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The girl I'm dating and thought things were going well with.
Just texted me.
"Hey Jeffrey, I'm sorry to say this but I don't there's enough of a connection between us to continue. I thought you should know when I did."
To say I'm devastated right now would be an understatement. I'm in a really, really bad place right now.
Sorry to hear that :(
I guess that now you have the answer as to the tame kissing sessions and what not.
Her loss.
What the **** was with her inviting me out to her friends? And acting like she was having a great time? What the **** is that? Did I fail without realizing and her friends told her to ditch me?Quote:
Originally Posted by xxazurexx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
She might have been trying to see if you and her friends would get along, or if she'd feel more of a connection to you in the company of her friends (especially as you report they were flirting with you.)Quote:
Originally Posted by Gratedwasabi [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
But really, who knows? My best guess is she's just really focused on school and not even a marble Adonis could kindle a "connection" at this moment. Do NOT take it personally, it sounds like she wasn't being honest with herself about her wants and needs, not that there was anything you did wrong.
I dunno hon. I just don't understand women who will act like everythings fine and give off an impression it's going places, then to turn around and in the next breath, say she aint feeling a connection - I just cannot figure this behaviour at all.
All I can think of is this. Sometimes, people who may be half hearted or not sure, rather than rule you out and immediately, they will stick around for a while and to see if their feelings might grow/a connection develops. And if it these things don't happen, they call it a day.
I think we've all been in this situation at one time or another.
Sorry man, that licks nasty balls.
Though I will admit I did the same thing (not sure if he liked me as much as you liked your gal BUT...) my story was met bob and jim at the same time... got drunk ended up hooking up with bob and we started our booty call, dating, flirting, seeing eachother- whatever you want to call it thing for a few weeks. I was also befriending Jim. I started to like Jim quite a bit more... eventually I decided I liked Jim enough to say peace out to Bob. I did this via text in much the same way your gal did. Have no clue how he felt about that but whatever. I had to let him go, I knew he wasn't the one I wanted to continue seeing, and wanted also to tell him ASAP.
I guess that doesn't help with you pain but yeah... sorry man. Head up time heals all pain :D
I guess it's possible there was another guy somewhere in there. I find it strange that she'd invite me out with her roommates and closest friends in that case, though, unless they were being used as the final judge for her picking.Quote:
Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I wish she'd give me a non-generic response. I'd rather hear she didn't find me attractive or I bored the shit out of her then "I don't feel a connection."
Honestly. She kept putting me in "we have this amount of time to do this" dates and didn't experience a deep enough connection. Shocking.
**** **** ****.
But isn't it easier to cop out using the generic responses? I know SOME would say I don't find you physically attractive enough but really, I would never have the balls to say that. SOOOO much easier to say "it's not you- it's me" type responses.
LOL, I'm so no help. Have a stiff drink.
I just don't get it. I don't get women. It makes no sense. She either enjoyed spending time with me or she's a fantastic actress that likes wasting her time. And the only reason we weren't more intimate is because she would always put the stops to it. Maybe she really just didn't find me attractive and was trying to work around it? Then her friends agreed I'm not attractive? LOL. That's a nice thought. And she didn't even want to or pretend to want to remain friends. Just "**** off."Quote:
Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Oh I am sorry. I really did think she was a wait for long time to have sex with a guy type of girl but she just didn't find you attractive enough to want sleep with you. Other fish in the sea
Well I enjoyed my time with BOB, I just didn't enjoy it *enough* to make me want more. You have absolutlely no solid ground to believe it was becasue you weren't attractive. There are plently more reasons she didn't get down with you than she didn't find you attractive. But if that is the avenue you must use to wrap you head around this one, I guess that's the best one to use.
It could simply be she liked you, but it wasn't enough to persue you any more. Don't worry there are plenty of nice young ladies around for ya.
NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEXT :)
You should thank her actually. Would you prefer to be with her in a relationship for few years and find out then? That could happen if she wouldn't be confident enough to tell you so early that it's not going to work out . Such people are priceless and shouldn't be called heartbreakers ,cause actually she saved your heart from some really big aches :) There will be next one, don't worry :)
Nothing to do with looks I don't think. If she didn't find you attractive, why the heck date you to start with?Quote:
Originally Posted by Gratedwasabi [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Do women normally date men they don't find attractive? Because I don't.
I dunno. She never complimented my looks and personality wise we matched quite well. It's all quite confusing.Quote:
Originally Posted by xxazurexx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Women don't say the real reasons they don't want to date guys because it just seems cruel without purpose. I mean, my reasons may sound petty or just plain mean, they may hurt even worse than the nondescript pretend reason we make up. It really is intended as a kindness. I mean, I have decided not to continue dating a guy because he was kind of a loser with no purpose in life. Another was whiny and clingy. One was dumb as a rock. There is no nice way to be honest, there. Nor would there be if there's some other guy we just like more.
Because another possibility is that she was dating someone casually who wasn't ready to be exclusive and he decided that was what he wanted after all and she would rather pursue that further-along relationship than what she had with you. That might also explain the lack of sex. I personally won't have sex unless I can date someone exclusively. She might find you hotter than the other guy, even, but just be more invested in him because she met him a month earlier and has a longer history with him. Or just knows she would always wonder if she didn't pursue it.
Sorry to hear that man.
You seem like a really cool guy, some of the stuff you come out with around here has me in stitches a lot of the time.
Her loss.
Thanks for the responses everyone. It's not like we were even really at a boyfriend/girlfriend stage yet, so I'll live. Maybe I liked the idea of her (sarcastic, passionate about what she does, nice) then the reality.Quote:
Originally Posted by MadMardegan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Also, kind of phrasing it that way.. maybe that was the problem. She saw us approaching that stage and wasn't feeling like that was right, so instead of just slowing down and continuing this she felt like breaking it off.
Meh. Relationships are lousy.
I understand this but I honestly would have preferred the truth. It gives perspective and would have allowed me to evaluate things a bit better. But then again, I've given generic responses when I've broken up before, too, to spare feelings.Quote:
Originally Posted by Take2 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I guess my main problem or what really made this worse was that she invited me out to her friends the other day and either had a really good time or is fantastic at faking it. It seems really bizarre to go from that to the next thing she says is "sorry, bye."
Maybe it was another guy. She's pretty obsessed with her school/work so if there was someone she liked who was in that field, I can probably buy that she'd go for him over me.
People can dump for what seems like silly reasons, but for reasons that matter to them.Quote:
Originally Posted by Take2 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
My sister was recently seeing a guy and they went out a few times, things were going good. Anyway, she was telling me that he took her for a meal one night and he was the sloppiest eater she'd ever witnessed. It put her off from seeing him again and she'd ended it. Told him that she didn't think it was working.
Poor guy was probably really confused too and because she never told him the real reason why she ended it. Imagine how it would have sounded and if she'd had to tell him the truth as to why.
Suppose, at the end of the day you can only put into it what you get out of it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gratedwasabi [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Just be thankful she was straight with you and didn't go down the road of keeping you on the long finger. That's a much worse feeling, in my opinion.
I guess. I'm thinking she must have already had some idea, though, with the way she acted towards intimacy.Quote:
Originally Posted by MadMardegan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
And I really appreciate her letting me pick up her and her friends tabs the other night and then her breaking up with me. It's groovy paying for way overpriced beers for someone about to tell you to get lost.
Two months.. wasted.
I don't really know any of the back story, to be honest, but from what I've skimmed across in this thread she was holding out on sex or am I misinterpreting something?Quote:
Originally Posted by Gratedwasabi [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
There's a million and one reasons why she might have done what she did, don't dwell on it.
You seem like the kinda guy to get right back on the horse....I say; Hi-Yo Silver, Away!!
^Yeah. If I was about to end it with a guy, I'd pay for myself.....the greedy bitch.
So you were seeing her for 2 months? That's quite a while and for her to have decided, no connection.
I normally know and if there is no connection, after the first 2 or 3 dates.
It's not wasted time if you feel like you can learn a little something from the experience.
Still it sucks. I'm sorry. You seem like a really nice guy to me, too. And I don't mean that in the spineless, wimpy, pathetic way.
She was holding out on pretty much all intimacy, as in 20 seconds of kissing was about the best I got. Then she was a bit more touchy feely after spontaneously inviting me out with her friends, the next contact being this. I was letting things go really slow because of her reaction to intimacy attempts, which makes it not so shocking there wasn't a growing "connection" there for her.Quote:
Originally Posted by MadMardegan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Her exact words were something like "connection isn't growing" or something. And 2 months, 6 dates.. although 2 of those were very short because she was fitting me in around other stuff.
Maybe it was due to a busy schedule she had and maybe things weren't moving as fast as she would've liked.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gratedwasabi [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Doesn't explain breaking everything off though :S
@Vashti, nice doesn't have to mean "spineless, wimpy, pathetic". I don't like the fact that it's become an umbrella term for those things. People hear "nice guy" and that's automatically what pops into their head. I'm a nice guy, but I'm none of those things.
I will give you the benefit of doubt, and assume you just didn't read my post thoroughly.Quote:
Originally Posted by MadMardegan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Oh, I did. I'm just saying "You seem like a really nice guy to me, too. And I don't mean that in the spineless, wimpy, pathetic way" would imply that you think "nice guys" are those things.Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I'm not trying to get into a debate and I don't want to hijack GW thread, just thought I'd add my two cents on that.
No it doesn't. It implies there is more than one way to define "nice guy".Quote:
Originally Posted by MadMardegan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
charge it to experience and lessons learned wasabi.
i have a song for you hold on...
[Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
__________________________________________
Man... I'm really sorry to hear that. :(Quote:
Originally Posted by Gratedwasabi [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
And yeah, that's a strong possibility.
Damn. I read the thread title and then saw who it was posted by and knew right away what happened. Sorry, GW. That really sucks.
It's easy to look back and sort of be like, "wtf, what a bitch, how could she" type stuff, but after a short while, it's really unproductive. Just forget about her entirely. When you look back on this in the future, just remember the fun butterflies-in-the-stomach parts.
I like you. You seem like a pretty awesome dude. You'll be fine.
I mean, yeah, I've done this to women so it's not like I can judge. I know she was trying to be nice and fair about it, it just really sucks. She had a lot of qualities I have a really hard time finding and I thought we got along great, although the lack of intimacy was becoming a problem. I need to work on how to be more myself around people before intimacy. I feel much more comfortable about myself AFTER I sleep with a woman then before.Quote:
Originally Posted by MerryH [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
****. **** **** ****. I hate putting effort and money and time into something and getting nothing. I don't even know why she dumped me, so it doesn't really help me grow. I thought we got along great and I was being respectful of her. Sigh..
Eh. It's not really her responsibility to help you grow, or whatever. That all has to come from you. Form your own conclusions as to why it maybe didn't work.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gratedwasabi [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
There's good reason not to give someone a brutally honest explanation as to why it's not working. It's more than just not hurting feelings. If you give reasons, there's a good possibility that the injured party will start with "B-b-b-but I can CHANGE that!! P-p-p-p-pleaaase give me another chance!" Not that you would be that pathetic, but it's better for her to just avoid that sort of meltdown, especially when it was such a casual thing to begin with.
Unproductive! :) That's just more negative thinking, and kind of unfair. Dating isn't bartering. You didn't get screwed over. It's not like an eBay purchase gone wrong.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gratedwasabi [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
But, you're allowed to be angry and fester about inconsequential shit like this since it just happened today. But tomorrow, or the next day, you'll be better.
Many internet hugs to you.
I'm really sorry. :( Like others have said, you seem like a great guy. You really helped me in my thread.
I didn't mean it as "oh, ****, I spent money on this chick and I didn't even get laid." Although it kinda sounded like that. :PQuote:
Originally Posted by MerryH [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
It's my own fault. I'm not in a position to be spending money and I spent a lot on her, which wasn't really to impress or anything but just because I wanted to be able to do the things I wanted to be able to do (ie.. cook her a nice meal with flowers and such, etc.)
Thanks for all the support. I wish people in real life thought as highly as some of you seem to. My internet persona is far more loved. :)
I want to bang your internet persona.
If that's the case then maybe you should spend less time on this website and do something about your "persona" that matters. I remember a thread you made where you were asking what women thought about your appearance. That's a pretty huge indicator that there may be some self esteem issues going on with you. Granted I don't know you so I can't make any claims with certainty, however I will say with honesty that your posts usually tend to seem a little overpowering. You do seem like a cool guy to chill with, but you also sound like a virgin.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gratedwasabi [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
LOL. I made that post because I was curious. My self esteem isn't amazing, but it's fine. It never hurts to get some input on what you could do differently clothing/hair/shaving/etc wise. And I assure you, I have no problems getting laid; I have severe problems getting a relationship to work, though, it seems.Quote:
Originally Posted by blent [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I spend maybe 30 minutes spread out over my day on this website. And my posts are meant to be overpowering, it replaces the sarcasm I have in real life. :P