Is there any situation where...

Where someone can say FOR SURE that their ex isn't going to change their mind and say they were wrong to end it?

I have been thinking and wondered what others opinions were. Even if there is someone else involved either to end the relationship or just after, you can't say for sure that they wouldn't still come back? Grass isn't always greener.

Is there any situation you can think of where you can say they won't change their mind? Because what they're feeling now, won't always be the same in 1 week, a month, or even a year.

What's everyone else's take on this, I'd be interested to find out? I'm not trying to prolong false hope, but just the idea of is anything possible?

For me personally I don't believe in second chances. If he left me for someone else-he would not get a second chance.

And if he broke up with me coz he was having some doubts-I'm not sure if Id be able to get over that and forgive when those doubts are gone and he comes running back.. I think if you have a good relationship and you love each other-you should do whatever it takes to make it work and not bail as soon as things get a little tough.

But I am only speaking about couples that have been together for a long time - say over 4 or 5 years. If it ends in the first 2 years-its prob for the best..

From my point of view you can never say never about anything. But having been dropped by my girlfriend for very poor reasons which I don't think are the whole story, were she to want me back I don't feel I'd be able to trust her again. What's to say she wouldn't do it again after the next 3 years?? You could say it about any new relationship but for someone to do it once is one thing, to get crushed by the same person twice would be awful.

I had been with my ex for 3 years, he didn't leave me for someone else but within 3 weeks he told me he was texting someone else but don't worry they're just a friend and he also went to her friends for pancakes. That's all I know, so I don't know for sure whats going on between them. I also know he's kissed someone else, I don't know if its the same girl.

You've all probably read my story but he ended things because he said he couldn't see a future and I'd say I'd change too much and I hadn't. I'd been moody towards him, shouting at him and taking my unhappiness out on him with regards to missing home etc. I know I shouldn't have done this, but I've been reading past texts from just before we split to months ago, and they are all love you more, miss you loads, can't wait to see you, we're so good together, I want you by my side, personal jokes together, him wanting to come and see me all the time and missing me when he couldn't, him saying he wishes he didnt care so much because when im sad hes sad (a week before he ended it he said rhat) and occasionally there would be times when we'd fall out and argue and he'd say he hates feeling like that etc, but it wasn't constant. I feel like he bailed when the going got tough because he thinks that relationships never argue, but that's not true.

I don't feel like he's given himself time to look at the situation and what ending it really means, he's just thrown himself into work and going seeing friends etc. When we were together he always said how he couldn't be bothered going drinking and going to clubs and he felt like he was past that now and didn't wanna do it, and now he is doing it.

I see things or hear things that makes me think could he still care deep down, could there be a point he realises and could he want to try again?

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Originally Posted by brokenhearted91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I feel like he bailed when the going got tough.

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You are right about that.

1/. When he cheated
2/. Each time he dumped you
3/. Each time you were going through family problems etc.

He is weak. Men like him are not worth it. I told you before that when things are good-hes great and when they are bad he bails and hurts you. You already know all this. Please stop clinging on and hoping. You need to open your eyes and see him for what he really is. You can do better.

I hope you are not being all nice to him?? You should be ignoring him.

I'm not being like overly clingy/nice. But if he speaks I respond, I can't be rude to people in general, never mind someone I care about. Especially with the living situation, ignoring him would cause him to be like "I'm making the effort to be civil and your not, I knew you'd never change".

I can't help cling onto things, I wish I could stop but it's harder than it seems. He always said the only person that would make him leave me is me and the way I behaved, I didn't take that into account at the time and now I jut want a chance to show him what I'm made of. He's my first love and stupidly thought we could be each others first and only loves. Maybe he's just immature and needs time to grow up and realise relationships aren't all hearts and flowers all the time? I bet your getting annoyed at me now, I'm sorry.

I'm not getting annoyed at you. But I do think your hurting yourself more by clinging on. He has no respect for your feelings, hes hurt you time and time again, he sees you as a doormat who he can just pick up and drop when it suits him and hes right. I bet if he said right now "Im sorry I want you back" you would just jump into his arms. There is never any consequences to his behavior and you keep enabling him to treat you this way so of course he wont grow up when he keeps getting away with it.

You need to act like your not bothered and even just pretend your over him and moving on. If you want him to chase you and take back some of that power that is what you need to do. Be independent, make him look at you in awe and say "wow I really should not have taken her for granted" and then he can kick himself in the balls for being such an idiot.

Hopefully along they way somewhere you will realize you don't need him and if he comes back with his tail between his legs youll have the willpower to say "you had your chance and you blew it"

I wouldn't jump straight back, there would be a lot of talking to be done but ultimately I do want him back. I wouldn't be a walk over and he'd need to realise that whilst I hurt him, causing him to end it in the first place, he's hurt me to by the way he's behaved afterwards. I've accepted what I did wrong and want the chance to show him that's not me, the real me is the person from the first couple of years of our relationship, if that makes sense.

I don't want to cling on in a way which hinders my recovery, but at the same time I don't want to completely give up, just incase I do have a chance of a happy ending.

He has behaved badly through the relationship, and I'm not making excuses for him but were both young, this is both our first relationship and I've made mistakes too. I just wasn't willing to give up on us in this bad patch, because like I've said 90% of the time we were brilliant and happy together.

I am kind of going through the same thing, brokenhearted91. Maybe slightly more of a difficult situation because we're married and have a child together (as well as three others between us from previous marriages), as well as a home, etc.

I too constantly question the situation in an almost Jeckyll and Hyde way. Part of me sees the reality that he moved out 4 and a half months ago, has been to solicitors (although doesn't seem to be progressing a divorce), etc. but part of me sees that he isn't acting like it's over - he still has stuff at the house, he won't make it public knowledge, certainly not on Facebook where there are scores of photos and statuses about us, he has his post sent here, is at our local doctors still. We are just started to getting along better but I think it's going to take time. But in that time I'm living my life for me, and improving myself for me and my family.

Why are the signs you're getting that it may, in time, not be over, or that he may change his mind / come back?

I guess I feel like it was a rash decision. We had issues, like most couples, but we'd been apart for two weeks (he started lectures before me after Xmas so went back to uni first) he'd FaceTime me constantly, text me all the time saying he missed me and couldn't wait to see me & loved me more than I could imagine and wanted him by his side while he achieves his dreams, and then the day I got back I was a bit off and moody with him (I was gutted to be back, being there is kinda the route of our problems) and that's when he said he didn't wanna do it anymore.

I dunno, he still asks about me and what I'm up to, still asks about my family and wishes me a safe journey and a nice weekend (I know you'll say that's him being nice) but he still talks to me about his stuff like as if we're still together kind of. He keeps asking who I've told out my family yet etc and asking if people hate him, and when i say no he's like, well it doesn't matter I guess.. Stupid little things like he noticed that I'd changed my phone case and asking me what ill be doing when uni finished etc..

This is someone who says he doesn't care anymore but I find it hard to believe so soon he doesn't. He has kissed someone else (but I know in the situation, I'd probably kiss someone else now, as wrong as it is to make me feel better, that doesn't mean I don't love him) and I know he's texting a girl but like I said, he was like don't worry we're just friends when I found out, so I'm not sure what's going on with them. My mum had a big go at him a few weeks ago, not because of the decision he made but how he was after with me because she cared about him too and he seemed upset that he'd hurt me and my mum said that he'd never find anyone that loves him and believes in him as much as I love him and he actually got physically upset.

I know I'm probably reading into things too much, but I just hope deep down in time, if he calms down he might see things differently and like I've repeatedly said, see the grass isn't greener on the other side. He's said up until recently he still feels angry at me, so I just don't know. My head is such a mess right now, I thought I was making progress but I feel now I'm taking steps back.

but all couples argue or take shit out on each other sometimes. im not sasaying its right or anything to do that but if youlove someone you dont stay angry at them for a month for being in a bad mood sometimes. and your still making excuses for him (were young, he didnt mean it, hes angry)

thats no excuse to treat you the way he did in the end. he told you straight that he kissed someone and rubbed it in your face knowing you would be devastated. he was being cruel on purpose. you were together for 3years-you dont do that to someone. its wrong.

i think ive said all i can say by now and your still in denial, still clinging and hoping. maybe come back in a month and read all the replies you have gotten coz ur not ready to let go yet but you are only hurting yourself more
and you are giving him the satisfaction of seeing u fall apart, vulnerable, hurt. id have too much pride in this situation and i would have told him to go **** himself a long time ago-when he cheated.

youve wasted 3years on him. one day you might realize that but until then i widh you luck. your gonna ned it xx

See, my thinking is, if he really still cared about you in the way you really want him to (in the way that it really matters), then he'd still be with you. So while he might still care in some ways as you keep saying, it's not enough. If this is the extent of his caring for you and it never becomes what it used to be, can you handle this forever? I'm thinking no. So, it's better for you to let go. Even if you're right and it is GIGS, there's no guarantee and it's actually not very likely that he'll ever come back to you even if he does realize the grass isn't greener on the other side. From what I've seen and read everywhere, this could be years or decades even if it ever did happen. So meanwhile will you put your entire life on hold and keep yourself in pain? It doesn't seem like a good option to me.

I hope you'll let go of these thoughts that are haunting you and keeping you from moving on, because whether or not he might see things differently in the future, it's not something anyone can know, so why not try and make things better for yourself in the meantime?

This wasn't a case of him bailing when the going got tough....this relationship sounds horrible and I'm thinking he was right to walk away. Him previously cheating, you now moody, shouting and taking out your general unhappiness on him - why would he risk returning to this mess?

The two of you are very young. Most of us have numerous relationships before we find "the one" and I'm sure you'll be no different. Chalk this one up as a learning experience

It's just the memories and the happiness that's killing me, everything we've shared and been through together. We've done so much, seen so much, and invested so much together. Everywhere I turn there's a happy memory of us and things we did. Even silly conversations we had whole just lying in bed together keep popping into my head and every time it feels like a knife in my heart. Even though we've had rocky patches, I never thought we'd have no future. 3 years spending practically every day together is a long time. We had bad times but we did have a lovely relationship.

I'm not letting him see me hurt, upset and vulnerable. I cried once, that was right after he made the decision. Since then I haven't cried in front of him, accepted his decision and tried my hardest to be polite and civil to him. (I want him to see how I can change and behave like an adult). Don't get me wrong, I cry when I'm back home or he's not at the flat we share but I don't want him to see me as a mess.

I'm not intentionally trying to make excuses for him, I just know for both of us it was a learning process because neither of us had any experience in a long term relationship. But we wanted a future, he told me he'd propose after 5 years together and we could have children at 26, so he wanted it too (that sounds like he was dictating, I don't mean it like that I mean we discussed it and agreed).

How can he want someone else so quickly after being with me? That's what's breaking me the most.

All couples say those things to each other. Many say it in the first few months when they are still infatuated. You should not take those things literally. They are not promises-they are usually a daydream, something positive to look forward to in the future. There is no 100% guarantee in any relationship. What about all the divorced people who promised each other they would stay together "till death do us part".

I know its hard. Your hurting and it will take time but you will get over this. Try to stay strong. I still think you should ask can you do your course work at home with your parents for the rest of the year. I'm sure the college would try to help you out. Can you go to the guidance counselor? The sooner you have no contact with him-the easier it will be. You literally have to go cold turkey and the first month or two will be hell but then you will start to feel better.

Also try to tell family and friends not to get involved. I know your mother was trying to help but he has every right to end the relationship if he is not happy. You cant force him to want you-noone can and like you said already "hes young". Maybe he is just not ready to be in such a serious relationship. Most people change a lot from the time they are 18-25. And again you wont be the same when your like 40.. You want different things

I just miss him so much, if I hadn't gone back up to uni after Christmas and been moody we wouldn't be here now. He gave me a hug when I got back, and a few hours before said he couldn't wait to see me - I think it was the straw that broke the camels back when I got there. That's not me though, I was never moody and snappy until I became unhappy living away from home, when we were at home over Christmas or summer we were brilliant. I just wish he'd see that and see what he's thrown away in the long run instead of sticking by us.

I spoke to someone at uni and they said I still have to attend seminars and lectures, but they moved stuff round so I'm only in Monday and Tuesdays so I go back on Sunday night and leave Tuesday night. I've arranged to speak to a counselor at home, but not sure when I'll start, I'm waiting for her to get in touch.

You know, part of me wishes that I could have a clean break to make it easier for me, but at the same time I'm dreading the day I know I'll no longer see him because I do love and care about him so much. As much as I can't wait to get back home on Tuesday nights so its easier, I still hate leaving because I miss him so much. Is that stupid or what?

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Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Also try to tell family and friends not to get involved. I know your mother was trying to help but he has every right to end the relationship if he is not happy. You cant force him to want you-noone can and like you said already "hes young". Maybe he is just not ready to be in such a serious relationship. Most people change a lot from the time they are 18-25. And again you wont be the same when your like 40.. You want different things

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No, my mum respected his decision from day one and has also took his side in the past a lot too. She never asked him to change his mind etc. She asked him afterwards just to be nice to me about it because we aren't in the same place as each other and I'm hurting a lot because I still love him, especially with the living situation and he said he would be. And then obviously he behaved like a compete arse and she was angry because she's always liked him, got on with him, done so much for him and treated him as the son she never had so she was upset and hurt too as like a separate measure that he's said he would behave well towards me and he hasn't. That's why she got involved, as a relationship between him and her as sort of two friends, she felt she had things to say to him that was separate from mine and his relationship.

I know he has the right to end the relationship, which is why, as hard as its been I've always tried to say I respect his decision. But I do think at times he has made rash decisions (like saying I had nothing to worry about with him going to uni, then after a day him saying he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me, ending it with me, cheating on me and making him realise how much he didn't wanna lose me after all) and I sometimes feel like here he let his anger at me being like that when I got back from uni blind his feelings over all that he must have had for me because of the way we were when we weren't arguing. There's been times where I've wondered is this worth it? Do I want to be with him and I've not been sure but then I've realised that the good outweighs the bad.

Am I making any sense? It's hard to get across what I mean without looking pathetic and in denial.

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Originally Posted by brokenhearted91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

But I do think at times he has made rash decisions (like saying I had nothing to worry about with him going to uni, then after a day him saying he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me, ending it with me, cheating on me and making him realise how much he didn't wanna lose me after all) and I sometimes feel like here he let his anger at me being like that when I got back from uni blind his feelings over all that he must have had for me because of the way we were when we weren't arguing.

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That shows how immature and irrational he is. He is not "boyfriend material". I really believe you had a lucky escape. There is only so many times you can let him hurt you. You are too forgiving. The fact that he did all of that shows how much respect he has for you.

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Originally Posted by brokenhearted91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I just miss him so much, if I hadn't gone back up to uni after Christmas and been moody we wouldn't be here now. He gave me a hug when I got back, and a few hours before said he couldn't wait to see me - I think it was the straw that broke the camels back when I got there.

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I dont believe that. I think that was just an excuse. He would not end it with you for being a bit moody occasionally. Stop blaming yourself for that. He was probably feeling unhappy for ages before he ended it. Most people are ready when they finally end it coz their heart has not been in it for awhile and that is why they hit the ground running when its over. Dating again, texting, flirting etc.. Its wrong to do that obviously (like adding salt to the wounds) but many people do.

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Originally Posted by brokenhearted91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You know, part of me wishes that I could have a clean break to make it easier for me, but at the same time I'm dreading the day I know I'll no longer see him because I do love and care about him so much. As much as I can't wait to get back home on Tuesday nights so its easier, I still hate leaving because I miss him so much. Is that stupid or what?

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Its not stupid but it is denial.

If I'd not done the things that made him unhappy like he asked then I don't see how we wouldn't still be together? He always said that was the thing that was making him lose feeling for me. Just like the things I asked him not to do, he stopped so it made me happier.. That's what I mean.

I can't help but blame myself, I was in control of this in the sense that I could stop making him unhappy and I chose to ignore it because I was too preoccupied with other things.

I totally hear everything your saying, part of me believes it too but the part that loves him, cares about him and invested so much in him believes that he did love me and we did have a lovely relationship. I'm battling with so many emotions, grief, anger, sadness, rejection, loneliness. I just don't know if I'm coming or going. That you for taking the time to reply to me, it does mean a lot.

Your welcome. I understand how your feeling and have empathy for you. Breakups are a part of life. We all go through them. They hurt like hell but the chances are this wont be your last breakup. And the next one it might be you doing the dumping.

We have to go through a few bad experiences in order to learn what we want/don't want. Now that you have experienced all this it will make you stronger and make you look for a man who has all of his good qualities but none of his bad.

If your overall relationship was sooo good and you just had a few silly arguments and was moody occasionally-you would still be together. The overall relationship was unhealthy and he has broken your heart more than once. How many times do you want to let him hurt you before you say enough is enough?

You look at him through rose tinted glasses. I know you love him but you need to take a closer look and see what other people probably see. An immature little boy who treats his gf badly.

I know deep down your most likely right but I am looking at it through the eyes of someone who loves and cares about someone and wants to make it work with him because I loved the good times. Hopefully seeing someone and speaking so a counsellor will help me too to overcome this whatever way it ends up, I feel like people get fed up of hearing me speak about it. A friend said that she was basically getting sick of hearing about it so I know I go on too much, I just have to let things out or I want to explode.

I guess I just feel like if I could get back home so I didn't have that making me miserable as well as finishing uni and in turn I'd be a happier less moody person and we could get back on track. I guess he didnt believe I could change.

I think what you are going through right now is pretty normal. Your feelings and emotions will calm down over time and you will slowly stop thinking about it. It hurts like hell now but you will get better. I'm just like you, I need to talk about my feelings and can't keep them all bundled up inside of me, but I also tend to share too of them, too often. I have annoyed people myself and I've been trying to be better, but sometimes you just have to let it all out.

Im the opposite. When I am hurt or upset I keep it all in but then it all comes out like 6 months later and when I start talking I cant stop....

Its normal though to let it out and you should find a more understanding friend who will just listen.

I remember a breakup when I was 17. Looking back now it makes me laugh coz I dont know why I was upset over the loser but at the time I pushed everyone away but my best friend was always there. Wed sit in my dads shed and shed try to cheer me up. Even though I never really talked about it-she new I was hurting and went out of her way to make me smile.

*smiles* I love her!

Everyone deals with it in there own way. If you need to talk-thats cool. Just find someone willing to listen

Finding someone to listen is easier said than done too. I just keep praying this is a bad dream that Illl wake up from soon.

I wouldn't see it as a nightmare. Its a new beginning, fresh start, time to learn to be happy alone. get your own career, friends, hobbies etc.. theres plenty of men in the world that would treat you better than he did

I was happy with him though, he made me feel loved, wanted, happy, confident, and I didn't want that to end. I wish he could see how much I miss him and want us to work. Now he's probably off happy without me, but he said I made him happy. Did he lie to me? I just don't know. I wish I could see his feelings, then I'd know for sure where I stand. I'm so angry he can throw 3 years away as if it didn't mean anything to him.

If he really wanted you he would be with you.

You cant rely on someone to make you happy, confident etc. Those things come from within you.

Even if you get back together-the chances of it working long term are slim. Hes already ended it two or three times (if not more). Why pro-long the agony. Be glad it ended after 3 years instead of 10 or 20. Now you have a chance to find someone who wont give up on you or your relationship

I want to make steps towards moving on I really do, but also at the same time I don't want to give up hope entirely. He said he's angry at me still, there's lots of things that could happen in the future to make him change his mind, I guess we never know what the future holds. There are stories of people splitting for months, even years before anything happens and theres also times when it doesnt i know that. I'm not expecting them, but if I give up then there's no chance. Does that make sense? If you don't fight for what you want and try then you'll fail. You get out of things what you put into them. But like I said, I'm definitely not going to sit waiting around wasting my life in hope it happens but at the same time I'm not gonna make myself feel lost. I hope I'm coming across how I want to come across.

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Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

but all couples argue or take shit out on each other sometimes.

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Just for accuracy.....it's not true that ALL couples argue or take shit out on each other. Treating each other with respect is a basic expectation in my house.

A couple can disagree but get it sorted before it turns into an argument. And taking shit out on each other ....I asked hubby about this and we couldn't define what the term means. If you're referring to getting a bit narky and irritated from time to time, then yes - that happens. But if you're talking about throwing insults around when you've had a bad day or are disagreeing - then no, it's not something which all couples do.

Anyway, not trying to cause an arguement with you - just giving brokenhearted pespective on what different relationships can look like.

that is what i meant. it sounds to me like she was just in a bad mood. i dont think she has been insulting him or arguing with him.

it sounds to me like she went outa her way to make him happy 90% of the time while he prob did around 50%

Please help..

We've just been talking about why I'm still on the pill and he's said why do I still wanna be on so I said joking "just cos I'm not sleeping with you doesn't mean I'm not sleeping with someone else" and then he keeps asking who I'm texting and I was like why do you wanna know an he was like I can read you like a book... And I said what do you mean and he was like "who is he then?" So I just smiled (mainly at how stupid he was for thinking that and didn't say yes or no (so its not lying its just not saying anything) now he's convinced I'm texting a lad and he keeps asking me and saying he doesn't mind he's just curious cos I won't tell him...

He won't stop goin on about it and he says its cos he's curious! And then he said maybe its cos it confirms I've moved on, but he keeps asking me. And then he said he's happy I'm moving on... And he said something about him an what should it matter if he's moved on or not... (Hello can he not see I still love him??) And he kept asking if id kissed him yet and where ive met him. I just said I don't want to answer your questions and I shouldn't have to. I'm not texting a lad but even if I was why does he want to know???

My head is a total mess. I'm crying myself to sleep silently and he's in the same room as me but I can't stop.

I can't believe how much like my situation yours is...!

And I am going through the same patterns of thoughts as you - if he doesn't care any more, why ask about you? I'm very confident that there isn't a third (or more) person involved in mine and my husbands situation. My Mum looks after our daughter whilst we're at work and when he picks her up on a Monday night, he often asked what I've been doing, where I've been going, who with, etc. Why? Surely he shouldn't be interested in where I go, or what I do? I know if I were to, say, go on a date, he would not like that, at all. In fact, I've just got myself a second job (to pay the bills) in my old local pub and he did not like that at all. He doesn't like the opportunity for me to meet new guys.

I have to wonder (certainly in my situation), if it's a control thing. My husband wants to control it all, call the shots and will come back when he feels like it and until then I have to do things as he wants. We actually went through the same thing not longer after we got together, a couple of years ago. It was simpler as we didn't have our daughter then, but he left and I did everything in my power to get him to come back - I begged, pleaded, promised the earth, constantly text and rang him. But then..... I just stopped. I don't know if I just gave up or realised it wasn't worth it. I got on with my life on my own and decided I just didn't care about him in that way any more. Pretty sharply he came running back, as it gave him an insight into a life without me, and he didn't like that at all.

I think the same thing will happen for me again. I am starting to live my life again, do what makes me happy. It's obvious that it is starting to bother him already, so hopefully he will realise what he's going to lose and want to try and sort things out. But if not, I will continue to live my life and will be no worse off........

You don't have to explain yourself to him. Tell him its none of his business what you do or who your texting and tell him its none of your business what he does. BH be aloof and distant with him. You don't owe him anything. You don't have to try and be his best friend. Leave him at it and just be polite if you have to.

We spoke last night and I can tell he's still angry about the situation. About how he warned me my behaviour was making him unhappy and I didn't do anything. How he never fails at anything but he feels like he's failed at this. What confused me was he said "if we got back together, you wouldn't change" whereas prior to this he's always insisted there was no chance. I told him I still cared and I think about it every second of everyday but that's as far as I went. It just confused me why he was so bothered at the prospect of me texting another lad, if it was a girl he wasnt bothered (I was texting two friends one he knows the other he doesn't). I didn't lie to him, I just wouldn't tell him but he seemed rattled by it and I don't know why? I just want him to see how much I was willing to make a go at things, it would be so much easier if I wasnt paranoid constantly about him texting another female.

That's what I thought. Because we still live together and he knows he's gonna see me, and because I've been goin home at the weekends and he's been out doing work (like it was when we were together) I feel like not much has changed for him and he hasn't experienced fully the impact of his decision. When I move out for good, if I can show what a good person I still am, he might realise more what life without me is like and might miss it. That's what I'm hoping anyway. I'm just going to act civil and like the better person because at the end of the day it can't be worse than it is now, I've got nothing to lose.

Yes, one thing you should definitely do is be nice to him. I'm not saying take the blame or be a doormat, but make the effort to be pleasant (and I'm not saying you aren't already!). Firstly, as someone earlier pointed out I think, he's not going to feel affection or want to come back to someone that he can't get on with; that's who he is pulling away from.

And perhaps try this - and it is difficult, especially if you don't agree with him, I know this myself - but acknowledge how he feels and why he left you. Almost agree with him - don't argue. He's pulling away from the you that disagrees with him and doesn't listen to want he wants - maybe if you acknowledge how he feels and why he left you, he will have less reason to be angry with you and the good feelings may start to surface again. It may take time.

And yes, he may still be angry with you. If he is, let him be - don't fight against it. And I know that this IS hard, but just give him time. Time will help him to heal and for the anger to subside. Give him time to work through it in his head. Now I know some people in this thread might not agree with this - but have you tried apologising? I mean, really sincerely apologising? Now, I'm NOT saying apologise for anything you may have done, but perhaps for how it made him feel? I'll give you an example: in the letter I wrote my husband, I apologised NOT for speaking to him like dirt (I don't believe I did), but for the fact that he FELT I spoke to him like dirt. There's a difference. I'm sorry if anything that I may have done hurt or upset him, although not for my actual actions, if that makes sense?

Out of interest, which Uni are you at?

"It's just the memories and the happiness that's killing me..." "I just hope deep down in time, if he calms down he might see things differently and like I've repeatedly said, see the grass isn't greener on the other side."
Going through the same experience - waiting to rekindle with my first love - it´s been already 25 yrs since she had dumped me due to my weakness and immaturity compared to my peers. She avoided me completely for 10 years and it took 22 years to win back at least her cautious friendship. It´s heart rending to realize now at our age of 45 that I definitively miss the chance to have a child with her (she has 2 sons, 18 & 20 this year, but always wanted a daughter). Although her marriage is not flawless anymore (she had been cheated for a few years lately), she says she would never retaliate or think of divorce. So my only chance left in this world seems to be outliving her husband (he is 7 yrs older than we), but keep hoping as I have met only 1 more girl in my life that would make me so happy just for being close to her and being helpful to her family. Unfortunately, I have lost her after 5 yr. of wonderful relationship because she insistently wanted marriage & third child (she was divorced with 2 kids) and I could not decide having felt still bound by the promise to my first love. So it´s now 4 years she´s been avoiding me completely after I had finally decided and proposed to her, too late. Recently she found a man whom she is happy with and they are going to marry. I keep trying to hope that God can never be against true and lasting love but after all that time thoughts about suicide keep gnawing at my mind more and more every day.
So try to be strong and patient, maybe this world is not the one where true love can be blessed. But there is a time down the line in eternity where the power of forgiveness and reconciliation prevails and wins over grudge and unconcern. Keeping fingers crossed:-)

Guys stop giving her false hope.

If he really wanted you back-he would chase you. Its pointless saying all that to him again and again and hell see through ur bs eventually as well bout you texting someone else and just laugh at you.

Im not saying to be rude or nasty to him. Be polite and mature but be distant. Act as if your getting on with your life. If you really want the loser back-that is the only way to get him.

But i think hes had enough and is not coming back and the longer you stay in denial the harder it will be.

Look up other peoples stories. When this happens its rare that it will work out.

Plus you are both starting a new chapter in your lives soon once college ends. Id say he is sure of his decision.

He's from the same town as me back home so we won't be completely away from each other in that sense. I don't want false hope but I don't want to lose hope because even though I feel it is over, it's what's keeping me going right now. It's easy for me to think the people are saying its no use are wrong and it's easy to think the people who think there's hope as wrong. I guess none of us know but I appreciate all your advice, I really do.

I have aploogised for making him feel that way, I was actually very clever in that I didn't apologise for what I'd done as such. And I'm being polite and friendly, I wanna show him what he's missing either way. That's all I can do.

I'm at lincoln university.