Males: How would you feel? What would you do?

If you had an ex girlfriend who has stayed in your life as friends and friends with benefits and who is often running after you, always trying to make up, saying sorry and showing feelings but you ignore her often and don't show her the same affect back. You realize that she has cared so much for you and has done soo much good for you, she bends over backwards for you and yet she still trys to give more and show more feelings.

She never actually tells you she loves you and your confused wether she does or not. Then one day she writes you a letter basically saying how she realized all her mistakes and how much she loves you and cant stand to be away from you, the more she misses you the more she loves you and when she sees you its like it cures her. She tells you how she did certain things and how she should of done things differently and she wish she did it and told you while she had the chance and she basically tells you straight out I love you and says doesn't want anything from you, doesn't want to be in a relationship, just wants to see you and spend time with you because it would make her feel a lot better.

In a situation like this would you continue to ignore her even after saying she loves you? Would you feel annoyed and possibly angry or frustrated?

Or would you respect her for caring for you so much and being so open and expressing all of her feelings? Would it make you feel good/happy/loved?

Also what would you do or say? Or would you just continue not answering her messages?

Any help or advice is appreciated, thank you so much!

I'd get a massive boner from reading a letter like that. That would be so damn awesome. A dream come true, really.

That sounds like extremely pure love from that girl. If she and her ex are "friends with benefits" and he ignores any signs of affection she gives him, it kind of sounds like he really doesn't care about that girl and I can't help but to picture that person as very egoistic. Honestly, there is no way someone should be confused as to whether a girl loves him if she's doing all the stuff you said. I think it's very selfish of him because the girl is basically chained to that guy and is unable to move on which in the long run is bad, even though it makes her happy at the moment. If he decides that he has found someone and will leave her, her world will collapse and she will definitely need much help based on how she's obsessed with him. I'd advise the girl to stop propelling her feelings towards someone who doesn't love her back and from what I understand takes advantage of her, maybe get some psychological help.
I have hard time imagining myself in such situation as I would never take advantage and be blind to someones feelings like that (at least I strongly hope so). I'd feel loved, maybe some narcissistic part of me would feel good and fulfilled. I'd definitely feel sad though. It'd make me sad that someone is so committed to me and I can't give that person love. However, from what you've said, that guy was probably just playing dumb and seen such a confession coming, but maybe, hopefully, it'll get him to think. Sorry if I'm being harsh.

Best wishes. :)

If you want accuracy in your replies, it would be wise to tell the posters about your previous behaviour and what you're apologising for. Otherwise, the male posters may think you only did minor damage to the relationship and that he's being unreasonable in not giving you another chance.

The reaction is going to depend on his feelings for the girl. All those proposed are pretty good possibilities. I have a recent ex who wants to be friends, and I could probably create a friends with benefits situation pretty easily. I care about her so I wouldn't string her along like that. If she had pissed me off or made me lose respect for her in some way, I'd have no problem railing her out, then paying zero attention to her.

What did you do?

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Originally Posted by Onthemend [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

That sounds like extremely pure love from that girl. If she and her ex are "friends with benefits" and he ignores any signs of affection she gives him, it kind of sounds like he really doesn't care about that girl and I can't help but to picture that person as very egoistic. Honestly, there is no way someone should be confused as to whether a girl loves him if she's doing all the stuff you said. I think it's very selfish of him because the girl is basically chained to that guy and is unable to move on which in the long run is bad, even though it makes her happy at the moment. If he decides that he has found someone and will leave her, her world will collapse and she will definitely need much help based on how she's obsessed with him. I'd advise the girl to stop propelling her feelings towards someone who doesn't love her back and from what I understand takes advantage of her, maybe get some psychological help.
I have hard time imagining myself in such situation as I would never take advantage and be blind to someones feelings like that (at least I strongly hope so). I'd feel loved, maybe some narcissistic part of me would feel good and fulfilled. I'd definitely feel sad though. It'd make me sad that someone is so committed to me and I can't give that person love. However, from what you've said, that guy was probably just playing dumb and seen such a confession coming, but maybe, hopefully, it'll get him to think. Sorry if I'm being harsh.

Best wishes. :)

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Thank you for the answer! you have some good points! I hope too that i'll get him to think about it. As of right now he's ignoring me, but If I do actually send a letter like that, do you think I should make it clear that "I don't want a relationship" even if I do? Obviously he doesn't feel the same way for me as I do for him, but if I tell him that do you think it will make him more willing to talk to me?

Again thank you for your help :)

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Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If you want accuracy in your replies, it would be wise to tell the posters about your previous behaviour and what you're apologising for. Otherwise, the male posters may think you only did minor damage to the relationship and that he's being unreasonable in not giving you another chance.

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Thank you, great point and advice ! I'll let them know about what i'll be apologizing for in the letter

For you guys who are wondering what i'll be apologizing for in the letter:

Bascially I complained a lot, when I wasn't getting the affection from him that I wanted I would sulk and be negative around him and he would often say things like "Why are you acting like that? Are you even happy to see me?" So in the letter i'll be saying something like: "I'm sorry for also sulking and acting like I wasn't happy, but the truth is that I was very happy to you, everytime i saw you it was like the best day of my life. The reason why i was acting like that is because I had a lot under my skin that i just wanted to say and I loved you so much but I know you didn't feel the same way so it was bothering me. But really when I would see you I just wanted to have fun, laugh, fool around and just smile and be happy - because that's what I did feel, I just let the negative side of me take over and I see things so differently now and I realized so much, i just wish i could of had fun and fooled around with you when I had the chance."

Also another thing I did was that I wrote statuses on Facebook about him often. Statuses that were negative and saying things like "he doesn't see my worth, I deserve better, all the pain he puts me through, he doesn't even care, he treats me like dirt, i changed for him, he doesnt resepct me ..etc..." I probably wrote about 10 or more statuses about him or how he is treating me and he noticed and one day said it to me how my statuses on Facebook are really getting on his nerves and it really made him angry and at one point he actually ignored me for it. I told my selve i would stop doing it and I did for a while but then one day I saw something he did that really ticked me off but i completely over reacted and I wrote another big status on Facebook bascially saying "i'm done" and that was when I told him "i'm done" also and thats when we went 3-4 months without talking or seeing each other and thats where it really blew him off. After that he completely moved on and he had changed. I thought he would come back since every other time in the past he always came back to me but this time he didn't and i wish I would of said sorry about everything instead of choosing to just wait, because i'm sure he would of appreciated me saying sorry and he probably would of re-considered giving me a chance. So in the letter I was to write how i'm sorry about the statuses, i know I over reacted and got upset so easily but when i wrote thoses statuses it was always in "the heat of the moment" if you know what i mean and i know i said some mean things but I didnt actually mean them, when i'm angry i say a lot i don't mean and then i regret it. I would do anything to take those statuses back and deep down you know that even tho i wrote them, it's because i was scared and upset and angry because i didn't wanna loose you. And if i could re-do live the chance, i would do some much differently, i just needed to clear my head and stop overthinking like that.

You sound like a full blown, psychotic drama queen. He's lucky to be rid of you. Sending letters is always a stupid idea, and it never works, but I actually think you should do it just to cement his feelings that much more.

Work on yourself and not being batshart crazy, and stop playing games.

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Originally Posted by BackUpOrGetStng [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You sound like a full blown, psychotic drama queen. He's lucky to be rid of you. Sending letters is always a stupid idea, and it never works, but I actually think you should do it just to cement his feelings that much more.

Work on yourself and not being batshart crazy, and stop playing games.

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What are you talking about? Okay, i think I didn't explain properly...All those statuses i wrote, I actually had reasons for it. I didn't write them for nothing, when I would get mad it's because there was a reason. I'm not saying i wrote them for nothing just to cause drama, no it's not that at all. Most of the times actually he agreed that he did something wrong and in the past it was actually HIM coming after me and asking for another chance.

I think that you're extremely rude and disrespectful. How could you judge me like that? Obviously I did over think and over react and ya i shouldn't of said a lot of things, but I had reasons. I just needed to find a better way to handle the problems instead of writting statuses. I LEARNED FROM MY MISTAKES.

And by the way, last time I saw him he gave me a long hug and told me he was sorry and said "I know i wasn't okay with you" and he really mean't it. So don't go around saying i'm a drama queen and I caused all the trouble for nothing, cause thats not how it is at all.

Forgive Backup; He overdid the amount of steroids he puts in his Corn Flakes this morning. The guy you're talking about really missed out. It's easy for us guys to completely miss those signals (especially me).

If he really meant it, he should consider what you have to say. But in the future, I'd advice not using facebook as your diary for your relationship. Relationship is something intimate.

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Originally Posted by emmmz [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

For you guys who are wondering what i'll be apologizing for in the letter:

Bascially I complained a lot, when I wasn't getting the affection from him that I wanted I would sulk and be negative around him and he would often say things like "Why are you acting like that? Are you even happy to see me?" So in the letter i'll be saying something like: "I'm sorry for also sulking and acting like I wasn't happy, but the truth is that I was very happy to you, everytime i saw you it was like the best day of my life. The reason why i was acting like that is because I had a lot under my skin that i just wanted to say and I loved you so much but I know you didn't feel the same way so it was bothering me. But really when I would see you I just wanted to have fun, laugh, fool around and just smile and be happy - because that's what I did feel, I just let the negative side of me take over and I see things so differently now and I realized so much, i just wish i could of had fun and fooled around with you when I had the chance."

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Well, if it were me then tbh I would just roll my eyes if I read that. You can't always be complaining and chewing me out when we're together and repeatedly try to make everyone on facebook think I'm some abusive asshole and then later try to say "but those were the best days of my life!" Sorry but that's just absurd.

Also you said you "know he doesn't feel the same way about you as you feel about him"...what makes you think he's going to come around even if you do manage to get him back?

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Originally Posted by emmmz

Also another thing I did was that I wrote statuses on Facebook about him often. Statuses that were negative and saying things like "he doesn't see my worth, I deserve better, all the pain he puts me through, he doesn't even care, he treats me like dirt, i changed for him, he doesnt resepct me ..etc..." I probably wrote about 10 or more statuses about him or how he is treating me and he noticed and one day said it to me how my statuses on Facebook are really getting on his nerves and it really made him angry and at one point he actually ignored me for it. I told my selve i would stop doing it and I did for a while but then one day I saw something he did that really ticked me off but i completely over reacted and I wrote another big status on Facebook bascially saying "i'm done" and that was when I told him "i'm done" also and thats when we went 3-4 months without talking or seeing each other and thats where it really blew him off. After that he completely moved on and he had changed. I thought he would come back since every other time in the past he always came back to me but this time he didn't and i wish I would of said sorry about everything instead of choosing to just wait, because i'm sure he would of appreciated me saying sorry and he probably would of re-considered giving me a chance. So in the letter I was to write how i'm sorry about the statuses, i know I over reacted and got upset so easily but when i wrote thoses statuses it was always in "the heat of the moment" if you know what i mean and i know i said some mean things but I didnt actually mean them, when i'm angry i say a lot i don't mean and then i regret it. I would do anything to take those statuses back and deep down you know that even tho i wrote them, it's because i was scared and upset and angry because i didn't wanna loose you. And if i could re-do live the chance, i would do some much differently, i just needed to clear my head and stop overthinking like that.

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Here's the problem with all this. First of all, your problems with him are not the whole world's business, and there is no way I'd be okay with you making it the whole world's business via facebook if it were me. And if it involved as much mudslinging as it sounds like it did then yeah, it would definitely be over.

Second, Backup has a point if you can look past the chest pounding. You sound very high maintenance, do you have any idea how much of a turnoff that is? For a lot of guys it's an instant deal-breaker, and I'm telling you right now that if you ever find a guy who puts up with it it's only because he values fukking you too much to break up with you and have to resort to spankin it until he finds someone else to get his dick wet with. Sorry if you wanted to hear some sugarcoated fairytale but I don't feel like I'd be doing you any favors by preaching such a thing. To be fair, I might feel different if I had more specifics about what he did that upset you so much but from the information I have so far based on what you've typed you sound like way more trouble than you're worth in terms of committing to you.

And I still don't know why you're chasing him and trying so hard to get back together with him if you "know he doesn't love you back". If you're looking for love, why not look someplace where you might actually find it?

^^^^

Hmmm. Really? I know I can be a drama queen but that's only if I'm crossed. Im high maintenance always but not in an overbearing way. I don't play with acting like I feel a certain way. If Im mad, Im mad and he going to feel it and vice versa if Im happy. OP, writing a letter don't mean shit to him if he's over you. If you cant speak to him face to face or over the phone, he's not going to be interested in a letter either. I have wrote a few letters in my inexperienced days and love, sad letters don't hold any weight if they don't want to be bothered with you because of acting like a drama queen. I remember I went off on this guy one time, and we were kicking it a lot and he didn't speak to me for a while (I really went off, he pissed me off and I lost it but it wasn't that serious and we were at a club so I guess he was embarrassed lol) I apologized a few times, text, called him, he kept ignoring me and I finally wrote a letter, left it on his car on my way home from work one night and he still didn't talk to me. After while, I was like whatever, he acting like a bitch and I get over a guy quick so I moved on and we ran into each other a few times and I guess he was reminded how good I looked and now he trying to talk to me again but I'm over him. We kicked it a couple times after that but I felt a certain way because I was thinking, why I have to chase you and do all that, I can have who I want, I don't got to do all that and then he waited and did everything on his time and I didn't appreciate that. I guess I did all that cause I liked him a lot and he knew that but ignored me so hard, talking to me when he felt like it. He be trying now but I ignore him a lot as he is no longer a priority of mine. My point is, if he's over you then he over you. Move on. When you sweat them, they don't care but forget about them and normally they come around and if not..who cares? If he ignores me then I move on and when he does hit me up and they always do, I MIGHT hit him back if I have time.

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Originally Posted by dickriculous [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well, if it were me then tbh I would just roll my eyes if I read that. You can't always be complaining and chewing me out when we're together and repeatedly try to make everyone on facebook think I'm some abusive asshole and then later try to say "but those were the best days of my life!" Sorry but that's just absurd.

Also you said you "know he doesn't feel the same way about you as you feel about him"...what makes you think he's going to come around even if you do manage to get him back?



Here's the problem with all this. First of all, your problems with him are not the whole world's business, and there is no way I'd be okay with you making it the whole world's business via facebook if it were me. And if it involved as much mudslinging as it sounds like it did then yeah, it would definitely be over.

Second, Backup has a point if you can look past the chest pounding. You sound very high maintenance, do you have any idea how much of a turnoff that is? For a lot of guys it's an instant deal-breaker, and I'm telling you right now that if you ever find a guy who puts up with it it's only because he values fukking you too much to break up with you and have to resort to spankin it until he finds someone else to get his dick wet with. Sorry if you wanted to hear some sugarcoated fairytale but I don't feel like I'd be doing you any favors by preaching such a thing. To be fair, I might feel different if I had more specifics about what he did that upset you so much but from the information I have so far based on what you've typed you sound like way more trouble than you're worth in terms of committing to you.

And I still don't know why you're chasing him and trying so hard to get back together with him if you "know he doesn't love you back". If you're looking for love, why not look someplace where you might actually find it?

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Okay first of all, read what I replied to Backup, cause i'm not gonna write it again. Second of all thats the whole point why I want to talk to him is to apologize for the statuses, even though i may have had valid reasons, I realized that i over reacted, over thinked and that I shouldn't of been writting it on Facebook and i should of been talking to him and dealing with it in a different way. and thats the point of writting the letter, to apologize for everything.

But the thing is what youa arn't getting, i'm NOT asking for anything from him. I'm not asking him to be in a relationship. All I'm asking is that I could be able to see him more and spend time with him and at the same time I want to just explain that I love him and apologize for everything I did wrong in the past. MY QUESTION IS: How do you think he will react to that? Will he agree to spend more time with me? (After all he is suppose to be my friend) Or do you think he will continue to ignore me? (Even though i'm not asking for anything, but some time to see him and talk)

And all I'm saying is letters dont mean he will get over what happened. He may accept your apology but that's it. How are we supposed to know how we react? That's why I gave you an example and hoped you would get the point. He could ignore you. The only way you would know is if you did send the letter. There is no harm in that. At least he will read it and see what you have to say. We cant promise you anything. He could either accept it and talk to you or ignore you, one or the other. You wont know until you actually send the letter but dont expect anything because I know how some men operate.

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Originally Posted by Starnique [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

And all I'm saying is letters dont mean he will get over what happened. He may accept your apology but that's it. How are we supposed to know how we react? That's why I gave you an example and hoped you would get the point. He could ignore you. The only way you would know is if you did send the letter. There is no harm in that. At least he will read it and see what you have to say. We cant promise you anything. He could either accept it and talk to you or ignore you, one or the other. You wont know until you actually send the letter but dont expect anything because I know how some men operate.

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I understand what you mean, now i'm debating on wether i should send him a msg telling him I want to talk in real or just send the letter..I just want him to know that I love him and want to be able to spend time with him, but I don't want a relationship, just time time to spend together...

I'd lean towards speaking in person option. Letter can't express everything you in person can.

OP im sorry if this offends you but you are a co-dependent doormat who is desperate and you have zero srlf respect. i cat stand people like you who will take any crumb he gives you and are happy to be second best.

your a moron and you dug your own grave with him. its actually pathetic that your still clinging on, trying to show him you care. of course he has no respect for you

im not saying this to hurt u i just think you need a serious kick up the ass, a reality check. grow a backbone and stop being his f**king puppet-letting him pull all the strings.

its better to be alone than to deal with all this bs.

i didnt read it all but i noticed people calling you a drama queen etc. if thats true-then good luck, your gonna need it unless you change coz youll attract the wrong type each time and end up miserable. unhealthy people attract unhealthy people

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Originally Posted by emmmz [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Okay first of all, read what I replied to Backup, cause i'm not gonna write it again. Second of all thats the whole point why I want to talk to him is to apologize for the statuses, even though i may have had valid reasons, I realized that i over reacted, over thinked and that I shouldn't of been writting it on Facebook and i should of been talking to him and dealing with it in a different way. and thats the point of writting the letter, to apologize for everything.

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Nothing you said to backup is relevant to my post. I said I might feel a little different if I had specifics on what he did to upset you so much. You didn't give backup any specifics. "I had reasons to get upset!" is not a specific, it's the exact opposite.

Maybe he'll accept your apology and maybe he won't, there's no way for us to know. Even if he accepts the apology but he's likely to also assume that you have an agenda to get him to commit to you again and whether or not he accept your terms would depend on whether or not he wants to commit to you again, and it doesn't sound like he does.

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Originally Posted by emmmz [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

But the thing is what youa arn't getting, i'm NOT asking for anything from him. I'm not asking him to be in a relationship. All I'm asking is that I could be able to see him more and spend time with him and at the same time I want to just explain that I love him and apologize for everything I did wrong in the past. MY QUESTION IS: How do you think he will react to that? Will he agree to spend more time with me? (After all he is suppose to be my friend) Or do you think he will continue to ignore me? (Even though i'm not asking for anything, but some time to see him and talk)

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Telling him you love him and want to spend time with him pretty much means that you're going to try to get him to commit to you again. If you think you can be **** buddies even though you're this attached to him you're welcome to try but that doesn't work out very often when one partner is this attached to another.

girl decide whether you wana be used as a shag till something better comes along or would you prefer to cut all ties now and meet someone better who can give you more than just sex.

just pick one and be done with it.

also look up denial and the bargaining stage of grief. i think the sooner you move on, accept its over-the happer youll be in the long run but its your life, your choice. be miserable or be happy. i now what id pick.

id never be just sex to any man. im worth more and i know it. i think your a twat. people will treat you the way you allow them to. ill never be just anythin-ill always be the one he wont let get away.
you can choose which type u wana be but first youv got some serious changes to make if you want a healthy relationship with a healyhy good man

I actually think letters are romantic, like flowers, music or poetry. But they are not a tool for solving relationship problems.

The only other advice I have is never be someone else's Option. If he's not hustling for you, he doesn't love you. Move on.

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Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

op im sorry if this offends you but you are a co-dependent doormat who is desperate and you have zero srlf respect. I cat stand people like you who will take any crumb he gives you and are happy to be second best.

Your a moron and you dug your own grave with him. Its actually pathetic that your still clinging on, trying to show him you care. Of course he has no respect for you

im not saying this to hurt u i just think you need a serious kick up the ass, a reality check. Grow a backbone and stop being his f**king puppet-letting him pull all the strings.

Its better to be alone than to deal with all this bs.

I didnt read it all but i noticed people calling you a drama queen etc. If thats true-then good luck, your gonna need it unless you change coz youll attract the wrong type each time and end up miserable. Unhealthy people attract unhealthy people

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you're extremely disrespectful and rude to judge me like that ...especially when you said yourself that you haven't read the entire post. Your obviously missing a lot of information. Please don't ever post on my thread ever again. Thank you. And im not even going to bother to waste my time explaing.