Very odd situation.

Hello all.

So, just to continue my habit of getting into really unusual situations.. here's another one.

I went on a date with this woman that was actually really fantastic. She's very bright and clever, quite attractive, and was shy in a rather cute way. Sounds normal enough, huh?

Oh, right, she's married. But her husband knows and approves of her dating. It's not a cuckold or threesome thing, but apparently he has a very low sex drive and the physicality of their relationship has died.. plus he works constantly so she gets stuck in with their kid and misses having adventure in her life. They apparently talked about it and decided she could have a boyfriend to fill her adventurous and sexual needs without anything that threatens their emotional ties.

It's a rather strange concept but I'm kind of curious about it. Basically it'd be a FWB that I wouldn't have to worry about becoming more than that.

What do you all think of this situation? I am not, and never will be, okay or involve myself with cheating. This is explicitly her husband okaying her to get a boyfriend for dates and sex.

I'm somewhat wary of it but at the same time, intensely curious.

If this is true, it's not cheating. the only thing I would worry about is YOU becoming emotionally invested in a woman who is ultimately unavailable.

Well, I worry about her kid finding out about this, too. She would SO not win the mother of the year award.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If this is true, it's not cheating. the only thing I would worry about is YOU becoming emotionally invested in a woman who is ultimately unavailable.

Well, I worry about her kid finding out about this, too. She would SO not win the mother of the year award.

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Her kid is only 10 months old. :P And I dunno, does it make her a bad mother if she's trying to preserve a marriage by seeking out what she's missing, with permission, rather than break up a family?

Eh. I've never had a problem keeping myself emotionally distanced going into relationships where I knew it wasn't viable. I've had a number of FWBs and such before, but they usually ended because the woman got attached to me whereas I had put that out of the equation.

10 months?

Jeez, I can't imagine being interested in FWBs with a little baby to care for.

I don't think this is a good sign.

wtf... her husband lets her date you? wtf>?

Wow Wasabi!

She's married....low sex drive....with a 10 month old baby! You sure know how to pick the ladies. Im not sure whos dumber? You, her or her husband?

My guess is the husband is cheating on her as well... that's why low sex drive, etc. I totally don't get the point of that, and I would not get involved if I was looking for any sort of serious relationship.

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Originally Posted by surfhb [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Wow Wasabi!

She's married....low sex drive....with a 10 month old baby! You sure know how to pick the ladies. Im not sure whos dumber? You, her or her husband?

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He has a low sex drive. Maybe you should go study English above a 5th grade level before you call someone dumb.

Are you not interested in a healthy partnership w/an available woman, Wasabi? Everything you do has fallout. Even if you manage to keep yourself from being shredded in this situation, you might put a future relationship at risk. Personally, I would never take seriously a man who had a history of getting involved with a married woman. I'd have serious concerns about his morals. AND his intellect for getting involved in a mess like this in the first place.

Just saying.

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Originally Posted by Gratedwasabi [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He has a low sex drive. Maybe you should go study English above a 5th grade level before you call someone dumb.

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Hey, it sounds dumb to me too Wasabi. I definitely have more than a 5th grade education.

Oops..... my mistake. But I'll stick with the original question. Seriously Bro? Is this sexy or exciting to you? You asked for our opinions and you have mine. Just get a hooker

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Originally Posted by surfhb [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Oops..... my mistake. But I'll stick with the original question. Seriously Bro? Is this sexy or exciting to you? You asked for our opinions and you have mine. Just get a hooker

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A hooker? That's your advice?

Like I said, I was curious for input. I haven't done anything and I'm not sure I will. Mainly I was posing the situation to see how people felt it was morally and logically. I'm not dumb and frankly, it's pathetic for anyone to throw that towards me for posing a question.

When the divorce rate in the US is over 40% and who knows what percentage on top of that cheats, I am curious whether the approach to discuss and find a solution to something lacking, even if that's the taboo subject of approaching sex with someone else, isn't progressively minded. If she's going to divorce a guy that is a good parent and that she has everything else except sex with, and he's not bothered by the prospect of her looking elsewhere for that, is it so wrong to seek an alternative solution that keeps parents together?

Apparently it's a bit too racy of a topic for some of you and I'm not sure if it's something I will involve myself in, but the idea behind it is intriguing.

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Originally Posted by Gratedwasabi [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

A hooker? That's your advice?

Like I said, I was curious for input. I haven't done anything and I'm not sure I will. Mainly I was posing the situation to see how people felt it was morally and logically. I'm not dumb and frankly, it's pathetic for anyone to throw that towards me for posing a question.

When the divorce rate in the US is over 40% and who knows what percentage on top of that cheats, I am curious whether the approach to discuss and find a solution to something lacking, even if that's the taboo subject of approaching sex with someone else, isn't progressively minded. If she's going to divorce a guy that is a good parent and that she has everything else except sex with, and he's not bothered by the prospect of her looking elsewhere for that, is it so wrong to seek an alternative solution that keeps parents together?

Apparently it's a bit too racy of a topic for some of you and I'm not sure if it's something I will involve myself in, but the idea behind it is intriguing.

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Yawn. This is not a new concept. If you are seriously contemplating this, look into Heinlein's idea of Line Marriages. LOL.

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yawn. This is not a new concept. If you are seriously contemplating this, look into Heinlein's idea of Line Marriages. LOL.

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Actually not at all what she's looking for. She wants sex but not a deep emotional connection.

If you're bored by it, feel free to **** off and not post in my thread. :D

So you say. But you seem to not understand how women are wired.

You are just offended b/c I agreed with the fellow who says its a dumb idea. Deal with it. :)

I think if she were older, and the kid was MUCH older, this may have been an alternative worth exploring. She sounds too young to be experimenting with this sort of thing, and I don't think it bodes well for her family stability. I'd avoid it, darling. Things are going to get crazy over there.

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She wants sex but not a deep emotional connection.

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Why didn't you just say that in the beginning? You just asked us what we thought. Yeah....bang her silly if you'd like. Personally, Id run for the hills !! Never Fucck with a married women

i think it is a dumb idea too. who told you her husband was ok with it ? her ?

what happens if her husband shows up with a shotgun one day while you're going at it ? :D

Apologies for the rudeness.. I just get really annoyed by people replying or hurling insults towards people they don't have a clue about.

I was asking about a situation that I'm not entirely comfortable with and not sure whether I should or should not be. Maybe some people are born with perfect black and white views of the world or the ability to remain completely rational, while determining what IS perfectly rational, when evaluating relationships and sex. I, however, do not and am not. I do not believe that makes me dumb, lacking of intellect or not morally sound, however and I do not believe anyone has a right to judge that of me based on a posed question about an unusual situation over an internet forum.

I think you're asking for trouble and you will get it if you go ahead with this. Dumb or genius or anything in between, doesn't matter.

If I were you I would buy her a vibrator as a goodbye present, wish her best of luck and would get on with my life.

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Originally Posted by Gratedwasabi [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Apologies for the rudeness.. I just get really annoyed by people replying or hurling insults towards people they don't have a clue about.

I was asking about a situation that I'm not entirely comfortable with and not sure whether I should or should not be. Maybe some people are born with perfect black and white views of the world or the ability to remain completely rational, while determining what IS perfectly rational, when evaluating relationships and sex. I, however, do not and am not. I do not believe that makes me dumb, lacking of intellect or not morally sound, however and I do not believe anyone has a right to judge that of me based on a posed question about an unusual situation over an internet forum.

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Make a distinction b/t those who are saying its a dumb *idea* and those who have called *you* dumb. You received both types of response and they are not the same. The fact you are equating the two is your problem/insecurity, not ours.

You're basically talking about a form of swinging. That's not so terribly unusual; millions of couples around the world swing and are perfectly happy doing it, but you never hear much about them for reasons which, after reading your replies so far, should now be obvious to you. The question is whether you're happy with it, or comfortable with it. And whether, if you are, you're prepared to deal with the moral condemnation you will likely receive if people find out, just as you are being condemned in this thread.

Lots of swingers have families, and just like regular couples, they don't discuss their sex lives with their children. So that, in my mind, is hardly an issue. The question of whether it is good or not in general for her family is something for her and her husband to discuss and come to their own conclusions about, which they apparently have. It's not really any of your business to worry about. It may be wise for you to meet the husband first, to confirm that the sex with the wife is OK.

The "ZOMG you screwed with someone's wife" business is also immaterial, except to the extent that you will be condemned for it by others. Since she has permission, it is not cheating. Couples get to decide what their own boundaries are, and what their relationship gets to be.

So the answer as to whether you should do this or not rests solely within you. Is this something that will bring joy and happiness into your life? Is this something that will hurt you, or people you care about? Is this something you're willing to take responsibility for later? Is this something that falls within your moral code? These are questions that only you can answer.

Agreed^. Which is why I mentioned that you may have to pay for this later if you meet a woman who finds your morals questionable for having done this. There is more to consider than just this relationship.

Still, I agree w/Vashti about the age of the child affecting the status of the marriage and an indication of the likely maturity of the woman.

Good luck.

If you're comfortable with the idea and can stay emotionally unattached, then go for it. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Her age and the age of her children don't render her incapable of wanting sex. Her maturity is somewhat irrelevant because you're (hopefully) not trying to form a healthy relationship with her. It's just sex. Whatever.

If this situation suits you and her, then why not? As has been said she isn't cheating if she has her husband's permission, whilst this may not sit right with some peoples morals it will with others.

So if it suits you then go for it, obviously if this relationship gets out into the wider domain then it could cause problems for her and her family.

This is very interesting wasabi. I'm hoping to end up in a somewhat similar situation myself. I've been chatting online with this one woman who lives in a "polyamorous" marriage. I had never heard of polyamory before but it basically means that I wouldn't be limited to FWB. I could potentially be a full on boyfriend though I'm jumping a bit ahead of myself here. She seems very friendly but I don't know yet if she's interested in anything more than being friends.

Good luck with your odd situation :) I hope it works out great!

She is not cheating you, she said clear cut that due some problems between she and her husband, she is allowed to date and have physical relationship with anyone. Do not think that she might one day will be committed to you that is not possible. She is allowed to do everything only on the condition that their family life will not be effected. It's very clear that she will be with but cannot commit herself. So you have to control your emotions if you want to be with her.