Another 'taking a break' situation

My girlfriend and I were best friends in high school. We met our Junior year and became good friends. We were always with other people so we never ended up getting together until 3 years later after we had been out of highschool for 2 yrs or so. When we started hanging out and getting close again she had just been through a rough relationship about 2 months before. She was supposed to have her 'alone time' and figure everything out, but she didnt want to lose the chance of getting with me... so we hooked up.

Nov 5th was our one year anniversary, we had been living together for about 6 months and it was great. A month before our 1 year, we picked out her engagement ring, and my wedding band. Everything seemed great. At certain times in our relationship we talked about her not getting her 'alone time' but it never seemed and issue. We planned on getting married next spring or fall once i got her ring. The week before thanksgiving she started talking about hanging out with these 2 guys from work. This is completely fine with me because i trust her. Thanksgiving night she leaves to go see one of these guys after our family events because he had to spend thanksgiving at home... or thats what she said at least.

She ended up at his house until 4 in the morning "watching movies". She knew i was upset and apologized, etc. The next night... guess what happens? Doesnt come home to me until 6:15AM. Said she fell asleep watching a movie and he didnt wake her up for a few hours. The next day she tells me we need to take a break so she can have her 'alone time'. So that night she goes out AGAIN with the guy and i just got fed up and left. I started staying with my best friend. I still see her every other day but it feels like its weeks inbetween us seeing each other. The other day we kissed and made out a little bit which was great, but i know it may be the last time i ever kiss her.

She really does seem to just be making sure everything she wants in life is going to be fulfilled. And she also said she needs to make sure that a few differences we have aren't going to ruin our marriage. She still keeps our photos up a the apartment, she still keeps the little love notes on the fridge we always wrote, but she is seeing this same guy almost every night. Now i don't know what to think... on one hand i know something is brewing, but i also know she is keeping herself busy so she doesnt think about me as much.

Today i came over for a bit and she took a shower. While she was taking a shower i checked her phone text messages because i had seen that she was text messaging him a lot. I saw some messages from her saying how nice his eyes were, and that she wished she could stay the night with him. She also said "i will need a lot of holding tonight, think you can handle that?".

Reading that stuff really tore my heart out. I know we are "broken up" but i feel like she just moved on so quickly. He may just be a rebound, or she may just be dating other people to make sure it is me that she really wants. But i am expecting the worst.

I know i wrote a whole lot, but i needed to vent somewhere. If anyone has any opinions they would be greatly appreciated. And any advice would be great as well. I am having a really, really tough time dealing with being away from her, its the hardest thing i have ever gone through. This breakup IS NOT a good thing in the slightest... I wish it didn't happen, but i know in my heart that i need to be with her for the rest of my life. I don't know how to make her remember me.... I am afraid i will push her away if i get her flowers all the time and stuff... please someone tell me something!!

-the sad guy. :upset:

I'm so sorry to hear the dilemma that you're in. It's a tough call to determine what to do in a situation like that. Maybe a carefully hand-written note on the edge of her bed would help -- let her know how you feel about her and how you hope to grow your relationship with her. I don't have any experience in this exact type of situation. But if your genuine love for her and acts of generosity does not move her in any way then she's not the one for you and you deserve better. And in the meanwhile, while it'll still be very hard to do so, when you do see her -- make it seem like you're very happy and confident without her as well (make sure that she knows that you're happy to see her and love her, but that you dont absolutely NEED her). Then after that, maybe you can make a stronger push for her, with flowers and a nice dinner or something like that. And when you're not around her, try to keep busy and go out with friends a lot, it really makes a big difference.

sorry to hear your situation. I was in a similar situation. Some girls just like the thrill of a new relationship. They like that whole "honeymoon" phase and only live for that feeling! Maybe she needed something that was lacking between you two and found it in another guy. She may still care for you but I would say cut this girl loose. Go out and at least pretend that you are having a good time without her. Dont pine over her. You should keep yourself as busy as she is keeping herself. Maybe she will turn around after the "rebound" and ask for you back. Thats when you can tell her to kiss off! :evil: Just kidding. But i think that would be the way to go. My 2 cents.

Bro, I totally feel the pain and the anger your going through. I have a question for you, do you know this guy where you can talk to him? Also, I agree with Zinthar, write her a love note, but put it in the fridge like the rest of them and try to make her remember an unforgetable memorie you two made when you both fell in love, not by words but by acts. But if you see yourself trying to much to make her remember you, it's best to let her know that you decided to leave the place(home) because it's not a home without her and things aren't where they use to be. Then go live with your best friend and hang with them and persue a better life so by the time if she ever decides to come back, your life is back where YOU wanted it to be at without her. Sometimes life forces you to make strong and difficult decisions, but only you can make the proper change. Those text messages seem obvious to "what is going on", I know, I was involved in a affair with a married lady and I know feel the regret of receiving those touchy messages from her. Sorry man, life is just not fair.

she cheated on you, move on, shes a slut.

hey dude, womans perspective here. To me, alone time, is very important. Although it must be stressed i do not go round other guys houses! I just have a nice relaxing bath, put some music on I like, have a facial, do my nails and hair etc. All these things i have tried doing with my bf there, but it just isnt the same for both of us. After advice from others on this forum i am also starting to go out more with my friends.

Despite this need for alone time however i feel how she has been spending it isnt very fair on you. I feel for you because this is a horrible situation for you to be in and you must be hurting. I have to say i kinda did this same sorta thing to my very first boyfriend. We were in high school together and started going out in the last 2 years of school (from around the ages of 16 to around 19-19) we were together for 2 years and spent all that time together without any sort of alone time for both of us.

Then all of a sudden i made these 2 new guy friends in our last year at school. I got on really well with both of them and i started going round thier houses. One was purely platonic, we were just great friends, the other however i started staying round his house and we ended up kissing and i obviously cheated on my boyfriend.

I think i used this way as a 'get-out' clause. I still cared about my boyfriend very much but felt suffocated by never having any alone time, i never knew how to tell him this because we had gone without it for so long, so i carried on this way. I think the excitment had gone.

I dont know if this is true for your gf but it just seems a very similar situation. Ive learned from this now tho and know that every person needs some alone time, to go out with friends or just chill on thier own and its important to give your partner some space.

Sorry for the load of waffle the only advice i can give is stop seeing her while she sorts herself out, it seems to me she is having the bext of both worlds, the comfort of being able to go back to you as she is comfortable round you, and the excitment of the new guy. Its harsh but cut her loose completely and she may realise the grass isnt greener on the other side and she misses you like crazy

hope this helps -xxxx-

thanks a ton for all the advice everyone. I know what kind of person she is, and i trust her. But i am being careful. I am going to see her this week on wednesday, then probably not for another week or so. I will cut myself off from her so she doesnt have the luxury of seeing me and see what happens. I feel that this could be a good thing, but i expect the worse no matter what. Later!

good luck I hope it all works out

I spent the night with her last night, just slept. We cuddled and spooned a bit, but i realized i was the only one being affectionate so i just moved to the other side of the bed and went to sleep. I really wish she would talk to me. I realize the things she would need to talk about would be about me and she has other people to talk to that about.... Like this guy from work or whatever. She just doesnt say anything to me. Last night she told me like one thing about her life in the past week which was just something about work. I feel like she is shutting me out of her life, while saying she doesnt want to lose me. I also realized that this may be old habit to her. She still remains friends with her last two boyfriends, and i refuse to be the ex-boyfriend turned friend. I feel like telling her that i am not going to do that, that i will not let her have me, if i dont have her. Is that a bad idea? There is so much going on right now that i am confused about, i don't know how to handle myself. I am doing a little better not seeing her, but i still have those random times when i just start crying. I walked into my parents house the other night and they were in bed, and i just started crying because i was alone there too. I will just be sitting there watching TV and start crying for no apparent reason. I would really hate to completely cut myself off from her because I am afraid she will forget about me and we will never get back together. On the other hand, distance makes the heart grow fonder..... I am so confused. This really is the toughest breakup i have ever been through.

I can't believe that she would break up with me so soon after we picked out our rings..... AAAAAAAAAAGH :upset:

Sometimes it's best to do what your mind wants you to do. Right now it's not what the heart wants you to do because something is about to conclude with you. I understand that being away helps and crying does too. Hey, there is nothing wrong with a man crying over a love and being alone. I just went last night to watch Ray on my own. Usually it's me and my friend but she hasn't called or text me since monday and that is apperently odd. It's like adding 2 plus 2 and you get 3. But I had that feeling of crying last night because I understood the gears of love and missing that person that I love and my friend does not know that I feel for her. But I text her last night saying if she was busy and that I was just wondering what she was doing. And in hopes of a response, I did not get nor this lousy morning. I miss her, wish she came back. Yes I do have potential to have flings anywhere, but there is nothing better then real love. I'm sorry buddy, hang in there with us, we will do our best to help you through.

thanks again for the replies everyone. I have one friend to talk to who had a very similar situation happen about 5 months ago. He just got back together with this girlfriend a week before this split. So i am staying at his house and seeing him and his GF so happy together... its not helping needless to say.

I am very glad i found this site, it gives me some hope and support to know that there are plenty of others who know how it feels. I feel in my heart that she really wants to be with me but is confused, but my mind is telling me to push her away to avoid further pain. I can't get my heart to let her go though.

I know how she operates as well, i can kind of tell what she is thinking. She has a habit of distancing herself from things before they hurt her. Before his grandma died, she didnt see her for 2 months because she knew she was going to lose her. She did the same thing when her dog was dying, didnt see him for a month. She has told me she was spending those nights out so she would be away from me, and not see me as much for a few days... which i half believe... except for the fact that she has been spending almost every day since then with this guy.

I asked her in a text message about the text's i saw on her phone and asked how she can be so 'intimate' with someone so quick. I asked how she was over me so quick. I was really upset about the whole 'i wish i could stay with you' crap. Her response was "I am not over you, i just knew i couldnt be with you for right now and i needed time. I cant just stop loving you. And i think (guysname) is just a distraction"

Half the time i believe her... half the time i do not. She asks me to do small things sometimes that i have always done, which is fine with me... but i think it hurts me because it makes me feel like we're still together. I am still contemplating bringing up the whole friends thing. I really can't be her friend if we don't get back together. I know it would hurt too much to know that i had lost the one woman i had ever truly loved... Especially to see her with another guy. I honestly want her to be happy no matter what, but if shes happy with someone else, i wont be sticking around to witness it and hurt myself. :babbling off:

wow, that is hard to figure out. But it's good news to find out that your spending time with this couple that are much in love. Doesn't help, I know, but you might learn something from it and it may motivate you to move on if things do not work out. Yes, I was like you too. I was in distress to find some help on-line from people willing to help and I found this place just like you and now this is where I come for support and relaxation. But talking helps the mind and sorrows relax so continue writing if you want.

Things MIGHT be taking a turn for the better.... but I'm not sure what to think.

I got some text messages from her last night at like 4 AM like "are you awake" then 2 mins later "hey, are you awake?"

So i wake up at 4:45 and text her back a few times and then called her because i began to wonder if something was wrong. I couldnt go back to sleep because my mind was racing. I texted her at like 6AM and told her i was stopping by our aparment to check on her. So at 9AM i left to go see her, she called me as i was pulling up to our apt and said she was ok, i told her i was out front and she told me to come in.

She was sick yesterday and sick this morning so i got her medicine and kneeled down by the bed and rubbed her back. She asked why i came by so early (didnt have to be at work til 10 and it takes me 5 minutes to get to work) i just said i was goin in early (was a lie, couldnt wait to see her and make sure everything was ok). She said "oohhh, ok" kind of playful sarcastic so i responded "no, i was going to come by and take advantage of you in your sleep"

to my surprise she replied "ok"........ :astonish:

She then said that was why she texted me this morning. I was confused.... I can't believe she was making a booty call but not even calling..... it was a 'booty-text'. She asked me to lay down with her so i did. I told her it was best that i didnt get the messages until later. She seemed more affectionate this time (maybe just because shes horny?). She was in a much better mood however.

I left and she called me a few times at work, and invited me to come to the apartment for lunch. She cooked me lunch and i took an extra long lunch to be with her. She was still more affectionate toward me, but it didnt seem fake or like she was just horny or anything. I was really happy with her attitude, she kept scooting closer to me and leaning her head on my shoulder.

I am supposed to go to the apartment tomorrow to watch 'lost' with her, which we watch every week, and stay the night. This will be the first time we spend more than an hour together awake since we broke up. I am not sure if she is wanting me back or if she is just finally comfortable enough to be around me now. I have a feeling we may end up having sex tomorrow night, which i would love, but i hope thats not the reason she is acting this way. MORE UPDATES TO COME THURSDAY!! thx for listening....err...reading?

:love:

Well, I hope things go well and hope to hear Good News then the bad ones. Let us know what happens.

hmmmmm! all I can say is goodluck but don't pin all your hopes on this one event! My mate recently ended up in the same situation and then his girl left and he was even more devastated so I don't know, you know your ex gf better than all of us what do your instincts tell you! At times we don't want to trust our instincts and i'm figuring your absolutly dying to be with her again. As a guy I can understand what your thinking and what your wanting but you may need to quickly seperate yourself from those feelings and think before you leap or you may end up worse off. I'm sorry I sound like i'm giving you bad news or negative info and I hope I am wrong I truly do but the booty call and everything else, from suddenly wanting to be with you to not and then to want you again. As I said you know her best what do you truly think?

well, on and on we go.

Showed up at 6:30 or so and come in the door. She is on her cell phone and i hear her say "ok, well i'll call you after the show."

She then says "are you staying the night tonight?" i say "yes"

then she proceeds to tell me she doesnt think it is a good idea for us to go out tonight. But she sure as hell is going out with this prick from work. She says that until she gets more comfortable that we shouldnt spend long periods of time together. So she just left.

I laid everything out as we watched TV. Told her i would not just sit there and let her turn me into one of her ex's become friends. She thought i meant i was leaving and not speaking to her anymore so i had to explain i would stick around until she either came back to me or got into a relationship with someone else. She said that if i had to go away for my own sake, that she would come to me if she figured things out and wanted to be with me. SUCKS

I haven't said this before but a big difficulty in our relationship is that she is very Christian, and I am... well... not. I do believe there is a god, but i do not practice Christianity. She has always said she had a slight problem with that but nothing she couldnt live without. She knows i will be a good father to our children, but tonight she started saying that i wouldnt be able to give Christian advice to them when they had trouble, or point out parts of the Bible that could help.

So since I am not a Christian, she says that it started becoming more and more of a problem in the past month or two. She also said that she felt really wound up and stressed all the time. And now that we are apart, she doesnt. Of course, she never brought this up to me during our relationship.

I told her that i thought she had just given up on our relationship instead of voicing these problems and lettings us try to figure them out and fix them. She said there was something else that was bothering her but didn't quite know what.

I told her how i felt about her again, how i was afraid she would fall in love with someone else, and forget about me. I told her it wasnt fair that these other guys got to take her out and very possibly be trying to become her boyfriend... while i was denied my chance to try to win her back. She said that she doesnt want me trying, she wants me to just be her friend. :(

She kissed me and we made out kind of for a minute or so. I told her that every time we kiss i think it will be our last time. Then the show ended and she left about 5 minutes later. I still feel like i am the only one showing affection, and i have to stop that. I can't show her affection until she shows me some. I am still staying the night tonight, but she is going out with whoever while i am stuck here doing jack crap. :annoyed:

And what have we learned from this? Religion is more trouble than it's worth.
"Religion is the opiate of the masses"- Karl Marx

hey quan i also had a similar problem w/my ex she was orthadox christian(family pretty religous), i wasn't, nor was i religous and that bothered her a lot. Before actually breaking up, a month prior we almost broke up b/c of religion.(We went out for 8 months, and she started bringing the religion aspect when things started getting serious, in last 2 or 3 moths). We ended up breaking b/c she said she wasn't sure how she felt about me anymore and if she loved me as bf anymore or just as a friend. And she also similarly started going out with another guy right after the breakup(he was of same religion and nationality)Bottom line i dont know if that was the real reason or not, but you cant avoid the religion problem b/c eventually you will have to deal with it, and see if the guy she going out w/has same religious beliefs as her(which may explain some things)...not sure, but just a thought, best of luck to you, and hope things work out for the best

FINALLY

SO... I start going into 'our' old room to go take a shower when i see that she has a new journal. I find this odd because i know she hadnt filled her old one (she had discussed it with me, i didnt read it)

so i do what i told her i would never do... i violated her privacy and opened up the new journal. The first entry was last night.

Stated that Sat Nov 20th she told this guy (she is his manager) that she liked him.
He asked her out on a date a few nights later, she had to cancel because she had some school work to do and was still with me.
That is the night we had our discussion about taking a break and me moving out sometime after Thanksgiving. She however, called it breaking up with me, and i "took it ok"
she says she spent the night of thanksgiving and the next night with him watching movies, talking, and just staring into his eyes. YAY
All this while i sit at home trusting her and thinking she is just watching movies.
that was friday night.. and saturday night after thxgiving. Sunday morning at like 6 before she leaves she says they share their first kiss.

That next day i left and moved in with my friend. She said that hey have been making out heavily since that night (sunday) and he has been staying the night sometimes. (i think i mentioned this before)

she then said they have progressed more since then, but nothing sexual. She said that she "really really wants him to be in me" and that "he really turns me on" - She says she has fallen in love with him... doesn't think she 'loves' him, but has fallen in love with him.. WTF EVER!!

She says she is SO SO SO HAPPY now and she doesnt want to sleep with him because they could have something very special. blah blah blah. So i am waiting for her to get home right now.. I will ask her one more time how serious this shit is between her and this guy.

THE ****ING BITCH NEVER SAID WE WERE BROKEN UP, JUST TAKING A BREAK. THE BITCH CHEATED ON ME, NO ****ING DOUBT ABOUT IT!~

This is the most angry i have ever been in my entire life... I am moving all my shit out tomorrow... computer and all... **** if she wants to finish her homework for the semester, she can do without.. and im getting my ****ing money back for rent. I am disconnecting her cell phone since its on MY ACCOUNT, am cutting the cable that is in MY NAME. Everything is going back to me, the 400 dollar digital camera i got her Nov. 5th for our 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY is getting taken back..... Oooooh this burns me so bad... I can't believe i ever ****ing trusted this bitch. So much for being a great christian like she pretends. THIS SHIT IS OVER!

oh yea.... was i wrong for reading her journal? I kinda feel bad.. but i am so pissed....


(i calmed down a bit now)

i am wondering if i should just keep my mouth shut.. cut myself off from her, move out.. and end it all peacefully.... maybe she is just really confused and excited about a new thing? Maybe she will come to her senses if she can no longer see me? any suggestions? (i might even wait til morning to confront her to see if i can get laid tonight.... maybe since she never let me do anal i'll just 'accidentally' slip and give it a try.... BITCH :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

hey that sucks man, my g/f kind of cheated on me to, she asked a guy for his number while we were still going out, but she was at least up front about it and told me(abou it) and she was gona go on a date with him...I was more so shocked and devestated to get mad or anything...i dont know what to say, but for know maybe it best if you guys just spend some time apart...dont talk to her or call her for a week or so, and see how she reacts...then maybe call her after a week to just say hello, or if she contacts you first just ignore her calls or texts and see how she reacts to it...hang in their, best of luck

yea, i think i am overreacting.

Now that i think back i should have considered it a breakup. She said she still wants to spend xmas with me, wants to decorate the xmas tree with me. She said she even wants to come to my family event at xmas.

I am still moving out but i am not going to be mean to her. i will just wait until sometime later... if she comes back to me i will come clean and make her come clean as well. If she ends up with someone else, then i will tell her everything and how much of a worthless sack of shit she is.

I took about 5 shots of vodka and i mellowed out.... The things she says and the way she acts make me really think shes just confused/excited about a new thing... but to sit there and write about how much she wants to have sex with the guy and how she is in love with him just pisses me off... I will be civil, i am a bigger man than that... i will just simply move on..

the funny thing is, i am not upset.. i didnt cry, i just was pissed that she has been lying to me. Maybe she thinks she can do all this crap, have her fun... then just come back to me like nothing happened... love how she tells me this guy is just a friend... funny crap.

one funny thing is that she just stopped taking birth control when we broke up because it was messing with her cycle recently and she was going to start back up in a month or two after her body goes back to normal.... If she ****s this guy, hopefully she will get pregnant, and be ****ed for life and i can just be thankful it wasnt me.

this sucks... i really thought this woman who i am so deeply in love with was truly in love with me... being honest with me... figuring things out for herself... and we would move on with our lives, get married, have children, and live all the things we talked about doing.

I am taking this better than i thought. I just need to get back to myself.. enjoy a few months being single..... unfortunately living with my parents.

I will save my money, finish the buildup on my jeep so i can get back into the sport i love (rock crawling), then see if i can meet another beautiful girl who will treat me right, make me happy..... but this time, not leave me for another guy.

Michelle.... i still love her more than anything. She is my first true love (felt things for others before, but not like this)... she has been the light of my life, my one reason to make it through each day.... Being friends first made our relationship the greatest thing i have ever experienced or even heard of. I still wish her the best in life.. my only hope is that this guy treats her better than i have, and that he truly cares for her at least as much as i do.

My only wish is for you to be happy Michelle...... no matter who you are with. Best wishes.

I can't stop crying.... But life must go on. :(

It takes time to heal, my ex was my first true love to, and it hurts, but it gets better, its been almost 3 months since we broken up, i still think about her once in a while but things have gotten alot better. I decided to stop talking to my ex bc i knew i couldnt be friends and thats the only way to put her in my past. I suggest stay busy, hang out with friends(helps alot), workout, whatever!! Remember tomorrow is a new day and their are millions of girls out there. There will be someone out there for you, and rember that things happen for a reason, and things will work out for the best for you!

Ok... any opinions on that last event?

I am now debating wether or not to confront her. I already told her i am goign to distance myself from her and MAYBE see her once a week. I kind of feel like just telling her i read the journal, that i know that she flat out lied to me, and just let her get mad at me. I feel so betrayed.... i mean, she started liking this guy.... as soon as he asked her out, she broke up with me and told me she 'needed her break'. I mean, i respect that she broke up with me instead of going behind my back and cheating... but how can i trust that she won't be attracted to some other guy in the future and leave me again.... (if we get back together that is.)

I am afraid to tell her that i read her journal, because i am afraid she will be really mad at me, and not talk to me and/or end up having sex with this guy out of revenge. I know she already wants to with him.... but i just keep trying to convince her not to do anything she will regret.

I know i should just leave her and not talk to her anymore since she is obviously so head over heels about this guy RIGHT AFTER we split up.... but i love her so much that i can't walk away. Should i just take this as her doing her own thing on her own time and it none of my business? AL;SKJFLK;SADJFKL;SADJ

THIS SUCKS! i have to move on...... i keep telling myself that... but i feel like i have to give it one more week. Then i will tell her that she can't just bounce back and forth between the two of us.. and she has to make a decision.

Quan, listen. I understand your full of rage and anger. Your only wish is to have revenge to make sure that you had the last laugh. I do understand that you still love her, but it pains you to see her loose you in her mind for someone who may not understand her as the way you do. But this has been a serious ride for you and your riding on her ride until you decide to leave. Your gonn have to say your goodbyes because women like that hardly ever come back. I know you want to tell her about the journal, but best things is to give her her last X-mas gift and have a big letter stating that you know everything and you found out by a different source. Get her a gift that it may remind her of you and only you. You have to move on. Your doing every right thing to not get an acute response from her and you have to move on and not play her game. When she finds you with a better woman, that shall be your revenge and you may forget about her by then.

thx for the reply. I spent the night last night, she said she would come home and hang out with me after work at 10, but she didnt come home til about 1am from this guys house... I had had it. I just didnt speak to her hardly at all when she got into bed, and we went to sleep. This morning she woke up to go to work and i woke up before she left. She came over and gave me a kiss on my cheek and i just told her that we wouldnt be seeing each other for a while. She started asking about dates we had already planned to spend an hour or two together, and i just told her "i dont know".

I just finished writing her a nice goodbye letter, and i am going to leave it here when i leave for work this afternoon. I am going to have to try SOOOO HARD to not contact her. I just don't feel normal unless i at least text message her. But i know i have to move on. I have to get used to not seeing her, and i have to make her go without me for a while and maybe she will realize what a mistake she made. Oh well... the pain of love... but life goes on..... right? :upset:

Quan, don't think your doing the wrong thing. Reading to what has happen to you make me angry because I have been with girls that type that would spend more time with someone else when she is suppose to spend more time with you. Avoid thinking about her but think about the ideal woman that would treat you right and care for you like you care for her. Think of a girl which such beauty and sophisticated features that would enlight you. Think about a woman that would make you happy now and for ever. Because your mind belongs to you and you can use it to find who you are looking for and there is no one who can take that away from you.
------------
Clouds keep moving...the earth continues revolving...and above all, ...life goes on.

Thanks for the kind words NLB, it's great to have this forum around so i can spill out all my emotions... can't do that completely with my friend. It hasnt even been a full day without seeing her and i already miss her again. But i am gonna pull through. We will see each other for about an hour on Thursday, then i will probably take a break from her until a few days before Xmas eve. I was supposed to stay the night Xmas eve so we could do our gift stuff in the morning, but i am not sure how that is going to turn out. I havent heard her response about the note i gave her, but i hope she got the message correctly. I am already taking some 'me' time. I most likely won't hang out with her on new years eve, but i will be off with my 4x4 group putting on a new years blowout rock crawling competition which will make me happy again. THX AGAIN ALL!

hey Quan, it's nice to hear that your doing swell. I wish I was in your seat and ready to face the world again. But I am not. I just came from my weekend where it was suppose to be me and her and things went straight to hell. I invited her someplace where she always wanted to go, but I think I will change my mind and tell her that it was a bad idea. In fact, I will tell her the bottom line on how I feel. But that will be my last straw. That's what happens when you think your friend liked you. But, I'm still dah pimp I use to be and still "nice lover boy" that the women missed. I ditched honeys that wanted to experience my sexual healing just so I can devote my happy life with my friend. But anyways, pimp or die is what I always say.

I can't say i am fully ready to face the world, but i am at least putting on the facade to her. I decided i am not jumping to her every need.... I am not responding to her text messages until several hours later and i probably will stop answering her calls and just checking voicemail. Either she is ready to be without me or she is not..... I am on my way to being 'ok' with being without her for good. ;)

Just remember Quan, start talking to other women and that will open up a new side for you to focus on. That will help you decide to "live a little" or find another mate. Trust me, for me, I chosed, "Live a little" and I get women like a fisherman catches fish. lol

well, i hit a few bars last night and decided to stop by 'our' apartment to see if she was there. She wasn't so i went ahead and went in (was just going to leave if she was there). So i go in and i check some stuff on my computer there, then i text message her asking if i could stay the night. She messaged me back saying "maybe tomorrow or thursday". I just said "ok, bye" and when she kept messaging me back asking if i was mad, i didnt respond.

Jump to this morning... I have to go take a drug test and the testing place is half a mile from the apartment. So i swing by the apartment to see if my suspicions are true. YEP. His truck is parked out back. So i just open the front door, look on the couches so she can't say he just slept on the couch, then i left. I was so tempted to just barge into the bedroom, tell her to have a nice life, take my digital camera, load up my computer with them in bed, and leave.

Did i do the right thing in just walking away or should i have just thrown it all in her face and never speak to her again?

its funny how i can relate with ur situation. I am in the same situation as u, but im in ur so call girlfriend's shoe and u in my so call boyfriend's shoe. except he's seeing someone and i am also. But we still love each other. Now i know "somewhat" how he feels. thanks. But i can honestly say seeing in her point of view. She still has feelings for you. She wants her cake and eat it 2. Its hard to make decisions, especially when it involves other people. I agreed he's a distraction to her decision. If u love her set her free...if she comes back to u she's urs forever, if she doesn't, it was never meant to be....its true. Love hurts. Im hurting too

wow venus... i just had that conversation with my best friends fiance. We brought up both those sayings "if you love someone set them free" and "if someone leaves you and comes back they are yours forever".

I met with her tonight, she told me that her and this guy have become more than friends. She said she originally wanted it to stay that way but she found things about him she liked. She said she regrets ever starting to hang out with him because it caused a lot of stress between us.

I came out with everything as well. I told her how i felt about her lies and told her i read her journal. i just said "so i guess this is goodbye?" and she said "for now, but i will still want to see you."

It hurts so bad to say goodbye to the woman i love, i dont think it has really set in yet.... but i know she is gone now, and i have to move on with my life... it just hurts. :(