... I did move away. It was the best thing for me.

I use to be a different person. I was confident, outgoing, and took pleasure in life. Over the past year or so I've become a different person; pretty much placing my happiness in her hands. I don't know why it happened. I guess it was because I felt like I was doing so much for her, but not getting much in return.

I've read a lot recently about what you are and are not suppose to do with an ex... I did everything wrong after the breakup, even though it's probably for the best. Pushing her away even more will be better for me in the long run.

She will get a reality check and it's really sad. I know there's nothing I can do about it. Her brother-in-law feels that it's going to take some abusive guy to come along to make her realize that she's selfish and that what she did was wrong. She still hasn't even told her family about this new guy (and lies about him too) and she's been with him for about 3 months now.

I'm going 100% NC with her, her friends, and family. I need time to heal. Can't get caught up in it all.

Right now, I feel totally used, confused, and yes it's sad, abandoned. I just want to know why she kept coming back to me to only break it off again? Did she love me? Or was it all just a selfish thing based on what she wants. Did she realize she wasn't getting what she wanted from me and that this new guy would give it to her? When she broke it off with me she blamed me for everything too. Never once said she did anything wrong.

Also, I will throw it in there that she is a virgin. About 4 months into our relationship she told me and we decided we would wait for marriage. That's what she wanted and I respected it. It was tough and yes at times I would try to push her into trying to do things, but I never forced her. There was some touching and kissing, but never anything close to sex. Yet, when she breaks up with me she blames me for forcing her into the touching, saying that it was all a waste to her.

I know it all seems sad and tragic... but please, I don't want to hear negative comments.

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Originally Posted by Lovehearts [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Finding someone new might help.

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Worked very well for me. When you're having amazing sex with somebody it's surprising how you forget - oh what was her name?

Hey man - I would like to think that neither of our exes are toying with us out of malice -- more confusion, fear, hurt whatever it is...but they are doing it.

I was doing great without my ex, had been seeing other girls etc.. then she came right back into my life (but just for the night). She called it break up sex...great we broke up 3 months ago. She contacted me and said she was still hurting, still wanted to reach out to me when big things were happening in her life. I told her I didn't feel the same way -- and since she told me "I wasn't right for her," etc.. it was her job to stay away...she in a very combative tone said "is there some sort of law?"

WTF?!!!

So to answer your question - yes! -- your ex is selfish she thinks only of the fact that she needs to hear from you -- for whatever reason and once she feels better she moves on again -- she takes no consideration for what the constant reaching out and breaking away does to you. Mine seemed oblivious to the fact that every time she did that it gave me hope that we would get back together.

Its also fun to hear her say her life is empty without me in it in the same breath as she says she doesn't want to spend her life with me...what the hell? In all honesty though that line was EXACTLY what I needed...there is nothing more definitive than that and in my mind for a commitment phobe even to commit to it being over is a huge thing..at least I got her to commit...and provide me some closure -- no more of this wishy washy stuff.

So call it a new years resolution, call it whatever but I am committed to moving on -- 100% moving on. I will need to muster the strength to never reach out and to never answer. Sooooo hard.

Hang in there man -- let it go..seriously let it go. take out your phone delete the number and all the text messages..go into your email account and delete all the sent/or received emails, get rid of everything she ever got you and anything that reminds you of her...only way to do it. Even if it means giving up something of high value YOU must do it.

Good luck man..I truly understand you.

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Originally Posted by Boisdevie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Worked very well for me. When you're having amazing sex with somebody it's surprising how you forget - oh what was her name?

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I hear ya. Trust me, I'm trying to get myself back into the world, though it's tough when you're feeling so down.

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Originally Posted by BeingAlpha [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hey man - I would like to think that neither of our exes are toying with us out of malice -- more confusion, fear, hurt whatever it is...but they are doing it.

I was doing great without my ex, had been seeing other girls etc.. then she came right back into my life (but just for the night). She called it break up sex...great we broke up 3 months ago. She contacted me and said she was still hurting, still wanted to reach out to me when big things were happening in her life. I told her I didn't feel the same way -- and since she told me "I wasn't right for her," etc.. it was her job to stay away...she in a very combative tone said "is there some sort of law?"

WTF?!!!

So to answer your question - yes! -- your ex is selfish she thinks only of the fact that she needs to hear from you -- for whatever reason and once she feels better she moves on again -- she takes no consideration for what the constant reaching out and breaking away does to you. Mine seemed oblivious to the fact that every time she did that it gave me hope that we would get back together.

Its also fun to hear her say her life is empty without me in it in the same breath as she says she doesn't want to spend her life with me...what the hell? In all honesty though that line was EXACTLY what I needed...there is nothing more definitive than that and in my mind for a commitment phobe even to commit to it being over is a huge thing..at least I got her to commit...and provide me some closure -- no more of this wishy washy stuff.

So call it a new years resolution, call it whatever but I am committed to moving on -- 100% moving on. I will need to muster the strength to never reach out and to never answer. Sooooo hard.

Hang in there man -- let it go..seriously let it go. take out your phone delete the number and all the text messages..go into your email account and delete all the sent/or received emails, get rid of everything she ever got you and anything that reminds you of her...only way to do it. Even if it means giving up something of high value YOU must do it.

Good luck man..I truly understand you.

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Well, luckily, I haven't heard from the ex since the middle of October. I've had contact with her brother-in-law, whom has taken my side on this whole situation, but I recently told him he won't be hearing from me for a while, as I need to get away from it all.

I think my ex didn't really know what she wanted. It wasn't really a committment issue, but like you said, more of a selfish thing. She kept stringing me along because she knew she could and when things started to play out with her and this other guy, BAM, she ups and leaves for good. It didn't help that I acted so needy and desperate afterward. Of course, I was already in a bad place to begin with (was unemployed and moved back in with mom). The whole breakup was so selfish too. A text message? I had to beg her to talk to me on the phone. Then she tells me she wants to be friends, yet never replies to my messages. She chose the easy way out and it was selfish. She told her family members so many lies about me, making me out to be a completely different person than they saw me as. Like I said before, she still hasn't told her family members about this new guy... they have no idea. I'm guessing it's a guilt thing; she doesn't want them to know that she left me for another guy.

I've already deleted everything that has anything to do with her. Emails, letters, pictures... all gone.

Well if you haven't heard from her since the middle of October leave it be. You are smart to tell her family that you can't be around them right now. I actually deactivated my facebook account because I didn't want to see her post things on pages of mutual friends... it would be bad for me to eliminate friends I care about from my facebook to avoid her so ... I said to hell with it all and took down the whole thing. Deactivated for about 90 days now and feel fine about it. I don't really miss wasting time on facebook.

You will be okay man -- things will happen and you will meet someone when you least expect it -- I have to believe that -- learn from this experience; don't be all clingy and needy the next time. Let go of jealousy -- all those things are VERY unattractive qualities and will drive someone further and further from you.

I know it all will only get better in time. Honestly dude, I wasn't a clingy/needy boyfriend up until about two months before she broke up with me. I was never jealous either. I always let her do her thing and never really worried about other guys coming along. I guess because we had so many problems, because I moved away, and because she kept changing her mind about things; that all made me feel desperate and needy. It was like I knew she was going to be leaving me and I got all depressed, acting like a sad fool. I did/said some stupid and foolish things, some are pretty embarrasing. The way I acted since August was not me at all.

It's been a rough past few weeks. Her Birthday was the 22nd and with Christmas being so close to it, I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. My mind knows I deserve better, but my heart still yearns for her. I've had some time to read up a bit more on breakups and also read a lot of other people's stories. Hearing other's stories really helps. I'm also starting to feel a bit embarassed about my actions post-breakup. The crying, calling, begging, the stalking... all of it. It kills me.

I keep going back and forth in my head. Blaming myself and then blaming her. I don't know why it's so hard for me to let go. I just can't stop thinking of it. It's like I want to sit her down and pick her brain. Why did she keep coming back? Did she love me? Was she cheating on me? Why did she cling on to this guy? Why am I the bad guy? She tells all of her friends that she's happy and that her life has changed so much. It's like twisting the knife.

Sorry man -- sometimes you just need to accept that you won't get the answers that you want. Despite what you feel you DO NOT need the answers. You will be okay...but only if you stop thinking about it. Take this time for yourself and seriously do this exercise - sit down, write out all the good things about her and all the bad things about her on a list. Focus on all the bad things -- you will see that in fact she was far from the ideal girl. Well I mean being that she broke your heart makes her pretty far from ideal. Its been about 4 months for me and I go back ad forth a bit too -- but the hurt isn't there - just some times I catch myself thinking. Right now I find myself missing having someone more than I think I miss her -- if it helps you to be mad at her; think of how she contributed to the downfall of your relationship, trust me it wasn't just you. Her life has changed - and well in her mind at least for the better, but the main thing is you CANNOT let your past dictate your future. That is your past - let it go...even if she were to come back, that was your past -- learn from it but do not let it hinder you from moving forward.

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Originally Posted by BeingAlpha [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Sorry man -- sometimes you just need to accept that you won't get the answers that you want. Despite what you feel you DO NOT need the answers. You will be okay...but only if you stop thinking about it. Take this time for yourself and seriously do this exercise - sit down, write out all the good things about her and all the bad things about her on a list. Focus on all the bad things -- you will see that in fact she was far from the ideal girl. Well I mean being that she broke your heart makes her pretty far from ideal. Its been about 4 months for me and I go back ad forth a bit too -- but the hurt isn't there - just some times I catch myself thinking. Right now I find myself missing having someone more than I think I miss her -- if it helps you to be mad at her; think of how she contributed to the downfall of your relationship, trust me it wasn't just you. Her life has changed - and well in her mind at least for the better, but the main thing is you CANNOT let your past dictate your future. That is your past - let it go...even if she were to come back, that was your past -- learn from it but do not let it hinder you from moving forward.

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Yeah, I've done the exercise before and the "bad" portion of the list seems to be getting bigger as time goes on. I know she's not the ideal woman for me. Our first year was amazing, then it all just went down hill. I don't know why this time it's so hard for me to let go. I guess it's because my self esteem is shot from all the coming and going that she did in my life. One minute she was okay, the next day she wants to leave. In a way, I guess I held on because I thought she would change and realize I was a good person.

I am a good person and the fact that she's made me out to be someone else shows that she's not that great. We had our fights, but I honestly believe that the issue was her mostly. Even her brother-in-law thought so as well. All of my obsessing over why she did what she did really turned into stalker-ish behavior. That's not me and I have no idea how I got there. Seriously.

But the fact that she was already serious with another guy just weeks later tells me she was emotionally detaching herself from me for months. Yet she continued the relationship knowing that it was over? That part angers me the most. Why do that to somebody. It's selfish. It's like using someone pretty much.

I also think that I miss a relationship more than anyone else. Someone to talk to about anything. Someone to have that emotional attachment to. Someone to share life's expierences with.

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Originally Posted by mmiller5373 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

But the fact that she was already serious with another guy just weeks later tells me she was emotionally detaching herself from me for months. Yet she continued the relationship knowing that it was over? That part angers me the most. Why do that to somebody. It's selfish. It's like using someone pretty much.

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Yeh, used like a spare tire of a car going out of control or a driver who is inconsiderate of people's feelings. If she cant acknowledge that self-fishness then she wont change a thing about it.

Then again, dont be the guy who she treats you like one of her girlfriends. It doesnt work like that, either you're just the friend who can handle so much of the emotional baggage or your boyfriend, who can handle so much emotional support but a little greater if you were just the friend. Point is, her treating you like one of her gfs is a trick. Don't be fooled that its trying to get you back, it just makes you feel much worse than before and confused about what to do.

You cant be the saviour of her life if you havent already saved your own backside.

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Originally Posted by mmiller5373 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I also think that I miss a relationship more than anyone else. Someone to talk to about anything. Someone to have that emotional attachment to. Someone to share life's expierences with.

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You'll find the similar comfort in other people who care about you too. Just respect the people who you go sharing your concerns with about your ex, it's a sensitive area, they may get irritated of the situation and would wish you'd have moved on to save yourself from grieving about the same chick again.

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Originally Posted by ccjc [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yeh, used like a spare tire of a car going out of control or a driver who is inconsiderate of people's feelings. If she cant acknowledge that self-fishness then she wont change a thing about it.

Then again, dont be the guy who she treats you like one of her girlfriends. It doesnt work like that, either you're just the friend who can handle so much of the emotional baggage or your boyfriend, who can handle so much emotional support but a little greater if you were just the friend. Point is, her treating you like one of her gfs is a trick. Don't be fooled that its trying to get you back, it just makes you feel much worse than before and confused about what to do.

You cant be the saviour of her life if you havent already saved your own backside.

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Well, honestly, I don't think she'll be coming back, so I won't need to save her or try to get her to see her selfishness. According to her family members, she's been like that her entire life. She's one of those girls that has to have control of every situation. A brat, so to speak. She's going to have to learn how to change on her own. I think this guy is going to be the one to put her in her place too. He just kinda has that look about him. Things are great for them right now, I'm sure. He's good looking. They have things to common. But once he realizes that he's not going to be getting any, you think he'll stay? Very doubtful.

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Originally Posted by ccjc [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You'll find the similar comfort in other people who care about you too. Just respect the people who you go sharing your concerns with about your ex, it's a sensitive area, they may get irritated of the situation and would wish you'd have moved on to save yourself from grieving about the same chick again.

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A lot of my friends are beginning to speak up now, which is good. They're all telling me that they really never liked her. That they thought I deserved better than her. Not to worry about what I did post-breakup because she kinda just bailed without an explanation. It's nice to hear this from people you care about.

mmiller5373,

You should move on and let time begin to heal you over this relationship. You guys have gotten back together and broken up way too many times within a 12 month time frame. Have you both analyzed the reasoning behind this instability in the relationship? If not, are you willing to go the rest of your life with this type of instability in the relationship? What about when kids and assets are in the picture? Would you want so much on the line that's built on such an unstable relationship?

If not, I suggest you cut your losses and let the healing process start. Sounds like you two aren't that compatible, in my humble opinion.

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Originally Posted by breakupguy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

mmiller5373,

You should move on and let time begin to heal you over this relationship. You guys have gotten back together and broken up way too many times within a 12 month time frame. Have you both analyzed the reasoning behind this instability in the relationship? If not, are you willing to go the rest of your life with this type of instability in the relationship? What about when kids and assets are in the picture? Would you want so much on the line that's built on such an unstable relationship?

If not, I suggest you cut your losses and let the healing process start. Sounds like you two aren't that compatible, in my humble opinion.

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I'm starting to feel better. The relationship wasn't healthy, I know. I don't know if she ever really analyzed things or just felt like it was time to move on. I really believe that she has the Grass is Greener Syndrome, just from some of the things she's said to me over the past year. "Give me time." "I don't know what I want." "Maybe in a year." Her brother-in-law told me months ago that he thinks she'll come running back to me in a few years. I'm not holding onto those statements anymore though because she's not right for me. We are incompatible. I honestly think the breakup happened during the worse time in my life, being that I'm only 24. I had just graduated college with no job hopes, moved four hours away, moved in with mom, was unemployed, pennyless, and away from friends. I basically had no life and made her my life. When she left, my world crumbled. However, there are some good things that have happened because of this breakup. I think it's good to focus on the good.

- I moved back to where I use to live
- I got a job as a photojournalist at a local news station
- I'm back hanging around with my close friends
- I've lost over 20 lbs since she broke up with me
- I'm speaking to some women to try and get myself back out there

Sounds like you're well on your way. Keep up the good work, and continue the No Contact, if you truly want to get over her. It's indeed true that love will make you blind. You know what to do and what's best (I can tell from your words), but love makes it easier said than done.

Figured I would post an update on this situation. Right now, I'm at three months NC with the ex. I'm starting to feel better about myself, so good in fact, that I just recently went on a date with a very cute girl who has a great personality. I don't know where it will end up going... but the point is that I'm moving on.

A month ago I received word that my ex gf was 3 months pregnant (yes, with this new guy) and that he had moved into her and her family's apartment. None of her family members like this guy... he's a bit sketchy and they don't trust him... they don't understand what she sees in him... but now she's knocked up and being pushed into a marriage with him. When I first found out this news... it killed me. I was hurting for a few days because I spent 2.5 years with her and we never did it... then she leaves me for this guy and 3 months later she gets pregnant? I don't get it. I feel like I was pretty much used and lied to... she wanted to wait for marriage... or so she said.

In the end... this did help me move on... I guess it's because this meant it was OVER. There is no coming back and I would never take her back if she wanted to. Not my problem anymore. Yes, I dodged a bullet.

wow this is crazy sounds just like what happend to me! only we dated for over 9 years. its amazing how they could move on just like that and be serious about this new with in a few weeks.

ouch man...................I have dealt with finding out that a girl probably had a someone on the sidelines................they are devious....................oooh man...........and it hurts..........but most likely you are better off.................