Ever met someone that u can connect so well yet cant commit cause future looks vague?

Hi all i have an issue. I met D 1 year ago around Nov 2011 from the net in another region of the world. after months of chatting we finally met up for good. He is a lovely guy. we have a lot of laughs when we spent months together. everything was great communication was great and sex was amazing like never before. I had countless man and a few bfs none ever felt like this.. Some background: I was 24 and he was 47 (I didnt know that initally coz' he lied about his age when we first met on the net. I was hurt coz' i really like him. He was kinda serious with me and flew all the way from Europe to look for me in Asia.) So we got together in April 2012 till June 2012 before he returned to Europe for a couple of months.

Despite the big age difference. we got on really well. he looks young and i feel good when i am with him. I am not to be bothered about how people see us. So here is the problem. I have a magical connection with this guy but I cant see myself marrying him. he wants me forever but i rejected him and told him i cant see a future wit him for all these reasons. He is poor and jobless and so much older than me. If i spend my life with this person, i would feel that my future looks wasted. I am earning a normal decent income to get myself going. I am not willing to support him all my life if he still ends up jobless in my country. Its hard for a European like him to get a job in my country especially at his age. I prayed and waited for him to get a good job but he is been trying for months with no results.

So in June 2012 we had a quarrel as he sensed I wasnt too serious about him. He feels that i treat him as a fling and many times he doubts my loyalty to him which is frustrating. Things then got nasty as I decided to break up with him in June 2012 before he returns. He was harsh with me with his words. He was childish and tried to threaten me personally by embarrassing me to my family on my secrets. Gosh i hated his behavior! couldn't believe he is 47 maybe 17! So He claimed that then he was undergoing a lot of stress as he is having difficult times dealing with his divorce and his daughters are disowning him. Everything seems to be failing for him. He lost his business with his ex-wife. It was really downhill. The breakup was a nightmare. He has many stories from his past which i find it hard to accept as well.

Yup so my bottomline for ending the relationship was i see no future with him. MY family will not accept him he is as old as my mum and he is so poor and yeah he is a Bankrupt too. I feel sad leaving him cos' i never such a good connection with any guy. But he told me that i can't go on my life worrying about all the what ifs in future. I am confused if i make the right decision to leave him. My decision maybe different if he is rich and holding a good job here. at least i do not have to worry on how to support our kids if i do have it with him. however with him jobless, bankrupt and old. I don't see how he can succeed again in life to give us a good future.

I see loads of reasons not to be with this guy but I LOVE spending time with him. and i dont mind spending time with him forever. we have so much laugh at the time. though i know him for less than a year. he is so good to talk to than my young friends of 5-6 years. he gave me good advice and is a very good listener. But its the future commitment with him of a bleak future that is pushing me away from him. I feel i might suffer in the future if i go on my life with him.

so we still been in contact after the break-off. communication still remains great. Every time after i meet him after the breakup, I struggle from missing him. I love spending time with him. Four hours felt like four minutes. I still wonder have i made the wrong decision to leave him ? What do you all think? do let me know. i did ask my friends who are around my age - they encouraged me to leave him coz' they feel i am wasting my time and life on him. I am pretty, smart and having a decent job yet wasting my time and money away on this old and poor European guy.

oh yah, i don't know if i love this guy which is what pisses him off. I don't know what's love. But i do know i really care and like him a lot from my heart. sometimes i do wonder if i have the ability to love someone?


Help please if you all have any comments or suggestion for me. Thanks a zillionxx..


Yan.

Yes, you have made the right decision. This guy has so many red flags that a girl would be crazy to commit to him. Lying about his age, bankrupt, children disowning him, messy divorce, rudeness and threats when you want to end things. As for his comments about not worrying about the future, it's THIS attitude which made him bankrupt.

Just one thing to clarify. You decided to break up with him in June 2012....but you're writing about him in the present tense. Does this mean you've spent the best part of a year having him as a friend only? No wonder you can't get over it. Stop communicating with him - you'll heal much faster without the constant reminder. It will be hard at first, but I promise it will get easier in a few months.

You do have the ability to love and you will, when you find the right match.

Having fun with someone is not enough. Soon, laughter will turn to tears as your frustration level rises.

Here's the basic deal:

He's too old for you. He's bankrupt. His life is a mess. He lives in another country. Not even his daughters like him. What you know about him could be fiction - you don't know his life or how he has been/what he has done.

Even under perfect circumstances, a 23 year age gap can spell disaster. The reason he lied about his age is because he wanted to hook up with someone his daughters age because he's a creep. Deal with missing him, you'll move on eventually.

He's an old creepy guy looking for young girls in Asian. Pretty stereotypical.

Hey basilandthyme! Yes i still remain friends with him and we occasionally still meetup. Your right, i most probably am still clinging on to the past. stopping communication will be totally wise to do so. Thank you!

Thank you for bringing up the point about his wrong attitude which i failed to see. Totally insensible.

You're so young and you have a bright future ahead of you; even the fact that you're Bilingual is more than a lot of people can manage :) Don't waste your time with this old man who is looking to escape the mess of a life he created in his own country. You're b

Hi TablesandChairs! Thank you for your reply.. U're right on the 'laughter will turn to tears as your frustration level rises.' Which is what i am worried about as well.

Thanks for waking me up, much appreciated. I will move on.. :)

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Originally Posted by lostlub [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Help please if you all have any comments or suggestion for me.

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You're 24, he's 47. WHAT? Are you bloody crazy?
You live on different continents. Well it's certain to work then isn't it?
Oh and he's bankrupt.

Excellent. Way to go. Have you ever thought that perhaps you're decisionmaking abilities are not really that good. On a scale of 1 to 10 I'd give you a 1. You must be bloody desperate to have a relationship if you'd even consider this guy.

I think u are being a PRICK. Age is just a number for goodness sake.. U don't judge people by their age, its just attraction and affection. Nevermind. I think you know nuts about true attraction. You're a thickhead. to think I wasted my time to even type this for u. GET LOST!

Agree with the others that he's not right for you.

One question though: did you know he was married? did the relationship with you cause in any way his catastrophic divorce?

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Originally Posted by lostlub [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think u are being a PRICK.

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Yeah right. Well this prick is in a relationship with a woman his own age. Who not only lives on the same continent but actually just 45 minutes away. This prick has just spent a very nice weekend with his partner.

And age is just a number? What a bunch of crap.

There is no bright future with him. You're young with your future ahead of you, he will just hold you back. You barely know him, only snippets of what he wants u to know by long distance emails etc. it's a whole different story if you have to live together and see each other everyday. Your only 24, why you rushing to make babies and get married?
You may be compatible in a long distance sense with conversation etc. but I'm sure huge issues will arise in regards to his ex wife, children, age gap etc. if you do stay with him. This may outweigh the "great conversation" and sex. Find a guy you can get along with at your own age who has common goals. But no need to rush it. There are tons of 24 yr olds that haven't married their highschol sweethearts.

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Originally Posted by Paul07 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Agree with the others that he's not right for you.

One question though: did you know he was married? did the relationship with you cause in any way his catastrophic divorce?

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Hi Paul yes when I knew him he had already file for divorce and is in separation. Divorce not cause by me.

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Originally Posted by bcgirl [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

There is no bright future with him. You're young with your future ahead of you, he will just hold you back. You barely know him, only snippets of what he wants u to know by long distance emails etc. it's a whole different story if you have to live together and see each other everyday. Your only 24, why you rushing to make babies and get married?
You may be compatible in a long distance sense with conversation etc. but I'm sure huge issues will arise in regards to his ex wife, children, age gap etc. if you do stay with him. This may outweigh the "great conversation" and sex. Find a guy you can get along with at your own age who has common goals. But no need to rush it. There are tons of 24 yr olds that haven't married their highschol sweethearts.

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Be careful bcgirl. If you give the wrong answer you might get called a prick.

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Originally Posted by bcgirl [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

There is no bright future with him. You're young with your future ahead of you, he will just hold you back. You barely know him, only snippets of what he wants u to know by long distance emails etc. it's a whole different story if you have to live together and see each other everyday. Your only 24, why you rushing to make babies and get married?
You may be compatible in a long distance sense with conversation etc. but I'm sure huge issues will arise in regards to his ex wife, children, age gap etc. if you do stay with him. This may outweigh the "great conversation" and sex. Find a guy you can get along with at your own age who has common goals. But no need to rush it. There are tons of 24 yr olds that haven't married their highschol sweethearts.

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Hi Bcgirl thank you for your reply. I know what you mean but our relationship wasn't pure long distance. it was only official when I really did meet in person and really liked him and we did spend couple of amazing months together. Its just a shame he couldn't get a good job here. he was planning to move to where I lived. But things didn't go as planned and he requested for me to go to Europe with him which I declined.

But I too agree with you that the age gap is a potential issue. I was just trying out the relationship to see if it works as I feel it's incorrect to rule out someone just solely by age. It's unfair.

How did this guy even get to Asia being poor and unemployed? My advice would be to move on because you obviously had doubts about this person. You are still young and apparently smart. There is a guy out there who will make you feel like this guy did whom is likely closer than Europe. Be patient and you will find the right guy.

Don't be naive to think that everything he is saying is the truth behind his divorce. His children probably disown him because they think their dad is a loser running off to Asia to be with a girl the same age as his daughters. Can you see why a child may think their father was a scumbag? What would you think if this was your father about to leave his children to go off to another continent to be with a girl he hardly knows? This speaks volumes about his character, he should be putting his children first especially under hard circumstances like divorce

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Originally Posted by lostlub [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think u are being a PRICK. Age is just a number for goodness sake.. U don't judge people by their age, its just attraction and affection. Nevermind. I think you know nuts about true attraction. You're a thickhead. to think I wasted my time to even type this for u. GET LOST!

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Age is just a number BUT age is also a place where they at in their life. If the age spread is quite big lifestyles and expectations can be conflicting. Where you are at he has already past that and then some. Nothing wrong with spending some time with a short term companionship if you are not in any hurry to find a husband and raise babies. You can date anyone you want. Not sure why you are posting this.....if you are confident with your life and how you are living it why even bother telling people about it? It makes sense to end it. I feel you should have looked this through before hand when it was getting serious. Here is a man that truly thought you would be around, but he should have known better as well. On your end it should have been stipulated that this was to be short term and a proper future with you would have to be with someone younger for obvious reasons.

Agreed you did the right thing, the wrong thing you are doing is being in contact with him still. All this has to end so both of you can properly move on.

Age should be considered if you are wanting to raise a family of your own in the future. He is almost 25 yrs older than you, which will likely mean he will die much younger than yourself leaving you alone. That is one if the main reasons why it makes sense to find a life partner who is around your own age

You can recreate that connection with another man. Of course, leave him.