why do men or even women for that matter have a image of there dream person but marry

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13-05-12, 02:15 AM
heartach

why do men or even women for that matter have a image of there dream person but marry

I have been married for a while and have always had a hard time with guys. Looking at porn ever since I was in collage, and I have always been stumped by the fact that men and some women have a dream person or a fantasy person. I am a bigger person and my husband says he prefers women that have some meat on there bones and not the real skinny ones and he even has a certain hair color he likes but the porn he. Looks at dosent look like what he told me he likes. He looks at trhe complete oPposite and I have has friends do the same thing. Why is this? I understand mewn need a change and rthey are progeamed to do this but it just. Makes me fewel like I am. Lieed to,not good enough, and feel like last pickings since he wasn't able to have his dream and regreating he married a non barbie girl. Dose he want me to loolk like the girls he looks at?
13-05-12, 02:49 AM
smackie9

Guys like variety, it's the way they are wired. Sex is just sex to them, there is no emotional attachment to these images they look at. You have to remember guys are visual creatures, not emotional like women are...that is why you are having such a hard time relating to it. Guys fantasies don't involve romance or the sexual tension or buildup. They think about the sex, instant sex, boobs, ass, vagina...they look at body parts and the sexual acts, that's it. Your husband doesn't compare you to those women, he doesn't love you any less when he looks at them. I know so many women just can't get their head around it, but all porn is is entertainment, not a replacement. No doubt your husband will pick the real thing with you over porn. Guys and even women like their private time to get off because it feels different....just one part of their sex life.

There is nothing wrong with having a sexual fantasy of another person, say someone famous, or of your own design.....whatever goes on in one's head is no ones business, not even their partner's.
13-05-12, 09:03 AM
dem862

Most people give up on the dream, and settle for whatever they can get. When questioned directly, nobody is going to admit to their partner that they settled for them because it will do nothing but create conflict, animosity and ill will. And nobody wants to deal with that with the person they have to wake up to every day. Porn is a way to escape the harsh reality that we have ended up with somebody who is fat, ugly, or stupid, and that is the best we will ever do.
13-05-12, 09:25 AM
HeartIsAching

Quote:

Originally Posted by dem862 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Most people give up on the dream, and settle for whatever they can get. When questioned directly, nobody is going to admit to their partner that they settled for them because it will do nothing but create conflict, animosity and ill will. And nobody wants to deal with that with the person they have to wake up to every day. Porn is a way to escape the harsh reality that we have ended up with somebody who is fat, ugly, or stupid, and that is the best we will ever do.

Do not presume that you speak for others.
13-05-12, 11:05 AM
Jason250

[Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]Do not presume that you speak for others.
13-05-12, 07:32 PM
dem862

I may presume whatever I want. You do not have the right to tell another person what to do.
14-05-12, 01:33 AM
smackie9

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Do not presume that you speak for others.

Don't bother....we all know where this all goes....the mind numbing endless debate on watching porn.
14-05-12, 01:46 AM
asdfg789

@OP : so other than the fact that your husband looks at porn and the women are different body type from you, do you have any other major issues with him ?
14-05-12, 01:59 AM
smackie9

Quote:

Originally Posted by dem862 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Most people give up on the dream, and settle for whatever they can get. When questioned directly, nobody is going to admit to their partner that they settled for them because it will do nothing but create conflict, animosity and ill will. And nobody wants to deal with that with the person they have to wake up to every day. Porn is a way to escape the harsh reality that we have ended up with somebody who is fat, ugly, or stupid, and that is the best we will ever do.

These are some hash words for this poor woman to read. You are telling her that her husband watches porn because she is too fat and ugly and that their marriage is a sham because he couldn't do any better. That's pretty sick thinking. You must be one of those bible thumpers from the mid west.
14-05-12, 03:17 AM
dem862

Quote:

Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

These are some hash words for this poor woman to read. You are telling her that her husband watches porn because she is too fat and ugly and that their marriage is a sham because he couldn't do any better. That's pretty sick thinking. You must be one of those bible thumpers from the mid west.

Nope, I am not even Christian and I am from the east coast. I don't know this woman. Why do you think I would say she is fat, ugly or their marriage is a sham? The reality is that 50% of all marriages end in divorce, and of those who don't perhaps 50% would like to, but don't for reasons of family or religion. They either cheat or exist in a sexless marriage. So that leaves about 25% of marriages that are happy. If you are happily married, good on you. But what other way is there to explain that 75% of married people are in a marriage that is doomed to failure except that they settled for someone they really don't want to spend the rest of their lives with? Also there is an epidemic of men who prefer porn over real women. There is a reason for that. It is easy for women to blame it on men, but actually it is a two-way street.
14-05-12, 04:22 AM
smackie9

"Why do you think I would say she is fat, ugly or their marriage is a sham?"

You just described it in your first post by say this "Porn is a way to escape the harsh reality that we have ended up with somebody who is fat, ugly, or stupid, and that is the best we will ever do. " and "Most people give up on the dream, and settle for whatever they can get." That pretty much says it.

The break up of marriages is varied and the epidemic is not because of porn, sexless, or cheating....those still existed at the beginning of time. There has never been a time that the human race has ever been innocent. The reason the rates are so high is that women are less dependent on men to support them and can easily leave and support themselves. Over a hundred years ago most women were raised to to be chattel and had no other means but to depend on a husband......If you ever have studied or read anything about sociology and the sexual revolution, you can see this all started by the invention of the birth control pill. Women were finally able to make their own choices, get a decent education, career, and even to get out of a sh itty marriage.
14-05-12, 04:26 AM
smackie9

The majority of people don't use porn as an "escape" from a bad relationship....most turn to drugs, alcohol, cheating, shopping/spending money, and gambling.
14-05-12, 10:01 AM
dem862

Quote:

Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

"Why do you think I would say she is fat, ugly or their marriage is a sham?"

You just described it in your first post by say this "Porn is a way to escape the harsh reality that we have ended up with somebody who is fat, ugly, or stupid, and that is the best we will ever do. " and "Most people give up on the dream, and settle for whatever they can get." That pretty much says it.

The break up of marriages is varied and the epidemic is not because of porn, sexless, or cheating....those still existed at the beginning of time. There has never been a time that the human race has ever been innocent. The reason the rates are so high is that women are less dependent on men to support them and can easily leave and support themselves. Over a hundred years ago most women were raised to to be chattel and had no other means but to depend on a husband......If you ever have studied or read anything about sociology and the sexual revolution, you can see this all started by the invention of the birth control pill. Women were finally able to make their own choices, get a decent education, career, and even to get out of a sh itty marriage.

Well most Americans are fat, ugly, and stupid. Not to mention lazy. And I am American. I don't know the OP, so I am not speaking about anybody in particular, but it is a fair bet, based on statistics, that any given person has at least one of those characteristics. I know I do. So what? If you and everybody you know is perfect, then count your blessings.

There have always been strong, independent women. My family has been full of them going back at least a hundred years. The reason is because men would get them pregnant and leave. My mother experienced first-hand growing up in a household lead by three generations of women, with no man in sight. She is 80 years old today. I don't buy the "weak woman" theory and I never will. I know what women are capable of, and I don't expect any less of them. And if you had ever studied anything about birth control, you would know that birth control was documented on papyrus scrolls as early at 1800 years BC in Ancient Egypt. So once again your attempt to blame the poor choices of women on men doesn't hold water.
14-05-12, 10:24 AM
smackie9

Those methods of birth control were futile. Anyways so you are saying that women that fail to give their man sex forces him to cheat and leave? Well if the male population would know how to properly satisfy women then women wouldn't be so turned off by the sex given to them.
14-05-12, 10:25 AM
dem862

Quote:

Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The majority of people don't use porn as an "escape" from a bad relationship....most turn to drugs, alcohol, cheating, shopping/spending money, and gambling.

I think it is fair to say to most MEN who want to escape from a bad relationship do use porn. The other things you mentioned, drugs, alcohol, shopping/spending money, and gambling, all require money. Porn is now freely available to anybody with an internet connection. And it is much easier to hide and deny the use of porn. What appears to be happening is that SOME men find it easier and simpler to watch porn and masturbate when the wife/girlfriend is away. Then he has used up his sexual desire when she is around. He is no longer a slave to his testosterone and doesn't have to face the rejection, excuses, and judgment of women. Of course, you and I know that porn is a poor substitute for a loving, caring and intimate relationship, but it is an addiction and once acquired is as difficult as any other addiction to shake. Many men addicted to porn, as well as the easy sex associated with prostitutes, don't even realize they are missing out on anything. And many don't even care.
14-05-12, 10:28 AM
smackie9

As to the men that left your women folk with babies to raise on their own is because those men didn't like real responsibility or had the balls to take responsibility for getting them pregnant to begin with....nothing was stopping them from slipping on a condom or pulling out.
14-05-12, 10:33 AM
smackie9

Quote:

Originally Posted by dem862 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think it is fair to say to most MEN who want to escape from a bad relationship do use porn. The other things you mentioned, drugs, alcohol, shopping/spending money, and gambling, all require money. Porn is now freely available to anybody with an internet connection. And it is much easier to hide and deny the use of porn. What appears to be happening is that SOME men find it easier and simpler to watch porn and masturbate when the wife/girlfriend is away. Then he has used up his sexual desire when she is around. He is no longer a slave to his testosterone and doesn't have to face the rejection, excuses, and judgment of women. Of course, you and I know that porn is a poor substitute for a loving, caring and intimate relationship, but it is an addiction and once acquired is as difficult as any other addiction to shake. Many men addicted to porn, as well as the easy sex associated with prostitutes, don't even realize they are missing out on anything. And many don't even care.

It's been around since the beginning of time. Men like to look at pics of naked women...so be it. If it is a porn addiction it does turn into PAID subscriptions. But you are taking about extremes. Having a toke or a drink once in awhile doesn't make someone a druggy or an alcoholic now does it? So browsing a porn site once in awhile for masturbation time doesn't make them an addict.
14-05-12, 11:05 AM
Cerby

Quote:

Originally Posted by dem862 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I may presume whatever I want. You do not have the right to tell another person what to do.

When you speak on behalf of "most people" then we can not only judge your statement, we can refute it as an assumption based on no fact. Don't argue when you make a statement that encompasses more than your own opinion, you just look like an idiot.
14-05-12, 11:19 AM
dem862

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cerby [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

When you speak on behalf of "most people" then we can not only judge your statement, we can refute it as an assumption based on no fact. Don't argue when you make a statement that encompasses more than your own opinion, you just look like an idiot.

My statements are backed up by statistics, logic, and common sense. I don't care about looking like an idiot, and I find your statement insulting to real idiots. And don't tell me what to do.
09-11-12, 12:30 PM
Girl_on_Fire

Quote:

Originally Posted by dem862 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think it is fair to say to most MEN who want to escape from a bad relationship do use porn. The other things you mentioned, drugs, alcohol, shopping/spending money, and gambling, all require money. Porn is now freely available to anybody with an internet connection. And it is much easier to hide and deny the use of porn. What appears to be happening is that SOME men find it easier and simpler to watch porn and masturbate when the wife/girlfriend is away. Then he has used up his sexual desire when she is around. He is no longer a slave to his testosterone and doesn't have to face the rejection, excuses, and judgment of women. Of course, you and I know that porn is a poor substitute for a loving, caring and intimate relationship, but it is an addiction and once acquired is as difficult as any other addiction to shake. Many men addicted to porn, as well as the easy sex associated with prostitutes, don't even realize they are missing out on anything. And many don't even care.

I call BS on this post, sorry! My husband and I are extremely active and when he is away on business, I know he watches porn and obviously, gets off. It has nothing to do with our marriage being sexless or our attraction. When we are together, we are still, after 10 years, with each other. So seriously, whatever. Most men watch porn. Most men know porn is not real and those who have sex addictions, are completely different from a normal man. So really, quit spewing crap.
15-11-12, 12:53 PM
bluesummer

Quote:

Originally Posted by heartach [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I have been married for a while and have always had a hard time with guys. Looking at porn ever since I was in collage, and I have always been stumped by the fact that men and some women have a dream person or a fantasy person. I am a bigger person and my husband says he prefers women that have some meat on there bones and not the real skinny ones and he even has a certain hair color he likes but the porn he. Looks at dosent look like what he told me he likes. He looks at trhe complete oPposite and I have has friends do the same thing. Why is this? I understand mewn need a change and rthey are progeamed to do this but it just. Makes me fewel like I am. Lieed to,not good enough, and feel like last pickings since he wasn't able to have his dream and regreating he married a non barbie girl. Dose he want me to loolk like the girls he looks at?

Sigh......I don't understand why women insist on thinking that because their men look at porn, they are not good enough. I know men with insanely hot wives/girlfriends who still look at porn. Men are stimulated visually, c'est la vie. The only time it should be an issue is if he's turning down sex with you regularly and instead looking at porn.

Just....relax. Porn shouldn't be an insult to you or cause you to feel less than attractive. If you have self confidence you won't feel threatened by it, so maybe just start working on your self esteem issues OP.
20-11-12, 06:39 AM
Udanie

It is great that you know you have a problem in your marriage. Most people blindly wast years without understanding the real situation. Since you already know that you have a problem you can start fixing and save your marriage.

Once I recommend to one my closer friend a good site about marriage issues and relationship problems that is relationsuccess.com
My friend was glad to visit this as she got some good tips to save her falling marriage.

I personally brows the same site and I believe on relationsuccess.com/saving-your-marriage/save-failing-marriage-divorce-7-lessons/ you have the answer for your problem.

Your immediate action would give better results and wish you very best!

//Udanie