guys and forgiveness...

as what i've said on my first post... my bf asked for a time off because he got really fed up with me... he's a very patient guy and thats what he has been since we started... but i know that i really pushed him to the limit... even though he says okay whenever i say sorry.. i know that he is still pissed off with me.. he still talks to me though but seems like as of now, he doesn't want to entertain thoughts, any thoughts about US... he said he needs time.. he doesn't want to think about us yet... but he keeps saying that he knows in time, everything will be ok... and he's not closing our book yet.. just that not now...

i just want to know how long will it take for a guy to cool down and to give forgiveness.. i know he still loves me... if i didn't argue with him that day, we wouldn't be in this situation.. my bf loves me so much and he proved that a lot of times... but right now, i know that he doesn't feel the same anymore bec of what happened.. bec of how fed up he is with me... and i just really want to know guys when it comes to situation like this..

any thoughts?

Men can only take so much bullshit. Be careful that you've not pushed him too far.

Like old lovers, we forgive but we never forget. ;)

I was in a situation like this. He needed time off because of all the fights I started.

So, we broke up ( sorta) abnf for months I begged him to take me back. One day I decided "**** it" and I stopped calling. Two weeks later, he wanted me back. ( I said too bad)

Som the only real way I can answer is to give him the time he wants. Back off. Take a breather and leave him alone. hounding him wont bring him back. Time will.

yes your best shot is to leave him to it for a while..wait 4 days and dont even call, send a kind text saying something unselfish like ' I hope yoy're having a good week, thinking about you...'

good luck

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Originally Posted by sookie6 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

yes your best shot is to leave him to it for a while..wait 4 days and dont even call, send a kind text saying something unselfish like ' I hope yoy're having a good week, thinking about you...'

good luck

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well i tried doing that.. tried to ignore him for days... but every weekend, i always find myself wanting to call him/talk to him.. its been 3 weeks and all i did was call him and beg him to come back... and i realized that i was wrong in doing that... so yeah, i think best way is to leave him for a while, but send unselfish msgs like that one.. thanks so much!!

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Originally Posted by Corgan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I was in a situation like this. He needed time off because of all the fights I started.

So, we broke up ( sorta) abnf for months I begged him to take me back. One day I decided "**** it" and I stopped calling. Two weeks later, he wanted me back. ( I said too bad)

Som the only real way I can answer is to give him the time he wants. Back off. Take a breather and leave him alone. hounding him wont bring him back. Time will.

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when you were in this situation, did he really get fed up at you.. coz he did at me.. he talks to me though but i know he got really pissed.. he tells me he misses me and he loves me and he is still open bout us being together again.. but he's not thinking about it right now bec he's still mad at me... and yeah for the past weeks all i did was beg him.. thanks for the advice... yeah.. time is what we really need...

90% of the time...when a guy says he needs time off, its pretty much over completely! Just giving you a heads up that you might not want to hold your breath.

I agree with surfhb to be honest.. I have never been with a man, that i KNOW that wants to be with me, and him asking for time off. Never. The only time a man has asked for time off is when he has wanted to end it, but not hurt or upset me.

Best thing to do here is take a breather, leave him alone and maybe once a week send an unselfish message like stated before. If he comes back, awesome. Turn yourself around, dont repeat the same mistakes. If he doesnt, dont worry. There are plenty of other potential partners to be discovered and remember!! Dont repeat these mistakes.. Learn from them and grow. All the best :) x

Hmm... tough one.

We men usually don't hold a grudge for that long. There's the odd exception of course, but in general we don't stay mad for more than a couple of days, unless you slept with someone on the side, in which case we'll stay mad forever. So I think something else is going on. If he says he still loves you, that's a good sign, but you're not clear of the woods.

So what might be going on is that each time you see each other or speak over the phone, you somehow remind him what happened; you prove him you haven't changed. Maybe because of the begging, maybe from whatever conversation you have.

Do you meet casually, by accident sometime, or do you have to call him or visit him each time you guys speak to each other? If you meet casually, you should try not to bring up your relationship, and certainly not your issue at all. Just be friendly. After that happened once or twice, you could invite him for a new date. Not picking up where you left off, but start anew. Go through the motions. Cook him a meal or invite him for a drink or something. Do not bring up the issue. Do not try to prove him you are all fixed now. Just start flirting again and start a new relationship. He needs that nudge to get back together.

When he brings up the issue, quickly agree with him that it was wrong, let him have the last word (always a good idea once in a while) and keep it short. Prove him that you're not paranoid anymore by not talking about it.

If you don't meet casually, it's a bit harder. An idea is to call him and tell him you've got two tickets to some event (movie or sport thing or whatever) that you don't want let go to waste. (I generally don't like manipulations of this sort, but you need an excuse other than making up to get together). And then act like I wrote above. Flirt, don't talk about the issue unless he brings it up. Don't argue but agree with him and get on with it.


Good luck,

J.

J, thanks for the advice... really appreciate it..

well like what i've said before... he's a very patient guy, but once he feels like he's being pushed to the limit.. that's the time he says its over... the same situation happened to him before and he ended the relationship right away.. he told me once (when we're still together) that if ever he get fed up.. he's not gonna end it yet, but will need some time off.. which is obviously what he did now.. the fact that he told me that he still loves me, and nothings changed, and he knows that there are changes but he also know that in time, we're gonna be ok is what keeping my hopes up... when he told me last weekend that he's open in the possibility that we will be together again and he's not closing our book yet made me think, that time and space is all he needs..

we work for the same company though i've been trying to avoid him.. and i guess ur right..coz whenever we talk and i bring up our current situation.. he gets pretty irritated.. whenever we talk casually, thats the time he tells me that he still loves me and he misses me... but when i start asking him about being together again, thats wheh he gets cold.. and i guess i just really need to give him some time off.. coz feels like whenever he sees something about US makes him remember our last fight.. he told me once to just give him time and just wait for him to reach out... just that i miss him so much... but i know i should let him have this one.. after all that he did to me.. he deserves this one...

thanks for the advice J, really hope this will work.. anyways, im planning to bring him something on our 10th month.. his favorites... do you think its a good idea? im just gonna drop by to give it.. not really planning to stay there and talk..

thanks again!

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Originally Posted by xvi [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

he told me once to just give him time and just wait for him to reach out...(...)
anyways, im planning to bring him something on our 10th month.. his favorites... do you think its a good idea? im just gonna drop by to give it.. not really planning to stay there and talk..

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This is hard to gauge from across an ocean and an internet connection. I don't know your guy and I can't estimate how much time is enough. In how many days is your 10th month? (Sorry, but I have to laugh a bit writing this. Sounds like you're going to give birth to a horse).

In French they say "L'amour d'un homme passe par son estomac". (Love of a man goes through his stomach, don't pronounce the 'c' of estomac if you plan to use this line sometime). There is some truth in there.

Let's say that if you casually meet him two or three times on different days without discussing your relationship before you bring him some goodies, I think you should go for it. But if it's tomorrow, he'll see it as more pressure to get back.

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Originally Posted by Jolicoeur [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

This is hard to gauge from across an ocean and an internet connection. I don't know your guy and I can't estimate how much time is enough. In how many days is your 10th month? (Sorry, but I have to laugh a bit writing this. Sounds like you're going to give birth to a horse).

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LOL thats how cheesy we were... :D its gonna be a week from now...

Gestation period of horses is a bit over 11 months, so when you said you were in your 10th month... never mind. It's a bad joke. I don't think you're cheesy for showing affection.

If he doesn't get stressed by a conversation about getting back together or past events this coming week, then I think it's ok to bring him the peace offer. But he has to be the one who initiates the rekindling. He made that clear. Show you care for him, but don't talk about getting back yet.

A word about jalousy: I understand your feelings. And I don't know about the situations that made you upset. Maybe you had your reasons. But look at it from his perspective. If you have no real grounds to suspect him of cheating, acting jalously can be quite insulting. It can be cute when you pout a bit about it. But it is definitely annoying to get up in his face when he didn't do anything wrong. Keep that in mind next time you feel a bit jalous.

well we havent seen each other since we talked last sunday.. havent crossed paths with him.. i dont really have any intention of starting a conversation about us.. im thinking of just dropping by to give him my peace offer, say hi to his mom then leave.. its more of just reminding him that i remember and i still care...

about me being jealousy and paranoid.. i know twas my mistake.. too bad that i realized it too late.. wouldnt have realized it if this didnt happen though.. yes he's been loyal and faithful.. i was really stupid to still suspect him of something he aint doing.. whenever i think about the things he did to me.. im starting to realize his efforts, how he followed everything i said... thats pretty much the reason why he's enjoying his freedom right now.. those were the things he wasnt able to do when we were together.. he did everything i told him to do.. its like i dictated how he's gonna live his life when were still together so thats prolly why he's happy with his state right now and i cant blame him for that... i understand him and i know he deserves what ever he's doing right now...

i think im on the state where i accepted that he really needs this time off and i should give it to him.. i should back off and stop begging him to take me back..

thanks J for the continous replies in this thread :) advice is so much appreciated... thanks!

You deserve to be together. I really hope this works out.

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Originally Posted by Jolicoeur [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You deserve to be together. I really hope this works out.

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i hope and pray the same thing... thanks so much J.. i'll keep you posted LOL :D

i did it... i went to his home to give him my 'peace offer'

and....

its more than a month now...

we talked earlier and he ended it... no more time off... its over... he said he's happy with whats happening in his life right now and he want to stay this way...

i know i'll be okay in time...

No surprise - when a guy says he wants a break that's a way of trying to nicely say IT IS OVER.

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Originally Posted by Jolicoeur [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Gestation period of horses is a bit over 11 months, so when you said you were in your 10th month... never mind. It's a bad joke. I don't think you're cheesy for showing affection.

If he doesn't get stressed by a conversation about getting back together or past events this coming week, then I think it's ok to bring him the peace offer. But he has to be the one who initiates the rekindling. He made that clear. Show you care for him, but don't talk about getting back yet.

A word about jalousy: I understand your feelings. And I don't know about the situations that made you upset. Maybe you had your reasons. But look at it from his perspective. If you have no real grounds to suspect him of cheating, acting jalously can be quite insulting. It can be cute when you pout a bit about it. But it is definitely annoying to get up in his face when he didn't do anything wrong. Keep that in mind next time you feel a bit jalous.

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There's absolutely nothing cute about jealousy, pouting or not. It's bred of insecurity, and it's ugly.

It's also just about the stupidest thing you can do to somebody you care about that ISN'T cheating. You are in effect telling them over and over again that you don't trust them.

Here's something to think about - many many years ago, I had a GF that constantly accused me of cheating on her - I wasn't. I spent a LOT of time in trouble for imagined slights and transgressions due to her jealousy... And one day I had enough. Broke up with her. She begged to have me back, I went back, got more of the same shit and left again... begged me to come back again, promised that she'd not do it again. Of course, she DID do it again, and by this time I sort of figured that if I was already in trouble for cheating, that I might as well go ahead and cheat. I did. Banged the crap outta her best friend.

Then I broke up with her.

Really want to go there?

i wouldnt take time off from a relationship unless i'm tired of putting effort into it. unless i'm tired of fighting, especially if they are about the same problems. my gf doesn't think very logically. sometimes i feel like i can read her mind. other times, i have no idea what the hell she is thinking.

if i wanted to explore other options, i would just end it forever. if u want him back, maybe you should take the time off to evaluate yourself, and why he wants time off. what have you done to push him to the limit? are you willing to change?