does she or doesn't she....

Ok, let me start off with I am 24 and have never had a gf. I've always been shy, and being overweight most my life hasn't helped any. I lost a lot of weight, still got a bit to go, but I have gained a sliver of confidence lol bust still, despite help from a couple good friends, I still have trouble believing a girl would be interested in me. Anyways, now that that's out of the way, there is a certain female co-worker at work I've had a pretty big crush on for awhile. When she first started, our two different positions pretty much kept us from ever really being able to talk, despite working within close vicinity. She later got promoted to a position that I worked with, and I slowly started to talk to her here and there, which I was pretty proud of myself haha because normally I can never talk to girls I like. So that was about mid-December, and about mid-January I got promoted myself, still in the same dept but not really working with her anymore, I would just kind of walk through her area sometimes going from point A to point B. When I told her it was my last day at my old position, she actually looked kind of sad and said she'd miss me, which totally surprised me and made me very happy. So now with my new job, I talk to old "friends" that I used to always talk to, and I talk to her as much as I can, without distracting her from her work. So I usually talk to her maybe twice a week or so, and there are times when I'm walking by and she will wave or smile. Every time I get close to her or know I'm about to talk to her, my heart is pounding out of my chest.

So, I know a lot of you are probably like "get her facebook or number" or something, and I actually did try to look her up on facebook, and could only find her on some weird genealogy site, which brought me to my first concern, it said she was 30. I'm worried she would not be interested in dating someone 6 years younger than her. Also, she confused the hell outta me. One day I think she may actually like me, which is hard for me to do with my self-image problems, I usually just dismiss it as friendly coworker stuff, but sometimes I think it may actually be possible. Then the next day I'll go by and see her, and she's busy and doesn't really even look at me when she's talking, or will have her back to me. The other day I stopped to talk, and when I was passing by her, it was a tight space so she kinda put her hand on my arm as I passed, but then she kinda patted it and veeerry slightly squeezed it, but I definitely felt it. And today was probably the best day I've had in a long time. I timed it to be at her area as she was coming back from break, so I was talking to the guy breaking her, and as she came by she kinda brushed up against me, which that itself made my insides explode. So as she passed, I jokingly said "excuse you" and she said "oh I'm sorry did I bump into you" and she kinda grabbed me like in a half hug type thing and pushed me a little bit. needless to say I don't remember much of the rest of the workday haha.

So, sorry its long and may be hard to follow, I just kinda typed what came to mind. I just want to know, does all the touching lately mean she may like me? I know it means she doesn't hate me haha and is getting more comfortable around me, but I'm really afraid of pushing the coworker boundary and getting in trouble because she didn't mean it like that. I know I don't spend her whole shift with her (would be great though ;) ) but I've never really seen her be touchy-feely with everyone, she seems like more of a quiet person, which may be why I like her.

This is cute. You're cute. For some reason, this was a lot more charming than most of the "does she like me" threads.

So, yeah, she might like you. She seems a little flirty. The only way you'll know for sure is if you ask her out on a date. Just see if she wants to go have some coffee or drinks after work. Or you could go as far as arranging an outing with all your coworkers after work. Invite everyone to happy hour, or something. Then chat her up, lightly flirt, get her contact info and ask her out sometime soon after that. Just go for it.

Haha, my friend says the same thing when I talk about her. I have a question though...she seems to like it when I wear a red shirt. I've had other friends at work say red looks good on me, but the first time I wore a red shirt, she said it makes me stand out. Then I didn't see her for a couple days, and even after that time, first thing as I walked in, she was like where's your red shirt it made you stand out. After that I had to go buy another red shirt lmao and when she saw me in it she said hey you wore red again, it makes you stand out. Is there anything I can read into her saying this all the time, or is it just I don't look as bad in red lol.

My honest opinion is that... she doesnt LIKE like you, she just likes you and is a nice outgoing/social person when in the mood (such as not on the phone or stressed; turning her back at you).

The most cliche and obvious answer would be me telling you to ask her out someplace and see how she responds, but obviously you wont be doing that, you want to know beforehand what her response is most likely to be; you wouldnt like her to say no, plus you have confidence issues obviously.

Tell me how she waves at you?

Umm, I dunno its hard to explain. Usually its not just like putting a hand up like most people do, she kinda waves from her elbow lol if that makes sense. I remember one time she didn't see me coming and when she did she waved pretty excitedly. She doesn't seem to be very buddy-buddy with many people though, which kinda makes me wonder sometimes

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Originally Posted by neverknow [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Umm, I dunno its hard to explain. Usually its not just like putting a hand up like most people do, she kinda waves from her elbow lol if that makes sense. I remember one time she didn't see me coming and when she did she waved pretty excitedly. She doesn't seem to be very buddy-buddy with many people though, which kinda makes me wonder sometimes

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I still feel it is just the stressful work enviroment that is sensitizing her and accenting her reactions to you. An elbow wave doesnt look suitable for someone you have a crush on, a more wrist-wave would be suitable in such case

Does a limp wrist count? Haha I don't know, I go back and forth on it all the time, I'm hoping to maybe get a way to talk out side of work, providing I don't chicken out yet again lol

Id say what do you have to loose?

It sounds like it could be a case of the "just friends at the office bug"... But like others said, you seem genuinely endearing. Remember age doesn't matter, its all about how you get along, etc. and in regards to her possibly liking you... you'll never know until you ask her out or ask her if she has any feelings for you =) Good Luck sweetie!!!

Ok I know its going to sound like I'm trying to make it sound like I want it to sound, and who knows maybe I am, but I think it is a wrist wave lmao. I dunno how to explain it, and screw it, I gotta just man up I guess. I know she at least is comfortable with me, and likes me in that sense at least. I know what I got to do, I just have a problem with executing it, I always get choked up and my mind goes blank, so I just kinda stand there and she works, and looks at me expectantly here and there and I usually got nothing and eventually say bye, no wonder I've been so mad at myself lately

Well an update I guess. I was talking to her the other day, had intentions on talking about talking outside of work, and she dropped a bomb on me, saying she was thinking about switching to another shift so she would be able to get more sleep. Problem for me is that the shift starts and ends when I'm not there, so I'd never see her. I joked with her saying who will I bug when I'm bored if she leaves, and she just kinda said uhh you can talk to him or him or this Guy or this Guy. She either didn't get the hint or did and ignored it. I dunno what to do, but I've had a rough week, beating myself up cuz I want more and don't know what to do about it and am unsure of her feelings towards me lately. Anyways this was just a rant, I already expect your answers to be give her my number or something

guess this is turning into more of a blog lol but I thought I'd add to it again. Today was her last day at work :( she decided she couldn't afford to keep commuting that far with gas prices the way they are. Unfortunately I didn't work today, so I saw her at work yesterday. For weeks I had been trying to get myself to give her my number/email, especially once she said she was leaving. So finally basically out of desperation yesterday as I was telling her bye I said keep in touch and gave it to her. She actually gave me a hug and said bye, but it sucked because someone came up so she had to get back to work, so it was rushed. Plus I was shaking like crazy from nerves haha so I'm sure she felt it, and I wasn't expecting the hug so I was even more nervous from being caught off guard and it was just kinda awkward. So now I just gotta wait to see when/if I hear from her. What do you guys think? A friend said I probably wont hear from her for at least a week since she's going to be starting a new job and all that. Makes sense...but as expected my phone hasn't left my side and I keep checking it and my email to see if she sent something...ugh I drive myself crazy

ok another update...I had an email from her when I woke up this morning. It was pretty short, just kinda said she's happy she quit and has a job closer to her home and she wished me good luck in anything I do. I replied back, just saying I'm glad she's happy and to keep in touch and let me know how she likes her new job. Can I get some ladies' perspective on her email? I know obviously hearing from her is a good sign, if she didn't want to talk again she wouldn't have emailed me at all, but I dunno the whole good luck and stuff was kinda weird...I dunno maybe she just didn't know what to say. I'm trying to force myself to ignore all my questions running through my mind and just be happy she emailed me, but it's hard. Any help would be appreciated

Well I have to say I wasn't expecting her to contact you.

Figured she wasn't that into you and was just being nice, and the new job gave her an out, by that I mean she had no reason to contact you and could have just gone to her new job and never contacted you again

Yet she did....

So at a minimum she was thinking about you enough to send an email ... so maybe she does like you after all and does want to keep in contact, otherwise why bother with the email?

I think you need to make a move one way or the other before you go and do your head in.

Ask her out, if she says yes that's cool but if she rejects you at least you can then deal with that and move on knowing you at least tried

Best way to ignore all your questions is to force the issue one way or another. If you do nothing you will just continue to second guess yourself

I think you shoud just go for it and ask her out...for coffee or dinner...whichever you feel more comfortable with asking! You don't have anything to lose...trust me you will feel much better after you ask her even if she does reject you. I mean before when the two of you still worked together I can see why you were hesitant but now you don't work together so even if she does reject you it wont be weird at work since she has a new job. But from everything you have said about her actins, seems to me like she has some level of feelings for you becuase I would consider that to be flirting. Good luck and be sure to keep us updated! :)

Yea I know, I think once I hear back from her again I'll see if maybe she wants to get together for lunch sometime, that's innocent enough right? Lol my thinking is she didn't really have much to say, which makes it good that she did take the time to email me even though she didn't have anything to say...am I right in assuming that?

For heaven's sake, stop torturing yourself and ask her out! The worst she could do is say no. Then you'd at least know where you stand with her. Tell her you'd love to hear all about her new job...could she meet you for coffee sometime soon.

Agree with what violingirl said, just ask her out, analysing her every move will never really allow you to decide whether she likes you or not and if she likes you like a friend or possibly something more. Go for it already, thats whats so fun about dating, you never know what will happen exactly :)

I know I know, but I kinda want to see what she says when/if she replies back. I want to see what exactly she puts, Cuz her last few days at work even though I asked where she was going to be working she never gave me a company name or anything, so that's what made me think I wouldn't hear from her. Then I do but its a short email that basically said good luck in life lol. But a friend of mine made a good point that it was late at night when she emailed me and that may be why she used my email and not my number, anyways I want to see if she's more open with me later. If she's more receptive then I think I'll do it

Its been almost two weeks since I first heard from her. I emailed her again on Wednesday I think it was, and asked about her job and asked if she wanted to hang out or grab lunch or something. So hopefully I'll hear from her soon. I could use it, had a rough week kinda, with this being part of it :/

OK so this morning I woke up and had an email from her. I open it, excited to see her emailing me, And first line of the email says "you don't need to know where I work." She then goes on to say she'll stop by my work sometime but not now, and that she's on vacation. The email is very jumbled and kind of off, but I figure that's just cuz my stomach dropped when I read that sentence. I show the email to a friend, And she thinks that its a drunk email and I shouldn't get so upset. Now that I re-read it, it does seem like it was a drunk email, especially since she's on vacation. But I'm just so confused, its hard to get the tone of what someones writing in text. She could have been just teasing me, or could've just meant exactly what she wrote. My friend reminds me she wouldn't have emailed me if she didn't at least think of me as a friend, but I didn't ask for her social security number or anything, I just asked where She was going to be working...that's a question anyone would ask someone who is just starting a new job. I dunno, maybe she doesn't see me as a friend, or maybe she did drunk email me. Fml someone shoot me and put me out of my misery

My gut reaction: time to cut and run. If she calls or emails to clarify that it was a drunken email, I would hear her out, but otherwise that seems pretty clear to me.

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Originally Posted by neverknow [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yea I know, I think once I hear back from her again I'll see if maybe she wants to get together for lunch sometime, that's innocent enough right? Lol my thinking is she didn't really have much to say, which makes it good that she did take the time to email me even though she didn't have anything to say...am I right in assuming that?

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I read the whole thread, but this post stood out to me the most. There was simply too much second guessing and reading into this situation. As an ex-overweight guy myself, and 26, near your age, I know what the low confidence is like, but I've also learned to pull the trigger when I have to. Seeing that it was almost 2 weeks before you followed up, any lingering feelings that might have built up would have all but disappeared on her end.

I would have had the adrenaline push and asked her out on her last day when I gave the number. Saying things like "keep in touch" aren't the way to pick up girls, they just give all the power to them.

This is a tough lesson, if you had gone for it, you would have felt the quick sting of rejection and then began to move on, easily because she is out of you life. Instead you have allowed yourself a slow painful death over weeks and weeks that still ended with the same result - rejection.

If it were me, I'd draft up a wicked email (unless I had her number, then I'd balls up and call her), and tell her what you need to. No more "stay in touch" crap, that does nothing for nobody in the dating world.

Even if it's a drunken email, people tend to say what's really on their mind when they are drunk. So the fact that she said "you don't need to now where I work" that is basically saying she doesn't see you as close enough friend to divulge such information. When she emailed you, she is just being nice to a former co-worker. I think she didn't mean to lead you on but you are taking it as such. I would recommend you back off from her at this point and don't contact her. If she feels guilty about being so blunt to you in that email, she'll send another one. Otherwise, if she never contact you again. Then she is obviously never interested in the first place. Don't take it so hard... plenty of fish in the sea.

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Originally Posted by Cerby [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I read the whole thread, but this post stood out to me the most. There was simply too much second guessing and reading into this situation. As an ex-overweight guy myself, and 26, near your age, I know what the low confidence is like, but I've also learned to pull the trigger when I have to. Seeing that it was almost 2 weeks before you followed up, any lingering feelings that might have built up would have all but disappeared on her end.

I would have had the adrenaline push and asked her out on her last day when I gave the number. Saying things like "keep in touch" aren't the way to pick up girls, they just give all the power to them.

This is a tough lesson, if you had gone for it, you would have felt the quick sting of rejection and then began to move on, easily because she is out of you life. Instead you have allowed yourself a slow painful death over weeks and weeks that still ended with the same result - rejection.

If it were me, I'd draft up a wicked email (unless I had her number, then I'd balls up and call her), and tell her what you need to. No more "stay in touch" crap, that does nothing for nobody in the dating world.

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well I emailed her back the first time the same day, then it was about a week and a half when I emailed her again asking how her job was going. I already emailed her again basically saying i was just checking on how she was doing and to say hi whenever she wants to. I think I've already given up on anything happening with her, i at least thought we may become friends, but that email may show thats not the case. this chicks been sending me mixed signals forever, sometimes she'd act happy to see me, other times not so much. it just confused the hell out of me, cuz she didn't have to hug me, she couldve taken my info and never contacted me. she didnt have to email me, so wtf, why email me if she doesn't want to be friends? whats the point? i need a beer...

well she just emailed me again, basically saying she does miss talking to me and some other people too but she had to quit, and that she'll come in sometime to say hi but she doesnt know when. wtf? jesus christ i never know with this chick (get the name now lol?) i guess whenever she comes in i can ask why she doesn't want me to know. i dont know...you women will be the death of me

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Originally Posted by neverknow [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i guess whenever she comes in i can ask why she doesn't want me to know.

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You're going to ask her why she doesn't want you knowing where she works? Please don't. She basically told you it's none of your business, so don't keep trying to get in her business. She doesn't like you. It's done. Move on.

And might I suggest, in the future, just go for it. You agonized over this for weeks when it could have been avoided.

I think you should ask her out directly, no more beating around the bush. That way it's out in the open. She'll either reject you or go out with you. You could save all this time in trying to figure out what's she's thinking. Just do it, man. No more pussyfooting around. You have nothing to lose.

But how do you ask someone out through email? I've heard through phone or text is bad enough. But really, they're right. She doesn't want me to know where she works. She either lied about something or is embarrassed, or just doesn't want me to visit her or something. Either way, doesn't sound good for dating...chalk another one up under the L column

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Originally Posted by neverknow [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

But how do you ask someone out through email?

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Simple. Email her "I'm just going to through this out there, would you like to go out with me sometimes?" Click send. That's it. If you are going to just give up on her, might as well do it and see what happens. So what if she rejects you if you send that, you won't see her again really. But at least you know you took a chance. I have the feeling you rarely take chances, why not do it finally.

any updates neverknow??? very interesting thread!you sound like a nice guy, and i'm interested to see how this works out for you...

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Originally Posted by Dealwithit [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

My honest opinion is that... she doesnt LIKE like you, she just likes you and is a nice outgoing/social person when in the mood?

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Not necessarily. When i was reading the original post it actually kind of reminded me of me and a male co worker at my work that im interested in and im trying to figure out if his interested in me too. If this girl is hot and cold with u, like one day is really friendly and talks to u a lot, and the next doesnt really talk to u.. i think that might mean she actually likes u. I tend to do that with the co worker im interested in and its not on purpose, i just feel like i dont want to come across as too interested so then if we have a day when we're talking heaps and getting along i tend to follow it up with not showing interest the next day lol. Girls know guys lose interest if we make it too obvious we like u, and we're scared of rejection so have a tendency to play it safe. She could be doing exactly what i have been doing.

I also think any form of touching the opposite sex is flirtatious.. a lot of people mite disagree but i know i wouldnt feel comfortable being touchy with a guy i had no romantic interest in. i just wouldnt do it. U said she seems quiet and quiet people typically are only touchy if they like and feel comfortable around someone. The thing about the workplace is u start out as friends.. and until someone makes the first move its too hard to tell if the other person likes u as more than a friend or not. So i would suggest leading to a conversation about facebook and then asking her if she has one then add her. Thats not as forward as asking for her number.

sorry for the lack of update. we've emailed back and forth a few times since she quit. mainly she has complained about the company lol. she friend requested me on facebook. I think I've accepted the fact that she sees me as a friend and no more. I saw on her email profile that shes older than I thought she was...10 years older than me. I know some people say it doesnt make a difference, and it doesnt to me, but I just have doubts that she would want to date someone 10 years younger...I dunno. Anyways, I at least got a friend out of it I guess...I do miss her, and she even said in an email she missed talking to me...and a few others she worked with, but I just know it wont happen. theres plenty of girls at work that are cute, guess I can find a new one to obsess over. my go to since she left is the one that I liked before she started working :p thats my problem. I read a thread on here about "shy guy syndrome" about finding a girl to obsess over and imagining her as the perfect match for me and all that, and thats exactly what I've done my whole life. this other girl I liked would always smile as she walked by, and I was always so nervous around her I couldnt manage to say anything. even when our paths would cross (happened a lot hehe) she'd say something like oops excuse me, and i couldnt say anything. or she would be walking by and look at me expecting me to say something but I never could. see here i go again...fml sorry beer has made me kinda ramble

haha, i'm drinking beer too, makes me ramble and rant...

anyway, it sounds like it's going okay then? at least you're able to be her friend.

so what about this other girl? do you think she could be interested? i don't know, but by what you describe she just sounds like she's being nice. is there anything that indicates it might be more?

Doubtful. I think I wish there was more behind the long looks and stuff, probably just because she's cute and is one of the few girls at work that doesn't give off that stuck up bitch vibe. Whatever, nothing will happen cuz I'm too chicken to talk to her. So the cycle continues

oh yeah. the stuck up bitch vibe!!! i hate that.

Yea. There's cute girls all over where I work, some I've seen look over from a distance, but walk by them in a hallway or pathway they look the other direction and completely ignore you. At least this one girl would smile or say excuse me or something

OK I'm tired of being like this. Maybe this other girl is my best chance to at least start changing. So what do I do? I guess the obvious answer is to walk up and talk but its not that easy. She's a cocktail waitress so maybe ask her for a water and then see if she sticks around to talk? Let me guess I'm overthinking again...

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Originally Posted by neverknow [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

OK I'm tired of being like this. Maybe this other girl is my best chance to at least start changing. So what do I do? I guess the obvious answer is to walk up and talk but its not that easy. She's a cocktail waitress so maybe ask her for a water and then see if she sticks around to talk? Let me guess I'm overthinking again...

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You sure are! You're once again trying to put yourself in a position to let her make the first move. I'll tell you right now she won't, whether she finds you a perfect 10 or one step up from a worn out donkey, she WILL NOT make the first move.

Take the initiative and make the first move. Think of it like this: "What will happen to me if I get rejected?". The answer is actually positive, it will remove many months of "What if?" and heartache. Everyone gets rejected, but your fear of it has crippled you. You need to get over this psychological problem, because the more I read, the more I see someone who is stricken by fear.