Does a woman not respect herself if she pays for a trip to meet a guy?

I had been talking to a guy online every day for about 7 months. He had been quite waelthy and very successful until he lost his business in a series of unfortunate events about 2 years prior. He would tell me about the new types of businesses he was looking into but was pretty depressed about the whole thing. He lives in the UK and I did not know at the time the UK does not give limit to unemployment benefits (although Ive heard the want to start) and some people have never worked since they were even young.

Anyway... we developed this online friendship/romance that was mostly friendship in large part because at the time I was living with roommates that were driving me crazy and I ended up just staying in my room on my computer alot. There were some other situations in my life at the time that were also driving me crazy I would talk to the online guy about. One day I realized I just really needed to get away... far away. I asked friends and family if they could join me in a trip in a few weeks but no one had the time oir money. I wanted to go far away and somewhere I had never been before and decided to visit the country the guy was living and also meet him. He said he would pay for my trip in entirety or at least half if he had more $ but he didnt at the time. I didnt really care anymore as I just wanted to get away. So I paid the $2000 and went there for a week. It was great to be with him because he used to have a very successful business in the hospitality field so he was like a personal tour guide the whole week. We met and liked each other a lot but it didnt last after I came back.. which was fine.. I hadnt had my hopes up too much.

Would you think a woman who paid for the whole trip in this scenario doesnt respect herself?

Sounds like you wanted to get away and enjoyed the trip to the UK, and that seeing him was a nice side benefit.

But its not a trivial amount of money. I wouldn't make a habit of this. Be careful of him expecting this kind of thing in future (i.e. don't offer to pay his way to see you). Assuming you didn't do something irresponsible to pay for the trip, I don't think it should anyway affect your self-respect. You wanted to go, you did and you paid for it w/your own money.

It didnt work out between he and I.. but I hadnt been banking on it anyway and things just kind of faded eventually.

Why do you ask us such a question? Do you feel like that??

Normaly people ask us other type of things.

I dont think really about respect.I think more like its some kind of stupid and desperate and dangerous .

If you want to meet someone from the internet, you need to let him come over when you are a woman.

In your case you payed so much cash just for a week for some internet dude.
I guess you have to much money to spent on crap. And maybe you are to lonely.
MAYBE some kind of low self esteem

I'm guessing you didnt read my whole post... but as I stated I had some very trying situations going on in my life at the time and felt I just needed to get far away somewhere for a while. That was what propelled me more than anything.

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Originally Posted by cheekxs [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

In your case you payed so much cash just for a week for some internet dude.
I guess you have to much money to spent on crap. And maybe you are to lonely.
MAYBE some kind of low self esteem

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Cheekxs, even if she did spend the money to go see this guy, its really not any different from someone booking a trip to Jamaica/Thailand/Las Vegas to get laid. Men and women do this all the time. Self-indulgent, perhaps, but not necessarily a sign of low self-esteem by itself, I think.

I didnt feel like it was low self-esteem at all. I felt like I was on the breaking point between my roommates craziness and another situation via another band that almost required me to call the police.

Right then. Issue solved. I like these threads!

Dude who came onto me WANTED to think it was something else.. I guess so he could blame me after. Absolute slimeball. I feel worse for his gf than what he did to me. I asked him once: "How would you feel if you found out your gf is hooking up with some other guy when you're not aruond". He says "Id be pissed!" I said "Oh but its ok for you to do that to her?" His response in a kind of whiny voice "Its differnt.. I'm a guy."

He wasnt so cocky later when I had sent an email that actually reached her (she has a very popular in Asia). But he appears to be his old cocky self aagain now including hitting on a woman at the club bug time.

what do you think about this email I'm thinking to send him?

Hey Jim,

Still cheating on your girlfriend these days? Its fun to read your posts on facebook about how people should be treated and ethics regarding business and politics etc... in light of how you tried to take advantage of a woman you thought didnt value themselves and your cheating on and lying to a woman that has been keeping your business afloat for years and helping accrue your retirement. But it wouldnt suprise me you're probably just more than likely using her for your business.

But hey... whatever works for you, right?

I think it have something to do with self esteem.cause if you love yourself
you will not put yourself in such unkown situation. That could have end very bad.
And I dont bbelieve the whole story.cause pple that do things like this running to strangers
Do it often in the hope that it may be love.I think u added that other reason to not sound deseratw.

I talked to him every day for 7 months.. a lot of it on webcam. I felt 50/50 about the possibility of a love connection and he said the same. Neither of us were totally banking on anything. In all honesty... had a sister or friend been able to go on a trip with me I would have just gone with one of them... btu no one could go on the short notice espeically. I decided to go to the UK since Id never been there and had a connection who I did want to meet and we actually got along really well.. but it didnt develop into a romance.

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Originally Posted by lovemuffin [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

what do you think about this email I'm thinking to send him?

Hey Jim,

Still cheating on your girlfriend these days? Its fun to read your posts on facebook about how people should be treated and ethics regarding business and politics etc... in light of how you tried to take advantage of a woman you thought didnt value themselves and your cheating on and lying to a woman that has been keeping your business afloat for years and helping accrue your retirement. But it wouldnt suprise me you're probably just more than likely using her for your business.

But hey... whatever works for you, right?

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I think that if you want to bring yourself down to his level you're doing an excellent job of it.

Why are you still putting energy into this idiot? Is this the best you can do? Really, you need a different hobby. Karma IS; he'll get his and without you needling the situation to make it happen. All that will do is get you covered in shit too.

I guess its on my mind lately because I've been seeing quite a bit again lately... but I think I realized the other night I'm just going to have to leave when I see him.

If I had 2000 beans to spend on a trip "to get away from my roommates" I would have used that money to find a new place to live instead, so I could be happier.

it wasnt just my roommates... there were other situations driving me crazy as I mentioned above. I just felt I needed to go far away. I also wanted to get an idea of Europe as I have been thinking of relocating somewhere outside the US.

Australia is nice.

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Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If I had 2000 beans to spend on a trip "to get away from my roommates" I would have used that money to find a new place to live instead, so I could be happier.

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Again, its her money to spend as she pleases. Shrug.

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Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Australia is nice.

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Australia is awesome. I lived there for a while. But $2000 barely gets you there (depending where you are flying from).

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Would you think a woman who paid for the whole trip in this scenario doesnt respect herself?

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No, but I think that a woman that used the excuse that "she needed to get way" and so she chose to go to the country of a guy that she'd been having an emotional affair with was bein disengenuous to herself.. playing her own mind games and was being slightly desparate.

As for your email. Why don't you just get over this guy by going zero contact so that he quits having this emotional hold over you. You're still playing mind games with yourself because he doesn't care what you think and you're thinking that he does.

Forgive yourself for wasting the money to go see someone who was not real with you. Once you've done that, along with zero contact you'll be able to slowly withdrawl from the habit of him. The email is just immature stuff that nah, nah, nahna, nahna is made of.

Further to above:

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Originally Posted by lovemuffin [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I didnt feel like it was low self-esteem at all. I felt like I was on the breaking point between my roommates craziness and another situation via another band that almost required me to call the police.

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Then why did you ask if we thought a woman that would do this had low self-esteem? What would even make you ask such a thing if you didn't think it made you lack in someway? Who put that 'bug' in your brain?

The idiot guy did. Anyway, we are beating a dead horse. LOL, lack of other threads in this place.

More dead horse flogging ahead:

I've read your posting history so you can ignore the posted question Op. I still believe that you need to forget about the TWO turds you've managed to associate yourself with and that you need to quit fking with your own head, though.

Poor Wakeup. LOL. You think too much and don't know how to turn back the rheostat.

bzzzzzzzz *swat* Indie: WHY do you care so much :)

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Further to above: Then why did you ask if we thought a woman that would do this had low self-esteem? What would even make you ask such a thing if you didn't think it made you lack in someway? Who put that 'bug' in your brain?

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The guy I used to work with that told me he thought I didnt value myself because I paid for the trip and tried to get a NSA with me behind his gf's back as result. I posted about it in another post as someone commented they thought they should be two dofferent questions.

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

No, but I think that a woman that used the excuse that "she needed to get way" and so she chose to go to the country of a guy that she'd been having an emotional affair with was bein disengenuous to herself.. playing her own mind games and was being slightly desparate.

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I was under immense stress. My roomates were driving me crazy and I had another situation that got to the point I wanted to get the police involved. The only person I felt supported by and understood me and was a light was the guy I had been talking to online. We both agreed we weren't sure about the romantic aspect working out before I even left... but both wanted to meet each other anyway. I had a very nice time with him actually and he was like a provate tour guide for me.

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Again, its her money to spend as she pleases. Shrug.



Australia is awesome. I lived there for a while. But $2000 barely gets you there (depending where you are flying from).

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Hey I didn't say she should have....just said if it were me....comment in passing.


Australia...just another misc comment.

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Originally Posted by lovemuffin [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I was under immense stress. My roomates were driving me crazy and I had another situation that got to the point I wanted to get the police involved. The only person I felt supported by and understood me and was a light was the guy I had been talking to online. We both agreed we weren't sure about the romantic aspect working out before I even left... but both wanted to meet each other anyway. I had a very nice time with him actually and he was like a provate tour guide for me.

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The bolded part is what makes me think you may be lacking in the self-worth department. Not the fact that you went on paid-for-with-your-own-money trip. It's the fact you felt that he was the only person in your life who could make you feel safe and sane. That you were relying on him ~ someone you didn't even know, really.

I, like Smackie wonder why if you had room-mates that were driving you insane that you wouldn't just use the money for first and last months rent (priorities after all) on a new place and then, when you'd re-cooped that expense, gone on a nice Vay-kay to a resort to unwind. It's not about who paid for the trip (as the dude without morals and integrity suggests) but rather about the reasons why you went on your trip that make me wonder if you're okay.

Anyway, I'd still never give a shit what some asshole who would ask you for meaningless sex while in a committed relationship would think ~ He's just fluff after all... as was your internet friend overseas.

Forget the two of them and learn to be more discerning in who you keep company with and invest your money, time and emotions on. Even if the commodity you're investing in is only friendship... value yourself enough to be able to distance yourself from fluff is all I'm getting at.

Glad you had fun, now as most have said here, next this which is not even worth pondering anymore.

With the 3 threads that were started I sense some sensitivity from you (trouble coping)......who cares what others think. You are an adult, you are responsible for your own choices and you don't need to go to others to find confirmation. Your reasons for doing so is really no ones business but your own. Just put his comments on ignore.....move on.

Tip: next time when a guy asks you out...friend or otherwise, if you have no interest in dating them, you make sure you bring it up or ask if it's a date or not....never just "assume".


I bet money on it that he really didn't think you were easy bc you went off to visit some guy....he didn't like being rejected by you and he was such a sore loser about it he just turned on you for doing it. His comment was just pulled out of his ass to belittle you.

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Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I bet money on it that he really didn't think you were easy bc you went off to visit some guy....he didn't like being rejected by you and he was such a sore loser about it he just turned on you for doing it. His comment was just pulled out of his ass to belittle you.

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True dat.

(btw smackie, is your new signture a reference to those WW2 posters? I think it's 'keep calm and carry on'. I used to have one in my kitchen, right next to another one which said 'now panic and freak out'. :) )

Some guy at my work was out of town on a job, and brought back dog tags he got made up for me that had that on it.....maybe there wasn't enough room for the "and" part. These days everything is shortened.

Maybe it cost more for the 'and'.. I had a champagn bottle engraved recently for a friend's engagement, the guy at the cobblers (who for some reason also engraved stuff and cut keys) charged per word - every 'and' 'on' and 'from' I could get rid of was gone in a second.

I looked at it and there is no more room...he had other stuff put on it as well as that quote.....it's possible it's a generic thing already on it.

why did he bring you dog tags anyway? I'm pretty sure that counts as jewellery, and I'm pretty sure giving a girl jewellery means he loves you. ;)

(sorry for temporarily derailing this thread guys, but as you can see this is some pretty important shit.)

LOL! no when staff goes away they bring back souvenirs like key chains and crap. I have been given key chains from all over the world actually.

The tags were made up in collaboration with another co-worker as a joke. I have been with my company for almost 23 years......we are like one big crazy family...which make my job a little nicer and the reason why I have been working there for this long.....it's a stressful job so it's great to work with awesome people.....it takes the edge off.

D'aaaw, that sounds nice... just not as interesting as a symbol of undying love from one fella to his co-worker though. ;)

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

bzzzzzzzz *swat* Indie: WHY do you care so much :)

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Oh please. I don't. LOL. We've been over this. You aren't anywhere in my league to try to swat. If I truly turned my sights on you, it would be like blasting a gnat w/a laser cannon.

You are the one pointed out my post and told the OP to ignore (which you then deleted--note the edit). Want us to go get the original post for you?

You simply responded before I had a chance (the deleted post) so I deleted and re-posted to include your comments.
You can get the original comment if you want. I wasn't trying to hide anything.
This isn't a competition. I really don't care if I'm the "gnat" (in your opinion) and you're the superior bug around here. I'm here to give my opinionated opinion :)

I still wonder why you care so much about what I have to say and what I care to delete or keep posted though... for what it's worth it was You who told me to stop putting "snip" in my posts I've changed my mind about and just delete them. As you're fond of saying "shrug"

WU - you could have simply apologized for telling the OP to ignore my post. It was rude. End of.

But I'll give you the graceful out. It was probably me that responded to your post too quickly... even tho you *did* make that post. Sorry about pointing out your rude post. Next. :P