Dating a single mom - advice needed

My rap sheet - financially secure, educated, divorced 3x, yep 3x! I'm an engineer. Met a beautiful female scientist who works near me. She motivated me to move out of my condo from my soon to be ex (very amicable divorce). The ex and I were short selling anyway and saving money. Both of us were already dating. Divorce is final soon and we have no lawyers or kids between us.

Anyway, after a bunch of first dates, I meet this scientist. A widow and single mother. Her parents, from China, are living with her and helping her raise her 10 year old daughter.

She is very interested in me and was very happy that I moved out to get my own place finally. Classy woman who refused to sleep with me until I 'moved out' and rightly so.

She has made it clear that she's busy with raising her daughter and having a very successful career. She is secure and doesn't 'need me' but admits it would be nice to have a partner to help raise her daughter.

Honestly, I have 2 grown sons myself and was there for at least 12 years of their childhood fulltime, so I know the stress it can be.

I showered her with attention and took her out for her birthday. She was very thankful and wanted to be exclusive. I told her I was happy with that and that I wouldn't mind being a father to her child (after meeting her of course, lol).

Here's the thing...we only see each other once or twice at week, with only a 2 -5 hour window of time. 3 months dating total.

The intimacy, to put it bluntly, is awkward for me and I couldn't perform, lol, because of the pressure of time constraints.

I understand her concerns about getting to know me and making sure we're compatible, but...can you really know someone well based on our level of contact? 2 dates max a week? 2-5 hours each?

I'm not being a jerk, I really just want to understand if I'm being to clingy or needy? I kind of feel like when a woman asks a guy to be exclusive, she should also expect to provide the guy some attention? Not necessarily in person mind you, just emalls or texts?

I know she's very concerned about her behavior being noticed by her observant daughter and is very cautious about texting in front of her.

Anyway, I'd appreciate some help understanding how to form a meaningful relationshiop based on this amount of contact? I mean, dinner dates and quick sex? I just don't know how to grow like that?

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Originally Posted by BloodyWreck [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I know she's very concerned about her behavior being noticed by her observant daughter and is very cautious about texting in front of her.

Anyway, I'd appreciate some help understanding how to form a meaningful relationshiop based on this amount of contact? I mean, dinner dates and quick sex? I just don't know how to grow like that?

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I don't understand... she's hiding you from her daughter? What texts is she "cautious" about? Do you guys talk on the phone? Spend any other time in contact?

I'm seeing some potentially huge red flags here.

Bingo! Exactly...we have never 'spoken' on the phone. I kind of feel like our 'exclusive relationship' exists only during the date itself. Does that make sense?

I'm trying to figure out if I should be exclusive with this limited contact? Text only? No email contact even? The texting is sporadic and she makes me feel like a 'drama king' for texting too much.

I'm ok being her FWB, but am I really being clingy in this 'exclusive relationship'? Thanks for responding btw.

Any texting is not in view of the daughter. Period.

If it were me, I'd tell her that I'm not comfortable being exclusive on such a basis. She's getting what she wants, but she's keeping you from possibly finding a more serious relationship... basically you're a booty call, but you can't date anyone else.

I'm wondering why she's keeping you from her daughter... abusive ex that she doesn't want to know about you, perhaps? Weird.

After only 3 months of dating, she would be foolish to introduce you to her daughter. That is something she should only do if she feels it likely she will marry you. Single women should be protective about their children - not dragging every Tom Dick and Harry she dates through the house.

She wants exclusivity because she wants "safe" sex, and she likes you.

What exactly are you expecting out of such a short-term relationship?

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

After only 3 months of dating, she would be foolish to introduce you to her daughter. That is something she should only do if she feels it likely she will marry you. Single women should be protective about their children - not dragging every Tom Dick and Harry she dates through the house.

She wants exclusivity because she wants "safe" sex, and she likes you.

What exactly are you expecting out of such a short-term relationship?

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True, but the issue isn't introducing him to her daughter, but not allowing the daughter to know he exists... not even texting/emailing or talking on the phone with him. That's disturbing, and would send up huge red flags. She's only meeting him for dinner/sex every few weeks. How the hell does he know she's not hiding a husband at home?

No, that's once or twice a WEEK.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

No, that's once or twice a WEEK.

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Ooops, misread that.

I dunno, something still seems a little... off.

Is she in this for the booty call or is she into me?

I sense both, but I'm not comfortable being exclusive if I'm just the booty call guy. If, however, I sense you see me as long term potential, then I'm willing to be patient with our time constraints.

This is all new to me..dating a single mother. I totall respect the children come first. Absolutely. 2 months of dating, almost a month of exclusive.

At first I felt like the booty call guy, which is funny, ok, but it felt good to be told that I'm a guy she is serious about too. I must be a poor booty call guy though....of the 3x we 'did it', I couldn't peform twice because of 'time constraints'.

As a single mother...with this amount of contact (2 dates a week & maybe 3 texts a day)...how will you know if the guy is right to introduce to your children?

Appreciate the responses and any input here!

Yeah, I could also be a 'dog' and lie about being exclusive, but I'm trying to make this a real relationship in lieu of our limiting contact.

twice is a week is more than enough for a working mom

How will she know when it's ok to introduce me to her family? At least then she won't have to hide the communication between us. I'm just trying to figure out how you know I'm the right guy with these dates and no phone calls? After I've performed in bed? Sorry if that was blunt but if I'm nice, sweet and don't lose my temper, what are you looking for in a guy after 3 months of dating before you introduce me to your child? What 'tests' or situations or traits are you still wanting to see me 'exhibit' before you take that step?

propose to her

LOL, I've already given her earrings and offered her $25K towards a downpayment on a house. Really. My divorce is final in November. If she's waiting on that, she should just say so. I'm in my own place. I've courted her. Bought her gifts and expressed an interest in meeting her child. I have 3-4 days off a week and honestly, being exlusive is ok if I get the attention I need too (i.e. texts, calls, emails, etc.) I really think she thinks the sex is keeping me around. Sadly, it is not and I will tell her that. I honestly like the idea of settling down and spending my time off helping her and getting to know her daughter better. I've told her that I am open to marriage but after 2 years minimum (I feel embarrassed marrying sooner). I have no problem living together or financially investing in this 'exclusive relationship'

I kind of feel like this is exactly why nice guys become players. Honest and nice equals drama, clingy and needy. Play hard to get? Play the game? I guess, but that's not me

To be honest, I would be moving pretty slowly with you, unless you lost 2 of your previous wives to death. You are a poor candidate for a long term relationship, based on your marital history. This woman's child has already lost one family, and if this woman is a good mother, she won't be eager to drag her kid through yet another divorce, so considering all that, I probably wouldn't let you near my kids for at least a year, and very possibly more, dependng on how that year pans out.

And yes, you probably ARE a booty call, and she probably likes you, too. That doesn't mean she shouldn't want sexual exclusivity, and this isn't a game. YOU are the one who sounds needy and clingy, and like you are looking for some drama.

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Originally Posted by BloodyWreck [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I kind of feel like this is exactly why nice guys become players. Honest and nice equals drama, clingy and needy. Play hard to get? Play the game? I guess, but that's not me

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Nice guys don't become players. Occasionally it goes the other way around, but that'srare.

I guess honesty about each other's intentions is what it comes down too. Maybe she wants sexual exclusivity, but I can't do that based on this amount of contact. I was trying to offer what I thought she wanted. If I really thought she just wanted this type of exclusivity, I would not have been so 'clingy' and 'needy'

Why are you so impatient? What's your hurry?

I'm not in a hurry..I just feel like I have a lot spare time to develop something with someone who might give more attention. I like her a lot and have told her so. I'm just asking that she take a chance and not hide us anymore. I'm not asking daily face to face meetings.

I think you'd be better off with someone who can/will devote 100% of their time to you. It sounds like you need it. It might be best for you to avoid single mothers.

So...you'd be ok being exclusive with a single father who provided you with this amount of contact and/or attention?

Yes, but then again, I am a single mom. Our priorities are different than those of a single man.

A single mother seeking an 'exclusive relationship' as well?

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Originally Posted by BloodyWreck [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

A single mother seeking an 'exclusive relationship' as well?

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Of course, if I plan to be sexual, I don't want to be sleeping with someone who is fuking other women... I'm too old to be dealing with STDs.

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Originally Posted by BloodyWreck [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

LOL, I've already given her earrings and offered her $25K towards a downpayment on a house. Really. My divorce is final in November. If she's waiting on that, she should just say so. I'm in my own place. I've courted her. Bought her gifts and expressed an interest in meeting her child. I have 3-4 days off a week and honestly, being exlusive is ok if I get the attention I need too (i.e. texts, calls, emails, etc.) I really think she thinks the sex is keeping me around. Sadly, it is not and I will tell her that. I honestly like the idea of settling down and spending my time off helping her and getting to know her daughter better. I've told her that I am open to marriage but after 2 years minimum (I feel embarrassed marrying sooner). I have no problem living together or financially investing in this 'exclusive relationship'

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Dude....are you for real? Stop with the marriages already. News flash!......Youre not good at it! :). Just enjoy her company - relax and enjoy life

25k? Really man? Get your priorities straight :)

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Originally Posted by surfhb [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

25k? Really man? Get your priorities straight :)

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Bingo, I saw this an immediately changed my opinion on the situation, wtf are you doing offering her 25K when the relationship is jammed with red flags? If I was dating someone with 3 failed marriages and after a couple of months, a few sexual encounters (well, lets call it one since two of those failed as well) they offered me a pile of money, I'd probably take off running. That would be too much going wrong too early for me.

Generally, if something doesn't feel right, it problably isn't. Trust your gut for once (again, calling out the failed marriages) and pull back from this one, find someone who you actually click with and don't force it!