Would you want to know if a friend has a crush on you if you're taken?

Quote:

---

I'm in this situation... I have a huge crush on this girl. Might be a bit more than that.
I am not really making a secret of it so I suspect she knows. I also suspect, for a variety ofreasons, that she's into me too.
The thing is, she has a boyfriend.

I do want to tell her the feelings I have for her, but I don't want to make things awkward. I'm not sure how fair it is to actually tell her, even if she already knows.
Besides that, as I suspect she has feelings for me too that could also be unfair as she might be more tempted to admit them herself.

And her boyfriend, while they have the occasional issues, doesn't seem like a bad guy.

So, is it more fair to tell my feelings and let her make up her own mind, or not mention it so there's no awkwardness?

---

EDIT:
Well, an update on the situation.

We were talking on msn and I said something on which she said "Only because you're secretly in love with me"
Which I took as jokingly, so I said half jokingly back "*blushes*, well, that and because you're awesome"

She took it as real, while I expected her to take it as a joke. Not sure how she was feeling about it I said "I might have been joking as you did."
Well, she was disappointed with that. So I told her the truth, and she's not at all uncomfortable with it. She actually seems to really like it. Makes her feel really flattered.

I decided to not push it, though. Not going to ask her if she has similar feelings for me. It's nice enough that I don't have to tiptoe around her so she doesn't find out I like her.

Yeah, all seems quite useless, but it's a big thing for me.

I've been in this situation. You should ask her how she feels about you when hes not around.Try with a cute text ... I had my ex's friend tell me he had feelings and that lead to a great relationship between me and the friend. I dumped the bf but me and the other guy decided to be friends and wait till we were older to move on. Anyways, you never know and it might be a fun fling if anything =D ! After you tell her how you feel it might go bad or go good but you might as well try!

If you are really into her, you should go ahead and let her know. Just as you mentioned, probably she is also interested in you too. As to her boyfriend, it can never be a problem. The only thing cares is that she loves you more than her boyfriend.

No, I wouldn't want to know. I don't think it's fair to put her in that situation.

Would it really make you feel good about getting with her if you had to "steal" her away from another guy? Some other guy could come along and "steal" her just as easily.

I'd love to have some more responses to this.
I'd prefer an overwhelming amount of people leaning to one of the sides. xD

Looking at myself, I don't fully agree with you, btw, MerryH. One girl has once stolen me away from another. That girl simply made me realize that the current relationship I was in wasn't satisfying. Not proud of it, but also doesn't mean I'd hop from one to the next at any given time.

If I'm 'taken', then it means I'm with the guy I want to be with and any other guy is wasting his time....

So confess away....it wouldn't change my mind about who I wanted to be with, which is the guy I'm currently with.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ric [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'd love to have some more responses to this.
I'd prefer an overwhelming amount of people leaning to one of the sides. xD

Looking at myself, I don't fully agree with you, btw, MerryH. One girl has once stolen me away from another. That girl simply made me realize that the current relationship I was in wasn't satisfying. Not proud of it, but also doesn't mean I'd hop from one to the next at any given time.

---

Not EVERYBODIES relationships are unsatisfactory and not everyone will remain in a relationship with someone they don't want to be with.
If you are 'easily' stolen....then you didn't love your partner enough anyway, so why would you remain in a relationship where you didn't really love your partner?!!!

You obviously didn't want to hear MerryH's advice, nor will you like hearing mine.

Ahh, didn't mean it that way. I just don't think everyone that once leaves someone for someone else will do so repeatedly.
I know her relationship isn't satisfactory. I know this because I've adviced her a load of times on how to deal with things. Her and me are emotionally very alike, so I understand her feelings exactly. Her boyfriend is more of the sexual type and not very open emotionally. Few compliments while she really wants them from him, and other things that make him out to be a typical guy. In the past half year she has opened up sexually to him more, (on my advice, and she enjoys it a lot now). But he hasn't really opened up more emotionally. (after over 2 years of dating).
However, I also know she isn't unhappy with him. He's not a bad guy, just a typical guy.

In any event, that's a sidepoint to me. I just want the honesty of whether I should tell her the truth. Not to make it lead to more... might happen, might not. But more if it is something she should know. (and if it's a thing women in general like to know)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ric [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Ahh, didn't mean it that way. I just don't think everyone that once leaves someone for someone else will do so repeatedly.
I know her relationship isn't satisfactory. I know this because I've adviced her a load of times on how to deal with things. Her and me are emotionally very alike, so I understand her feelings exactly. Her boyfriend is more of the sexual type and not very open emotionally. Few compliments while she really wants them from him, and other things that make him out to be a typical guy. In the past half year she has opened up sexually to him more, (on my advice, and she enjoys it a lot now). But he hasn't really opened up more emotionally. (after over 2 years of dating).
However, I also know she isn't unhappy with him. He's not a bad guy, just a typical guy.

In any event, that's a sidepoint to me. I just want the honesty of whether I should tell her the truth. Not to make it lead to more... might happen, might not. But more if it is something she should know. (and if it's a thing women in general like to know)

---

Well despite what you know about her relationship, she remains with him and is still in the relationship. All relationships have 'ups and downs', it doesn't necessarily mean that the two people involved are unhappy together or would run from the relationship at the first sign of someone else showing an interest.

Ask yourself this. If this girl was your gf and you were in a relationship with her, would you want another guy to confess his feelings to her and while she was with you?? Or would you want other guys to respect your relationship and for as long as it may last?

Be honest.

Course it isn't a 'perfect' world and people aren't perfect.....you will always get those who try to sabotage what others have going....lol
But people are not easily taken away and nobody else can come between a couple and if they love each other I guess.

Never said she was unhappy. Just not satisfied. It's been like that for over 2 years and it's clear it's gnawing at her that her boyfriend seems unable to comply to her own emotional needs.
If I thought she was actually unhappy I'd already have told my feelings.

Personally, I'd not care much. I'd like a relationship that survives a clearly shown interest from another party. And I couldn't rightfully blame him for confessing what he feels. And if my relationship isn't strong enough to survive that, I wouldn't want to be in that relationship anyway. (Of course I'd still be very hurt if it went wrong because of that.)
It actually happened in my last relationship where her best friend told her he is in love with her. It left me unbothered because I trusted her enough.

And you're right. If the couple truly loves each other and are faithful, nothing can really come between that.


Now, to my own opinion. I don't think I should tell her as it might only complicate things for her. But, I'm no female, so that's why I ask for advice and opinions. :p

^It depends upon how much she actually thinks of her bf and what you mean to her.

If you confess and she views you as little more than a friend, then she will probably feel uncomfortable around you from the moment you confess and you may end up losing her friendship. She may also start to resent you and for trying to come between her and her bf...that you didn't respect their relationship.

If she feels something more for you than a friend, then yeah, she may begin to have second thoughts in regard to her current partner.

Personally I'd rather a guy not tell me he had feelings and if I was currently in a relationship.

If you think her relationship is on rocky grounds anyway, then it probably will not last for very much longer. Why not wait and until it ends??

If you think you may be waiting too long or forever....then you are aiming to sabotage something that is 'good'....and she will probably choose him over you anyway.

If you think she knows about your feelings, she probably does.
The fact that she hasn't said anything to you about it... well, draw your conclusions.

I personally wouldn't want anyone to interfere.
She's with this guy for a reason, it's her choice...
You say she's not satsisfied, but she still stays with him.
And it will make things awkward.

Maybe you tend to like her because she's someone else's?
I'd say forget her and look for your own girlfriend.

Thanks for your advice. You are confirming what has been in my mind.
I can wait for quite sometime. I do not need a relationship, per say, anyway. I can be happily single for a long time. And I don't often get crushes/falling in love anyway.

So, other people, keep your opinions coming. For now I'll stick to the not telling. :p

@ Ellie
Nah, I like her because we have a lot of fun together. She really compliments who I am. We're emotionally very much on the same level. And she's absolutely beautiful.

However, you might be right in the first thing you said. I know there are many other possible reasons for her not to mention it if she knows it. But yours is certainly a plausible possibility.

I'm having this happen to me at the moment. I had immense feelings for a friend for many, many years. My feeling were not reciprocated. Eventually I moved on, found someone else and I'm happy. As soon as I do this though, my friend decides he has feelings for me too. Great! I wish he hadn't told me, as it's making our friendship awkward. He has become extremely clingy to me and derogatory to my man which upsets me. I feel as though I have to be careful what I say now, and I fear our friendship has been lost. I think it might be wise for you to retain your feelings for the time being while she is in a relationship as you may lose her friendship.

Always the case isn't it. When we are gone, they decide they want us.

Unbeknown to my friend I have dated 2 guys, but he doesn't know I did and because I kept it to myself. But I often wonder what he would do, if I did become seriously involved elsewhere and if he'd suddenly want to be with me...hmmm?

Thanks, Maisie. So far most say I should keep it to myself, so I will. Even though it's hard to do as I'm a very open and honest person. :p
I'm not the kind of person to become derogatory or clingy, though. I'm way too nice a guy for that. (Well, you can easily compare me to a girl as I'm more of a girl than a guy)
But, it can still make things awkward. :(

She isn't your "friend" if you are thinking of her romantically, so I think you should quit pretending she is. This girl isn't married, so I think you should just tell her you have developed feelings for her, and that you want to date her when she loses the boyfriend. Then, quit hanging around like a puppy dog looking for scraps.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She isn't your "friend" if you are thinking of her romantically, so I think you should quit pretending she is. This girl isn't married, so I think you should just tell her you have developed feelings for her, and that you want to date her when she loses the boyfriend. Then, quit hanging around like a puppy dog looking for scraps.

---

Yes she is. Being friends and being romantically interested isn't mutually exclusive.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ric [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yes she is. Being friends and being romantically interested isn't mutually exclusive.

---

Is this the lie you tell yourself when you hang around her? You can continue to believe this, and you will likely be carrying a torch for her for a long, long time. I prefer resolution.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Is this the lie you tell yourself when you hang around her? You can continue to believe this, and you will likely be carrying a torch for her for a long, long time. I prefer resolution.

---

Not a lie, see no reason to lie about that. Not all guys are the same.

Okay then, have it your way.

Happy suffering!

Would you still continue to be her friend and if you knew there was NO chance she'd ever be in a relationship with you?

Something tells me not.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by xxazurexx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Would you still continue to be her friend and if you knew there was NO chance she'd ever be in a relationship with you?

Something tells me not.

---

Actually, yes.
If I wouldn't want to be friends with someone I certainly wouldn't want to be in a relationship with them either.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ric [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Actually, yes.
If I wouldn't want to be friends with someone I certainly wouldn't want to be in a relationship with them either.

---

Well obviously you are one of the exceptions and if you are being truthful.

A lot want the friendship....with the motive of getting into the pants. And once they realise they aren't gonna get some, they ditch the woman and no longer want her friendship. Happened to me loads of times, which is why I no longer do friends with men.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by xxazurexx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well obviously you are one of the exceptions and if you are being truthful.

A lot want the friendship....with the motive of getting into the pants. And once they realise they aren't gonna get some, they ditch the woman and no longer want her friendship. Happened to me loads of times, which is why I no longer do friends with men.

---

I see no need for that. If I just want to get laid I could easily go out and get laid. Would be much less of a hassle than pretending to be friends.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ric [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I see no need for that. If I just want to get laid I could easily go out and get laid. Would be much less of a hassle than pretending to be friends.

---

But most would prefer to get into the pants of the girl he 'desires' and thinks he's in love with.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by xxazurexx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

But most would prefer to get into the pants of the girl he 'desires' and thinks he's in love with.

---

True, but I've never been like most guys.
Not that I'd mind having sex with her, but there's so much more one can get. So the sex part isn't really on my mind.

Nice one @ thinks he's in love with. :p
Yeah, can't deny that. It's easy to call this feeling being in love but I do know it's likely not really that even though it might grow into that.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ric [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

True, but I've never been like most guys.
Not that I'd mind having sex with her, but there's so much more one can get. So the sex part isn't really on my mind.

Nice one @ thinks he's in love with. :p
Yeah, can't deny that. It's easy to call this feeling being in love but I do know it's likely not really that even though it might grow into that.

---

Well I'm not saying that sex is all he may be looking for and a guy could be looking for more with a specific female. But most will friend firstly and to get close, hoping it will lead to more, which includes sex...

How else are they supposed to get to know a female and if they don't 'friend' her first? A lot of guys just don't have the guts and to approach directly - so they friend her instead and hope she realises what a great guy he is.

No I would not tell her if she is happy with her bf. But if you suspect that she don't like him and see them separating in the near future then I will tell her then.

@Azure
True, but that's not the case with me. I just became friends with her and found out how amazing she is.
Oh well, to each their own. The important part here is that I'm not looking to just getting laid. :p

@Miz
That's what makes the situation difficult. If she was truly happy I'd leave it alone, and if she was miserable I'd talk to her about it.
However, she's happy with him, just not satisfied. She has fun with him, good sex, he's there for when she needs him, etc. but he is a bit low on the emotional level. And she's been wanting to see some actual improvement on that for a few years. Regular topic of our conversations.

Ric - It is a tough situation for you to be in. Every person is different, the reason my situation turned awkward was the fact that the friend is saying bad stuff, which is unfounded. He hasn't even met 'the man who took me away' as he calls it. As tough as it is, I think you do need to move on and if her status changes and you're still in the same place you are now...well, who knows. But for now, I think to keep quiet is the sensible option.

No don't do it.......what do you think will happen? Her dumping her BF for you? NOT going to happen. When they break up ask her out on a date and take it from there.

Well, an update on the situation.

We were talking on msn and I said something on which she said "Only because you're secretly in love with me"
Which I took as jokingly, so I said half jokingly back "*blushes*, well, that and because you're awesome"

She took it as real, while I expected her to take it as a joke. Not sure how she was feeling about it I said "I might have been joking as you did."
Well, she was disappointed with that. So I told her the truth, and she's not at all uncomfortable with it. She actually seems to really like it. Makes her feel really flattered.

I decided to not push it, though. Not going to ask her if she has similar feelings for me. It's nice enough that I don't have to tiptoe around her so she doesn't find out I like her.

Yeah, all seems quite useless, but it's a big thing for me.

If it were me, I'd want to know. In these situations, things do become weird. If a female friend is developing feelings for me, I'd want her to be honest about it so when things start to get weird, I don't think I did something wrong. These things do happen, but I don't want to be constantly thinking I did something to upset her.

I wouldn't want that to happen. it would make me feel awkward, and put our friendship in a weird position. she has a boyfriend and even though you think she might like you, she is still with him. if she wasn't into him, she wouldn't still be with him. don't risk messing up your friendship with her and making things weird by saying that to her

You are best to back off a bit and let her come to you. Gushing and showering someone with affection that you are not in a relationship with, is over kill and pushes them away. You need to keep being mysterious, kool, and let them have fun chasing you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You are best to back off a bit and let her come to you. Gushing and showering someone with affection that you are not in a relationship with, is over kill and pushes them away. You need to keep being mysterious, kool, and let them have fun chasing you.

---

I agree. I don't think I'm doing that anyway. For the most part I treat her like I treat most my friends. I've always been a flirtatious type, do this with friends I'm not particularly interested in either.
Obviously I give her some extra attention, but I don't think I overdo it.

Second the I don't want to know. Though there could be exceptins. With my ex, yes- I would want to know becasue there was something missing and deep down I was looking for something better.

Now engaged, why the hell would someone tell me? To feel flattered? I'm flatted when I get hit on, I don't need my good friend to tell me he's secretly in love with me. No matter how you look at it it's awkard, are you allowed to talk as deeply anymore with it not being an emotional affiar? Are you allowed to hang out one on one now that you know he's in love with you? Nah.... see I don't need such complications. Get over your feelings if you need time take it.