My girlfriend doesnt want to have sex with me as often than we used to.

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21-09-12, 01:42 AM
menix83

My girlfriend doesnt want to have sex with me as often than we used to.

Ive been with my girlfriend for almost two years now. We moved in together about 4 months ago. Before we moved in together I would spend the night at at her moms and she would spend the night at my parents. We couldnt keep our hands off of each other. We would always talk about getting a place together so we wouldnt have to sneak around anymore. Im lucky if i get it once a month now. I remember the moves i used to put on her when we first started dating none of that works anymore. When I come home from work or she does i'll do the moves, now shes's like get off of me. This is a huge blow to my self esteem i start off thinking what am i doing wrong? does she not want to have sex with me anymore? And then there is this thought that crosses my mind which is utterly devastating, is she getting it somewhere else? I need a females opinion here. what else can i do? I love her immensely, shes the love of my life. I feel really depressed. When shes laying next to me and we are going to bed she can see that something is upseting me. she says whats wrong babe i just answer back nothing babe im cool. when im really not. I just dont want to tell her " hey im mad because we havent done it for an entire month" because then she'll give me the silent treatment for a week. I dont want it to blow up to a huge thing because the she is going to feel like im forcing her to do it. im just really unhappy.
21-09-12, 01:55 AM
Maple1714

You need to sit down and talk to her about how you feel. You can't just say "Nothing babe"....be honest and see where the conversation goes. You have needs and it's good to express what they are to your GF. She shouldn't give you the silent treatment...how old are you both?

From personal experience, whenever I loose physical attraction towards a BF it's time for me to move on. This has happened to me a few times around the 2yr mark actually. It just goes away...I don't know why...I just loose interest and start to think about other guys. It's also natural to go through cycles...so just talk to her and hopefully if she has lost attraction to you she will be honest with you and tell you.
21-09-12, 01:57 AM
menix83

shes 25 im 29
21-09-12, 02:02 AM
Maple1714

I'm 29 too...maybe when you do talk to her about this issue don't come off as being angry, but just tell her that your feelings are hurt. Tell her you can try different things in the bedroom? Some toys? Idk. Looking back, it was more my fault that my relationships failed and I lost interest in having sex. I didn't try to talk to the guys about it or make any real changes...I just moved on and then the same thing would happen all over again. Now, I talk to my BF about everything and we talk about what we like etc...so I haven't lost interest yet and its been 2-1/2 years.
21-09-12, 02:04 AM
dinazcolada

I think you need to figure out what is important to her. She may be feeling emotionally unsatisfied in another area.

Ask her what makes her feel good, there are the 5 love languages and you can ask her which one is her favorite.

Gifts
Words of Affirmation (you look so pretty, I love you)
Acts of service (do the dishes, and I'll love you forever)
Physical touch (not necessarily sex, hugs, shoulder rubs, etc)
Quality time

You can figure out what is your favorite too and let her know.

When she tells you what her favorite thing is, make sure and do the thing for her. Because whatever it is makes her feel the most loved. When she feels supported in this important area, it wil change your relationship.
21-09-12, 02:12 AM
Maple1714

Quote:

Originally Posted by dinazcolada [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think you need to figure out what is important to her. She may be feeling emotionally unsatisfied in another area.

Ask her what makes her feel good, there are the 5 love languages and you can ask her which one is her favorite.

Gifts
Words of Affirmation (you look so pretty, I love you)
Acts of service (do the dishes, and I'll love you forever)
Physical touch (not necessarily sex, hugs, shoulder rubs, etc)
Quality time

You can figure out what is your favorite too and let her know.

When she tells you what her favorite thing is, make sure and do the thing for her. Because whatever it is makes her feel the most loved. When she feels supported in this important area, it wil change your relationship.

This is good advice. I realized that in my past relationships when I lost the attraction it was b/c I wasn't really engaged emotionally anymore in the relationship...I didn't try hard enough. NOW I am trying super hard b/c we have a child together. We are open about everything that we think about sexually...even thinking about other people! You both just need to communicate openly with one another and work through this. She wanted to have sex before so you can get it back...
21-09-12, 04:27 AM
Wakeup

When is the last time you took her out on a date, Menix? You have to work a woman's mind to get her to feel sexual attraction for you and if all you're doing is coming home, watching television, not having much of a conversation with her and then expecting her to be turned on when she goes to bed, then it's not going to happen for you or her for that matter.

As unfair as you may think it is that you still have to work to get to first base, second base and a home run... that is just the way of the female. There is the odd woman out there that gets horny at a stiff breeze blowing across her, but they are far and few between or, they make crappy life-partners because one man is not enough for them. Generally speaking, of course.

So: What is the last thing you did together just to have fun, to stimulate her senses and to get her in the mood BEFORE you made the moves on her?
21-09-12, 02:01 PM
menix83

well i took all of your advice and talked to her about it and still nothing. I asked her hey tell me what you like and ill do everything to make you happy. she said i dont know what it is. and then she said its really not you its me. I dont know what to say. I feel really hurt because i know this is break up territory. I told her hey look im not going to push it anymore, i just need to know whats up are you still actracted to me? she said yes always. then she said its not you its me. im just feeling really depressed right now because i still got no answer. im lying next to her in bed and still she asks babe whats wrong. What am I doing wrong? i put it all out on the table. Im not sad because we still havent done it, im sad because i have no answer. it really gets me thinking of what i did wrong? I dont want to break up but like it or not that is where its heading. i wish it wasnt true. but logic tells me thats whats next.
21-09-12, 03:24 PM
Boisdevie

'It's not you, it's me' = It's over but I don't have the guts to tell you.
'I don't know what I want' = I dont' want you but don't have the guts to tell you.

You've tried to communicate and it's ended in nothing, nada, zilch, rien. She has already ended the relationship but forgot to tell you.
21-09-12, 11:56 PM
Maple1714

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boisdevie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

'It's not you, it's me' = It's over but I don't have the guts to tell you.
'I don't know what I want' = I dont' want you but don't have the guts to tell you.

You've tried to communicate and it's ended in nothing, nada, zilch, rien. She has already ended the relationship but forgot to tell you.

Bio is right....I have been there myself and said the exact same things....ugh. I am sorry. BUT there is some truth to what she said. It isn't you! It really is her....her feelings have changed for whatever reason. She doesn't feel emotionally attached or attracted to you. It's not your fault...its no ones fault...these things just happen and its ok. Maybe if you separated for a while she will miss you and you guys could start fresh?
22-09-12, 12:07 AM
Ea Scarlet

Why don't you just spend the night without having sex...maybe cuddle will do... you should do the simple things for once in a while. :)
22-09-12, 12:08 AM
Maple1714

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ea Scarlet [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Why don't you just spend the night without having sex...maybe cuddle will do... you should do the simple things for once in a while. :)

They live together and he said they only have sex about once a month...sooooo there have been lots of nights with no sex.
22-09-12, 03:15 AM
BackUpOrGetStng

Dump this girl, go no contact, and don't waste any time getting back into dating. Tell her to move out and she can figure out her problems on her own while you look for someone who is compatible.

The problem here is that you have become a bitch. She's not attracted to you anymore because you sulk and whine about sex, instead of telling her to get the **** out of your life. I'm guessing you probably sulk and whine your way through life in general. Girls are not attracted to a guy they think is dependent on them. A girl has to feel like you will be fine without her to stay attracted to you. Once you become the sappy bitch, you're finished. I'm okay a woman I'm dating saying no to sex, but if it happens 3 times in a row, I tell her I feel like she's not attracted to me anymore and we should stop seeing each other, then I leave or tell her to leave. Usually they will want to stay, or want me to stay, and the sex usually picks back up after that. At the times when I do actually leave or make them leave, I'd say it probably 50/50 as far as them getting back in touch with me later.
22-09-12, 03:17 AM
Wakeup

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

When is the last time you took her out on a date, Menix? You have to work a woman's mind to get her to feel sexual attraction for you and if all you're doing is coming home, watching television, not having much of a conversation with her and then expecting her to be turned on when she goes to bed, then it's not going to happen for you or her for that matter.

As unfair as you may think it is that you still have to work to get to first base, second base and a home run... that is just the way of the female. There is the odd woman out there that gets horny at a stiff breeze blowing across her, but they are far and few between or, they make crappy life-partners because one man is not enough for them. Generally speaking, of course.

So: What is the last thing you did together just to have fun, to stimulate her senses and to get her in the mood BEFORE you made the moves on her?

Why would you ask her what she wanted? You need to take charge not ask her what you can do. I repeat... when is the last time to took her out on a date? Took her to dinner or a club or to do any of the things you both liked to do when you were a new couple?

She sounds bored, under appreciated and unstimulated. Take charge and just court her like you once did.
22-09-12, 05:00 AM
searock

Wakeup's last post contains good advice, but I think it's too late now. Trying won't hurt though. If it doesn't work and she's still emotionally and physically distant after a week or so, then you just need to break up with her.
24-09-12, 01:06 AM
mrFrog

You deserve it. Why? Because while your girlfriend has a serious problem inside, what you do is not listening to her but asking her for sex. So, what you need to do now is sitting beside her, looking directly at her eyes, and tell her you love her. You want to share her troubles no matter what they are. Listen to her without judgment. Remember that you two are in a relationship. It means you two share the thoughts, the emotions and really have the connection. Without those things, you two are just the sex partner of each other.