Help dealing with my mother...

Well, my previous thread was: http://www.loveforum.net/threads/68191-Maybe-burning-bridges-with-parents...-help-please

Here is a bullet list of facts:

• Mom does not like my girlfriend
• Mom has put an ultimatum for me to break up
• I did not comply
• For a week, My mom continue to send hurtful emails
• I blocked my mom from phone and email
• Mom logged into my linkedin and screwed around with my account
• Mom cancelled her own credit card, cancelled her own points, and blamed me for it
• My stepdad takes her side, telling me how terrible I am for cancelling their credit cards
• I inform him I did not cancel their cards, but it falls on deaf ears
• I block my stepdad from email and phone, he understands... I think
• My mom is apparently threatening to sue me for the tuition.
• My parents had paid for my tuition under the condition I maintain A-Bs consistently
• Unfortunately I received a C in two my semesters, but my mom asked me to forge my grades so that my stepdad would continue paying

So... I am left with a few options. I can "tough it out", and not pay them.

Or, I can start paying them back ($160,000).

Ideas? Thoughts? This is very emotionally stressful on me...

Pay them nothing. If they insist, tell them to get a lawyer.

And ferchrissakes, cut off contact.

BTW your mother threatening (take note of that word) to sue is an attempt to regain control. To make you do what she wants.

ANY TIME that threats or coercion is involved, it's a power play.

Oh I did cut contact.

I changed my phone number, and blocked out their emails. However, their secretary can still email me, and I will call him on a blocked phone number to communicate. We are currently going through a transition phase where responsibility is removed from me.

He just wanted to give me a warning of what my mom is doing.

I'd be willing to bet that if they try they'll lose. At worst they'll be forced to a settlement.

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Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

BTW your mother threatening (take note of that word) to sue is an attempt to regain control. To make you do what she wants.

ANY TIME that threats or coercion is involved, it's a power play.

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The implicit threat I heard was:

If I don't give her a call in 3 weeks, she is sueing me.

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Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'd be willing to bet that if they try they'll lose. At worst they'll be forced to a settlement.

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Yes, but I did have a verbal agreement with my stepdad that he would only help me with my tuition if I did not get below a B as a grade.

... welp, giving this thread a bump due to Ea Scarlet's gravedigging. (sorry)

It was only a verbal agreement between you and your stepdad, I don't think it means anything, legally speaking. Did you forge your grades, and what exactly do you mean by that?

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Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It was only a verbal agreement between you and your stepdad, I don't think it means anything, legally speaking. Did you forge your grades, and what exactly do you mean by that?

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The first time I got a C, I told my mom, and she told me to "change" the C to a B while copy/pasting it. So... I did as she said.

..And now she is threatening to sue me unless I call her within the next 3 weeks.

Where did you copy/paste it? On official school documents? Does she have proof?

I dont want to go read no old post.

So put it all in here.

And stop complaining about your mom.
If you are underage suck it!

cause they are the parents you are the kid its there money and house!

if you are adult you should be on your own. then no one will tell you anything!
cause its your own place and money.

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Originally Posted by InYourFACE [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I dont want to go read no old post.

So put it all in here.

And stop complaining about your mom.
If you are underage suck it!

cause they are the parents you are the kid its there money and house!

if you are adult you should be on your own. then no one will tell you anything!
cause its your own place and money.

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**** off somewhere else, douchebag.

Parents suing their children...... only in f*ckin America. The answer is pretty simple, get your sh*t together. Your parents are paying for your education, the least you can do is maintain your grades. All that stuff that your mom did, I think that was to get your attention. Talk to her and stand firm in your actions, just be respectful while you're doing it.

Apparently there is a common trend of tl;dr going on...

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Originally Posted by InYourFACE [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

cause they are the parents you are the kid its there money and house!

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... *their

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Originally Posted by distilled [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Parents suing their children...... only in f*ckin America. The answer is pretty simple, get your sh*t together. Your parents are paying for your education, the least you can do is maintain your grades. All that stuff that your mom did, I think that was to get your attention. Talk to her and stand firm in your actions, just be respectful while you're doing it.

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My parents paid for my education 2 years ago. I am well into the working world living independently. My mom creating a situation out of the past.

My point is this: I am being blackmailed to call my mom within the next 3 weeks. If I don't call her, then apparently she is going to sue me. I think there is something dramatically wrong here.


Anyhow, HeartIsAching I think hit the nail on the head in his first post, so I am not going to call her, and see how things play out :/

Tooya, was what you did with your grades illegal, and does your mother have proof?

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Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

**** off somewhere else, douchebag.

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shut up faggot you are a douchebag retarded ass hole

I think you should consider paying them back for those two semesters. You had a deal.

And cut contact.

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Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Tooya, was what you did with your grades illegal, and does your mother have proof?

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It wasn't illegal, but it was morally wrong. Problem is, my mom was the one who told me to do it... and now she is threatening to sue me for doing it. :/

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think you should consider paying them back for those two semesters. You had a deal.

And cut contact.

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Sounds reasonable to me. Thanks for the advice. The problem I am facing is my mom is trying to get the full bill put on my plate.

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Originally Posted by InYourFACE [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

shut up faggot you are a douchebag retarded ass hole

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I'm going to reply with some big words, so you may want to get out your dictionary. You do have a dictionary, don't you? Do you know how to use it? Ok, here goes.

The word faggot should never be used as a pejorative indicating homosexuals. The etymology of the word is so incredibly horrible that no civilized person could ever condone it's proper usage.

Additionally, "Asshole" is a single word. Sort of like your intelligence quotient is a single digit.

LOL, she's spelling it wrong too. Its only got one 'g'. Anyway, I thought it meant a stick or a cigarette.

Here's a fun one I learned when in Australia (the aussies can confirm or not). I was told I shouldn't call my bag a fannie pack (my waist belted purse). Apparently fannie is offensive. We had a good laugh also when I learned that flip-flop sandals are called 'thongs'. Tho the analogy made immediate sense. :D

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

LOL, she's spelling it wrong too. Its only got one 'g'. Anyway, I thought it meant a stick or a cigarette.

Here's a fun one I learned when in Australia (the aussies can confirm or not). I was told I shouldn't call my bag a fannie pack (my waist belted purse). Apparently fannie is offensive. We had a good laugh also when I learned that flip-flop sandals are called 'thongs'. Tho the analogy made immediate sense. :D

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Yes... specifically firewood. As in what you light on fire.

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

LOL, she's spelling it wrong too. Its only got one 'g'. Anyway, I thought it meant a stick or a cigarette.

Here's a fun one I learned when in Australia (the aussies can confirm or not). I was told I shouldn't call my bag a fannie pack (my waist belted purse). Apparently fannie is offensive. We had a good laugh also when I learned that flip-flop sandals are called 'thongs'. Tho the analogy made immediate sense. :D

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I've heard that too. A family I knew in The Netherlands had lived in Australia for a time... they were down at the beach one day and she looked at her daughter and said to her friend "I've got to put her on a diet, her fanny is getting too big". Her friend was horrified "You can't say that!"

:D

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Originally Posted by TheTooya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It wasn't illegal, but it was morally wrong. Problem is, my mom was the one who told me to do it... and now she is threatening to sue me for doing it. :/

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Well, if you did nothing illegal, what can she sue you for :S?

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Originally Posted by TheTooya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Sounds reasonable to me. Thanks for the advice. The problem I am facing is my mom is trying to get the full bill put on my plate.

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I don't know your family's view of parental responsibility regarding higher education costs, but I think it is their moral responsibility to provide for it (if they can afford it) and so long as you meet their academic standards. I understand them not paying for some portion of your fees when you didn't do well, but the whole expense? Is that what you agreed to?

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't know your family's view of parental responsibility regarding higher education costs, but I think it is their moral responsibility to provide for it (if they can afford it) and so long as you meet their academic standards. I understand them not paying for some portion of your fees when you didn't do well, but the whole expense? Is that what you agreed to?

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Besides that, a "C" isn't exactly the end of the world. It's not like it's a failing grade, it was just not a fantastic grade.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't know your family's view of parental responsibility regarding higher education costs, but I think it is their moral responsibility to provide for it (if they can afford it) and so long as you meet their academic standards. I understand them not paying for some portion of your fees when you didn't do well, but the whole expense? Is that what you agreed to?

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As far as I remember, the agreement was per semester. Granted, its been 2 years since I graduated, and this agreement was made 6 years ago.

Unfortunately, they also had commit identity theft under my name... so when I attempted to get a loan to cover part of the cost of tuition, I was out right denied by every bank.

I guess the biggest shame is that I recently sold some of my company stock options to bail my parents out (they were in a pinch, and needed money)... and because I took back my credit cards from them, I am not seeing a penny of the $5k loan I gave them. :/

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So... I have a lot of reasons as to why I don't believe I should pay them back for tuition.... I'm just uncomfortable with the fact that my mom is saying she will sue me if I don't do what she says. That... sounds like some sort of control game...


@searock

Welp, I am in America, and people can sue for whatever they want these days :/

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Son, you will pay the points back at the least. You have caused this disruption not anyone else and we are the ones that lose either way regarding the card usage not to mention the miles which are less important. If you do not, I will give your mother the green light to have one of the attorneys subpoena your school records to see if you have lied about your grades which prompted me to pay for your college if you met minimum agreed standards. If you did not and you changed your grades or omitted reports, I will pursue this in civil court against you and we will make it public to both your school as well as your company’s CEO, CFO and CTO in addition to requesting the return of your tuition funds that I paid on your behalf. This is not a threat. I am clinical and will do this merely to teach you a “hard earned lesson” that is way past due- one that which if you continue to shit on your mother past the end of Oct., I will break you in two mate…test my resolve and “your world”-what you have left of it, will incur a substantial and unsettling whirlwind by the end of Oct.

On the other hand, this is not what I want to do not even in the slightest because I just want to see you go on and live a productive life, quietly but no longer with us as a unit.. The issue at hand here though is you are going to be taught there are consequences-one way or the other. If you take care of the airline miles issue and admit that you have not maintained the agreed grade point average or that you did adhere to it, I will drop this altogether even though you have ruined the relationship with your mother as well as the card usage which was highly important to us, financially. Further, I will not pursue the subpoena and making the matter public with your school and employer if and only if your mother is satisfied with your apology. You do not have to “grovel” but it better be enormously ****ing sincere. I am not asking you for an apology. I am not asking you for anything with respect to me as I simply do not care anymore-period… but what I do care about is your actions toward your mother. Son, please take me serious-more so than ever before. Otherwise, I am going to make it my mission to bring an insurmountable base of destruction on you by the end of Oct. if your mother is not satisfied with your response. Govern yourself accordingly.

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So... what do I do? I have "proof" that I am getting blackmailed. A large part of me wants to give into his demands, but I have already given them $4000 2 weeks ago, and assumed $3000 debt from the credit cards they fraudulently maxed out, and I feel like I am starting to be spread very thin here..... and to be honest, if I did follow through with his demands, he might not even comply and demand more.

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Originally Posted by TheTooya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So... what do I do? I have "proof" that I am getting blackmailed. A large part of me wants to give into his demands, but I have already given them $4000 2 weeks ago, and assumed $3000 debt from the credit cards they fraudulently maxed out, and I feel like I am starting to be spread very thin here..... and to be honest, if I did follow through with his demands, he might not even comply and demand more.

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LOL... I wouldn't actually suggest it, but you could email them back and let them know that if they sue, you'll be counter-suing for fraud and identity theft.

But really, I'd suggest getting a lawyer's opinion. I personally think that if you do, and if you refer all communications to him/her, they'll desist.

I was going to suggest a lawyer also. Or perhaps start with the police. You could tell them you are being threatened and get a restraining order on him.

Your parents are insane. Your own parents are trying to scam you, kiddo. They have no integrity at all.

Why haven't you blocked them yet?? Why did you give them money again?? You are creating your own mess here. Bounce the email back as 'undeliverable'. Break contact completely.

If you must, send a brief message saying the following:

Please stop trying to contact me. All your messages are going to my trash unread. I have a record of all your communication to me. I have contacted the police. If you contact me again, I will follow up and get a restraining order on you.

Do actually contact the police, bring a copy of the email where your stepfather threatened you. If this were not your family, you would be arresting them for fraud. I believe the cutoff for minor theft is $<2000 and this is much more.

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Originally Posted by TheTooya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

As far as I remember, the agreement was per semester. Granted, its been 2 years since I graduated, and this agreement was made 6 years ago.

Unfortunately, they also had commit identity theft under my name... so when I attempted to get a loan to cover part of the cost of tuition, I was out right denied by every bank.

I guess the biggest shame is that I recently sold some of my company stock options to bail my parents out (they were in a pinch, and needed money)... and because I took back my credit cards from them, I am not seeing a penny of the $5k loan I gave them. :/

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So... I have a lot of reasons as to why I don't believe I should pay them back for tuition.... I'm just uncomfortable with the fact that my mom is saying she will sue me if I don't do what she says. That... sounds like some sort of control game...


@searock

Welp, I am in America, and people can sue for whatever they want these days :/

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God, this could go on Jerry Springer. Don't your parents have anything better to do than harass and commit fraud on their child? Are they really redneck or what?

God, Tooya - your parents sound really awful.

I agree that you should tell them you will be counter-suing for identity theft/fraud, and that a judge would probably look upon that less favorably than letting your parents pay your college tuition.

I know it must suck to have such pathetic parents, but another thing to remind yourself is that you have learned a lot about how NOT to be, and it sounds like you have developed much better character because of your experiences. You are proof that people can rise above their upbringings.

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

God, this could go on Jerry Springer. Don't your parents have anything better to do than harass and commit fraud on their child? Are they really redneck or what?

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My parents actually run a financial firm, and for several years used my name as a puppet to operate their business... ._.

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I was going to suggest a lawyer also. Or perhaps start with the police. You could tell them you are being threatened and get a restraining order on him.

Your parents are insane. Your own parents are trying to scam you, kiddo. They have no integrity at all.

Why haven't you blocked them yet?? Why did you give them money again?? You are creating your own mess here. Bounce the email back as 'undeliverable'. Break contact completely.

If you must, send a brief message saying the following:

Please stop trying to contact me. All your messages are going to my trash unread. I have a record of all your communication to me. I have contacted the police. If you contact me again, I will follow up and get a restraining order on you.

Do actually contact the police, bring a copy of the email where your stepfather threatened you. If this were not your family, you would be arresting them for fraud. I believe the cutoff for minor theft is $<2000 and this is much more.

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I did block them, but I informed them that I have left a 3rd party (their secretary) can contact me to fulfill business needs as I transition away from them (I thought that was the decent thing to do...).

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I have until the end of October to defend myself.. I guess. I am meeting with a Lawyer on Saturday to see what legal rights I have in protecting myself. So... I'll keep this thread updated. :/

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Originally Posted by TheTooya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

My parents actually run a financial firm, and for several years used my name as a puppet to operate their business... ._.

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ROFL! There's some irony, right there.

Your 'parents' (I use the term loosely) sound horrible. Sorry, hun.

What's good in your life? All well with your GF, despite all the drama?

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

ROFL! There's some irony, right there.

Your 'parents' (I use the term loosely) sound horrible. Sorry, hun.

What's good in your life? All well with your GF, despite all the drama?

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I.. don't know. I just got a promotion at my work, so theres some good there. I think if it wasn't for the promotion, and if it wasn't for my company telling me they will take legal action to stop my family from harassing other employees...I'd be pretty lost. My GF is managing the best she can despite all of this. I have been a bit of a mess, so she has shouldered a bit of my stress... but I have been doing my best to not weigh her down.

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Originally Posted by TheTooya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

if it wasn't for my company telling me they will take legal action to stop my family from harassing other employees..

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That's crazy. You are mixing work and personal life. You are lucky your company hasn't found a way to get rid of you. If an employee's family started doing something like that where I work, they would ask them to take a leave to get their personal issues sorted out.

If you have all this evidence, yours and others, I can't understand why you haven't gone to the police/courts yet. Something smells wrong with your story. My BS detectors are going off, Tooya. What is your contribution to all this?

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

That's crazy. You are mixing work and personal life. You are lucky your company hasn't found a way to get rid of you.

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My manager has told me that he has seen no lapse in quality of work since the beginning of this... craziness.

I have been doing my best to keep my personal life away from my work life, but I felt threatened and went to my companies HR/legal team. HR/Legal won't help me on a personal level (understandably), but they said they will ensure that all employees feel that working at HomeAway is a safe haven.

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If you have all this evidence, yours and others, I can't understand why you haven't gone to the police/courts yet. Something smells wrong with your story. My BS detectors are going off, Tooya. What is your contribution to all this?

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When it comes down to it... I just don't want to provoke them. I know if my company issues out that cease and desist letter, my parents will get even worse, and I'm tired of all this fighting. If I go to the police, I am being a bad person that is trying to turn on the very people that brought me up and took care of me and my education.

I'm not a vindictive person... The last thing I want to do, is try and attack my family's livelihood (and that includes my younger sister). I just want to be left alone, and no matter how hard I try, they keep tightening their grip.


I am seeing a lawyer on Saturday to get a better understanding of how to legally protect myself.


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Edit:
Also, I am not my parents, and I don't want to feel like I have to stoop to their level. They can sue me all they want... but I feel like I would be an ungrateful son if I sued them. ... Also its just sounds messed up, someone suing his own parents, or reporting their parents to the police.


I just... don't want to be the bad guy. Me suing my parents makes me the bad guy. Me reporting my parents grief to the police makes me the bad guy. I am always trying to peacefully resolve everything, and right now... its very tough :(

... and I realize I just dumped 24 years of supression.. sorry about that. I've been controlled and manipulated my entire life, and a large part of me is having trouble coping with this situation. Coping with whats going, coping with what I probably could or should do to get my parents out of my life, and coping with the consequences of having an understandable reason to go after me.

I think all of this... I should probably bring to the therapist. 3rd meetings on monday... so.. meh :/

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Originally Posted by TheTooya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

... and I realize I just dumped 24 years of supression.. sorry about that. I've been controlled and manipulated my entire life, and a large part of me is having trouble coping with this situation. Coping with whats going, coping with what I probably could or should do to get my parents out of my life, and coping with the consequences of having an understandable reason to go after me.

I think all of this... I should probably bring to the therapist. 3rd meetings on monday... so.. meh :/

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Your parents major problem right now is that you're refusing to be controlled any longer. THAT is a good beginning. Keep seeing the therapist.

What controlling/abusive people do when that happens is ratchet up the pressure... they escalate, try more and more radical, even outlandish methods to try and regain control. Sound familiar?

You wouldn't BELIEVE (well, maybe you would) some of the things that came out of my wife's ex's mouth while they were married. He also continued calling, trying to browbeat her into doing what he wanted, even when it was violating his restraining order. Trying for MONTHS after she left - didn't give up until a year later when I answered the phone.