Help me i'm obsessed with the thought that my girl is not a virgin

I'm an Asian and in general we consider a girl's virginity really important, we used to think of it as the most important factor of a girl and if she loses it then she's kind of a slu*. I know it's 21st century and hardly a girl is a virgin and I always say that it's ok if my gf is not a virgin but now I 'm facing it. I'm 19 and i'm a virgin. I really don't want to lose my virgin with some kind of escort or so, therefore I don't do anything stupid. I'm with a girl now and when we tried to do it, I can't because It's no so easy at first. She told me she was a virgin but now I know she's not. She seems very normal and ok that she's not a virgin. I don't know why I feel that it's terrible although I always keep st in my mind that virginity is not that important and if I leave her, it means I don't love her. I have thought so much about it. Plz help me to get over it :(. Any tips guy. I know some of u have been in this situation

Ok, as simple as this, find a virgin girl, I would laugh if you are not virgin and is asking her to be virgin, but you are, and it's the most important to yiu, find someone else and ask her first if she's a virgin before you get to a relationship. Be sure that you won't regret it.

Get over it. There, did that help?

I'm a 24 year old virgin so it'll be even harder for me to find a virgin, but you know what? I don't give a ****. There's nothing valuable about virginity.

On another note, how do you know she isn't a virgin despite she told you so?

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Originally Posted by Cinnabella [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Ok, as simple as this, find a virgin girl, I would laugh if you are not virgin and is asking her to be virgin, but you are, and it's the most important to yiu, find someone else and ask her first if she's a virgin before you get to a relationship. Be sure that you won't regret it.

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Well but i'm kind of love her and I think it's bad and not reason enough to break up with a girl just because she is not a virgin. But i'm very confused now because I can't help thinking of it. And should I tell her how i feel ? It would ruin our feeling

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Originally Posted by Yet another guy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Get over it. There, did that help?

I'm a 24 year old virgin so it'll be even harder for me to find a virgin, but you know what? I don't give a ****. There's nothing valuable about virginity.

On another note, how do you know she isn't a virgin despite she told you so?

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I'm Asian u know. I saw how she reacted, what she did, which made me think she was not a virgin. However she told me she was and I believed if 4 a while but now she told me the truth

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Originally Posted by elves235 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm Asian u know. I saw how she reacted, what she did, which made me think she was not a virgin. However she told me she was and I believed if 4 a while but now she told me the truth

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Asians can do that? Cool :D
I would be more worried about her lying about it rather than about the lack of virginity.

Fact: she's not a virgin.
It's happened. Now what is more important to you, having her in your life or a virgin girl? You can't have both. Make your choice.

I love her but I keep thinking of it. How can I get rid of those stupid thought ? :(

Maybe you should have sex with her. Then neither of you is a virgin.

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Originally Posted by elves235 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I love her but I keep thinking of it. How can I get rid of those stupid thought ? :(

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Either find another girl who is or wait until you are more mature and are able to control your obsessive thoughts.

the thought was created by a bullshit society. I think we put too much pressure on stuff like this. you are 19. I lost my virginity to a girl who was a virgin, it was a beautiful thing.... then we broke up and had sex with other people. i think you are stressing more about your virginity as an insecurity at this point and blaming your culture. Just tell the girl whats up and who knows, she may get excited that she can show you a thing or two.

and she's not a whore/escort just because she had sex...

Relax

You have three choices:

1. Get over this unhealthy obsession with her past.

2. Break up with her, because you can't get over your obsession with her past.

3. Invent a time travel machine, go back in time, and defend her virginity. And while you're at it, pick the winning lottery ticket number so you will be rich.

I lost my virginity with another virgin, and it was awkward, messy and not that enjoyable. I can't imagine going through that again, and I would have been happier with a woman who had some experience.

Bull shit social would tell you that men can have sex before married but women must be virgin. Can anything more ridiculous? And also the fact that those guys would love to see his wife/ gf in pain and enjoy that, humanity?

You better get rid of those thoughts or leave her alone as a favourite.

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Originally Posted by elves235 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

How can I get rid of those stupid thought ? :(

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Think of something else. Simple.

It's not a big deal, so don't make a big deal of it.

If she is special to you try this:

Ask yourself would you be happy without her? If the answer is no, then you will have to work on your obsession. Its lazy to just keep going "there" in your mind and be upset.
A more disciplined approach would be once you have the thought, to say "This thought is silly and its affecting my happiness, push that thought aside and think of something healthy or happy, and if I don't I will most probably lose her" Every time you have that obsessive thought say those words. Its like working out with weights. It will be a drag to say that over and over, but it will be better than the obsessive thought, and you will eventually get over it. Don't ask a girl about her past ever again by the way. You can't handle it (neither can I :))

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Originally Posted by maxmax [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Think of something else. Simple.

It's not a big deal, so don't make a big deal of it.

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The problem is that he's obsessing in his head from this social that she should be virgin! And it's from when he was a kid.

You either accept it, or you can't do it, it's like a rule to you, it rules you.

Oh btw most Asians don't care if their partner is a virgin or not. I can tell you that from 3 years of living in Asia. Maybe it's where you come from. You're 19, very young. When you grow older you'll realise that the whole virginity thing isn't really that important. What's really important is, do you love her? Does she love you? Loving someone means loving them for who they are. She's not a virgin. That's who she is.

The issue at this point doesn't seem to be about the virginity or lack of it. It seems that the problem now is the obsession over the thoughts. And frankly, we on a web forum are not going to be able to help you too much with that. In fact, by asking the question on here and reading the responses, it just gives you more to think about. Which is what I am sure is the thing you would least like to do. The obsession with these thoughts will also hurt your "performance" with her, if you try again.
I would actually suggest going to see a counsellor or therapist. Talk it through with them. They may have some techniques you can use to try to alleviate this obsessional thinking.

Good luck.

WHen I decided to get over these thought, I did and she broke up with me. Funny right ? She said She used to think i'm a friend of her and she couldn't change it. She said sorry and broke up with me. I think i will move to broken heart section