My ex is jealous!

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20-06-05, 05:31 AM
WolfyUK

My ex is jealous!

Heya all, I'm in a need of a bit of help! I'm a 19 year old guy and I'm having a few problems with my ex girlfriend, aged 21.

I was with my ex for about a year when I decided to call the relationship off because I no longer loved her. She was devistated, but she appeared to recover from it a few days later. We're best mates and we still do lots of things together. We see eachother pretty much every day.

I've now got a new girlfriend and she's raving with jealousy. Whenever my new girlfriend is mentioned, she goes quiet and moody. She knows she's being selfish and jealous and she admits it - but it's out of control.

She doesn't like getting jealous over things, she even gets jealous when my male friend from work drops me home! She's jealous overs silly things, like if I talk to someone on the phone.

What can I do about this? I've tried talking to her, and she calms down but she'll start back up again when a similar situation starts again. I don't want to hurt her, but I want to move on and date my new girlfriend. I want to stay mates with her, but I'm afraid she'll cut me off completely :(

If anyone can help, I'd much appreciate it.
Thanks in advance!
20-06-05, 05:45 AM
Asip4u

"Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretense of keeping it alive."
Havelock Ellis

You'll have to move on, especially if it happens this often...She's still into you and it may not get any easier unless you end things. It's not easy but there's not much else you can do.
20-06-05, 05:49 AM
WolfyUK

Quote:

Originally Posted by Asip4u

"Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretense of keeping it alive."
Havelock Ellis

You'll have to move on, especially if it happens this often...She's still into you and it may not get any easier unless you end things. It's not easy but there's not much else you can do.

Are you suggesting I terminate my friendship with her? It's easier said than done because of our past, and I think doing this will hurt her even more. I'm really confused as to what I should do - we may not be dating anymore but we get along so well - she's my best friend in the whole world and I don't want to just throw her away.

PS Thanks for the quick reply :)
20-06-05, 06:04 AM
shh!

I don't really understand the whole "I don't love her but she's my best friend in the world" bit, but the only explanation for her jealousy is that she still cares for you in a romantic sense. I'm sorry to say that I think you will need to stop this "friendship" altogether so she is free to pursue a real romance with someone available to her.
20-06-05, 06:04 AM
Asip4u

Quote:

Originally Posted by WolfyUK

Are you suggesting I terminate my friendship with her? It's easier said than done because of our past, and I think doing this will hurt her even more. I'm really confused as to what I should do - we may not be dating anymore but we get along so well - she's my best friend in the whole world and I don't want to just throw her away.

PS Thanks for the quick reply :)

I know what you're saying, but seriously, you can try and talk to her about this and make her understand, it works for some people. At the same time, you should accept the fact that she may not be able to move on as long as she's around you. Give her space and allow her to date other people...Does she date other guys?
20-06-05, 06:12 AM
WolfyUK

Quote:

Originally Posted by Asip4u

I know what you're saying, but seriously, you can try and talk to her about this and make her understand, it works for some people. At the same time, you should accept the fact that she may not be able to move on as long as she's around you. Give her space and allow her to date other people...Does she date other guys?

She's not interested in meeting anyone new to date just yet - I'm unsure why but I guess it's because she isn't quite over me. I guess I'll have to accept she isn't going to get over me any time soon, so what should I do in the mean time? It's a little difficult to give her space, because she contacts me quite alot. She also doesn't like it when the phone is engaged, because she has upsetting thoughts about who I might be talking to.

She's told me I should go ahead with my new relationship, but I can tell it isn't what she wants. Are all girls this tricky?
20-06-05, 06:18 AM
jay12

Dont think its just restricted to girls mate, i was well jealous wen my ex started dating.

Shes definitely not over you. Terminating the friendship will help her to get over you, but it may not be what you both want in the long run. Maybe spend some time apart.

If u do stay friends be subtle, always be careful not to offend her feelings.
20-06-05, 06:21 AM
WolfyUK

Quote:

Originally Posted by jay12

Dont think its just restricted to girls mate, i was well jealous wen my ex started dating.

Shes definitely not over you. Terminating the friendship will help her to get over you, but it may not be what you both want in the long run. Maybe spend some time apart.

If u do stay friends be subtle, always be careful not to offend her feelings.

Ok, thanks for the advice, and thanks for the advice everyone else gave me. I'll give her some more space, and avoid spending so much time with her. I'll give it a go and hope for the best. I'll let you all know how it goes in the future.

Thank you all for your time and your help!
20-06-05, 06:21 AM
Asip4u

Quote:

Originally Posted by WolfyUK

She also doesn't like it when the phone is engaged, because she has upsetting thoughts about who I might be talking to.

She's told me I should go ahead with my new relationship, but I can tell it isn't what she wants. Are all girls this tricky?

exactly my point...if you don't end it now, you'll have more problems especially with your g/f, because your ex wants to be in the picture so much...In the long run, you could end up losing them both.
20-06-05, 11:20 AM
Only-virgins

Quote:

Originally Posted by Asip4u

"Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretense of keeping it alive."
Havelock Ellis

This Havelock Ellis sounds like a dumbass.
20-06-05, 11:40 AM
Asip4u

Quote:

Originally Posted by Only-virgins

This Havelock Ellis sounds like a dumbass.

lol...not really surprised that you'd say that OV ;)
20-06-05, 02:51 PM
Only-virgins

Quote:

Originally Posted by Asip4u

lol...not really surprised that you'd say that OV ;)

Hey man, dont look at me like im wierd. That quote makes little sense to me. If you think about it ..jealousy is kind of a good thing...offcourse not in a violent excessive way.
20-06-05, 02:57 PM
Asip4u

Quote:

Originally Posted by Only-virgins

Hey man, dont look at me like im wierd. That quote makes little sense to me. If you think about it ..jealousy is kind of a good thing...offcourse not in a violent excessive way.

lol...it's not that...i meant, the reason you are saying that the quote sucks is because your belief in love is different and that quote kind of goes against it so that's why i thought you said that
20-06-05, 03:01 PM
Only-virgins

Quote:

Originally Posted by Asip4u

lol...it's not that...i meant, the reason you are saying that the quote sucks is because your belief in love is different and that quote kind of goes against it so that's why i thought you said that

thats interesting. You can get jealousy in my belief of love as well lol. IN fact...VERY JEALOUS.
20-06-05, 03:18 PM
Asip4u

LMAO...yes, i imagine you can
21-06-05, 09:50 AM
WolfyUK

I just spoke to my ex, and she doesn't really want to know me anymore. I'm really upset and I feel sick right now because it's like betraying people you've known for such a long time.

I've given her the night to think it all over, and she'll give me her answer tomorrow. I told her I'll always be there and I'm not going to cut contact, but she seems pretty sure on the idea.

I hope things get better :(