Is it wrong to be attracted to a girl who is a lot younger?

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24-03-13, 10:39 AM
thescaredmummy

Is it wrong to be attracted to a girl who is a lot younger?

Hello guys,

I'm new to the forum. I came here because I have relationship issues. My problem is that I am always attracted to girl who are much younger than me. I am 18 year old. My last girlfriend was 15 year old, and her parents were extremely suspicious of me and were apparently "relieved" when we broke up... All this because of my age.

Now I am attracted to a girl who is actually 14 year old. I know this sounds shocking, but I genuinely like her. Well, I don't know her that well, I've only talked to her a few times (she is the sister of one of my girl friends), and it makes me wanna get to know her better.

But I fear what other people will think... I'm honestly scared that some people will call me pedo or that I will get into trouble somehow. So I need help. Is there something wrong with me? And if yes, how do I get help?
24-03-13, 10:43 AM
HeartIsAching

Ummmm... yeah. You don't know her that well, but you're attracted to her. This is disturbing. I don't know that there is any reliable, good help for pedophilia. You might want to try a therapist.*

*note - that's ONE word, not two.
24-03-13, 10:55 AM
michelle23

4years would not be a big deal if you were 24 and she was 20 but shes only 14-still a child in my eyes. There is a big difference between a 14year old and an 18year old when it comes to emotional maturity, sexuality and mental intellect. It would be wrong for you to persue this girl. You surely no girls your own age that u like?

There is a reason y their is a legal age in each country for sex and this girl is too young. This has only happened twice so i wouldnt say its a pattern.

How do you feel about girls your own age? If they repulse you-please get therapy as thats not normal. What do you like about this young girl? If its her innonce or childlike body-you need therapy.
24-03-13, 01:48 PM
warriormaiden

4 years really isn't that big of a deal. But at 14....she might as well be 10.

A. Do you think your ex would be cool about you hooking up with her littke sis?
B. Can you wait 4 years?

I know its a long time, but think about what her parents would probably say if you try to go that way. Think about where she's at emotionally right now. If things take off, yoy could be her first love. If things don't work out, do you really want to be known as THAT guy?
If you really want her, I think you should wait a bit. You may have harmless intentions, but I'm sure her parents wouldn't think of it as such.
24-03-13, 02:12 PM
Rowen

I'll be honest that at 15 I dated a lot worse than 18...My boyfriend back then was 23 years old, and we had been dating two months before my 16th birthday. So, I can understand the side that it's natural. To me, it really does depend on the situation. With John, I quickly saw that I was actually on a higher maturity level than he was...and things swiftly became an emotional roller coaster that ended up really hurting me.

However, that being said and before anyone crucifies me for saying that, 14 is young to date someone who is 18 years old. Think about the mentality that you have right now- probably getting ready for university or creating some sort of plan for your life. Granted, I don't know exactly how it all works in Canada because I'm from the United States, but hopefully I'm in the right ballpark there, yeah? Anyway, my point is that you have a certain mentality and certain maturity level. At 14, there is quite the difference between an 18 year-old's maturity and a 14 year-old's maturity levels. If she's young enough to think of sex just as something funny and embarrassing, she's not mature enough for a relationship with someone who is on your level. It'd be different if she were 16 or 17 and very mature for her age, but she's not...

Furthermore, you have your whole life ahead of you. Don't throw it away by doing something illegal (assuming the laws are similar to the USA). I know it may hurt, but you should probably talk to other girls and move on. Can you really see yourself lasting with someone who isn't on your emotional and maturity level? And what would you talk about if you worked hard in university classes and wanted to tell her all about it? Would she understand what you're talking about?

There are certain instances where dating that crosses legal lines like that actually works out. However, they're rare and take a certain level of maturity in the younger one and a certain level of immaturity in the elder to balance it all out... It's not worth the try, believe me.

My basic point here is that you should be focusing your efforts on finding someone you can go forward with...not backward or crash and burn with... So, go out and talk to random girls. Don't be afraid to make some new friends and see what happens. In the end, you'll be more satisfied because they'll be closer to your level than this girl ever could be. Just talk to some girls, and you'll see what I mean. You're 18, and so am I! You've got this mentality that's evolving into an adult form, so why not build an honest relationship with honest feelings and honest progression with someone who complements this side of you? It's really nice, believe me.

I hope this helps. Sorry I ramble.
24-03-13, 02:37 PM
basilandthyme

When I was 14, I started dating a 17yo for a couple of years. My parents were also suspicious, but he talked them around and it the end they found him trustworthy. And for what it's worth, it was me leading him astray and not the other way around. Unlike what Michelle mentions, I was hardly innocence and a child-like body LOL. I was hormones out of control!

I don't see much wrong with it as long as you're not pushing her for a sexual relationship.
24-03-13, 04:32 PM
hp1990

Nevermind wrong, how about highly illegal!!
25-03-13, 06:51 AM
lamobatsman

i reli liked an 18 year old girl and i was 24. i got told that that was wrong cos the age difference is still too much. 18 year old girls are still immature for 24 year olds. does anyone else agree with this...?
25-03-13, 07:06 AM
basilandthyme

Quote:

Originally Posted by lamobatsman [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i reli liked an 18 year old girl and i was 24. i got told that that was wrong cos the age difference is still too much. 18 year old girls are still immature for 24 year olds. does anyone else agree with this...?

I wouldn't see a problem with it
25-03-13, 07:19 AM
Wakeup

In Canada, the age of consent if 16 so back off unless you want to be charged with statutory rape (even if its consensual).
25-03-13, 07:22 AM
The Observer

If you both are mature enough, I don´t see any inconvenient.
A female friend of mine has had an 18 year old boyfriend since she was 13 and they were together for more than ten years.
Eventually he cheated on her in they´re last years. That´s really the only crime he made in my opinion, ONLY because she was mature enough for him.
25-03-13, 07:23 AM
IndiReloaded

14 is just a sack of hormones. There *is* no 'deciding for themselves'. That's true even at 16 but at least then you have the [outdated] law on your side. You should come with a warning sign.
25-03-13, 07:25 AM
no-se-nada

My niece is 13, and if she started dating a 17 or 18 year old...i dont even want to think about it lol. I would not be ok with it, neither would her dad or other uncle
25-03-13, 08:46 AM
michelle23

I still stand by what i said that 14year olds should be innoncent. Sure they think about sex and masturbate-that does not mean they are emotionally mature enough for sex-i no i wasnt and neither was my group of friends. There were girls my age at the time having sex but they alk hung ouyt with an older croup and made a lot of stupid decisions to fit in.

All those girls are now single mothers with no education, career or life.
25-03-13, 10:06 AM
Rowen

Quote:

Originally Posted by lamobatsman [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i reli liked an 18 year old girl and i was 24. i got told that that was wrong cos the age difference is still too much. 18 year old girls are still immature for 24 year olds. does anyone else agree with this...?

Nope. Age is but a number in a case like that.
26-03-13, 06:34 AM
lamobatsman

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rowen [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Nope. Age is but a number in a case like that.

i meant 18 year olds are still quite immature for a 24 year old no? thats what i found out with this girl i guess
26-03-13, 06:38 AM
Love'sReject

Yeah, but is she HOT?
26-03-13, 08:30 AM
Rowen

Quote:

Originally Posted by lamobatsman [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i meant 18 year olds are still quite immature for a 24 year old no? thats what i found out with this girl i guess

It depends on the person. Age does not necessarily always measure maturity levels. In a case like yours, I'd give it a try because your maturity levels are most likely close.
In a case like the OP? We would see him on Date Line's "To Catch a Predator."
26-03-13, 04:09 PM
lamobatsman

yh she was very hot:)
26-03-13, 04:13 PM
surfhb2

It bothers me that a parent would allow any 14 year old to go out on a date. Way too young for that shit Jesus! LOL
26-03-13, 09:04 PM
Rowen

Quote:

Originally Posted by surfhb2 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It bothers me that a parent would allow any 14 year old to go out on a date. Way too young for that shit Jesus! LOL

Well, I wouldn't suggest you take a walk through my school district's middle school... Let's just say that at 13-14, there were *quite* a lot of things my classmates were doing that was worse than going on a date.
26-03-13, 09:55 PM
toknow

I think people need to be less paranoid about this. 14 in the middle ages was when people got married and is usually when a girl becomes a woman. If nature says she is a woman, who are you to say she is a child. I don't condone sexual relations or marrying at that age, or even a relationship, but I believe adopting a specific belief just because society dictates it is cowardly.

And if you think teenagers are angels you are extremely gullible, with the internet there are 14 year olds today that know about sex more than you do, and hearing them speak would make you blush. I've been 14 and the things my friends were doing at that age would put a porno producer to shame.
26-03-13, 10:20 PM
michelle23

I think it really depends who they are friends with and how easily influenced they are. I think they are uneducated about sex at such a young age and people who lose their v young are normally more promiscuous when they are older. The emotional aspect of sex is lost and many end up in dysfunctional relationships or as single parents and they find it difficult to settle down properly with a loving partner. I know an 18 year old who has two kids and another on the way. Think of all the opportunities she has been robbed of because she was too young to even think seriously about contraception. The girl doesnt even have time to brush her hair, she looks a wreck and she is struggling emotionally and mentally. Too much too young is bad. She will now settle for any man wholl have her and let him treat her bad coz shell think noone else wants her. What kind of life is that?
26-03-13, 10:26 PM
bearz

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rowen [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well, I wouldn't suggest you take a walk through my school district's middle school... Let's just say that at 13-14, there were *quite* a lot of things my classmates were doing that was worse than going on a date.

I used to have my office on a middle school campus, I know what you're talking about. Making out and having their hands down each other's pants was just the beginning.
26-03-13, 10:27 PM
toknow

Michelle, it all depends on the person. When I saw my friends doing it, that didn't make me want to do it, it did the opposite, it turned me to casual sex. And I wasn't too young to make that decision that it wasn't right for me and didn't follow their example.
27-03-13, 03:08 AM
Rowen

Quote:

Originally Posted by bearz [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I used to have my office on a middle school campus, I know what you're talking about. Making out and having their hands down each other's pants was just the beginning.

Exactly. And as I can imagine, it's gotten worse still with the years since I've gone through it.
27-03-13, 11:21 AM
Zulnex

Quote:

Originally Posted by surfhb2 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It bothers me that a parent would allow any 14 year old to go out on a date. Way too young for that shit Jesus! LOL

I agree as well. Way too young and it's also illegal.
27-03-13, 05:00 PM
surfhb2

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rowen [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well, I wouldn't suggest you take a walk through my school district's middle school... Let's just say that at 13-14, there were *quite* a lot of things my classmates were doing that was worse than going on a date.

Yeah......I know i was 14 once too :)
27-03-13, 05:10 PM
searock

I agree with Michelle - pretty much all the girls who hung out with older dudes when we were 14-15 are now single mothers with no higher education.

At 14 you don't have the emotional or general maturity to engage in a sexual relationship with someone a lot older than you. At that age, there should be no more than an year's difference between the partners' age.
27-03-13, 05:35 PM
dickriculous

Quote:

Originally Posted by thescaredmummy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hello guys,

I'm new to the forum. I came here because I have relationship issues. My problem is that I am always attracted to girl who are much younger than me. I am 18 year old. My last girlfriend was 15 year old, and her parents were extremely suspicious of me and were apparently "relieved" when we broke up... All this because of my age.

Now I am attracted to a girl who is actually 14 year old. I know this sounds shocking, but I genuinely like her. Well, I don't know her that well, I've only talked to her a few times (she is the sister of one of my girl friends), and it makes me wanna get to know her better.

But I fear what other people will think... I'm honestly scared that some people will call me pedo or that I will get into trouble somehow. So I need help. Is there something wrong with me? And if yes, how do I get help?

There's nothing wrong with being attracted to anybody or anything. We used to say it was wrong for people to be attracted to members of the same sex until we realized how primitive that is due to the fact that you can't really control who you find attractive, the heart/hormones desire what they desire. Mere attraction is nothing.

That said...

Taking action on these desires is a different story, depending on the situation. And this situation is, to say the least, an unfavorable one. People will likely call you a pedo. They will be wrong (pedophilia = sexual attraction to prepubescents), but that won't stop them from talking. And if word of you being a pedo gets out you will attract the wrong sort of attention - and I'm not just talking about her parents. What about law enforcement? Future employers? Any of that matter to you? Registered sex offenders can't make it in society and if they go to jail for it they're the first to be killed by the other inmates.

**** what's right and what's wrong, **** whether or not she's "mature enough based on the logic I'm fishing for by creating this thread to reinforce this notion that it's ok to hook up with her" (admit it, that was the point of you creating this thread). None of that means anything compared to the fact that this could literally ruin your life if you take it too far.

I mean, goddamn son. I love pussy too but I'm not gonna throw everything away for it. Even when I was 18 I was only willing to sacrifice so much for a piece of ass. All of my dignity? Maybe. A finger or two? Sure, no big deal. But my freedom in society and functionality as a member within that society? My ability to ever get a decent job again? That's too much brah.
27-03-13, 06:27 PM
searock

The way society would see him if he started dating a 14 years old girl is bad, but it isn't as bad as the damage he would do to the 14 years old. Such damage should be the primary reason for which he should NOT do it. All the rest is secondary.