I'm so insecure! :(

I simply can't stand my body... why? Because it's not the typical "hot" body that men like: ie., busty, slim, no cellulite, round butt, tight legs... usually on petite frames. I'm kind of tall, kind of slim (I want to be really lean), no boobs, BIG hips (small waist though), ugly butt with cellulite and fat thighs with even more cellulite!

I have a normal BMI... I'm not overweight. But I still manage to feel fat... and I'm scared to lose weight, because I fear I might lose what little breast tissue I have...

In my country, guys love a certain type of figure... if you're curious, Google "Maxim Argentina" on Images... if you're not at work, and if you really want to see the type of images thata re mainstream here, do it without filter.

I'm really insecure, I can't stand it anymore! :(

When I was with my ex, I was constantly insecure, though I didn't vocalize it ('cause I was scared of scaring him away). But I was always comparing myself to women, especially if we went to the beach... I know he was with me, but I couldn't help but feel bad because I knew that I didn't have his preferred body type. I knew he liked busty women on petite frames, preferrably blonde, ie. my exact opposite! Most guys my age (I'm 22) are like this, too.

I know it's normal for guys to love a girl (even if she doesn't have their preferred body type), and to lust after others and it's not a big deal... and this only makes the problem worse. I feel so pathetic because not only do I have a less desirable body, I also have an unattractive personality because of the insecurity.

Some days I'm doing fine, until I see one of these magazines, or if I run into a woman who has the body I wish I had... I'm afraid I'll never be able to have a boyfriend anymore, because I'm really insecure... and even if a guy loves me, well, no, that's not enough in the sense that I'll always feel lacking and like I'm not enough. For instance, I knew my ex liked big boobs better, no apologies about it, and he wanted me to boob f*** him once, and I couldn't... I couldn't fulfill him sexually, even if there were other things we could do or if he got over it quickly, I felt like "Dammit, I can't fulfill him and he probably thinks of doing that whenever he sees a busty woman!".

I know personality matters more and guys constantly tell me I'm such a cool chick, but they don't know the truth (that I suck 'cause I'm this insecure). They even think I'm really confident (they tell me so), but they don't know the truth... and I know that even if they like my personality, my body will never be good enough. They always tell me they like me, that I'm awesome, but it seems it's always compliments about my personality, never about my looks, and that makes me feel ugly, even if they ask me out. No, I wouldn't get surgery, even if it's covered by our health system, because I'm too much of a chicken and if I ever have kids 1) I plan to breasfeed and 2) how would I explain mommy's vanity and insecurity, especially if I have girls?

Sorry, rant over... I don't know how to love my body, men don't like this kind of body as much as they like others, hence why I hate it. Even though I'm healthy, but busty, petite blondes are also healthy. So yeah, I'm grateful to be healthy, but that doesn't make me hate my body any less.

Girl friend you have to work with what you got. All women wish they had a better body, but wishing doesn't work. Got to take action and go onto the net and you will find all kinds of things women use to enhance themselves without surgery. There are aqua bras the will give you a little more fullness. There are these under garments that millions of women wear here in north America call Spanx" that give you a great shape. There are even jeans that hold your tummy in and lift your butt. You just have to shop for the right things to give you a little help. Go on youtube, you will find a lot of videos on doing makeup and hair to give you that polished "celebrity" look. You will also find helpful tips to make your skin look it's best. The internet is a great tool to find all kinds of helpful things.....get busy.

Note: women all over the world are bombarded by unrealistic female images on TV and in magazines. You have to remember a lot of those images are doctored to look perfect. Guys may wish they can have a woman that looks like that but they won't find one. Yes there are woman that are surgically lifted and tucked with fake boobs, but most of those women up close look grotesque. Most guys I talk to prefer a natural looking woman and not all faked out. You just have to focus on the positive and forget about the negative in order to feel good about yourself. I was an ugly duckling growing up, but I stepped up and worked hard on improving my looks....no surgery at all. In no time I was leaving guys behind in my wake.

Let me tell you, right here, right now, that big boobs are overrated. They're a pain to dress, and a lot of times you receive attention that you do not want nor need.
Every girl has something that they feel like is not 'right' with their body. It's normal. You just have to accept it, put a new breeze in your swag, and keep moving.


I remember one day, I was going out with my friends. Nothing special, just going to lunch and a movie. And I had done my hair up, and my makeup, and I had some new jeans on and my most favorite t-shirt. I was feeling really hot. And then I noticed the Victoria Secret magazine on the coffee table. So, I sit down and flip through it while waiting for my friends. And I swear, while I was flipping through each page my confidence level went from like a 110, to about a seven in five minutes time.
I had to remind myself that this was not a realistic representation of how women are supposed to look. Those Maxim girls that you pointed out, are PAID to look that way. They are not normal. They look plastic and generic.
A real man does not want a blow up doll to screw.
I also had to remind myself that, even though those girls were considered 'hot' by society, they weren't me. I'm told all the time how much fun I am to be around, and how awesome I am, and how addicting I can be. Most men, can't even manage a single hello to these models.

Be happy with what you have, and realize that you have something far better than these plastic barbies: An endearing personality that is more attractive and seductive, than any pair of overly done botoxed nipples on the planet.
If you're going to work on ANYTHING, work on that.

i suppose i'm doubly vain about my body. to be honest, i love my body. I'm 5'2, fairly petite, blonde, with a good booty, and not too busty. i've got nice curves and a nice waist-line. sometimes i need to work on my love-handles but usually they're just fine. However, the odd thing is I'm NOTHING like the magazine models! i'm too short, my butt is too big, legs aren't sculpted.. etcc... but i don't care. my bf is crazy about this body, and i'm crazy over it, too!

have some more confidence. you should be ashamed of yourself. you sound like someone with a great personality and a great body! i bet you look the same or even better than me ... :) and here you are getting down on yourself.

Well red_sparrow, I guess I needed some tough love, lol. I'm not very petite, I'm around 5'7", kind of medium framed (no matter how much weight I lose, I always seem to look "thick" all over... even when my ribs show). And you're blonde, lol... petite and blonde with a booty, I think most guys will go crazy over that... I'm a brunette... brown eyes, tan skin...

I don't know I guess I'm being a bit hard on myself. I'll try to think more about the positives.

If your insecurities are affecting you that much, you should work ON what you've got, and then work WITH what you've got. Try to think realistically - for example, you can easily reduce your cellulite, up to making it almost impossible to be seen (of course, not with "magic" lotions, but by drinking lots of water, having a normal diet, exercising & massages). If you have big hips, but a small waist - that's good. You could do some exercises to extend your ribcage area, so you'll have more of a hourglass shape. These are things you can actually work on. On the other side, if you want big boobs you'll need an implant - and this gets more complicated and not so "realistic". I'm just curious - what are your measurements (breasts, ribcage, waist, hips)? Even though I adore big boobs (and I don't think they're overrated), they don't look good on every female body - plus that, there are plenty of super-attractive women with tiny breasts... I wouldn't want mines any bigger, because I'm petite and I couldn't imagine myself with some huge boobs.
Also, a woman can be attractive no matter her hair color. You haven't said anything about your face - do you like it? Like smackie suggested, google-fu for some make-up & hair do's tips, learn how to arrange yourself, how to put emphasis on your qualities and make them pop out etc.
There are plenty of things you can improve, and this will boost your self esteem as well. I don't think you should fall into the "I love my body no matter what, blah blah" category.

What's wrong with loving your body no matter what?

I think people take change to such extremes, that they forget to love themselves.

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Originally Posted by warriormaiden [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What's wrong with loving your body no matter what?

I think people take change to such extremes, that they forget to love themselves.

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Whenever I hear someone saying they love their body no matter what, I instantly think about excuses & frustration. Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying people should be shallow and obssesed about their looks - but they have to be satisfied with their appearance. It's an insult not to take care of yourself or to allow yourself to fall into a poor condition.

Try to concentrate on your positive sides.

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Originally Posted by peppereyes [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm kind of tall, kind of slim ... BIG hips (small waist though)

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There we go :) Sounds like you are super sexy. High thigh / waist ratio is one of the most sexy features on a female body. Far sexier than boob size for sure.

I agree with the ones saying that boob size is overrated. Sure, big tits are nice but the shape is more important. Also with smaller chest you don't need to worry about drooping, flappy tits at a later age, I imagine.

There's nothing bad about your height but some of the shorter guys may feel insecure because most women prefer guys that are taller than them.

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Originally Posted by peppereyes [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

And you're blonde, lol... petite and blonde with a booty, I think most guys will go crazy over that... I'm a brunette... brown eyes, tan skin...

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Just imagine how many blonde jokes there are that you don't have to listen. :D I posted a thread about hair and eye colour a while ago. From what I have learned from the thread and otherwise, women mostly seem to prefer dark hair on the average but men have a lot more variability in preference. Red heads seem to take a slight lead in popularity. Anyway, I don't think anyone would consider someone ugly based on hair or eye colour. Personally, I don't get it at all and don't have any preference.

i know plenty of girls who are on the overweight scale but they dress really nice and with me when a girl knows how to dress its an instant +

Guys, how important is breast size? I mean, I really hate the media... they always push this whole "bigger is better" thing! Always using cleavage or just nudity... My sister was playing God of War... and some nude women appeared... all busty, with "boob job" type of boobs... who would've thought in Mythological Greece they had implants? Ugh... not even one girl had small breasts! Do all men respond more to big breasts really? I mean why else put it so blatantly in video games? It makes it seem like that's all men want... I was really considering playing that game (hey sometimes I want to squash some mythical heads, too) but now I'm not so sure... why do they always have to portray busty women as ideal? I feel so inferior... it's so hard to ignore these depictions, they're everywhere. I'm really considering surgery now... I hate how implants look, though... but it seems sheer size is more important :(

Sorry for the rant, I'm feeling really low now... it's like small boobs are acceptable, but big breasts are ideal, great, awesome, blah bla blah...

Sounds like you're seeking attention. Size isn't really that important for me, if you put effort into how you look then you'll do fine. Should I be crying because I don't look like Brad Pitt? Just remember that people don't view you as negatively as you do, we tend to see more of the good in others and the bad in ourselves. You're not a hormonal teenager anymore, grow up.

In case you haven't noticed, girls aren't the only ones suffering from this "bigger is better" thing (hint: it has something to do with penis) and that pressure isn't coming just from the media...

Why would you think that women characters in games are portrayed as ideal? I haven't seen a single female in a game that's close to ideal. They also usually put guns in a lot of games too and that's not all men want (except for maybe red necks). How do you think us guys, who aren't 9 feet tall 300 pounds of pure muscle with dark hair, feel since "that's what women seem to want" (that may be a bit off, I'm not used to imperial units). I don't let it bother me, I have more important things to feel insecure about.

You know...my best friend Mag is really slim + sporty...but she hates her body due to her hips that she finds rather large and whatever her efforts it's her body shape and she can't change it..she is extremely stressed at the moment because she is pregnant and she has sworn to herself that she will get back to her body size the soonest after birth.

She has always put a lot of pressure on herself to remain slim (sometimes she would throw certain food away so that she is not tempted at home..)

On the other hand, like many women in France she is a chain smoker (she has no will to quit) and also she is very afraid to gain weight would she give up cigarettes...

Anyway...I 'm chubby but because I'm rather tall I get away with it...and I have got extremely good skin (so far so good) and I look younger. Mag's skin is however a bit ruined with nicotine (although I keep telling her to quit to improve her complexion) and she looks her age and will look older as the years pass by.

I don't attract all men but I think on the hindsight Mag and I are equally successful with them.

Some men are attracted by the body of a woman, her size while others are drawn to face features etc...

The advantage of accepting our body shape (I'll never be skinny, when I was my face looked tired and ill) is that you attract men who are into this body shape. All my partners enjoyed my curves.


I feel you are giving too much importance to what men might think of you. A person is a combination of physical and personality traits that makes you who you are. Once someone loves you, they won't be able to find the exact combination else where. Don't make the mistake to think that one can be replaced so easily.

So chill out.

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Originally Posted by sookie6 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You know...my best friend Mag is really slim + sporty...but she hates her body due to her hips that she finds rather large and whatever her efforts it's her body shape and she can't change it..

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Sporty AND large hips... Is it so that the hotter a girl is the more she hates her body?

I believe as long as you are a confident woman, you will be in control of yourself... Men will look at inner beauty as well. Cheers.

Well, a game like God of War is more directed to males anyway... so yeah, if they show lesbian sex scenes with busty women, I think it's because that's what men want... and at least men have ther penises hidden in their pants... not that I'm saying it's easier to be a man, 'cause it's not. But women have more pressure to be physically and sexually appealing. Sure men have a lot of pressure to "perform" well. I'm not trying to make this into a "men vs. women" debate. But honestly men, being a woman is not nearly as easy as you think, we don't have it easier or harder... most women hate their bodies. Men don't really hate their bodies, although some do. But from my experience, men are much more visual than women, hence why at least I care so much about my looks... is it such a crime that I WANT TO LOOK GOOD *FOR MEN*? Shouldn't men feel grateful for that? We try to look good for you, for YOUR pleasure... sadly, sometimes no matter what we do it's not enough...

Not many women I know want a Brad Pitt lookalike anyway... but still... I mean look at Hugh Hefner, sure he has money so that's why he has those kind of women at his feet, but still... do you think if Betty White gave a lot of money to young studs they would actually accept to be her boyfriends, especially under the same strict conditions that Hef gas for his girls? I think not! Because I don't think any young guy would like to be with a woman that old... yet women don't care as much for age or looks.

I don't know, only place where you actually see giant penises is porn... and it's mostly men who watch porn... so it'd be very easy for men to just ignore it, if they claim to know very well that porn is fake... I've never seen huge penises in mainstream movies, magazines, or "bulges" in huge advertisements or any of it. And muscles? Most women don't want a body builder and any guy can just go to the gym and tone up. If I'm fat, I'm not gonna complain, I'm gonna take action, 'cause it's something *I* can change and make better... if I get fat, it's because of my own negligence with myself... so I wouldn't really complain much. But my breasts, my hips, all of that I can't choose... yet I'm constantly inderictly told that my breasts and hips are unattractive... when was the last time you saw small boobs being portrayed as hot?

Sadly tits are visible all the time, and if you wear a push up or padding, it's false advertising and if a man goes after you while wearing one of those, when the moment of truth comes, then they get disappointed. Should I get implants? Do men like them? I might, I mean they look awful, but if men like them...

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Originally Posted by peppereyes [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I simply can't stand my body... why? Because it's not the typical "hot" body that men like: ie., busty, slim, no cellulite, round butt, tight legs... usually on petite frames. I'm kind of tall, kind of slim (I want to be really lean), no boobs, BIG hips (small waist though), ugly butt with cellulite and fat thighs with even more cellulite!

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Look, everyone at one point or another has felt this way.
The difference with knowing your natural body shape AND obsessing over it lies in knowing what
you are capable of doing to augment shape naturally and that magazines do NOT accurately portray a woman's
physique in natural form many of the time.

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Originally Posted by peppereyes [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I have a normal BMI... I'm not overweight. But I still manage to feel fat... and I'm scared to lose weight, because I fear I might lose what little breast tissue I have... I'm really insecure, I can't stand it anymore!

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I know women who are obese. Shouldn't you be content that your BMI isn't double of what it should be?
How about people with facial disfigurements, or babies born with severed retardation or without limbs?
You are VERY vain about your appearance and have little consideration for other people who are much less
fortunate than yourself. In fact you do them a huge disservice.

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Originally Posted by peppereyes [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

When I was with my ex, I was constantly insecure, though I didn't vocalize it ('cause I was scared of scaring him away). But I was always comparing myself to women, especially if we went to the beach... I know he was with me, but I couldn't help but feel bad because I knew that I didn't have his preferred body type. I knew he liked busty women on petite frames, preferrably blonde, ie. my exact opposite! Most guys my age (I'm 22) are like this, too.

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Well, if you don't like who you are or what you look like HOW can another man?

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Originally Posted by peppereyes [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I know personality matters more and guys constantly tell me I'm such a cool chick, but they don't know the truth (that I suck 'cause I'm this insecure). They even think I'm really confident (they tell me so), but they don't know the truth... and I know that even if they like my personality, my body will never be good enough. They always tell me they like me, that I'm awesome, but it seems it's always compliments about my personality, never about my looks, and that makes me feel ugly, even if they ask me out. No, I wouldn't get surgery, even if it's covered by our health system, because I'm too much of a chicken and if I ever have kids 1) I plan to breasfeed and 2) how would I explain mommy's vanity and insecurity, especially if I have girls?

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No one likes fake people. Hiding who you are is pretty shallow but fortunately you can change this
skewed perception of yourself. First off you are right: your body will never be good enough....Why?
Because you just said it! You think you are ugly because you are. (hint hint) People can sense this a mile away
and your insecurity is being telegraphed (at the subconscious level) Start loving yourself. It all starts with you.

If you feel you aren't good enough then be prepared for constant disappointment and a lonely life because no one
likes to be with someone who constantly puts themselves down or is so insecure. Security isn't given down from a man
who gives you compliments. Security is KNOWING who you are and loving who you are.

Nothing else will ever do.
It sounds like you've negotiated with yourself to feel this way and have no inclination to change this perception.

Don't feel too bad...the programming you've been subjected to tells woman (at a very early age) how a
beautiful women should look like. The problem is you base your own perception of your image on magazines
and "hot blondes" with slim waistlines and busty chests as the baseline for your critique.

It's time you change this and accept WHO you are and love yourself for it.
Anything else is just an excuse to continue this mantra of "I'm not good enough..."

I always laugh at women who think huge boobs are great. I am a nurse, and I see LOTS of boobies. Large ones almost always have fungus growing under them when an old woman is hospitalized. Also, fake ones feel gross... like an embalmed corpse.

You might as well learn to enjoy what you have... it isn't ever going to be any better. I think you would be well-served by finding something more important to do with your time than obsess about silly, irrational things. Maybe you should consider volunteering with people who have REAL physical issues? That would give you a real appreciation for how miraculous the human body is when healthy.

But if men are constantly checking out women with big breasts and slim waists, preferably blonde, how can I simply ignore it? I can't. I don't receive that attention hence = I'm not as good. Even my ex, who loved me tons, suggested implants a couple times... jokingly, and when confronted, said I'd look better like that... sorry but that makes anyone doubt of themselves.

I'm grateful that I'm healthy of course, but I'm not the only vain person in the world, we all are. Some people want more money, but there will always be someone poorer. Some people want to be smarter, well, there will always be someone less smart. So on and so forth. I don't see why caring about looks makes it any worse or more of a taboo. I'm grateful for my life, I am, but I can't simply ignore the images that I'm force fed practically every day. I see how men react to them. I will never make them react that same way. Of course love is the most important thing but I also like pleasing a partner and of I can't do that, then no matter how much love there is, it won't be enough for me.

I just don't see what's so wrong with how I feel. A lot of people feel different types of greed, yet it's seen as "ambition". I feel bad about my body and it's like I'm the worst person in the world. I know I should be stronger but it's hard, like you said, I've been told from a really young age what a beautiful woman is like (blonde, busty, slim). Unfortunately, so have my male peers. And just like it's hard for me to "unlearn" that, it's twice as hard for them to unlearn it, because they see nothing wrong with it, they just see it as something they enjoy. Something harmless.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I always laugh at women who think huge boobs are great. I am a nurse, and I see LOTS of boobies. Large ones almost always have fungus growing under them when an old woman is hospitalized. Also, fake ones feel gross... like an embalmed corpse.

You might as well learn to enjoy what you have... it isn't ever going to be any better. I think you would be well-served by finding something more important to do with your time than obsess about silly, irrational things. Maybe you should consider volunteering with people who have REAL physical issues? That would give you a real appreciation for how miraculous the human body is when healthy.

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Well tell that to men who think bigger is better!

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Originally Posted by peppereyes [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well tell that to men who think bigger is better!

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Men are notorious for saying stupid stuff. Don't take it so seriously. If huge boobs were so important, they wouldn't be with you.

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Originally Posted by peppereyes [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

But if men are constantly checking out women with big breasts and slim waists, preferably blonde, how can I simply ignore it? I can't. I don't receive that attention hence = I'm not as good. Even my ex, who loved me tons, suggested implants a couple times... jokingly, and when confronted, said I'd look better like that... sorry but that makes anyone doubt of themselves.

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Answer is simple. Noticing what men do is one thing.
Obsessing over it as you do is highly irrational and indicative of hypersensitivity to the "worldly" wants men covet.
In my universe Brunettes reign supreme. If you had an ex tell you to get a boob job: he didn't like you for you!

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Originally Posted by peppereyes [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm grateful that I'm healthy of course, but I'm not the only vain person in the world, we all are. Some people want more money, but there will always be someone poorer. Some people want to be smarter, well, there will always be someone less smart. So on and so forth. I don't see why caring about looks makes it any worse or more of a taboo. I'm grateful for my life, I am, but I can't simply ignore the images that I'm force fed practically every day. I see how men react to them. I will never make them react that same way. Of course love is the most important thing but I also like pleasing a partner and of I can't do that, then no matter how much love there is, it won't be enough for me.

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NO, we aren't "All" vain. You are, and your entire environment IS, that is for certain. I look for the good in people when I meet.

Honestly though, when I was a player I sized women up based on their looks, their size and attire.
Truth be told: Superficial people do this. It sounds like you'd rather be a part of the worldly consensus who base ALL of
life on riches, looks, and possessions instead of ethical/moral foundations (which is fine if you are that way) BUT there are many people, good people who base their views on wealth as people who are emotionally/mentally secure in who they are, not what they have, or more importantly what they DON'T have (but covet)

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Originally Posted by peppereyes [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I just don't see what's so wrong with how I feel. A lot of people feel different types of greed, yet it's seen as "ambition". I feel bad about my body and it's like I'm the worst person in the world. I know I should be stronger but it's hard, like you said, I've been told from a really young age what a beautiful woman is like (blonde, busty, slim). Unfortunately, so have my male peers. And just like it's hard for me to "unlearn" that, it's twice as hard for them to unlearn it, because they see nothing wrong with it, they just see it as something they enjoy. Something harmless.

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There is nothing wrong with how you feel, as I've stated earlier...many people have felt this way.
You obsess over it like it is the end of the world and this denotes instability. I'm not telling you how to feel or think...BUT
I am telling you that you surround yourself with shallow people and unrealistic views of how women "should look" when
common sense tells us that ALL women come naturally in all shapes and sizes.

If you aren't able to resemble the perfect women in magazines via conventional and natural methods your only
option is to have plastic surgery and be a part of their world, then botox injections, face lifts, then butt implants until you think
you'll be adequate for superficial people. If you are too chicken then you have to stop complaining about your body because you've been presented with the truth and which avenues to pursue. Unless you want to just complain about it for an eternity
than O.k. I will leave you to your self sympathy. I offer advice to resolve your issue, not coddle you with enabling endearment.

I wish you luck, but you will never be satisfied because an obsession never ends. It grows.

Watch ou OP, some women go through surgery and it makes them look really bad..

I'm thinking of one particular woman I saw at the supermarket, she had had lips surgery and how weird! She had a fish smile if you see what I mean...yuk!!!

And surely enough she was getting attention!!! But for the wrong reasons.

Look at Janice Dickinson, and Dr. Phil's wife...and Ms. Priscilla Presley...
All (and many more) have done irreparable damage to their "looks" because they couldn't stop butchering themselves physically
while you are doing the same mentally.

If I were the OP I would look in the mirror and be happy you are how you are and stop virtually butchering your physical beauty
and start getting in touch with your inner beauty. If all you do is obsess over what you don't have: men will take notice of your insecurities
and you will attract men who are apt to exploiting you based on your insecurity. I'm ashamed to say I've done this.

What better way to send a message to a girl like you other than make back handed compliments to put you down while
creeping to prop you up slightly? For a *fat* girl: "you're not that fat" -shallow people do this all of the time.