She can't control her behaviors. Weight, money, happiness.
Ok. Simply put, my wife needs to lose weight and find her happy place I have skirted this topic with her several times and I'm not getting anywhere with her.
She exercises a couple times a week. She does not control her eating. She has put on a lot of weight after a tummy tuck. Her body is just not what it can be. And she is customarily negative. Given the choice to form an opinion about something, she looks to point out the flaws. It's a larger issue than point out my flaws. I freely admit to many of them. It's when she thinks in negative themes.
I believe she compensates for the negativity with food and shopping. Those things make her feel good. Perhaps bashing others helps her think of her own issues as more acceptable.
I'm not superficial so let's not start "bashing" me and stick to the knitting here. She is overweight and she is unhappy. This makes her less physically attractive and emotionally. I believe her weight also makes her feel insecure. That manifests itself into a host of other unattractive behaviors. Insecurity, jealousy, hostility are pretty common.
Here is what I want. I want her to get her thinking about the long term relationship we have. I have tried repeatedly to get her into therapy but she makes a half-hearted effort at best. Same goes for exercise, controlling her spending, and watching what she eats. she seems focused on getting better, but getting better never shows up. And after time it sometimes gets worse.
It's a mess and I guess couples therapy might help but therapy is a personal thing in my opinion. And sometimes people who need help, dont know on therapy day 1, what their real issues are. And for my wife, my issues with her weight and behavior are not relevant to her decision to get help- its her choice, not mine. I cannot force her to get well.
Couples therapy did not work well the few times we have gone together. She typically brings up issues outside the session that should be addresses inside the session. Plus, anything I say in therapy gets used against me. Like "you never told me that you.....". I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I watch what I eat. I watch what i say, and i watch how i think . I eat in moderation. Exercise somewhat regularly. See a therapist from time to time. Have friends and interests outside of the home. And overall it's a pretty good life.
Her health is already suffering. She is now on cholesterol meds. it his will only go from bad to worse. Our relationship is suffering. The negativity, the self inflating of her ego ("Im better than that...), the insecurity... So i want to help her now. ...
