SHE CHEATED !!help!! what now???

ok so, we have been going out for 6 months now, back in november i guess her friend walked around a corner and saw her makeing out with her friend cameron. she started yelling at her how she ****ed up and how she has a boyfriend and she broke down in tears and begged her not to tell me. after i guess it never happened again but she still hung out with the guy. in january the kid moved out to ohio and i havnt heard of him since. yesterday, her friend calls me and tells me that there is this guy who she met and it looks like its turning into what happened with cameron. im like what happened??? shes like her and caeron made out. im like thanks for telling me now. so i called my gf and got her to tell me her self what she had done. after yelling at her i called her back later that night. she was histericaly crying and would begin to cry harder everytime i would say i dont trust her anymore and see no future for us like i had seen before. i evetualy got tired of hearing her cry and told her that i see no future with her. she cried histericaly again and asked if i was breaking up with her. im like do you think you deserve a second chance. of course she said yes, and said how she ****ed up, how much she wants to be with me for ever and how much she loves me and doesnt want me to leave her. after silence for about 5 min. shes like are you breaking up with me??? im like no you can have another chance. but if it happens again as much as it will hurt we are over. after crying and thanking me we got off the phone after about an hour and a half. i told her yes because i was tired of her crying and wanted to go to sleep.

today im still pissed, hurt, and dont know what to do. i told her yes cus i was tired, wanted to go to sleep. but i wasnt sure if she deserved another chance. today im goin to see her, what should i say? i want to get through to her and find out if she is truly sorry or if she is sorry becuase she got cuaght.

last night on the phone i told her she cant hang out wit the guy she met cus it seemed her friendship with him was turning into an identical one such as the one she had wit cameron. i told her to tell him that and if he had a problem with it to take it up with me. she did and she said she wont be goin around him.



so my questions are what should i do?

how can i find out if she really cares and is sorry, or if shes just feels bad cuase she got cuaght?

should i give her another chance?

what should i say to her tomorow when i see her?


i love her so much and before i lost all trust in her and lost the vision of the future with her i invisioned us being together for awhile. now i still love her to death and i dont want to leave her. and it would hurt to leave her but id rather love and let go now, then love and be hurt again in the long run. i dont want to leave her but i dont want to be hurt again.
shes cried and cried sayin shes loves me and didnt know what she was thinking and how she never wants to be without me. please someone help what should i do?
just some info we are both 17. and we met 1 yr ago, and 6 months before goin out she totaly toyed with me and i guess i was a little obbsessive and it was a turn off for her. but when i stoped caring about her and stoped wanting to be with her she wanted me, and since august when i found out she liked me we've been going out. we've had no problems untill this, this was our first big fight.

again i need advise iv never been cheated on i dont know what to do. thanks in advance.

p.s. i dont really want to break up with her she means the world to me.

Next!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your subject says . . .

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SHE CHEATED !!help!! what now???

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And so I can skip reading the post and just give you the right advice right away.

Dump her. Doesn't matter WHY she cheated, or HOW she cheated, or where or with whom. She cheated. Therefore, she's unworthy of you.

Alexi

just kidding, that was a little harsh.

Ok, here's my opinion.

She seems like a flirt, and constantly needs to know that she is wanted. The problem is that you may not fulfill that need right now? I mean, this happened twice with 2 different guys right? Like you said, she didnt want you until you didnt want her. Im sensing a little irony here. You found out and she is scared that (once again) you dont want her.

If you really love this girl, I think you have to let her go for a little. If not, this kind of stuff may keep on happening. Nobody deserves to get cheated on. I dont think forgiving her for something that she didnt even tell you about is the way to go right now.

Oh and once that trust is gone, the relationship gets sooo much harder.

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Originally Posted by ChromeBlue

ok so, we have been going out for 6 months now, back in november i guess her friend walked around a corner and saw her makeing out with her friend cameron. she started yelling at her how she ****ed up and how she has a boyfriend and she broke down in tears and begged her not to tell me. after i guess it never happened again but she still hung out with the guy. in january the kid moved out to ohio and i havnt heard of him since. yesterday, her friend calls me and tells me that there is this guy who she met and it looks like its turning into what happened with cameron. im like what happened??? shes like her and caeron made out. im like thanks for telling me now. so i called my gf and got her to tell me her self what she had done. after yelling at her i called her back later that night. she was histericaly crying and would begin to cry harder everytime i would say i dont trust her anymore and see no future for us like i had seen before. i evetualy got tired of hearing her cry and told her that i see no future with her. she cried histericaly again and asked if i was breaking up with her. im like do you think you deserve a second chance. of course she said yes, and said how she ****ed up, how much she wants to be with me for ever and how much she loves me and doesnt want me to leave her. after silence for about 5 min. shes like are you breaking up with me??? im like no you can have another chance. but if it happens again as much as it will hurt we are over. after crying and thanking me we got off the phone after about an hour and a half. i told her yes because i was tired of her crying and wanted to go to sleep.

today im still pissed, hurt, and dont know what to do. i told her yes cus i was tired, wanted to go to sleep. but i wasnt sure if she deserved another chance. today im goin to see her, what should i say? i want to get through to her and find out if she is truly sorry or if she is sorry becuase she got cuaght.

last night on the phone i told her she cant hang out wit the guy she met cus it seemed her friendship with him was turning into an identical one such as the one she had wit cameron. i told her to tell him that and if he had a problem with it to take it up with me. she did and she said she wont be goin around him.



so my questions are what should i do?

how can i find out if she really cares and is sorry, or if shes just feels bad cuase she got cuaght?

should i give her another chance?

what should i say to her tomorow when i see her?


i love her so much and before i lost all trust in her and lost the vision of the future with her i invisioned us being together for awhile. now i still love her to death and i dont want to leave her. and it would hurt to leave her but id rather love and let go now, then love and be hurt again in the long run. i dont want to leave her but i dont want to be hurt again.
shes cried and cried sayin shes loves me and didnt know what she was thinking and how she never wants to be without me. please someone help what should i do?
just some info we are both 17. and we met 1 yr ago, and 6 months before goin out she totaly toyed with me and i guess i was a little obbsessive and it was a turn off for her. but when i stoped caring about her and stoped wanting to be with her she wanted me, and since august when i found out she liked me we've been going out. we've had no problems untill this, this was our first big fight.

again i need advise iv never been cheated on i dont know what to do. thanks in advance.

p.s. i dont really want to break up with her she means the world to me.

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I'm probably the worst one to give you advice, but man, I feel for you. I'm not exactly in the same boat as you with my G/F, but I'm in the same lake. The confuson is overwhelming, do you stay and take a chance or do you just go? Mine is nuts. Read my post here titled 'Emergency, Please help.' Last night while she was in one of her weekly sucide moods she calls some guy that she had known before me and said that she wanted to go out with him and 'party!'

I'm 51 years old and I've NEVER had a woman treat me with such disrespect. EVER! Later, she cryed that she was sorry and didn't mean it and then the sucide talk started again. (And ended this morning) She's asleep right now and I'm pondering my feelings and what I'm gonna say when she wakes up.

I'm hurt and angry, and leaning towards '**** you it's over,' probably the right thing for each of us to do. If we stay and forgive, we may live to regret it and at some point see ourselves as fools. If we dump them, again, we may live to regret it. Maybe it boils down to the level of remorse they each have over their actions. If they beg and plead, I can forgive, but NEVER forget or trust again. I see that as no way to continue a relationship, I think I'd rather be alone.

Time will tell and good luck to both of us.....

no it only happened once, and the guy i told her she cant hang out with anymore was seeming like it would turn into another "cameron", i talked to the guy, she is very flirty, its just her personality and she doesnt realize it sometimes but she is very leading on. he admited he thought she was kool, and wanted to do sum things but when he found out she had a bf he backed off and wanted to be just friends but he didnt tell her this, this is what he told me. i dont see why she would be flirty cus she wants to feel needed. i tell her everyday how beautiful she is, how much i love her, and how much she means to me, she is very negitive towards her self, thinking shes ugly, that her breasts are to small, that shes ugly, and i tell her none of its true, that she is beatuiful, that her body is beautiful, and how cute she is and how unfat she is, shes 5"6 and wieghs 125, thats not fat by any means, in my opinion she is the cutest girl in the world and has the most loveable personality. but she is way to flirty and im goin to her house today and ima try to get that point across. i dont really want to lose her but if it comes down to it then thats what has to happen.

thanks blackie i also wish you the best of luck, im sure youve been in situations i cant even imagine, your 51 im 17 goin on 18, yes im young but i cant imagine my self with anyone else. should i tell her this, iv been kinda tip toeing around it, but i feel if i could trust her agiain, that things were like they were before i knew, the great relationship we had, i feel shes the one i could spend my life with, but should i tell her?

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Originally Posted by ChromeBlue

thanks blackie i also wish you the best of luck, im sure youve been in situations i cant even imagine, your 51 im 17 goin on 18, yes im young but i cant imagine my self with anyone else. should i tell her this, iv been kinda tip toeing around it, but i feel if i could trust her agiain, that things were like they were before i knew, the great relationship we had, i feel shes the one i could spend my life with, but should i tell her?

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Chrome, age really doesn't matter, heartbreak is heartbreak. I've got a lot of years/experiences on you but I still don't know what to do. I just checked, she's still asleep and I'm leaving for awhile for errands. I could handle the mental shit but not rubbing my nose in some other guy. (Even on the phone) Actually, she's the first to ever do that and it HURTS.

I will say this...I wouldn't advise using the words 'I could spend the rest of my life with you' as it sounds like you are proposing. I guess the best approach (and I'LL try and remember this myself today) is to take a deep breath before you say anything in person to her.Listen, let her know how you feel, but keep your responses measured.

Let me know what happens....

alright will do, im leavin my house at round 4pm pacific time and asumming i dont get pissed and storm out and come home early will be back around 10pm pacific, i will be sure to let you know how it goes, thanks for your concerne

She cheated. You don't like it. Need we say more? :oriental:

no one likes being cheated on but thats not the point im tryin to get at, im tryin to see what i can do besides leaving her cus thats the last thing i want to do.

basicly since iv decided i want to give her a 2nd chance what can i saw when i see her tonight???

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Originally Posted by ChromeBlue

basicly since iv decided i want to give her a 2nd chance what can i saw when i see her tonight???

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If you feel like staying you say that what she did hurt and it's going to be long before she can gain your trust back. Don't make her feel like she can take advantage of you by saying things like you see her in the future. Some people use that against you. I'm not saying she's horrible. It's horrible what she did.

On the other hand if you don't feel like staying then say, I don't think we can do this anymore. Tell her exactly how you feel, but again, be strong. The key is that she realizes what she did wrong. She obviously understands it. If you feel that the slightest bit of how she feels is not sincere, then I would walk.

Finally, with regard to your post altogether, my advice would be you have plenty of women that won't even consider cheating and in fact, get sick just the thought of it. She's not the only one. If you're going to give her a 2nd chance, don't do it because you feel bad and that you see her in the future. You deserve better buddy. But whatever you decide, all the power to you.

Cdoc

i just hope that she learns from it this time and never does it again.

She won't. (Learn)

This relationship will be over in less than 6 months time.

You heard it here first.

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Originally Posted by sfalexi

Your subject says . . . And so I can skip reading the post and just give you the right advice right away.

Dump her. Doesn't matter WHY she cheated, or HOW she cheated, or where or with whom. She cheated. Therefore, she's unworthy of you.

Alexi

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I could not agree with this more.

So Chrome, how the the talk go yesterday? Hopefully well, whatever final decesion you made.

Amazingly, yesterday took a major turn for the better in my case. When she woke up she was sobbing saying things like "I (meaning her) was an ******* and she didn't mean to hurt me," "I know I ****ed up" "PLEASE forgive me" "I never planed on going out with that guy, I was just mad at some things you had said" (I can't think of what, but oh well).

Later in the day, I overheard her whispering into the phone. I thought she was calling the guy so I listened. Thankfully, I was wrong. She had called her Doctor to get back on her meds. This was a very good sign, on her own she's asking for help. She knows she's ****ed in the head.

Early evening, still apologizing while we were sipping some wine, she dropped a bombshell by saying "Would you ever consider marrying me? That's what I want." My answer was that I wouldn't close the door on anything in the future but today is a bad day to talk about it. IF she got herself together, sometime in the future I would consider it. Time will tell.

Anyway, I didn't mean to ramble on about my deal, again let us know what happened to you yesterday.

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Originally Posted by blackiesharley

So Chrome, how the the talk go yesterday? Hopefully well, whatever final decesion you made.

Amazingly, yesterday took a major turn for the better in my case. When she woke up she was sobbing saying things like "I (meaning her) was an ******* and she didn't mean to hurt me," "I know I ****ed up" "PLEASE forgive me" "I never planed on going out with that guy, I was just mad at some things you had said" (I can't think of what, but oh well).

Later in the day, I overheard her whispering into the phone. I thought she was calling the guy so I listened. Thankfully, I was wrong. She had called her Doctor to get back on her meds. This was a very good sign, on her own she's asking for help. She knows she's ****ed in the head.

Early evening, still apologizing while we were sipping some wine, she dropped a bombshell by saying "Would you ever consider marrying me? That's what I want." My answer was that I wouldn't close the door on anything in the future but today is a bad day to talk about it. IF she got herself together, sometime in the future I would consider it. Time will tell.

Anyway, I didn't mean to ramble on about my deal, again let us know what happened to you yesterday.

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Sounds good. Yes, it's a VERY good sign that she sought out her doctor's help on her own. At this point (like you've probably done in the past), take it one day at a time.

Alexi

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Originally Posted by sfalexi

Sounds good. Yes, it's a VERY good sign that she sought out her doctor's help on her own. At this point (like you've probably done in the past), take it one day at a time.

Alexi

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Thanks Alexi, yes I was very pleased at that. It's like she KNOWS she has mental issues, but when she gets into these 'episodes' there's nothing I can do except ride the storm out.

And you're right, it's one day at a time.

Chrome, i know where your coming from with this, and i can tell you really do care about her, but the bottom line is she still cheated. Now, she does this dispite the fact that you constantly tell her you love her, how beautiful she is etc...so she cannot be doing it because she isnt gettin enough attention or love from you.

Also what interests me is that she says to you how ugly she feels and how fat she is etc and then she has the ability and confidence to go out and physically cheat on you. So i dont reckon she is as down on herself as she makes out to you. Someone who hates themselves and has no confidence in thier physical appearence would find it very hard to actively cheat on someone who they love and constantly reassures them.

Also, if it was nothing serious why did she just not confess? This is a point you seem to be forgetting. If it was quite early on in the relationship (3 months or so) if she had of confessed at least you would know she has the ability to be honest and feel remorse. She didnt confess a friend had to tell you, so who knows if there is anything else she is hiding?

I dont mean to be negative, i know it is hard to let go of someone you love, but you are both so young, and her being unfaithful after only 6 months at the age of 17 isnt a very good sign. What happens after 2 years when the 'honeymoon' period is over and romance and excitment kind of disappear when routine sets in? You are barely out of the first stages of a young relationship where you should be all over each other and not even considering anyone else.

Surely someone who claims to love you and want to be with you forever would just not act in this way. And that is the main point you need to consider here. You are two young to be considering spending the rest of your life together anyway, it sounds like your first serious relationship with someone you really care about, and your jumping in feet first thinking you wont find anyone else out there for you at the grand old age of 17.

Slow down a bit and stop looking so far into the future. If you want to give her another chance then do it, but only one more. And stop looking so far into the future because inevitably in a few years you are bound to grow apart anyway, its just what happens to the majority of young/high school relationships. Believe me ive been there and i couldnt imagine being with my high school boyfriend now and we were together from 16 to 18.
good luck -x-

Well, I'm sorry Chrome for thread jacking, but my situation has turned from bad to great back to bad today. Last night she wanted to marry me, today she wants to leave me. Why? I wouldn't put her name on my bank account. "Don't you trust me? I'll co-sign a mortage on a house with you." That money is all I have in the World and I don't risk it for anyone, I'm not stupid. Ironically, I might have been foolish enough to consider it had it not been for that phone call the other night.

It's OVER!!!!! Now it's just a matter of getting rid of her. Too bad, it could have been great but I've really done all I can to help her and it's become a roller coaster. Never one of my favorite rides....

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