Girlfriend wants a threesome

Hi Anne,

I was with my girlfriend last night and we were talking about maybe going on holiday in the near future.

We then started talking about threesomes somehow, my girlfriend then went on to say that she would have a threesome if we went on holiday and nobody from back home would find out.

This really freaked me out but I stayed calm and started to ask her more details, She then said that she would want it to me a MMF (male male female) threesome not a FFM.

I then told her that I really didn't like the idea of this and the thought of her being with another guy actually gives me a chill. I wouldn't even want to have a FFM threesome with her. Like I love her and only want to make love to her.

I then asked her "Would you seriously have sex with another guy?" I think at this point she could see it was really bothering me and started to make excuses like "Oh I don't even know if I'd have one".

I'm really just having serious doubts about our relationship now. Like she has all these hidden desires and that I'm not enough for her.

I don't know if she really is the girl for me anymore. The idea of her wanting a threesome seriously puts me off.

Please advise me.
Thanks.

You should talk properly about this. Tell her straight you are not into that and you never want to share her with anyone. Ask her is this just a silly fantasy or is it something she really wants and tell her to be honest. If it is something she really wants-then you are not compatible and you should break up.

Some girls bring this stuff up to test you and they are hoping you will say no but that's normally when they want a FFM threesome so id say it is possible that she was being serious.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You should talk properly about this. Tell her straight you are not into that and you never want to share her with anyone. Ask her is this just a silly fantasy or is it something she really wants and tell her to be honest. If it is something she really wants-then you are not compatible and you should break up.

Some girls bring this stuff up to test you and they are hoping you will say no but that's normally when they want a FFM threesome so id say it is possible that she was being serious.

---

Thanks for the response. I did tell her straight up and asked her just to tell me the truth. She said she didn't mean anything by it that she just said it rather flippantly.
However I'm unsure if I believe her, I think she just realized it really bothered me. I'm just wondering if there is any way I can try catch her out to really find out how she feels I guess.

Tell her you'll do it and see how she reacts? if she seems excited/happy then you'll know she is serious about it and you will know for sure you are not compatible.

Just say "babe, Ive been thinking a lot about what you suggested and I think Id be up for it as long as nobody finds out". And then when she thinks your on board you can ask all the questions that's going through your head and get honest answers.

Act like your cool with the whole thing and wait until you know for sure whether she really wants to or not before telling her you lied and you really do not want to do that

I would never ask a man of mine to participate in a threesome with another man. I wouldnt even want to do it. Maybe a chic but I have to pick her. I have a home girl of mine and she like mess like that.

I don't recommend you play shit games with her, conk by saying you'd do one when it's the last thing you'd do.

You don't want to do it, she isn't pushing for it so just forget about it. Lots of people say things like I'd have a threesome just for sexual conversation for goodness sakes. I'd like two guys making me the center of attention too but I'd never act on it and the hubby and I talked about these things, Its how you decide if YOU ARE SEXUALLY COMPATIBLE. Seems you two are or she'd be pushing for it... which she's not.

Not everyone is incompatible just because they've had a "what if" or a "I'd be stoked to do" type conversations.

How long have you two been together?

hell never get the truth or the doubts out of his mind if he just lets this go and by the sounds of it-it wasnt just a fantasy conversation-like "I wonder what it would be like or Ive thought about it". It was more like "I want to do it and I want to go to another country to do it so nobody finds out".

It does sound like more than just a passing thought or dirty talk

Do you know him personally so that you could say "hell (sic) never get the truth or the doubts out of his mind?" I just gave him a very good reason why he should at least mull over before dumping her. If he can't then fine but I find "dump him" without giving any alternate choice before doing so is pretty rampant around here.

FYI I didnt tell him to dump her.

It sounds like he is already heading in that direction though

As wakeup said, it's really all about compatibility. I personally wouldnt date someone with a bunch of weird fetishes and all that because if thats what they really like your sex life may be boring to them and they just may be weird to you. So he just needs to talk to her and don't be condescending while speaking to her and maybe they can work it out or he can move on.

I think every straight girl has fantasized about having a MMF threesome, it doesn't mean that she actually *wants* to do it or is willing to do it even if you aren't comfortable with it. You told her that you wouldn't like it, she told you that it's no big deal anyway. So don't make a big deal out of it.

Thanks for all the responses it really makes me feel much better managing to read everyone's thoughts.

We have been together a little over a year, I just recently kinda have felt that she has this whole other side to her. Not a nice side either.
Like what guy doesn't want his girlfriend to be sexual but I feel that sometimes she takes it too far and verges on being slutty if that makes sense.

It's horrible because she honestly does mean the world to me and I would hate to break up with her, but I guess it may be better in the long run.
She also didn't have a father figure when she was growing up, she was raised by her mum single handed.

Not that I'm knocking single Mums at all but I just kinda feel its because she didn't have a strong father figure she doesn't know how to act.

Like her Mum would let her stay over at guys houses when she had just turned 16. I can't help but feel if she had a father figure she would have turned out differently.

Thanks so much for all the replies.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by conkbabes [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thanks for all the responses it really makes me feel much better managing to read everyone's thoughts.

---

good

Quote:

---

We have been together a little over a year, I just recently kinda have felt that she has this whole other side to her. Not a nice side either.

---

You'll have to elaborate on that. One convo about wanting two men to pay her attention in bed does not make her have a "not nice" side... what else is going on?

Quote:

---

Like what guy doesn't want his girlfriend to be sexual but I feel that sometimes she takes it too far and verges on being slutty if that makes sense.

---

No it doesn't.. not without you explaining what you mean.

Quote:

---

It's horrible because she honestly does mean the world to me and I would hate to break up with her, but I guess it may be better in the long run.

---

What has she been DOING that makes you view her as slutty?

Quote:

---

She also didn't have a father figure when she was growing up, she was raised by her mum single handed.

---

Whats your point?

Quote:

---

Not that I'm knocking single Mums at all but I just kinda feel its because she didn't have a strong father figure she doesn't know how to act.

---

you're starting to sound rather sexist, judgemental and prejudice in your thinking.

Quote:

---

Like her Mum would let her stay over at guys houses when she had just turned 16. I can't help but feel if she had a father figure she would have turned out differently.

---

I'm starting to think she's better off without you. Of course, I'm still waiting for your explanation about what she's doing to make you think she's "slutty" before my final decision on that. I'm also wondering why you'd make your entire Opost about her talking about a threesome when in reality (going by your subsequent post) you're just looking for a reason to dump her unsubstantiated 'slutty' ass.???

OP, you do come off condescending and judgemental.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

good

You'll have to elaborate on that. One convo about wanting two men to pay her attention in bed does not make her have a "not nice" side... what else is going on?

No it doesn't.. not without you explaining what you mean.

What has she been DOING that makes you view her as slutty?

Whats your point?

you're starting to sound rather sexist, judgemental and prejudice in your thinking.

I'm starting to think she's better off without you. Of course, I'm still waiting for your explanation about what she's doing to make you think she's "slutty" before my final decision on that. I'm also wondering why you'd make your entire Opost about her talking about a threesome when in reality (going by your subsequent post) you're just looking for a reason to dump her unsubstantiated 'slutty' ass.???

---

It wasn't like it was just something she said flippantly the way she said it I could tell she actually had thought about it. We had the conversation about holidays and then threesomes. Then about 5 minutes later was when she said about the threesome. So she had obviously been thinking about it that five minutes or so.

Sorry I was just trying to elaborate further on why I think she has the ideas of threesomes etc in her head I don't mean to sound sexist at all. She is 18 at the moment so I just feel that some of the things she does are inappropriate. Like we might be walking in a shopping center and she would come out with something like "Oh wow he is so hot" it just makes me feel like I'm not good enough.

Maybe your right maybe I am looking for a reason subconsciously. I just don't like the idea at all of her having sex with another guy or the thought of her thinking about it

I kinda get his point. Im not saying people who dont have a good male and female role model always turn out bad or anything like that but it does help to have both a good mother and father in your life.

Two of my cousins grew up without their dad and they both have awful taste in men, they are both attracted to drama and are both quite attention seeking. Im not saying its the same in every situation-I know its not but I do get what he is saying.

OP can you elaborate on why you feel she may be "slutty". Is this something that bothered you from day one or is it recent because of your conversation

To add: I think it is disrespectful for her to say things like that about other guys to you. Theres nothing wrong with finding other people attractive but pointing it out like that would make most people feel a little insecure.

We alll "get what he's saying" but he's not given us one example of why he thinks she's "slutty" or why he thinks his gf's mother was less then a good role model.. Letting her stay over at her friends homes when she was 16 is not an example of a piss poor upbringing.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by conkbabes [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It wasn't like it was just something she said flippantly the way she said it I could tell she actually had thought about it. We had the conversation about holidays and then threesomes. Then about 5 minutes later was when she said about the threesome. So she had obviously been thinking about it that five minutes or so.

Sorry I was just trying to elaborate further on why I think she has the ideas of threesomes etc in her head I don't mean to sound sexist at all. She is 18 at the moment so I just feel that some of the things she does are inappropriate. Like we might be walking in a shopping center and she would come out with something like "Oh wow he is so hot" it just makes me feel like I'm not good enough.

Maybe your right maybe I am looking for a reason subconsciously. I just don't like the idea at all of her having sex with another guy or the thought of her thinking about it

---

She's 18 and obviously rather immature in her relating. I suspect you are as well.. immature in your ability to communicate that is. How old are you? ... and ... Have you actually talked to her about you not wanting to know who she thinks is and isn't "hot?" Just because we're are in relationships it doesn't mean we stop finding others attractive. She just needs to know that you are not interested in who she does or does not. for that matter, think is "do-able"

Goodness either you don't care about her, so break up with her or you do care for her (like you said you do) so you communicate what is and what is not acceptable to you. It's not rocket science. If after you've communicated and she still continues to do things you don't like, then give her the air.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I kinda get his point. Im not saying people who dont have a good male and female role model always turn out bad or anything like that but it does help to have both a good mother and father in your life.

Two of my cousins grew up without their dad and they both have awful taste in men, they are both attracted to drama and are both quite attention seeking. Im not saying its the same in every situation-I know its not but I do get what he is saying.

OP can you elaborate on why you feel she may be "slutty". Is this something that bothered you from day one or is it recent because of your conversation

To add: I think it is disrespectful for her to say things like that about other guys to you. Theres nothing wrong with finding other people attractive but pointing it out like that would make most people feel a little insecure.

---

Yeah that's exactly what she can be like, like attention seeking. I've told her before I don't like it. She might wear like really revealing clothes and she knows that guys are looking she once said to me "Baby I'm a dick magnet". Not things a boyfriend wants to hear!

She did say it in a jokey way but it's just all these little things that have built up over the last year or so.

Oh no I know she will find other people attractive I know I do too, but I'd never ever say in front of her like oh she is hot. I'd only ever think it in my head or say it in front of my best friends.

It wasn't friends houses it was boyfriends houses. She told me how she pretty much "did as she pleased".

I'm 20, 21 next month. Part of me worries that she maybe needs to get it out her system if that makes sense.

Like I've slept with 15 girls since the age of 16. I'm at the point now where I'm really happy with her and have absolutely zero desire to be with anyone else but her. I'm ready for a serious relationship.
Like when I first met her she seemed so innocent and I just worry that as she gets more comfortable round me she is showing me what she really is like.

So what are you going to do. It seems as though you do not trust her.

I'll admit I have trust issues anyway. My last girlfriend cheated on me so I do feel really insecure. It doesn't help the fact when she says other guys are hot.
It's hard because sometimes everything is perfect. Like we had a quiet night in recently and I thought I'd try be romantic and I littered rose petals and candles all round the hot tub and it was great, everything was absolutely perfect.
Then next thing something like this happens and I have all these doubts. I thought it was just me being silly but I posted on a few pages and most people can see where I'm coming from.

Even though their are only 2-3 years between you-I think there is a big difference in the emotional and mental maturity between an 18 year old and a 21 year old. If you are crazy about her though and everything is mostly great-you should try to work at it and just tell her how that makes you feel and ask her not to do that in future.

I know what girls are like at that age and they say things just to get a reaction sometimes. Try not to let it get to you

Quote:

---

I thought it was just me being silly but I posted on a few pages and most people can see where I'm coming from.

---

Then why keep asking? Do what you have to do and break up with her. You might want to take your time being single by working on your trust issues and learning how to communicate your expectations from someone you're in a relationship with and what you don't find acceptable. You're currently punishing her for what you're last gf did to you and that's hardly fair to her or any other women in your future if you're going to judge them on what the last one did.

Good luck, hope you get yourself settled.

Any GF of mine who proclaimed herself a "dick magnet" would have her ass booted to the curb. That's just disrespectful IMO.....and I'm very open minded.

Everything else she has done doesn't seem so much a big deal.....that that statement says a lot about the kind of person she is

So you think your gf is "slutty" because she fantasizes about threesomes and notices other hot guys? Wow... you do sound judgmental and sexist.

My boyfriend and I sometimes joke about how other people are hot and if they notice us we joke on how hot *we* are, but it's all as a joke, we know that we love each other and would never cheat on each other, it's just fun to poke fun at one another and I think it's awesome that we can comment on other hot guys/girls without anyone getting seriously offended. It seems that there is no trust between you (you certainly don't trust her), and most importantly there is no functioning communication between you two, otherwise you would understand each other perfectly.

Bottom line: you are a judgmental prick, she's immature, you two are incompatible due to lack of effective communication and different values.

I think you should break up and find someone closer to your idealized Madonna figure.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So you think your gf is "slutty" because she fantasizes about threesomes and notices other hot guys? Wow... you do sound judgmental and sexist.

My boyfriend and I sometimes joke about how other people are hot and if they notice us we joke on how hot *we* are, but it's all as a joke, we know that we love each other and would never cheat on each other, it's just fun to poke fun at one another and I think it's awesome that we can comment on other hot guys/girls without anyone getting seriously offended. It seems that there is no trust between you (you certainly don't trust her), and most importantly there is no functioning communication between you two, otherwise you would understand each other perfectly.



Bottom line: you are a judgmental prick, she's immature, you two are incompatible due to lack of effective communication and different values.

I think you should break up and find someone closer to your idealized Madonna figure.

---

Wow didn't expect to be called a prick. I was just looking for some advice I thought that this is the whole point in this forum

I think that was the advice :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by surfhb2 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Any GF of mine who proclaimed herself a "dick magnet" would have her ass booted to the curb. That's just disrespectful IMO.....and I'm very open minded.

---

O.o

Quote:

---

Everything else she has done doesn't seem so much a big deal.....that that statement says a lot about the kind of person she is

---

Oh? And what kind of person does that statement say about her, Surf?

ignore the harsh comments OP. your not an awful person. i save that treatment for cheaters and people who are just plain stupid

i just think you should try to communicate with her better in future and dont take everything she says literally

Don't ignore them completely, Op because your comments say alot about you, never mind what your gf's comments say about her.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by conkbabes [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Wow didn't expect to be called a prick. I was just looking for some advice I thought that this is the whole point in this forum

---

Yeah, did you read the rest of the post? You two are not compatible. You want a "madonna" figure (look it up, madonna/whore complex) and think that very normal and natural sexual impulses in a girl mean that such girl is "slutty". Your girlfriend is only just beginning to explore her sexuality, she can't be tied down by a bigot like you.

Being sexual does NOT equal being "slutty" or "not innocent". That's plain old sexist bullsh*t, so I'm not going to refrain from using harsh words.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

O.o



Oh? And what kind of person does that statement say about her, Surf?

---

That she's a disrespectful little twat. :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by surfhb2 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Any girl who would make a statement like that is a disrespectful little twat.

---

The OP specified that she said it jokingly.

... Hardly ... but, perhaps in your opinion, Surf.

One time my husband was walking behind me slightly on our way to the gates to enter a concert we were going to and he caught a guy who was walking in the opposite direction checking out my legs. Hubby told me what he had seen and I said (jokingly) "yea I'm a real dick magnet" said with a big grin on my face.. he just laughed and hardly thought me a "disrespectful little twat" in any way what-so-ever. We were about 40 at the time, we trust one another and like SeaRock we are even confident enough in our relationship to joke about such things. We even point out other hot people to one another's enjoyment.

Hmmmm......didn't sound like she said it in the same context but whatever

Well, you gotta be able to be yourself with your significant other. If you can't, it isn't much of a relationship. A lotta people have a lotta baggage, hangups, etc. Best to weed them out ASAP. Personally, I think life is for living. If I wanna hear a preacher, I will go to church. Human sexuality covers a huge spectrum. There are people who have not only said, but done, things much kinkier that what you are talking about. Stuff that would curl Michelle's hair. Anyway, if a few words can make you seriously question your relationship, it probably isn't worth staying in it.

i find that funny. i am quite a sexual person and open minded in bed. im up for most things as long as its just me and him and we are compatable that way. just coz i wouldnt have a threesom or go swinging dont make me a prude just so you know