Too Sexy?

I'm not quite sure what to make of this interaction.

Last night one of my guy friends threw a party at his house. This particular friend and I have kind of a rocky relationship; sometimes it feels like he enjoys pissing me off. He rolls his eyes a lot at stuff I say and tells me I'm ridiculous, over-emotional, etc.

One of the things that he always rolls his eyes about is when I say I never get hit on. (This comes up in conversations where he claims women, just by virtue of being female, can get laid, and I point out that isn't universally true since I can't even get a guy to flirt with me.) My friend says it's because I don't dress in "feminine" ways and don't often wear make up. (He says on an average day, I'm a 5 or 6 out on a 10 scale.)

So I decided for the party I'd really go all out. I have this gorgeous halter corset I rarely wear, so I broke that out with a pair of jeans and some black high heel boots. (I really love corsets and steampunk/gothic wear. This is the corset: [url=http://www.fredericks.com/Hollywood_Dream_Lace_Halter_Corset/56023,default,pd.html?cgid=co1]Hollywood Dream Lace Halter Corset[/url])

When I showed up to the party, though, my friend just rolled his eyes at me, and told me I looked ridiculous! When I asked what he meant, he said I was TOO sexy! Then he pointed out some girl in a short skirt and tube top (so showing WAY more skin than me) and said THAT was how I was supposed to dress, and now I just looked like I was trying too hard.

I asked one of our mutual friends who was standing by if what my friend was saying was true, and he agreed! What the hell?? All you could see was my shoulders and some cleavage, and THAT'S somehow "trying too hard"?? Can anybody explain this?

It was the corset. If you had wore a tank top in the exact same shape you wouldn't have recieved those comments. It's not that you were showing skin or not showing skin it was what you were wearing the corset = trying to hard.

The girl showing more skin in the tube top was showing more skin but in casual clothes (ie the tube top) I suspect it wasn't lacy or racy like the corset you wore. That's what men can't explain.

Corsets = hella sexy... casual clothes are just that.

Next time don't go ALL OUT. Just get prettied up. I think you just over did it. Tight jeans, boots and a cute top will do...

^^ girl68 is correct.

Corset = Hot as hell, but at the same time I'd think man what’s wrong with her that she has to try so hard.

The chick in the tube top was casual, yet sexy at the same time.

She was trying without letting guys know she was actually trying.

Tight jeans that show off the ass are nice, but a short skirt is better.

A Tube top is not necessary. A tight shirt showing cleavage is better.

Make up done right not too much, if anything eye liner.

Oh and at a house party carrying a bottle around with a pourer and telling guys to kneel and take a shot from you wins mad sexy points.

It's not too sexy ( of course pics would be nice) :) j/k
See, it just appears that you're trying too hard for you to get noticed. Why? A short skirt accentuates nice looking legs. A tube top shows off her skin/belly/chest. They are simple pieces of clothing but effective.
But A corset? At a party setting? The answer will probably piss you off...But here it goes: You didn't "pull it off" which is why your friends felt you were trying too hard.

Not every outfit goes with every woman.

Personally I dig the outfit no matter the occasion but it could be seen as out of place when the people who are used to you: know you. This doesn't mean you won't attract some new guy.
In order to attract a guy you don't need to look like Megan Fox or dress like a porn star. All you really need is:

A captivating smile and a pair of eyes that call out to say you're open and approachable. <-----Those are the main things that push guys from asking women out. (when you appear closed off)

Except that whenever I go out in jeans and a tight shirt, that same friend says I'm not trying hard ENOUGH.

It kinda feels like I can't freaking win.

Woah, they've been showing me bad corsets up until now.

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Originally Posted by vertical_sky [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Except that whenever I go out in jeans and a tight shirt, that same friend says I'm not trying hard ENOUGH.

It kinda feels like I can't freaking win.

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This ^^ is the problem. What you say? YOUR FRIEND is the problem!

A girl in tight jeans and a tight shirt is perfectly adequate for going out/to a party.
It sounds like the clothes make the person become someone better (in his eyes) which is severely retarded thinking at play here.

Your location is Minnesota: end thread. I've heard about that place. :(
Come to California and you will have many men after you.

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Originally Posted by SelflessnHumble [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Your location is Minnesota: end thread. I've heard about that place. :(
Come to California and you will have many men after you.

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How is Minnesota the problem??

To wear this, you have to have the figure to pull it off. My fiancee happens to be totally into the steampunk/gothic/vampire look, so she wears this when we go out (without the kids). She is petite with natural D cups, so she looks AMAZING. She doesn't look slutty at all, because she accessorizes with classy shawl and nice long skirt. It depends on how you present it. Yes this is a very sexy look, and I think it takes confidence to be able to wear this.

The corset you showed in the link... It`s to wear in a bedroom, not outside, unless you`re a stripper or a prostitute. I also think you were trying too hard. You don`t have to dress up like a hooker to look sexy. Some jeans and a nice top plus high heels would make the deal. I think you somehow lack the sense of hmmm dressing up feminine ? It happens... Read some blogs and so about that stuff, it must be helpful.

But then again, if you`re goth or something , I don`t know how goth style can be sexy... I was never into it and I also can`t see the connection between gothic style and sexiness . But that`s me.

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Originally Posted by Petit Papillon [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The corset you showed in the link... It`s to wear in a bedroom, not outside, unless you`re a stripper or a prostitute. I also think you were trying too hard. You don`t have to dress up like a hooker to look sexy. Some jeans and a nice top plus high heels would make the deal. I think you somehow lack the sense of hmmm dressing up feminine ? It happens... Read some blogs and so about that stuff, it must be helpful.

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Except I wear jeans, a nice shirt and high heels, and that same friend then says I'm not trying at all!!

Maybe I was just born in the wrong era. I look ridiculous in most modern clothes, but I think I can pull off corsets like that (not too bad in togas either.)

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Originally Posted by vertical_sky [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

How is Minnesota the problem??

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You always base your opinion of yourself based on how the natives view you (stereotypically and superficially)
Since you asked: you posted a link about your appearance because you can't seem to land a date (when you're cute, smart and have a sense of humor) k?

Why can't you land a date? It's not your looks. It's the men you encounter (which derives from location) OR: You're projecting
your insecurities and low self confidence in yourself. It's not a mystery to me.

Now it seems this one annoying friend (who loves to make faces at you and make you feel MORE insecure) is part of the problem
of where you derive these feelings in the first place, see that?

If you surrounded yourself with better people: this shit would not happen.

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Originally Posted by vertical_sky [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Except I wear jeans, a nice shirt and high heels, and that same friend then says I'm not trying at all!!

Maybe I was just born in the wrong era. I look ridiculous in most modern clothes, but I think I can pull off corsets like that (not too bad in togas either.)

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It's not the era.

(1) It's your natural body shape that contours to the cuts you choose to wear.... and
(2) Wearing a corset unless you pwn it will yield, "you're trying too hard" because it didn't look right on you.

(which again is all based on our superficial instinct to say what is or isn't attractive) to begin with....see that?

Your perception is responsible for HOW you view yourself.
The question is....what molds and shapes your perception and 2nd, how can YOU affect this for the positive?

Here, this is me in it (except imagine I'm wearing jeans instead of the shirt/leggings thing):

[url=http://s9.photobucket.com/albums/a70/vertical_sky/Me/?action=view&current=RH2010_1.jpg]Me :: RH2010_1.jpg picture by vertical_sky - Photobucket[/url]

If you are going to wear something that looks like lingerie, wear an open fitted blouse over it with a shirt and a pair baby jane shoes. Corset, tight jeans and CFM boots spells hooker or like your firend said trying too hard. What you could do is go find a store that sells a variety of clothing and get those sales girls to dress you.....just ask for a sexy but soften feminie look. That is what they are there for and trained to do. You don't have to buy anything but they can give you an idea what to wear. Also pick up some fashion magazines for some ideas.

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Originally Posted by vertical_sky [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Here, this is me in it (except imagine I'm wearing jeans instead of the shirt/leggings thing):

[url=http://s9.photobucket.com/albums/a70/vertical_sky/Me/?action=view&current=RH2010_1.jpg]Me :: RH2010_1.jpg picture by vertical_sky - Photobucket[/url]

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Oh Geee it does look like a hooker outfit. I`m not insulting you for real, I also want to tell you that you have a great body shape, for real! You just lack the sense of a good taste ...I think if you`d study a bit blogs about clothes, it could help you. It`s hard for me to tell you exactly what you have to wear, but one thing you know already. T-don`t wear that again!!

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Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If you are going to wear something that looks like lingerie, wear an open fitted blouse over it with a shirt and a pair baby jane shoes. Corset, tight jeans and CFM boots spells hooker or like your firend said trying too hard. What you could do is go find a store that sells a variety of clothing and get those sales girls to dress you.....just ask for a sexy but soften feminie look. That is what they are there for and trained to do. You don't have to buy anything but they can give you an idea what to wear. Also pick up some fashion magazines for some ideas.

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Suppose you wouldn't believe that I tried that and flummoxed the sales girls? :-) If they find something that fits my stomach, it doesn't fit my boobs, and visa versa.

It just pisses me off that some other girl can march into a party wearing practically nothing (showing bare shoulders, cleavage and bare legs) but somehow I'M trying too hard.

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Originally Posted by Petit Papillon [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Oh Geee it does look like a hooker outfit. I`m not insulting you for real, I also want to tell you that you have a great body shape, for real! You just lack the sense of a good taste ...I think if you`d study a bit blogs about clothes, it could help you. It`s hard for me to tell you exactly what you have to wear, but one thing you know already. T-don`t wear that again!!

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Haha well THAT outfit, with the leggings and skirt was for Rocky Horror.... in which dressing like a prostitute is the point. I'd never ever wear the skirt/leggings/corset together for any other purpose.

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Originally Posted by vertical_sky [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Except I wear jeans, a nice shirt and high heels, and that same friend then says I'm not trying at all!!

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I demand pics. I have a feeling your version of jeans and top is a far cry from what men deems sexy in "jeans and top".

Sorry sweetie but that is trying way too hard. I'd like to see you in an outfit that is jeans, heels and a cute top.

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Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Sorry sweetie but that is trying way too hard. I'd like to see you in an outfit that is jeans, heels and a cute top.

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Why are women so critical????! She isn't showing much skin. It doesn't look trashy. It looks hip. Don't listen to the haters. You are your own self. If it's your style, own it.

If you want a guys respect and have them see you as GF material, you have to place some look of innocence mixed with a little bit of naughty into what you are wearing. Say if you wear a blouse, bear some cleavage in a lacey bra.

I see you like the goth thing, well if you are running with a goth crowd that's fine, but if you are just showing up at parties with the averge looking people you are going to look foolish. What is missing in your pic is dark make up and a choker necklace of a bat or somthing.

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Originally Posted by vertical_sky [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Here, this is me in it (except imagine I'm wearing jeans instead of the shirt/leggings thing):

[url=http://s9.photobucket.com/albums/a70/vertical_sky/Me/?action=view&current=RH2010_1.jpg]Me :: RH2010_1.jpg picture by vertical_sky - Photobucket[/url]

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It's hard to imagine a corset with jeans.
Love the boots, love the corset, don't like the stockings.

Your hair in that pic looks pretty thinned out for some reason. (not judging mind you)
I think you're pretty + cute for sure. A smile would go a long way (which wasn't present in the pic) :)


Pic #11 looks better, but your hair style doesn't seem to go with you.
Thanks for posting that. I don't think the corset was trying too hard now. It looks good on you.
But with jeans almost says, I want to go all out, um, with jeans. To me it's odd.

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Originally Posted by vertical_sky [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Suppose you wouldn't believe that I tried that and flummoxed the sales girls? :-) If they find something that fits my stomach, it doesn't fit my boobs, and visa versa.

It just pisses me off that some other girl can march into a party wearing practically nothing (showing bare shoulders, cleavage and bare legs) but somehow I'M trying too hard.

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Are you still complaining about what ONE dude says (and maybe one other dude) ???? Why did you ask us then if you're still hung up on what
this prick told you? oi vay iz mier!

The answer to your question: they find the other girl in question more attractive. I'm willing to bet they don't know her either which
heightens the appeal since they already know you. I think you've got major issues you need sorting before ANY guy would dare walk overt to you based
on how little you value your individuality/stylistic originality. Bummer.

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Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Sorry sweetie but that is trying way too hard. I'd like to see you in an outfit that is jeans, heels and a cute top.

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No, it isn't. A woman's (or man's) confidence is what makes them pwn an outfit as opposed to lumping her into a stereotype such as "she's trying too hard" so she must be desperate?

It's so frustrating to hear the same old, tired arse negativity from such a sweet girl given her potential to be so much more than she sees. :(

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Originally Posted by Kaius [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Why are women so critical????! She isn't showing much skin. It doesn't look trashy.

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Dude if you read better I no where state that she's showing too much skin nor to I say she looks trashy. I said it looked like she trying to hard, which doesn't equate to slutty, trashy or whatever.

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Originally Posted by vertical_sky [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Suppose you wouldn't believe that I tried that and flummoxed the sales girls? :-) If they find something that fits my stomach, it doesn't fit my boobs, and visa versa.

It just pisses me off that some other girl can march into a party wearing practically nothing (showing bare shoulders, cleavage and bare legs) but somehow I'M trying too hard.

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It's not about how much is showing but how they are pulling it off. Don't give up on your search. Try going to those small boutiques that have very different styles...you might find something that is just you.

What the heck? Corsets are UNDERWEAR! My younger sister goes out dressed like that, and the rest of the girls in the family call her "white trash barbie".

Place and time, verticalsky.

That's lingerie for **** sake! Yoou can't go to a party in ****ing lingerie. . . And sure you looked sexy as **** and every single man in the room wanted to have sex with you, but you've gotta admit that going to a party in lingerie is kind of strange. . .

I'm really in to steam punk too. XD LOVE IT.

But I don't see how that corset said steam punk, or even proper house party wear. That is lingerie. Here's a tip: If the model is in her underwear while wearing it, or there's a bed in the background, DON'T WEAR IT OUT IN PUBLIC. It DID look a little slutty. Maybe you could have worn a tastefully done mini dress, or a mini skirt with a corset that didn't scream, I"M LOOKING FOR MENZ TONIGHTZ.
That being said, I think your friend is just being a major ass.
You're a very attractive woman, and you don't have to go all out slut to get attention.


And also, I don't see how mini skirt + tube top = not trying too hard. If anything, she's trying WAY too hard.
And I like the black dress you're wearing in your picture. I would totally wear that out on a friday night.

Also........
Whose the guy kissing you on the cheek? He's gorgeous. :p

But anyway after looking at your pictures I'd say you look really sexy anyway. . . I mean honestly you'd be the sort of girlfriend I'd brag about, so why wear corsets and lingerie. . . You'd look sexy even if you were standing next to Heidi Klum. . .