Ladies, how jealous are you?

OK, so I am not the jealous type much. It takes a pretty amazingly trustworthy guy to win my heart, and then I just tend to trust him. I think of that as normal. But lately I have heard several comments that make me wonder if maybe I am the oddball.

I don't mind going to a restaurant with bf where the schtick is scantily clad waitresses as long as the food is good I cheerfully attended a burlesque show with my bf this weekend. I have no issue with my bf checking out other women, just as long as he looks without touching and isn't rude or tacky about it. I wouldn't like for him to take up strip clubs as a new hobby, but I wouldn't care if he went to a friend's bachelor party or something.

This is how I have always felt, and I never thought much about it. Lately, I have heard some comments from women who have much stricter "rules" for their mates and from men who are amazed at my standards. So, what about you? Does the idea of your bf seeing scantily clad women or appreciating pretty women he sees bother you?

Wouldn't say I was the jealous type. In past relationships and my marriage, I was far too trusting and there were no boundaries or rules. We'd go out together and it didn't bother me where we went, surrrounded by pretty women or not....I'm just as good as they are :) . But when baby come along, my ex hubby took to going out alone and it didn't bother me. Because I was not a one for setting rules nor trying to keep my men on a leash, is why I reckon that I was taken advantage of and ended up cheated on....more than once.

These days I'd be far stricter than I was and I am. I make it known what is acceptable and what is not and if they are not happy with it....'au revoir'...I take no shit anymore and I'd leave the relationship with the guy, who still acts like and thinks he's a 'single' guy...which my ex husband did!!

Not because I'm jealous, but because it's 'common sense' and to have boundaries and rules. If you don't, you no more than open a wider window of opportunity...and a one in which they may tempted to cheat.

As for if he looks at other women, etc.....well it's natural to look. We can't help but notice other people - but there is a difference between looking and staring and if was staring I'd probably go 'tut'....or laugh. I tend to think of it this way also, while he's checking other women, other men are checking me....lmfao :)

Sometimes I'm being very much jealous, but I mostly try to ignore this feeling as it leads to destruction of relationships. Me and my ex had some rules and etc. and at least we broke up after long long fights because of nothing.
I don't really like when my bf discusses other women or flirts with them and etc. but I dont forbid him to do this or that at some stage of relationship he will understand that I'm more important and will just stop looking and discussing others.

xxazurexx puts it perfectly. It is important to let the significant other know what the boundaries are. The higher the standards, the more he respects you. I am not talking about being excessively jealous and crazy but setting boundaries fit for a respectable woman.

azure, I agree with you. I think having NO boundaries is ridiculous, just as having unreasonably strict boundaries would be ridiculous.

Would I be OK with my bf visiting a strip club with his buddies as a one-off? Sure. Would I be OK with him leaving me regularly to go hang out at a strip club? Nope. Nor would I want him to be getting lap dances.

Am I OK with going to a burlesque show or Hooters-type restaurant together? Absolutely. But if he teased me about my appearance, ogled the women or made inappropriate comments to me or them, that would be unacceptable.

My bf is not really into porn, but if he were I wouldn't mind. Unless he started choosing porn over real-life encounters with me, then it would be a problem.

Now, as for flirting, it depends on the definition of flirting. Because a glance and a smile doesn't hurt anything. But ignoring me to flirt is NOT OK, it is disrespectful. As is discussing the merits of other women's assets. I don't date people who have low class or who disrespect me.

I'm not too jealous, really. Of course I have my moments, I never liked when my ex would talk about other girls he thought were pretty, but then I realized it was stupid to get jealous about that. I knew I was his girlfriend and he loved me, so who cares about anybody else? I know some girls who would go nuts in a relationship, control their boyfriends and not even let them do anything because of their insecurities. I could never get like that!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Take2 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

azure, I agree with you. I think having NO boundaries is ridiculous, just as having unreasonably strict boundaries would be ridiculous.

Would I be OK with my bf visiting a strip club with his buddies as a one-off? Sure. Would I be OK with him leaving me regularly to go hang out at a strip club? Nope. Nor would I want him to be getting lap dances.

Am I OK with going to a burlesque show or Hooters-type restaurant together? Absolutely. But if he teased me about my appearance, ogled the women or made inappropriate comments to me or them, that would be unacceptable.

---

Yeah exactly, I agree with you on all counts.

Quote:

---

My bf is not really into porn, but if he were I wouldn't mind. Unless he started choosing porn over real-life encounters with me, then it would be a problem.

---

Agree. My ex hubby would watch porn and again it didn't bother me because there were no signs pointing to it being an unhealthy addiction, or that he was looking for real life encounters at that time. It's not something he watched all the time....probably once a month if that, so I was fine with it and viewed it that watching porn is what most men did.

Quote:

---

Now, as for flirting, it depends on the definition of flirting. Because a glance and a smile doesn't hurt anything. But ignoring me to flirt is NOT OK, it is disrespectful. As is discussing the merits of other women's assets. I don't date people who have low class or who disrespect me.

---

Yeah and ditto. It's what is acceptable and what is not. Because certain things are not acceptable, I don't think means we are jealous. Like you, I'd see it more as 'disrespect' for me, rather than be pissed that this was a pretty girl he was flirting with. These days I command respect. If women don't respect themselves, they won't ever earn respect....particularly from a man.

ashley, your ex would talk TO YOU about other girls he found attractive? Do you mean like "oh, she's pretty," or a more thorough or detailed mention? Because seriously, I would consider that disrespectful. I don't care if my bf talks about a pretty girl in passing with his friends while I am there (oh, yeah, I agree she's pretty) or says something similar to me. If I am not around, I don't care if he goes on and on about the gorgeousness of some other girl, as long as he doesn't say anything unkind about me in comparison. In any case, I should be hearing about how nice I look more than how nice other girls look. And even then, going on and on about some other chick to me is just MEAN.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by xxazurexx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yeah and ditto. It's what is acceptable and what is not. Because certain things are not acceptable, I don't think means we are jealous. Like you, I'd see it more as 'disrespect' for me, rather than be pissed that this was a pretty girl he was flirting with. These days I command respect. If women don't respect themselves, they won't ever earn respect....particularly from a man.

---

Yeah, I would say it doesn't matter in the slightest about the actual girl he's looking at. If he is respectful of me and our relationship, he can look at the prettiest girls on the planet or at girls I don't think are pretty at all. If he is disrespectful to me or our relationship, it similarly won't matter at all what the girl looked like at all.

I think there's a big difference between being "obsessive-jealous" and jealous with reasons. There are women who suffer from this irrational jealousy and they are suspicious about everything their partner does. Of course, you can't blindingly trust anyone, but this type of jealousy is sickening (plus that it's mixed with all kind of bad feelings, like anxiety, low self esteem and even paranoia).
Personally, I could be jealous if I'd have reasons. I wouldn't mind if my partner would have female friends, I wouldn't mind if women would be hitting on him, as long as he wouldn't respond back, I'd enjoy talking to him about women (I love the female body too) as longs as he'd be tactful - same with porn, going to burlesque shows and so on.

I'd admit I'm quite jealous. I know how stupid silly and ridiculous I sound so I make most attempts to laugh it off or cover it up. Well aware how destructive jealousy as an emotion can be so I just try and tell myself no big deal. I'm hoping one of these days I'll believe it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ammi00 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Of course, you can't blindingly trust anyone.

---

That's true and it's unwise to just do that. To brush 'blind trust' off and in the form of.... 'But I know he'd never cheat on me because he loves me and I trust him totally', is a dumb attitude to take and if you will blindly trust, then you are asking for what you get IMO.....Like I did.

People who blindly trust, are the very people who are more likely to be cheated on and because like I said further up, they open up windows where temptation is strong and temptation can and often does lead to cheating.

Rather than set boundaries, etc, I'd just trusted that he would have the common sense to know and what is acceptable in a relationship and what is not and rather than my having to tell him. I mean he wasn't a little boy, he was a man!!. My 'common sense' tells me what would be acceptable to a partner and what would probably not and without a partner having to tell me...so why wasn't it the same for him?

He always reckons he hadn't been looking to cheat, she'd just come along and they'd got chatting...

If I'd been wise enough to set boundaries though and insist, 'this is how it is', then he'd have never been in that situation in the first place and where he was alone, in a popular nightclub where he could meet and chat to other women.

He'd have been at home at evening...with BABY AND ME!

I'm not really the jealous type. As long as he doesn't touch I'm OK.

My guy is home with me every night. He works hard & I know when he goes out to town for work, it's WORK nothing more, nothing less. He doesn't go out of town alot, but you still get the picture.

That's how I see trust too - I'd trust my partners have enough common sense and enough decency to tell me when something's going wrong.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ashley89 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm not too jealous, really. Of course I have my moments, I never liked when my ex would talk about other girls he thought were pretty, but then I realized it was stupid to get jealous about that. I knew I was his girlfriend and he loved me, so who cares about anybody else? I know some girls who would go nuts in a relationship, control their boyfriends and not even let them do anything because of their insecurities. I could never get like that!

---

You mean like slashing tires, keying cars, jumping on and shattering my windshield, denting the hood, attempted suicide?

Ouch! Flashback!!! (like a vietnam flashback) Yeah, those were the days!

I had one throw my clothes out of a three storey window, and another attempted suicide, haha :sad2:

Can't deal with that anymore.

I dont see anything wrong in your rules, infact, if your partner deserves the trust you give and has never ever cheated on you before, then he deserves the freedom he gets from you. I used to have a boyfriend who was very strict with me, I never cheated but he's just very strict with where I go and what I do to the point that I go out with friends without him knowing because i dont want to argue with him and i really wanted to go and he would have never understood why I just wanted to go out with my friends and have fun, wouldnt it hurt to know your bf lied to go out with his friends?

I wanted to be the person who would continue to make my bf happy, he still has the freedom he has but he must know his limits, and not keeping him from doing what makes him happy because you trust him is a very healthy relationship.