Why won't he marry me? - Please help
My boyfriend and I got together just over two years ago (Nov 2010). At the time, he was 30 and I was 37. The age gap did concern me. We had sex very early (too early) into our relationship (after only 2 days!). In the beginning, he only wanted to see me on Friday nights after work. I asked him if we could meet up during the week but he came out with excuses about being “too busy at work”. One time, I asked him if he wanted to go to the cinema one Wednesday evening and replied that he’d “rather watch football on TV”! Every Friday night, he used to come round my flat, we’d have something to eat, have sex and in the morning he would go home. After about 3 months of this I got frustrated and felt used so I offered him an ultimatum – I gave him a choice between either having a proper relationship with me with proper dates during the week and at weekends (going out to the cinema, bars, country walks, meeting up with each other’s friends and family etc) or I’d break it off with him. He again came out with excuses as to why he couldn’t give me a proper relationship – “too busy at work”, “not ready for a proper relationship”, “still not emotionally over his ex-wife”. So I finished it (Feb 2011).
About 10 days after I finished it, he asked me to take him back and said that he’d give me a proper relationship. For the next 9 months or so, we had a proper relationship and I was happier. During the summer of 2011 I started to drop hints (big ones) that I wanted to get married but he kept ignoring them. Every time I mentioned marriage he got angry, therefore I changed tack and asked him if I could move in with him. After a lot of persuasion, he agreed (Sept 11) but for some reason rather than agreeing for me to move in with him there and then, he asked me to do so in the New Year –in four months’ time!?!
I was concerned that once I had moved in with him and was his common-law wife I would have no financial security if the relationship was to end. I continued to drop hints about getting married but he ignored them. One day I bite the bullet and asked him why he didn’t want to marry me. He’d been married before which had ended in divorce and he said he didn’t want to “go down that road again!”
During Christmas 2011, a week before I was due to move in with him, he got cold feet and back-tracked. He said that he “wasn’t ready” to live with anyone and asked me to give him more time. I was so angry. I finished the relationship (Dec 2011).
About a week later, he asked me to take him back again and agreed that I could move in with him. I moved in with him in Jan 2011. The week I moved in with him I made the decision to stop taking the pill. Why? For a few reasons... I was 38 and wanted a baby (maybe my last chance) and I thought by having a baby it would make it very difficult for him to end our relationship and ask me to leave. I soon fell pregnant and told him at the end of Feb 2011. I lied and told him that the pill mustn’t have worked but he could see that he thought he had been duped (which was true). We had a gorgeous baby boy in Oct 2011. However, he still refuses to marry me. I thought once the baby had been born his heart would melt and we would get married but it hasn’t turned out like that. Now I’m really scared – what if he finishes the relationship? I have no financial security. I’ll be a single mother ! Although he’ll have to pay child support - even with this money I can’t afford to bring up our baby on my own. I’ve asked him time and time again – why won’t you marry me? He keeps saying that his divorce and blighted his view of marriage and he doesn’t want to “go down that road again”. Is this the real reason or doesn’t he love me enough to marry me? He agreed for our baby to have his surname. Why is he not committing?
