i lied, now what...

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I met a man over the internet, due to my stupidity and insecurities, I lied to him about my appearance and my age, not only that, but I have sent him numerous photos of a beautiful young girl that I found on the net and said it was me. We have talked on the phone and on the net for almost 3 months. He says he loves me, and I feel terrible. He says he wants to meet me in person, and of course I cannot do that. So now I am just leading him on. I hate it, I really like him as a person. Any advice?
:mask:

oh what a tangled web we weave...

i have a serious problem believing you could fall in love with someone over the internet. i just don't think it could happen. especially after only 3 months. love just isn't that easy. but if you want to meet him, the best thing you could do now is tell him the truth.

see this is your own problem now. the best thing to do is tell him the truth. thats all you can do.

your a guy, im assuming,,, how would you feel, would you hate the girl? i wouldnt blame him....

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Originally Posted by easilyconfused

your a guy, im assuming,,, how would you feel, would you hate the girl? i wouldnt blame him....

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Tell him the truth.
He will be upset that you lied to him, however, if he loves you for anything else than your appearance, he will forgive you with some time. If he only loves you for your appearance, or how he thought you look like in this case, he isn't worth it anyways.
I'm assuming you have feelings for him btw ?

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Originally Posted by misombra

oh what a tangled web we weave...

i have a serious problem believing you could fall in love with someone over the internet. i just don't think it could happen. especially after only 3 months. love just isn't that easy. but if you want to meet him, the best thing you could do now is tell him the truth.

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Love cannot be measured in days weeks, years or months - it's a feeling and if u don't think it is possible then u must have been burned or are not easy to love/fall in love!

Love just happens - it could be a day, year, month etc.

Why did we ever get the phrase 'love at first sight' the people in their 60's etc had the right idea and usually married their first suiter - bet they didn't wait years to figure out they loved them.

On the other hand love grows, flourishes and gets stronger!

But u can fall in love over the net - but I guess with the idea of it all - the reality is far different - unfortunately this guy has fell in love with the person he thinks it is.

A similar thing happened to me and I'm afraid that it will go either way - it depends on the person - in my case it didn't work out and I couldn't handle being lied to for four months! Good luck - be honest - you have to be - otherwise ur wasting valuable time - both yours and his!

come on, love at first sight. i can fall in love, still get burned, and then fall in love again just like anyone else. don't go doubting my ability to fall in love just because i believe that it takes getting to know one another on a deep level to be in love. people think they're in love or they fall in love with the idea of who someone is. that isn't love. i disagree that love is a feeling. i believe love is something you do. a verb. it's work and time and understanding.

He will in fact not know you. Why did you do that? If you was scared thinking about that you are not nice enough, dont be scared. Best is allways to say the truth, because men dont depends on physical beauty so much when they meet certain brain level.
And i agree with poster above, if he liked you (loved you) he will never drops you immediately for this lie, he will at least think about it.

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Originally Posted by jakki2903

Love cannot be measured in days weeks, years or months - it's a feeling and if u don't think it is possible then u must have been burned or are not easy to love/fall in love!

Love just happens - it could be a day, year, month etc.

Why did we ever get the phrase 'love at first sight' the people in their 60's etc had the right idea and usually married their first suiter - bet they didn't wait years to figure out they loved them.

On the other hand love grows, flourishes and gets stronger!

But u can fall in love over the net - but I guess with the idea of it all - the reality is far different - unfortunately this guy has fell in love with the person he thinks it is.

A similar thing happened to me and I'm afraid that it will go either way - it depends on the person - in my case it didn't work out and I couldn't handle being lied to for four months! Good luck - be honest - you have to be - otherwise ur wasting valuable time - both yours and his!

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PLEASE , tell me more about your experience....please....

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Originally Posted by misombra

come on, love at first sight. i can fall in love, still get burned, and then fall in love again just like anyone else. don't go doubting my ability to fall in love just because i believe that it takes getting to know one another on a deep level to be in love. people think they're in love or they fall in love with the idea of who someone is. that isn't love. i disagree that love is a feeling. i believe love is something you do. a verb. it's work and time and understanding.

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I can almost believe that he is in love with the person he thinks I am, we have talked on the phone for hours and hours, all night.. every day...

Best thing to do? Ditch your screenname(s) and e-mail(s) and come up with new ones. It'll look as you've just dissappeared. That's a chicken option, but an option nonetheless.
Edit: Just realized he has your phone number...unless you're willing to change that too, can't help ya. You believe in karma?

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Originally Posted by easilyconfused

I can almost believe that he is in love with the person he thinks I am, we have talked on the phone for hours and hours, all night.. every day...

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"can almost believe"

that doesn't sound very convincing. in order to believe it he would have to show you that he loves you. tell him. if you are completely honest with him and tell him why you did what you did, then he should understand and stick it out with you. telling him the truth and setting up a base of trust is the only way he'll show you, or not show you. how will you ever know if you don't?

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Originally Posted by easilyconfused

PLEASE , tell me more about your experience....please....

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My experience was quite different but more or less the same. And it will give you a bit of hope but not much.

I met this guy called Gareth using what was popular in 1997 - a dating telephone line - it was free for girls. Anyway everything he told me seemed true - he lied about everything though - his little brother's name - his name etc. He was very true to me though - we sent each other gifts and he even purchased a pair of Gucci shoes for me - so I can safely say he felt alot for me. He eventually realised he could no longer live with the lies and I was so naive I didn't think to ask for a picture - he sounded so true and I couldn't believe he'd lied. When he eventually told me - I was like - I don't care - I have strong feelings for you as a person. But then when I started to think about it, it hurt that he'd lied - I felt I loved someone else - not him - he was the same person, same voice but somehow different. Dunno if that makes any sense but just come clean. Let me know how you go - you have to do this - it isn't fair to you or him.

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Originally Posted by misombra

come on, love at first sight. i can fall in love, still get burned, and then fall in love again just like anyone else. don't go doubting my ability to fall in love just because i believe that it takes getting to know one another on a deep level to be in love. people think they're in love or they fall in love with the idea of who someone is. that isn't love. i disagree that love is a feeling. i believe love is something you do. a verb. it's work and time and understanding.

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I guess we all have different perceptions about love. I believe it's a mixture of physical and mental emotions. I didn't doubt your ability, I just saying don't doubt others - we are all different and no one should tell us how quickly or how long it should take. I agree with the 'falling in love with the idea of someone' but there is more to it then that. Love is magic - it just happens. That's why you can't help who you love.

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Originally Posted by jakki2903

I guess we all have different perceptions about love. I believe it's a mixture of physical and mental emotions. I didn't doubt your ability, I just saying don't doubt others - we are all different and no one should tell us how quickly or how long it should take. I agree with the 'falling in love with the idea of someone' but there is more to it then that. Love is magic - it just happens. That's why you can't help who you love.

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I totaly agree with you, I couldn't have said it better.

I first met my current GF on internet btw. We were in love with each other way before we met RL. I was in love before i even had any idea of how she looks like. At that point i wouldn't even have cared if she wasn't good looking tbh, but she just happened to be really beautiful. In fact, so beautiful that when i saw her pics i did worry she might be showing me someone's else pic cause she felt bad about her look or so.
But she never told me any lies, nor did i, we have been always honest to each other, So much that i told her things i never told to anyone, not even to my best friends nor to my sister and bro, and will never tell to anyone but her. In fact, she is the only person that know everything about me, and really know the real me, and that already before we met RL.
I was considering her as my GF already before we were together tbh, no matters how crazy that sounds, and so did she.
We finally met RL (after 14 months from the first day i met her on internet)
When i first saw her RL, i hugged her, we looked at each other eyes for a few seconds, felt like time had stoped, my heart was beating like crazy, and i kissed her like if we had been together since always. I could never explain what i felt at that moment, but its something i ll never forget.
Now almost 2 years later, we are still together and our love for each other has only grown stronger.
We still live away from each other atm, i live in France and she lives in England. I see her lots tho considering the distance there is between us, generally at least every WE, The downside is these flies to England are costing me a fortune, but well worth it.
I'm about to move to England to live with her tho. And, she don't know it yet, but once i ll have moved there, i'm gonna propose her, cause i just know she is the one i want for life, and i know she wants it too, since she once told me in her nicest dreams, we will marry some day and have kids.

So if you ask me if i believe in falling in love on internet, i ll answer you yeah, i truly do, and for a reason.

Oh btw, if it has any importance, it wasn't on some meeting website or so we met, and we weren't looking for someone.
We met on a irc chat to learn French where i was helping out people on my free time.

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Originally Posted by Frenchguy

Tell him the truth.
He will be upset that you lied to him, however, if he loves you for anything else than your appearance, he will forgive you with some time. If he only loves you for your appearance, or how he thought you look like in this case, he isn't worth it anyways.
I'm assuming you have feelings for him btw ?

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Why i said that btw, is because if she had lied to me on how she looks like, and then tell me the truth,it would have upset me, but i would have forgiven her with some time and try and understand the reasons why she did.

LOL. This situation seems soooo familiar. I in fact have been in a situation and as a guy, it really suck ass. I felt the deceit and anger when i'm told that she lied to me. I can't accept that fact and didnt contact her. Though i really like her, she lied to me even before we knew each other well. I left her. the end. Sad to say that most guys are shallow and since you lied to him about your own appearance, to be frank, he'll not forgive you.

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Originally Posted by jakki2903

My experience was quite different but more or less the same. And it will give you a bit of hope but not much.

I met this guy called Gareth using what was popular in 1997 - a dating telephone line - it was free for girls. Anyway everything he told me seemed true - he lied about everything though - his little brother's name - his name etc. He was very true to me though - we sent each other gifts and he even purchased a pair of Gucci shoes for me - so I can safely say he felt alot for me. He eventually realised he could no longer live with the lies and I was so naive I didn't think to ask for a picture - he sounded so true and I couldn't believe he'd lied. When he eventually told me - I was like - I don't care - I have strong feelings for you as a person. But then when I started to think about it, it hurt that he'd lied - I felt I loved someone else - not him - he was the same person, same voice but somehow different. Dunno if that makes any sense but just come clean. Let me know how you go - you have to do this - it isn't fair to you or him.

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Well, I did it, thanks to all of you. I always knew it was the right thing, just never had the courage. I told him everything last night. I told him online, but he asked me to call him. We talked on the phone for 2 hours, he couldn't have been more gracious and kind. Not to say he wasn't upset and extremely confused. He said he needed time to think about it and would call me. I am now waiting to see if I've lost him for good, I know that I don't deserve him, but I am still hoping. Thanks to all of you for your advice. I am so glad I found this site!!

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Originally Posted by Frasbee

Best thing to do? Ditch your screenname(s) and e-mail(s) and come up with new ones. It'll look as you've just dissappeared. That's a chicken option, but an option nonetheless.
Edit: Just realized he has your phone number...unless you're willing to change that too, can't help ya. You believe in karma?

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Yes, I do definitely believe in Karma.... and I tried to dissappear and just stop talking to him several times, but I just missed him so much. I know, selfish me. But last night I told him the truth, and am now awaiting the fall out. Thanks for your advice though!!

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Originally Posted by Frenchguy

Why i said that btw, is because if she had lied to me on how she looks like, and then tell me the truth,it would have upset me, but i would have forgiven her with some time and try and understand the reasons why she did.

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Thank you for that, and I did tell him the truth last night. You were right, he did try to understand, and was very kind. I am waiting to see if I have lost him forever. And to answer your question, yes, I definitely have feelings for him.

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Originally Posted by easilyconfused

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Thank you for that, and I did tell him the truth last night. You were right, he did try to understand, and was very kind. I am waiting to see if I have lost him forever. And to answer your question, yes, I definitely have feelings for him.

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Well done - this is the first step to the future if it works out then all the best - if not you've done the right thing. Have u sent him the real picture of yourself?

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Originally Posted by jakki2903

Well done - this is the first step to the future if it works out then all the best - if not you've done the right thing. Have u sent him the real picture of yourself?

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Yes, I sent him a picture of myself, and a copy of my work ID with picture,,,lol so he would have no doubt that I was not lying now. He is still talking to me, says he is actually intrigued by me,,,believe it or not! Wants to get to know me, the real me, and see what happens. I am flabbergasted, but thankful and excited.

I would say you should still tread with some caution though...