he wants sex and i want to sleep

:bored: as we all may know, male and female have different sex drive. but how do we really manage the differences? I find myself wanting sex less frequent than he does. and he often feels rejected when I say that I'm tired. From time to time, he would actually throw a big fuss about it. So, i wanted an extra 30 mins sleep?! ended up staying up for couple of hours fighting. I've tried different ways of saying no; but i don't think he can ever understand. Any advice on what I can do? or how i can say no?

yuck. a man who gets upset and has a fit because you're not in the mood for sex. that is my number one turn off. having a cow and fighting with you is not the way to get you to want to have sex. if a guy was like that with me i'd never have sex with him again, because i would always feel like i HAVE to do it. yuck.

i feel the same way as misombra does about this.

the more this happens, the less you'll find yourself wanting sex.

how old is this person?

i actually dated a guy that got mad because i didn't want sex at that moment. it was our demise. we never had sex again after that.

i told my current boyfriend that and you know what he said (warning: super sweet)...

"i would be happy enough just to wake up next to you in the morning."

so we have age differences (i would hate to think that this is the reason) I'm 24 and he's 20. I don't think I'm old to the point where I don't have sex drive :P so, his conclusion is that he's going to have to reduce his sex drive or take care of himself.
And I agree, sometimes I can't help but feel that I have to. Unfortunately, not every woman has a man who's happy enough to just wake up next her.

but at his young age, he just has a much stronger drive, you know? he's going to have to relieve himself, and there's really nothing wrong with that. he just can't expect you to relieve him all the time.

yea, 'sombra! I think a man that can say that is the sweetest thing in the world!!!

and that's why I'm still in the rut.

just lay there and relax ... jk ... i used to get that a lot ... he'll get over it ... buy him something to get addicted to ... like a video game or somethin' ...

this is going to sound foolish, but i never played computer games and then my friend let me play Counter-Strike back in '01 ... i was hooked and even rejected sex a LOT because I was so addicted (that and I was with the same girl for like 2 yrs already) ... is it sad? yes, it is ...

Okay ... that was my post for the week ...
gnite ...

Why are you with someone that you do not want to have sex with?

Well, how often ARE you willing to have sex with him, and how often is he approaching you? Is the problem simply the time of day, or is there a real gap in the amount of intimacy you both wish to have?

he wants it on daily basis. I can probably provide 3 times a week. is it age or isn't there some sort of sex addict syndrome? the problem isn't want or not want. it's the different level of sex drives.

he's got video games on the side. funny that you mentioned but he actually would go to video games when he's pissed that he didn't get any.

I dont know about all that, about difference in sex drives. Im willing to bet that sex with this guy isnt something to brag about. Do you orgasm often? Do you really enjoy it, or do you sit there waiting for it to be over? I might be out on a limb here, but sexual chemistry is a pretty big part of a relationship. When i was younger, i didnt think it was, but it really is.

If he's 20 and you are in your 20's, this could indeed be an issue of sex drive. Women hit their peaks in their 30's, men in their 20's. In 10 years he'll be all petered out, and you'll be wishing he was 20 again.

Maybe you should consider talking to him when you are not in the heat of the moment. Set some sort of guidelines before he is approaching you. You wouldn't want him to feel you are rejecting him daily, right? It could be hard on his ego...

Yea. Whats the age gap?

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Originally Posted by Only-virgins

Yea. Whats the age gap?

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so we have age differences (i would hate to think that this is the reason) I'm 24 and he's 20.

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ok. I missed that. I have ADD. ::starts chasing a balloon::

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Originally Posted by Only-virgins

ok. I missed that. I have ADD. ::starts chasing a balloon::

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Haha, you and the rest of the world.

Here's an idea: why not let him sleep with other girls? That way he stops bugging you for sex and you can have your rest if it's that important to you. Problem solved.

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Here's an idea: why not let him sleep with other girls? That way he stops bugging you for sex and you can have your rest if it's that important to you. Problem solved.

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I would have to agree with this - altough it sounds harsh or is an implied joke or whatever - it has a sense of truth in it - OP, you are obviously not connecting on an intimate level with him if he gets angry with you over not having sex - i have this same problem - except i am in the position of your BF - let me tell you, its not fun - you think that its just all about you - but think of what he's going through, basically the woman he loves or is in love with is not interested in him anymore and is rejecting him. thats how i feel - i dont want to be in a relationship with someone who feels either obligated or forced into sex with me - there are other fish in the sea.

lancome: One, get clear with him that it's becoming a real problem between you. Be prepared for a lot of hand waving and attempts to lay blame. Agree with everything that's said until the venting is over and he's receptive to listening again. Two, compromise. Let him know you'd be willing to have sex more if he'd be willing to seduce you more (instead of just assuming sex is available to him at will simply because you're 'with him'). Three, do your research. Look up averages and age groups. Is what you're going through a common problem? Where in the spectrum of 'normal' sexual activity are you? Where in the spectrum is he? If you notice a spike from the 'norm', try to talk about it and whether anything should be done to get closer to the 'norm'. Four, try to understand whether his demands for sex are really NOT about sex, but about something else. Say, control or power, for example. If you determine they ARE, then, five, get professional help.

i think you hit on the nail on the head hayward. i think maybe this guy doesn't know how to make his woman want sex more. just thinks she should do it because they're together. i wanted to say that but it would have probably come out bad from me.

I doubt anything bad could ever fall from the flower of your mouth. You are a smile on the lips of life.

are you trying to seduce me?

Haha we got a brown-noser in isle 2!

Not bad, huh?