Scared to fall in love.

I have been friends with my friend for about 2 years, she just barely broke up with her b-friend of 3 years 2 months ago. She has "given it up" to him also, but I have had my times as well with other women. But since the break up, we have been talking lots on the phone and hanging out on the weekends. We are young people in no rush. But I have felt this "thing" that won't go away and I haven't had it since my 1st love in high school. She has a couple of guy friends but that are not attractive. I honestly consider myself, without being consided, that I am very much attracted. My humor is excellent and adorerable. I make her laugh and she makes me laugh. I try to respect her as the proper way of a gentleman's way. I pay for all the events we both attend to. I am starting to feel the emotions of what the romantic books talked about. I want to give her the best and treat her the best so that she may never leave me. But the thing is, I am afraid to fall in love. What if I am not what she looked for? What if she wants me to stay as a friend? What if I make the wrong move and it ends something that I love? I want to dance with her in the moonlight. I want to dedicate love songs for her on a live broadcasting radio. I want the whole world to see that we are finally in love. But I am afraid that perhaps I didn't have the credentials or manners that she was looking for. Not saying that she is picky, but what if? I'm just afraid, but it feels as if the world has blocked out everyone just for me and her to be together. I'm also afraid that asking her is too soon.I stop calling her and so has she. I'm hoping she is realizing that we are both feeling something She use to call me everyday but sometimes I couldn't answer, I guess she thought that I "didn't" want to talk to her. She has invited me to her company's X-mas banquet and I said yes in a lousy manner that she wanted to change her mind and thought that I was forced to be interested. But i did, I really did wanted to go and wouldn't miss it for the world. So far this banquet hasn't elapsed and I whait to see her next to me for one night under the stars. Any advice in how I would notice if she is interested in me yet? How should I know and how should I approach? I understand that she just broke up also but she is happy for the seperation. Another thing, it bothers me now to not receive phone calls or text messgs anymore from her.She just started yielding the calls and text's last week but everything looked okay. I'm just afraid because she is my friend and I don't want to harm her and take advatage of her friendship so I can have it easy for me to ask her out as my future soul mate. Help me,honestly, I never been so scared to loose somebody like her. I know this love looks like it was done overnights, but I have been quite about just to see if my mind was playing tricks on me, but I do things I use to didn't do. Funny huh?

BANG HER!!!! and LEAVE HER!!! lol j/k i didnt feel like reading

Lol, I was afraid like you once.....
I crindged at the thought of it, told myself I wasnt, and then told myself only somone metally weak would move at their emotions whims....but every person does.
Dont be scared, if her feelings are mutual, go for it, or if they are not, do your best to do it, becuase it doesnt even matter if she doesnt love you back, a person has to try. So go after her....tell her you love her....and if she seems freaked, tell her in a firend to firend way, but if she isnt, then good for you.....Nothing bad can happen either way...
And it might be hard to tell her, took me three months to garner the courage myself, but you have to man, no matter what, you have to....or you will be haunted by that one elusive chance....and that can torture you for years
Good luck, and dont take my advice, its best to let the situation flow.....not be too methodistic.....Just let human nature run its course.....yeah, thats overused advice that sounds impossible, but it works

Don't be afraid.

The worst thing you can do, is not make a move because you're afraid. If you have the chance to be with her, and spend countless years with each other, totally in love, isn't that worth the gamble? You can't be afraid. Even if things get messed up, it's worth the risk, in my opinion.

Be careful. Be gentle with the situation. Don't scare her. Just ler her know you care, and keep building on that.

Good luck!

yea dude. what would the worst thing be, if you took a chance as you let it go? Like ive heard time and time again, you have to die to live. in other words you have to be heartbroken in order to appreciate love. now i cant be the judge of whether or not youve been heartbroken. thats not my department. but im saying just appreciate what you got and your heart will follow. dont force yourself into love or force yourself out of it. it will happen if its meant to be. dont worry about the consequences, but its really up to you if you want to get into a relationship with her.


awan

yep. it looks like you guys are talking to each other less and less and you're losing her anyway. she probably thinks you're not interested, especially if you cease to be enthused about being with her. tell her you want to be her boo.

"Sometimes, the things we regret the most, are the chances we never took."

I can't remember where thats from, but its one of the truest quotes I have ever heard.

i agree with that quote and would add that most regretable things are cances we never took.

Thanks guys, thanks Andrew.
Yup, you guys are right, I should step up. But don't you think it's too soon to ask her out? I mean, she just broke up with her ex 2 months ago. Also, I think like I am in a rush, like I am getting old real quik, but I got all the time in the world, I guess because it's the holidays and new years is almost here. At her X-mas banquet, should I ask her if she wants to go to Disneyland for new years day? She's been dying to go.
Man, look at me, I talking like I am in love all over again. You know how they get, all scared and paranoid. lol. I'm suppose to be a independent pimp, but this one I actually don't want to toy around with. She is the reason why I wake up with a smile everyday.

Can you really risk playing around with her emotions so soon after a breakup with her longterm bf? It's all well and good saying "life is short" and "act on your emotions" shouldn't romantic involvement come slowly and naturally? I wud go for spending lots of time with her and very subtle hints! Just see how she would respond...

Well, I have been in a very similar situation as you. I had been in love with one of my best friends for a while, then she broke up with her boyfriend of 7 months. Which I understand is different to 3 years.
But the important things to ask yourself are how serious where they, why did they break up, how long had the relationship been going downhill for and how is she now?
If the relationship was not that serious and had been going downhill for some time, then there is almost no recovery time.

My friend already knew I had a crush on her, but I decided to give her some time before I asked her out. I regret that, because a while after my/her friends told me that there was a point where she would have considered it, but I missed that chance. You two sound realy close, so I think you should go for it at the X-mas banquet, ask her.

I can tell you how my story ended, she turned me down, but it was still a happy ending. If she turns you down, and you are as close friends as you say, you may share the same ending.


I asked her out, and she truned me down. She tryed not to hurt me, and I wasn't bitter about it. Addmitedly, things where awkward for a short time, but after a while we grew much closer than before, because there was a much stronger sence of trust. One of lifes most delicate matters had been overcome by us.
But my feelings started to get stronger because of the closeness and I couldn't help it. A few months later we both went to different Universities. But we still kept in touch, we where sending eachother 30-40 texts a day. I encouraged her to find a boyfriend, and said I might look for someone elce too. But I just couldn't get over her so I asked her again. Being complelty open about things this time, since I had come to completly trust her. She turned me down again, but I was ok with it, I just had to know if things had changed before I could move on.

A couple of months down the line and I am finaly starting to get over her.
Ok, so I didn't get to be with her, but insted we have a closer frienship between us, than any other people I know. I tell her everything, and I am pritty sure she tells me everything. I wouldn't have thought it before, but now I think that kind of friendship is just as valuble to me as actualy being with her.
We have both learnt to be more open and comfortable with our feelings, and we are both more confident.


So ask her out this christmas.
If things go as you want them to then your dream will come true. And looking at what you have said, I think she likes you too.
But if things don't go as you would have liked them to, than as long as you are both mature about it and take into account that it will have an emotional effect on her too, you may share the same ending as mine and have a closer friend than you could have ever imagined. I was afraid of asking her too, because I couldn't bear to loose her as a friend. Insted, we grew closer.

The only bad endings are if you don't ask her, your bitter if she turns you down or she is is bitter about it (and if that is the case, she is not the person you thought she was, so it doesn't matter that much anyway).

So dude, go ahead, ask her.
And good luck! :)

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Originally Posted by LucidDream

I can tell you how my story ended, she turned me down, but it was still a happy ending. If she turns you down, and you are as close friends as you say, you may share the same ending.

But I just couldn't get over her so I asked her again. Being complelty open about things this time, since I had come to completly trust her. She turned me down again, but I was ok with it, I just had to know if things had changed before I could move on.

So dude, go ahead, ask her.
And good luck! :)

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Hum...Now I am really terrified to get near her! by the way, check your private messages.

answer me this.. are you willing to lose everything that you have with her in the case that she rejects you??

the two of you are close friends right?? but by crossing that border things always have the possibilities of changing. how they will change greatly depends on her personality. there are two opposite extremes and you must be willing to accept the outcome whether it's good or bad. now if you are willing to risk it all, i would suggest that you tell her soon how you feel for her. mainly because she is on the rebound and she is getting over her ex bf. she probably is looking for comfort in another person's arms, whether it be short term or long term. reguardless, she is out on the prowl. if you don't say anything, she probably won't catch the hints that you send to be because you two are friends and she might fall into another man's arms. think about this.

raverboy

Just replyed to your PM.
Sorry it's such a long answer, lol. You can only have 1000 charecters per PM, so I had to split it up into 3 :lol:.
RE:Hey Buddy [1] is part one.
RE:Hey Buddy [2] is part two.
RE:Hey Buddy is part three.

Hope that helps :D

Mate just ask her out its better to try it out and see if its gonna work than just sit there wondering what could have been. Myself... i put my heart on the line just a couple days ago and well it felt like she ripped my heart out and showed it to me as i slowly die. Couple days later im feeling a bit better but hey im glad i told her how much i loved her cos you have to do that, life rolls on and theres more fish in the sea. I lost her but you can show us there may be a different end to the story for you!

Thanks guys, but as of right now, I have not got a single text or a call from her since monday. This is not good! She always calls and texts me. Shit! Now I am scared to attempt anything. Also, I went back to my job at UPS about 3 weeks ago and this new chik(older,married) is already flirting with me. She is hot and most of the guys at work are "gauking" at her. I told that hot chick that I was trying to get "friend" a gift and those were my plans after work and then she says, "what about me? Do I get one"? and smiles and leaves. But I am staying true with my friend until the end because I know that if this wasn't love, I'd probably be banging her already just like the bad boy I was. This got to be love.

p.s. Thanks L.Dreams

Tell her. I told the girl in a very similar situation. She said no, it was very painful, but the friendship endures, and you will realize thats what really counts regardless of her answer. But you cant just expect it to pass, you have to hear yes or no from HER.

[QUOTE=petertown] I told the girl in a very similar situation. She said no, it was very painful, but the friendship enduresQUOTE]

Wow, do I feel more motivated to ask her. Two guys(lucid dreams, petertown) in the same situation as me with the same situation and both getting the rejection. :bored: I guess it's my turn to get the boot, huh? Like they always say, 3rd times a charm.

Peater is right, as long as you're both mature about it, the friendship will endure. As for a relationship, you don't know how long that will last. That's why there is devorce. If all goes wrong, then at least you have a friend forever.

A mutual friend told me there was a time she might have gone out with me, but I missed it. Parhaps this is your moments grace. I hope the 3rd is the charm mate.

She hasn't called me or text me back after I have text her last night just wondering what she was doing?

tell her how much you don't want to lose her as a friend before you tell her how you feel about her.

it seems that you're intersted in her, so why not just take a chance already??

raverboy

The title of the thread really hit me. I have dated a few guys that were so torn apart in the past by a relationship that they couldn't truly love someone anymore.

Anyways, I agree with the others. Just take the chance. Life is full of risks. You just have to learn to take them.

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Originally Posted by Fawn

Life is full of risks. You just have to learn to take them.

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What a great quote.... if you learn one lesson in life let it be this...

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Originally Posted by Fawn

The title of the thread really hit me. I have dated a few guys that were so torn apart in the past by a relationship that they couldn't truly love someone anymore.

Anyways, I agree with the others. Just take the chance. Life is full of risks. You just have to learn to take them.

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Yes Fawn, the title hit me as well. lol. I couldn't believe I wrote that, it's not like love ran away from me and came back. But taking chances is diffucult. She has not called. She use to call every-freaking-day! And I just spoke with her last night and she said that she has been busy. I reacted as if it was ok and as if I was being sarcastic. But we just spoke for about 15 min and that was it. I didn't get a text this morning as I expected. But I hate it when girls demand that kind of control because it makes love look horrible. But anyways, I do have lots to loose. If I ask her out and she says "no", then she will have the upper hand on me and I will always feel belittled by her. Then when we speak again, conversation will be different. I'm just lost.

Maybe wait a little befopre you tell her then, let the both of you find your feet again. Is it possible that she suspects something?

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Originally Posted by Nice Lover Boy

Yes Fawn, the title hit me as well. lol. I couldn't believe I wrote that, it's not like love ran away from me and came back. But taking chances is diffucult. She has not called. She use to call every-freaking-day! And I just spoke with her last night and she said that she has been busy. I reacted as if it was ok and as if I was being sarcastic. But we just spoke for about 15 min and that was it. I didn't get a text this morning as I expected. But I hate it when girls demand that kind of control because it makes love look horrible. But anyways, I do have lots to loose. If I ask her out and she says "no", then she will have the upper hand on me and I will always feel belittled by her. Then when we speak again, conversation will be different. I'm just lost.

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Yes, taking those chances are difficult, but who would want to live with a life full of regret?
It seems that you lost one of those chances when she was talking to you alot. It seems that she has backed off. Most likely she is telling you the truth and that she is busy. I know around here, exam time has just started for all the Uni/College people. There could be alot of reason's to why she has backed off. In my opinion I still think she likes you alot. Stress from school can make anyone a little edgy. So just be supportive and give her space. Just call her up everyonce and a while to see how she's doing. Even go over and help her relax whenever she has the time. You just have to find ways around it.

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Originally Posted by joe_schmoe

What a great quote.... if you learn one lesson in life let it be this...

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Thanks! Your very sweet... :D

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Originally Posted by Fawn

Yes, taking those chances are difficult, but who would want to live with a life full of regret?
It seems that you lost one of those chances when she was talking to you alot. It seems that she has backed off. Most likely she is telling you the truth and that she is busy. I know around here, exam time has just started for all the Uni/College people. There could be alot of reason's to why she has backed off. In my opinion I still think she likes you alot. Stress from school can make anyone a little edgy. So just be supportive and give her space. Just call her up everyonce and a while to see how she's doing. Even go over and help her relax whenever she has the time. You just have to find ways around it.

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Hey Fawn, I'm gonna see her on the weekend. So wish me luck and hopefully good things happen. I surely hope that Love is in the air. I have some women lined up and ready for some Nice Lover Boy action. But, I believe that there is something called love, so this is the chance I'm giving, if not, it's back to my roots. I know your thinking, "how can you say that". Temper can only sustain me now and I have no control over it.

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Originally Posted by Nice Lover Boy

Hey Fawn, I'm gonna see her on the weekend. So wish me luck and hopefully good things happen. I surely hope that Love is in the air. I have some women lined up and ready for some Nice Lover Boy action. But, I believe that there is something called love, so this is the chance I'm giving, if not, it's back to my roots. I know your thinking, "how can you say that". Temper can only sustain me now and I have no control over it.

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I'm sending all the luck I have to you! ;)