Why don't most men like to cuddle after intimacy?

My boyfriend and I make love and it's absolutely wonderful. He doesn't cuddle as much as I would like him to afterwards. I notice this with a lot of men (not that I have been with a lot because I haven't. I'm not promiscuious) I have heard other females say this as well. Why just roll over and go to sleep after without holding the female? My boyfriend used to do it all the time and I know he loves me but now he has gotten quite complacent. Does it depend on how much the man likes the woman in other instances?

Have you tried telling your boyfriend that you'd like for him to cuddle you for a while after you have sex? I'm sure he won't be unwilling to, if you explain to him that for you, cuddling afterwards is as important as any other part of sex.

Somewhat I have. I'm not too vocal about sex for some reason. There's things I want to try but I'm too shy to let him know. He is way more experienced then me!

communication is the most important thing.

orgasm sends a rush of dopamine to the brain and it makes him sleepy. dont take it personally. as long as hes affectionate towards you in general it doesnt mean anything.

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Originally Posted by NiaPeach [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Somewhat I have. I'm not too vocal about sex for some reason. There's things I want to try but I'm too shy to let him know. He is way more experienced then me!

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You need to communicate. Tell him what you need and want, he'll be happy to do what he can.

Yes it is. Normally I will just kind of place his arms around me and he will hold me for a few seconds and then roll over and go to sleep. I will try it I suppose.

is he affectionate outside the bedroom? do you feel close to him in every way? why dont you cuddle him when he turns his back to you sometimes. my bf loves it if i do that and he cuddles me too.

if you wana try new things in bed-just tell him that. if your close enough to be having sex with him then yoiu should feel comfortable talking about these things.

how old are you and how long have you been together?

I'd try asking him about it.

Honestly, all men are different, so some like to cuddle and some don't. For instance, I had sex with one who was like a cuddle bunny (He seriously laid on my arm and went to sleep till it went numb in 80 degree weather while I'm trying to cool a little.), and another time I had sex with one who insisted on moving to the other side of the bed afterwards. Not to mention, the physical exertion, as well as some of the chemicals released during sex, lead to a feeling of drowsiness for guys. That's actually why they tend to fall asleep faster than women (I read that, at least.). All in all, he might be ready to go to sleep or may not be big on cuddling in general, but that's not necessarily a reflection on your skills and/or personality. If it bothers you that much, though, I suggest you just try to bring it up to him in a light way.

I hope this helps.

No, it doesn't reflect level of liking or not: guys are pretty much conditioned to think cuddling is sorta gay and for weak, timid guys. The traditional alpha male ego thinks "banging" a chick and not cuddling after is a display of alpha status.

Thanks people!

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Originally Posted by NiaPeach [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Somewhat I have. I'm not too vocal about sex for some reason. There's things I want to try but I'm too shy to let him know. He is way more experienced then me!

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So you expect him to be a mind reader. Typical.

Tell him what you want. Subtle hints don't work with men. Blatant hints don't work. Passive aggressive stuff doesn't work. Just say what you want.

Yes. I understand this and I will definately apply it.

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Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

orgasm sends a rush of dopamine to the brain and it makes him sleepy

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Totally wrong there. The reason why men fall asleep after sex is to avoid having to talk to the woman they've just boned.

I like cuddling after sex. After cuddling for a bit we have more sex. Then, my GF and I take a shower, go back to bed and cuddle some more, and she usually falls alseep pretty quick after that.

However, I can totally understand the not cuddling if it is hot in the house. But, the AC is usually pretty cold so not an issue for me.

Hey, if SHE doesn't roll over and start sawing logs afterwards, you ain't done yet, boyo.

Men aren't mind readers. It seem like they should know some things but they don't sometimes. They have no problem telling you what they want so go for what you want. I normally just snuggle closer to him and lay my head on his chest, press my chest on his and rest my leg across him so he can caress me and talk for a little bit but if they start to doze off or something or I do, I just move to my side but not too far. We dont got to be wrapped all up on each other but I like to feel their skin and their body heat.

There's major hormonal differences between men and women and when a man busts a nut he usually just wants to be left alone and feels no compulsion to cuddle. I'll do it to make my gf happy but honestly, it feels empty and forced if it's immediately after I blow my load - I believe a rush of prolactin is what's responsible for this. I've heard of research being done on drugs that inhibit the production of prolactin to the point of eliminating the male refractory period - be interesting to see what becomes of that.

It's just one of those avenues where you both have to compromise having what you want all the time and focus on the other a little bit, and understand that you have different needs.

^^^Very true. I remember my bro said that sometimes after he busts he comes to his senses and don't want to be bothered with the girl depending on who she is. Lol. Anyway, I dont have to cuddle after every time we do it. Sometimes we can just do it and be done after that, go to sleep or whatever.

What about oxytocin, that both women and men get after an orgasm? Isn't that supposed to make both want to cuddle and bond?

My ex boyfriend would be extremely cuddly after sex. To the point where it actually got annoying for me. My current boyfriend varies, sometimes he likes to cuddle and sometimes he just wants to get on with our lives "as if nothing happened".

I roll over and go to sleep afterwards. So, I'm thinking that it's not necessarily a guy thing....

I honestly love to cuddle after sex but my girlfriend doesn't! She just goes off and starts playing with her ipad or watching vids on her laptop which annoys me. Communication is key, but trying to communicate to them about this sort of thing without them being offended is tricky. I feel I can understand and communicate very well but I need to ask her if there is anything wrong before she decides to communicate with me about these things.

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Originally Posted by Simpo [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I honestly love to cuddle after sex but my girlfriend doesn't! She just goes off and starts playing with her ipad or watching vids on her laptop which annoys me. Communication is key, but trying to communicate to them about this sort of thing without them being offended is tricky. I feel I can understand and communicate very well but I need to ask her if there is anything wrong before she decides to communicate with me about these things.

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It was the same with my ex: he would always insist on cuddling and I almost never felt like it, which would make him offended etc... it wasn't nice (he is my ex for a reason, we weren't compatible). Have you tried telling her you'd like to cuddle after sex? What did she say?

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Originally Posted by Simpo [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I honestly love to cuddle after sex but my girlfriend doesn't! She just goes off and starts playing with her ipad or watching vids on her laptop which annoys me. Communication is key, but trying to communicate to them about this sort of thing without them being offended is tricky. I feel I can understand and communicate very well but I need to ask her if there is anything wrong before she decides to communicate with me about these things.

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If she gets up immediately after and is occupied with other things-it may mean she didn't cum. You could have a faker on your hands. Orgasm makes you just want to lie there for a minute or two and enjoy the dopey feeling that rushes to your brain.

Im not very cuddly after sex. I like to hold each other for a minute when were done with him still inside me and I like kissing him, his face, neck, arms etc for like a minute and then I normally turn my back to him and he cuddles me and then we fall asleep. Sometimes I feel energized after sex and want to talk for a bit and then I get horny again lol.

He is very affectionate in general. Even if he turns his back to me to fall asleep-he always turns back over and cuddles me like 5 times during the night and I wake up with him wrapped around me in the morning and he always kisses me goodbye and says "I love you" and the first thing he does when he comes home is give me a kiss and a cuddle.

I love my man, he is great :)

but anyway ill give you a few tips if your not sure whether she is faking or not.

Some men just aren't cuddlers. You can ask for it, but he may only do it a few times before falling back into his natural pattern. If the rest of your relationship is going well and he's loving and attentive, I wouldn't read too much into it. I've had men latch onto me after sex, men who want to just lay back and cool off (ie: zone out), and men who fall asleep. (All from the same guy, even! It just depends on the sex, I think)

Get up and make him a nice sandwich....he will cuddle you for sure.

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Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

communication is the most important thing.

orgasm sends a rush of dopamine to the brain and it makes him sleepy. dont take it personally. as long as hes affectionate towards you in general it doesnt mean anything.

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This is true, and women usually gain energy after sex....this is why I say use that energy to make him a nice sandwich, or even provide a cold beverage like beer.

I don't like cuddling after sex. Ugh...when our body is all sweaty and heated. It is not pleasant. Although cuddling during a movie on a chilly day is nice.

I had one bf tell me he doesn't like being cuddled in bed because he can't stand all the body heat of cuddling, if he is too warm/hot he can't sleep. LOL

I love to cuddle afterwards, get in a few kisses, gives me chance to recharge and we can go again, if we're having playtime I've no interest in sleep, I'll sleep when she's satisfied & not before!

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Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What about oxytocin, that both women and men get after an orgasm? Isn't that supposed to make both want to cuddle and bond?

My ex boyfriend would be extremely cuddly after sex. To the point where it actually got annoying for me. My current boyfriend varies, sometimes he likes to cuddle and sometimes he just wants to get on with our lives "as if nothing happened".

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You ever think back on something when you close your eyes, and you see that image in your head and depending what it is, you can feel how you felt in that moment? Oxytocin imprints the memory in your mind, sometimes its so strong a smell can trigger that imprint and leave you happy, or upset. Women experience this stronger than most men on average because of the amount of other hormones within the body.


I love cuddling up and falling asleep, do that long enough for me to fall asleep and your good to go. Haha, I did date someone who was worse than me though, I couldn't stand it.

I never minded cuddling after but usually liked to get up and eat too. Something for us both, same as peeps who like to smoke after. I'd think 15 mins of cuddling is alright.

hmmm jffs you made me hungry. Would love pizza after afternoon sex.. Plan for Sunday :D

The only time I had sex, I discovered that cuddling with a girl can be very difficult. You gotta find where your other arm can rest comfortably and it takes a lot of shuffling and sometimes the heat...Or maybe I am just so inexperienced that only I would still be thinking about this every day.

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Originally Posted by YoungCosmo [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The only time I had sex, I discovered that cuddling with a girl can be very difficult. You gotta find where your other arm can rest comfortably and it takes a lot of shuffling and sometimes the heat...Or maybe I am just so inexperienced that only I would still be thinking about this every day.

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I still have trouble getting my arms organised after 20 years with my hubby.....especially at present because I have to wear a splint on one hand to sleep . It does get somewhat easier though.

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Originally Posted by YoungCosmo [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The only time I had sex, I discovered that cuddling with a girl can be very difficult. You gotta find where your other arm can rest comfortably and it takes a lot of shuffling and sometimes the heat...Or maybe I am just so inexperienced that only I would still be thinking about this every day.

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lol you over complicated it. You could just lie on your back and let her rest her head on your chest and wrap your arm around her and talk for awhile. And when you fall asleep you can spoon

iid think most guys would cuddle with their gf's after, you don't cuddle a 1 night stand, you probably just have sex and leave, same as with a prostitute, pay and leave, you don't cuddle.

Some people are big cuddlers, some are not. dont read too much into it.

I love to cuddle and I tell my new gf, when I get one, that this is a requirement. :)

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Does it depend on how much the man likes the woman in other instances?

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No it has nothing to do with how much they love you. They might just be extra tired.