Hi Everyone.
I'm new to this site and would like your opinion on my woes.
I am married for 2 years but have been with the same man for the past 16 years. I met him when I was 18 and pretty much went through my adult life with him, he is kind and caring BUT I think have fallen out of love with him and its due to lack of communication over the past few years - little things started to build up and build up and compound themselves until it all came to a stop when I found out that he was gambling and lost a lot of money on it.
About 3 years ago, he lost his job due to him trying to steal some money from his boss, he broke down and told me that he had gambled a considerable amount of money. He was so distraught that i stuck with him, a couple of months later we were due to marry and we did but now I think that he only asked me because it was his way of fixing things with us. To be honest, I would have loved to have married years ago as you can imagine I'm with him for 16 years and he never mentioned marriage, looking back I resent him for it now. I don't know why I stayed with him so long when he wasnt showing any signs of marrying me BUT we did buy a house together which was his way of showing a commitment and he thought we were good but inside I was really confused as to why he never asked me. He always told me he loved me and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.
We decided to have a new start so we moved so that he could get another job BUT before I could move I had to leave my job and give 4 months notice. He was on his own for 4 months but I met him nearly every weekend if not every second weekend. I could see by him that he was struggling and he used to cry when I was leaving him on Sunday evenings. When I eventually did move, we started bickering and arguing and then he told me that he didn't know whether he loved me or not because he wasn't sure of my commitment to him as he says I always put every one else before him. He does not have any family support as they are not a close family unlike mine who are very supportive and very close. He thinks it is strange that I do so much for them but he does not understand that this is what I would consider to be a "normal" family life that we do things for each other.
I have left him for a few weeks to see if things would change, I came back and it was good for a few weeks but then went back to square one again, it seems i'm going forward but being pushed back again. I'm afraid it does not stop there, I found out recently that he has been looking at porn sites and that he pays money to these women for dirty texts etc I was absolutely devastated when I found out this he had spent a lot of money on it and now I don't know if I can trust him it seems as if he obsessed with these sites now and sex with him has changed, all I think is he sees me as one of those women.
I'm so confused, I don't know if I'll ever trust him again, I don't feel that he loves me anymore and to be honest he has hurt me so much over the past few years that if I let my guard down he'll break my heart all over again. I am considering leaving him because there is no love between us but we've been with each other so long, we're familiar with each other and he is one of my best friends plus I worry about him because he would have no one to turn to which is a major concern for me. We have tried couselling but it has not worked.
I'm sorry that this is so long but I wanted to get everything in and I would appreciate your advice or views or if you had similar problems. Thanks xx
