is it illegal?

Is it illegal for a man to take his condom off during sex if the woman doesn't know he took it off? This happened to me and I'm really scared that I might have contracted an STD from it, but I don't know yet.

This is what happened...
I met a guy just a few days before we had sex. I didn't want to do anything like that with him since we just met, but he kept pressuring me ("don't be scared"..., putting on a condom even though I told him no, etc..) until I agreed. I didn't realize that he had taken the condom off since it was dark. I didn't notice until he pulled out really fast at the last minute and he was ejaculating. I'm not pregnant so that's 1 less thing to worry about, but I'm more scared about STDs.

I have heard that if someone says yes to sex it doesn't matter if a condom is involved or not. If that's the case he didn't technically do anything wrong. I would think that putting someone at risk for STDs and pregnancy without them knowing would be illegal.

I also need to know how to get him to leave me alone. At first I didn't think this was a big deal and I was still going to hang out with him, now I don't want to talk to him ever again. He only wants me to come over so we can have sex and he basically tells me that. I don't want to tell him off since he's obviously psycho or something, and ignoring him doesn't work.
Any comments or advice would be appreciated. thanks...

Of course it is illegal! You could sue his ass hardcore!

First you should see if you actually do have any STD's. Find your local Planned Parenthood, they give free tests. [url]www.plannedparenthood.org[/url]

Then, if you do, press charges like mad. The guy is a freak, from what you've told me of him.

Also, don't be such a slut. It will keep you healthy. Remember: Pussy = Power.

Peace.

-----> no <------ see that word? learn how to use it.

That's why I'm a little concerned... I kept telling him no! I'm not saying that this was rape or anything, but I was put in a situation where I got scared and thought he might freak out and rape me if he didn't get what he wanted. I'm sure he could tell I didn't want to do it, but people like that don't care what the other person wants.
How can I sue him if I need to? I mean... what is the crime called that I would be suing for??

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Originally Posted by igor

I got scared and thought he might freak out and rape me if he didn't get what he wanted.

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So wait.

You really didn't want to have sex, but you let him have is way with you anyway so he wouldn't rape you...

Does anybody else see the irony in this?

it's not much better that way, but at least it wasn't violent... There's no way I could kick his ass either. That's the sucky thing about being a girl

For future reference. Don't underestimate the sensitivity of the balls.

A really good punch or kick will definitely incapacitate a dude for a bit.

And in a situation like that, a really good punch or kick would be suggested.

Oh and just so you know I sympathize, I have a friend who had sex with a dude who pulled the same kind of thing, cept he busted inside her. Fortunately no STD's or pregnancy.

I still think he needs to get in some kind of trouble for it. He needs to be stopped before he does it to someone else.

admittedly i don't know much about this. but I'm sure that if you kept saying no, and he kept pressuring you into it, and you felt threatened..isn't that rape?

and if he knows you would have definately stopped him if you'd known he didn't have a condom on, so he didn't tell you, wouldn't that by extension be a type of rape too?

you could probably get at least a restraining order on this guy if you tell him to leave you alone and he wont.

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Originally Posted by igor

That's why I'm a little concerned... I kept telling him no! I'm not saying that this was rape or anything, but I was put in a situation where I got scared and thought he might freak out and rape me if he didn't get what he wanted. I'm sure he could tell I didn't want to do it, but people like that don't care what the other person wants.
How can I sue him if I need to? I mean... what is the crime called that I would be suing for??

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Weak. You had sex with him because you though he would rape you? wtf? your an idiot.

It's hard to decide what to do. I don't really know him all that well so I don't know what he does to people who piss him off. If I go to the police for anything he might get mad and do something else really crappy. A restraining order isn't going to keep him away unless he wants to stay away. I'm in a bad position right now because I hate having to be mean to anyone, even his kind. Ignoring the phone calls isn't working. I've been doing it for over a week.
Thanks for everyone's advice so far. (Especially for those of you who don't think it makes me an idiot for being scared)

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Originally Posted by igor

It's hard to decide what to do. I don't really know him all that well so I don't know what he does to people who piss him off. If I go to the police for anything he might get mad and do something else really crappy. A restraining order isn't going to keep him away unless he wants to stay away. I'm in a bad position right now because I hate having to be mean to anyone, even his kind. Ignoring the phone calls isn't working. I've been doing it for over a week

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no its not. Tell him you hate him and dont want to see him. Man...are all girls this stupid? Maybe I should just use intimidation techniques to get laid and forget all that confidence and honesty crap. It seem to work on you. I think the guy you are talking about is wuss..he just knows your scared. Most people are not rapists you know.

Sorry. I'd rather not hear your comments if they're just going to make me feel worse. Sorry for being rude. Maybe you don't understand how people like this are because you're not a psycho. Sick people will do a lot of things that most normal people wouldn't think of doing. It's a lot different for girls, too. Just about any guy is bigger and stronger than me and could easilt kick my ass. I normally don't get those weird vibes from people, just him

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Originally Posted by igor

Sorry. I'd rather not hear your comments if they're just going to make me feel worse. Sorry for being rude. Maybe you don't understand how people like this are because you're not a psycho. Sick people will do a lot of things that most normal people wouldn't think of doing. It's a lot different for girls, too. Just about any guy is bigger and stronger than me and could easilt kick my ass. I normally don't get those weird vibes from people, just him

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He wouldnt hit you...if he would then he is a psycho...and if he is a psycho then why the hell are you in this situation in the first place? How did you find your-self alone with him? Just sounds retarded to me. Remeber ..it always takes two. Being scared that he may force you to sex is no reason now to say no. I cant even begin to comprehand how this can even start...if your already in his bed then obviously he will not want to hear no. You sure your not just saying that because you regret the sex?

You must not have the mind of a typical guy. I mean that in a nice way.
Come on.. guys hit girls sometimes and scare the hell out of them. Then you have to ditch the loser and worry that he might come after you or pull some other jackass move.
I was in the bedroom laying on the bed cuddling. That's not exactly having sex. Telling him no about 10 times should have given him at least a hint that I wasn't ready for sex. And him telling me "don't be scared" while he's trying to take off my pants and I won't let him is a little more pressure than someone needs to put up with

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Originally Posted by igor

You must not have the mind of a typical guy. I mean that in a nice way.
Come on.. guys hit girls sometimes and scare the hell out of them. Then you have to ditch the loser and worry that he might come after you or pull some other jackass move.
I was in the bedroom laying on the bed cuddling. That's not exactly having sex. Telling him no about 10 times should have given him at least a hint that I wasn't ready for sex. And him telling me "don't be scared" while he's trying to take off my pants and I won't let him is a little more pressure than someone needs to put up with

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I wasn't there so I do not know I guess. Just sounds wierd from my perspective. How old are you anyways and how old was he?

well. what exactly happened? did he seem a nice guy before he got you to have sex with him? if not, why did you start "cuddling"?

if he was..but then pressured you into sex, how exactly did he do it? i mean, did he use any kind of force (ie continuing to get ready to do it anyway - 'and him telling me "don't be scared" while he's trying to take off my pants'). did you actually say yes to him? or did you just stop resisting because you were scared it would hurt, etc?

guys, don't be hard. it can be incredibly intimidating for people in this kind of situation. she's saying she said no several times to this guy, and he sounds like he was pretty big and scary.

"How old are you anyways and how old was he?" Thats quite important too. Would it be possible for you to give us more details? How old you are, do you meet up for sex with him through choice (as in does he knock on your door and "escort" you, or do you actually go and meet up with him?) or what you've actually done to stop this. Your responses seem a little threadbare.

Saying no means no. If he put you in a position where you felt you can't say anything but yes, it doesn't mean you've consented. I was on a case once where the girl did that. She was out partying, and this guy kept pressing her, and pressing her, and pressing, till she just gave up (she was a virgin till then), but even then, he managed to pull her pants off pretty roughly (the pants is part of the evidence in the trial against him now) so you're not in this position alone. It happens to a LOT of people. And they all expressed some fear too. The worse part is then people treat you like it's your fault, but it's not. You went there, but you didn't ASK for it. And you don't deserve it for choosing to be there. It's like saying, I went to this party, and I was drinking and this guy drugged me and raped me. It's my fault for drinking, therefore it's my fault he raped me. Blame the person who did it, not the person it was done to.

Sounds to me like he kinda raped you. You said no and he pressured you into it. When you say no, any man who keeps pushing for it is not worthy of you. Since you agreed to it to kinda shut him up, I don't know if it is still considered rape but who knows. And taking off the condom during sex does not surprise me with a guy like that. ou were just asking for it by sleeping with someone who pressured you. You need to learn how to be more assertive. No means no and you shouldn't change your mind for any man. If it doesn't feel right, then you know its not. Trust your instincts next time and don't just agree because you are sick of hearing him beg for it. That's just pathetic and such a turn off anyway.

I'm 22 if that matters. He told me he was also 22 at that time. Later he was 23... and now he's 25. So I don't believe a damn thing he tells me! I don't see a reason to lie about a few years, so he's probably much older or much younger than that.
Anyway... My main concern here isn't just that I ended up having sex with him. I didn't need to say yes just because I didn't want to be scared. I'm really mad that he took the condom off. When someone like him (damn liar!) actually admits to being with 23 people, it makes me wonder. I'm sure it's way more than that. When I got pissed at him for taking the condom off he turned it around on me and said "I hope you don't have anything.." "I know I'm ok".
It's just a little scary since I've noticed him lying so much and being dumb (we used to talk on the phone for a while after this happened. I won't go over there now to talk in person). I just want to know if there's anything I can do, legally, if he gave me an STD. I have been so busy that I haven't been tested yet, but I will as soon as possible. Waiting a little while might even give stuff a chance to show up anyway.

But you're waiting and worrying. For me, anyways, I'd rather know and not be bothered with all the anxiety. Try a rape hotline and maybe they can recommend you a legal advocate or something to discuss the legal issues.

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Originally Posted by igor

I'm 22 if that matters. He told me he was also 22 at that time. Later he was 23... and now he's 25. So I don't believe a damn thing he tells me! I don't see a reason to lie about a few years, so he's probably much older or much younger than that.
Anyway... My main concern here isn't just that I ended up having sex with him. I didn't need to say yes just because I didn't want to be scared. I'm really mad that he took the condom off. When someone like him (damn liar!) actually admits to being with 23 people, it makes me wonder. I'm sure it's way more than that. When I got pissed at him for taking the condom off he turned it around on me and said "I hope you don't have anything.." "I know I'm ok".
It's just a little scary since I've noticed him lying so much and being dumb (we used to talk on the phone for a while after this happened. I won't go over there now to talk in person). I just want to know if there's anything I can do, legally, if he gave me an STD. I have been so busy that I haven't been tested yet, but I will as soon as possible. Waiting a little while might even give stuff a chance to show up anyway.

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Are you located in the USA? what state? The law and what you can do can change upon were you are. Were do you live more or less?...dont need your address or anything lol

Igor, i'm not sure if you can really take any action against this guy. From what I understand the legal standpoint to be, your having sex was consentual. So there's no course of action there.

As for him, he's an idiot and you should stay as far away from him as possible. The fact that he didn't respect you enough to listen to what you were saying shows how much of a shit he really is... and no doubt how he treats other people.

Get yourself checked out, and again in 3 months to be sure.

No really does mean no, and you shouldn't be affraid to kick them in the balls to proove the point.

H.R.

I live in Nevada if that matters... I think we have way less strict laws here!! I'm not even going to freak out unless something happens and I got an STD. My anger management problem comes in handy sometimes, so who knows how I would deal with him.

hey i'm 25.. how do these rumors start about me??

well alright the incident is already in the past. f*ck it and move on to solving this bullshit now.

being as though this is a forum you will get a lot of feedback weather you like it or not. secondly, i think that this being a forum, we will give your our opinions, however as to weather you want to believe it or not is totally up to you. thirdly, instead why not try talking to one of your school counselors, because i'm sure that they are better equipt to answer these sort of questions. yes i know that you're "scared" and what not but if you want something done, no one is going to do it for you. the first step is always the hardeest, remember when you first learned how to walk?? alright so you don't but it's all the same.

raverboy

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Originally Posted by igor

I live in Nevada if that matters... I think we have way less strict laws here!! I'm not even going to freak out unless something happens and I got an STD. My anger management problem comes in handy sometimes, so who knows how I would deal with him.

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First find out if you have the STD. It would be hard proving that you made him wear the condom and then he took it off. He could just say that you said its ok for him just to pull out later. Then it would be your word against his and this type of action usually doesnt get far.

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Originally Posted by Only-virgins

First find out if you have the STD. It would be hard proving that you made him wear the condom and then he took it off. He could just say that you said its ok for him just to pull out later. Then it would be your word against his and this type of action usually doesnt get far.

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Or the man could twist her words and say he may of gotten the STD off her.

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Originally Posted by thepinkrockstar

admittedly i don't know much about this. but I'm sure that if you kept saying no, and he kept pressuring you into it, and you felt threatened..isn't that rape?

and if he knows you would have definately stopped him if you'd known he didn't have a condom on, so he didn't tell you, wouldn't that by extension be a type of rape too?

you could probably get at least a restraining order on this guy if you tell him to leave you alone and he wont.

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My thougths exactly. You can probably get a restraining order against him (depends upon the Judge) without a criminal complaint, at least under California law, and the cops take that VERY seriously. I've seen it happen. Instant arrest.

I'm not a lawyer, but I do know that rape doesn't legally have to be a knife to your throat or a gun to your head, it can be basic intimidation, physical or even verbal. Take to the authorties. Most larger Police Departments have (usually female) rape specialists who can advise you.

Good luck and please be carefull.

this is what you should do (or what i would do if i were in ur situation) i would bring a voice activated recorder over to his house or meet up w/ him, and talk about it (a voice activated recorder because you dont have to try and hit record while your there...you can hide it in like, your purse or sumtin... worst comes to worst, you hide it in ur purse and act like ur getting something out of it, and then hit recorde.. .but then if he says anything revealing, then you have it on tape and its hard evidence, and then you should ask questions like, y didnt u take no for an answer? and then have his response on tape... tricky...;)

That's really funny! I think I have one of those things. I wish I had thought of that before. I should just record phone calls if he calls back so I don't have to go over there and put up with his crap.

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Originally Posted by Kiechi

Or the man could twist her words and say he may of gotten the STD off her.

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Exactly..........