Make or Break? =(

I found out, about an hour ago actually, through an email I shouldn't have read.. my boyfriend has been emailing a "friend" who he had dinner with in December 2004, to help her with her own boyfriend troubles.. I recently told my boyfriend that I was trying to be ok with her all of a sudden calling him and asking for his advice etc etc and he laughed it off, because in actual fact i've never been jealous in a relationship ever.

So.. here we go, the email from my boyfriend to her is this: (this is the latter part) "Anyhow... you have no idea how hard it was to tell you that I couldn't come cuddle with you. But, it wouldn't be fair at the moment. So we'll wait until it is. =) Consider this an IOU Cuddle, K? Hehe. Have a good rest of the day sweetness. *Kisses your nosey*"

What in the hell.. should he even be talking about cuddling her? Should he be saying it wouldnt be fair AT THE MOMENT, so we'll WAIT TILL IT IS??!?! Oh my god =( I dont even know what to say... i dont know what to do.. can someone please help =/ Please...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by missguided.rose

I found out, about an hour ago actually, through an email I shouldn't have read.. my boyfriend has been emailing a "friend" who he had dinner with in December 2004, to help her with her own boyfriend troubles.. I recently told my boyfriend that I was trying to be ok with her all of a sudden calling him and asking for his advice etc etc and he laughed it off, because in actual fact i've never been jealous in a relationship ever.

So.. here we go, the email from my boyfriend to her is this: (this is the latter part) "Anyhow... you have no idea how hard it was to tell you that I couldn't come cuddle with you. But, it wouldn't be fair at the moment. So we'll wait until it is. =) Consider this an IOU Cuddle, K? Hehe. Have a good rest of the day sweetness. *Kisses your nosey*"

What in the hell.. should he even be talking about cuddling her? Should he be saying it wouldnt be fair AT THE MOMENT, so we'll WAIT TILL IT IS??!?! Oh my god =( I dont even know what to say... i dont know what to do.. can someone please help =/ Please...

---

How long have you been together? Whats your age? Personally I say break his heart before he does more damage to yours. Sorry for whats happening (look in the dumping forums for my issues, mine sucks also) but I really think you need to hit the high road and show him what he will loose if he pulls that shit. It will be HARD no doubt, but you must not let yourself be used by someone like this. :(

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Tommy

How long have you been together? Whats your age? Personally I say break his heart before he does more damage to yours. Sorry for whats happening (look in the dumping forums for my issues, mine sucks also) but I really think you need to hit the high road and show him what he will loose if he pulls that shit. It will be HARD no doubt, but you must not let yourself be used by someone like this. :(

---

We've been together since December 2004. I'm 21, he's 26 this year.. I just don't understand it =( He's all about trust, and honesty.. and then he does this? But then again, I read the email, so doesn't that make me just as bad??

I'd say this is definitely reason to worry. Sounds like he is planning to dump you. And I don't think reading his email is as bad as what he is apparently doing.

going to dinner with someone else without telling you? not good.

As usual, I'm inclined to agree with shh!. Although, I think the real issues don't lie with his seducing another woman via emails, but with what forces compelled you to invade his privacy and read his emails in the first place. Something sparked your intuition strongly enough to override your better judgment. Whatever that was is where the problems are; and whatever it is about, it certainly ISN'T about trust and honesty.

If it were me, I'd just pull the plug on this guy without any extended explanations. Anything beyond, "Its just isn't going to work out," would be too much. That way, you untangle yourself from a romantic involvement you can't rely on; you don't have to confirm or deny invading his privacy; and you, if it pleases you to, can enjoy the satisfaction of knowing he's spinning on his own stick, wracking his brain, wondering what the hell went wrong. Happens to him again a few times with other women, maybe it will dawn on him that HE is what went wrong. You have no obligations to him whatsoever. He forfeited your caring the moment he started catting around, looking for another candle to stick his wick in.

I agree with Hayward.

i read what she said to him (which is horrible and i tend to want to agree with shh) do u know what he said back to her?

Well said whaywardj

Just my opinion, Okibo, but thanks for the kudo.

Does anyone know what Acid is asking? Acid: What are you asking? (HATE your screen name, BTW. But that's your point, I guess. To provoke.)

im asking wheather or not she knows what her boyfreind said back to those emails she found...(and thats not the point of my screenname..the point of my screenname is to represnt me in all my being)

I think you might need to read it again, Acid. I believe she WAS referring to what he'd said.

i think Acid is asking if she know what her bf "friend" said back to the email after he said he wish he could cuddle and stuff

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by whaywardj

I think you might need to read it again, Acid. I believe she WAS referring to what he'd said.

---

thank u sami09

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by whaywardj

compelled you to invade his privacy and read his emails in the first place. Something sparked your intuition strongly enough to override your better judgment. Whatever that was is where the problems are; and whatever it is about, it certainly ISN'T about trust and honesty.

if it pleases you to, can enjoy the satisfaction of knowing he's spinning on his own stick, wracking his brain, wondering what the hell went wrong. Happens to him again a few times with other women, maybe it will dawn on him that HE is what went wrong. You have no obligations to him whatsoever. He forfeited your caring the moment he started catting around, looking for another candle to stick his wick in.

---

Well, i can certainly comment on this one...

I agree w/W. that your b/f isn't being honest w/you. Also that you need to break from him. He has definitely got a "thing" for this other girl. No question. It sounds like he might (possibly) be simply biding his time w/you until this other girl is free. This obviously sucks for you.


I disagree w/W's approach tho. I think you SHOULD tell him about the email. So you invaded his privacy, at this point, so what? Sounds like you had reason. Confront him about this girl. Tell him you aren't interested in being someones "side dish" while he waits for the main course. Then break off from him and tell him to sort out his sh!t with this other girl. Have some dignity. If he comes grovelling back (wait a while, don't cave immediately), then decide if you still want him depending on how he's dealt w/this girl. If not, you'll still have your dignity and can move on w/your head high.

FYI, if he says he DOESN'T have a thing for this other girl then... RUN!! He is an assh*le who likes to mess w/ppls feelings, which is even worse! Trust your instincts.

Oh, and about the revenge thing? Revenge usually takes more from the revenger than the revengee... Good luck hun.

Ok, its me again. With news.

So I did confront him, I *did* tell him I read his email, because like indigosoul said, I had a reason.. I couldn't discuss the situation with him without telling him, and in my opinion, I know it was wrong to do so, but I also suspicion and it turns out I was right, so I dont regret it in any way.

Basically he decided it was all taken in the wrong context, and he would never think of doing something like that while he was with me... which I think, so what? You were *wishing* you were doing it, but to me is emotional cheating. And that is the reason I told him I read it, he doesn't have enough love or respect for me, so why would he care deeply that I read his email, he's probably just mad he was caught out. I was wrong, but what he did was worse. When he asked if I read anymore I said "no, I didn't *want* to know what else you've written" and he said "you're right, you probably don't" lol which to me is a big "**** you" so I'm done with him.

The thing is, even though we're now broken up, I'm stuck here for another 3 weeks until I can get back on my plane and fly the hell home to Australia (I'm in America right now). This is going to be an enjoyable 3 weeks, I can just tell. >.< Wish I could just click my heels. Thankyou everyone for your comments though.. no doubt you'll be hearing again from me.

Sorry to hear things didn't work out :( Sounds like a jerkoff and you did the right thing by doing what's best for yourself and getting out.

Keep your chin up, darlin.

Feels like the right thing, but at the same time it feels so.. heartbreaking =(

Thanks though *hugs*

Sorry, Rose, but you'll be okay after some time passes. I hope you aren't stuck living with HIM while you wait these three weeks...

Ya, sorry too.

But take a good long look in the mirror, hun. Then smile & give yourself a BIG thumbs up! You did the right thing (for him too, even if he's too much of an *ss to realize it).

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by missguided.rose

and he said "you're right, you probably don't" lol which to me is a big "**** you" so I'm done with him.

---

If he had nothing to hide he would have shown you everything... No matter how bad they were.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by missguided.rose

The thing is, even though we're now broken up, I'm stuck here for another 3 weeks until I can get back on my plane and fly the hell home to Australia (I'm in America right now). This is going to be an enjoyable 3 weeks, I can just tell. >.< Wish I could just click my heels. Thankyou everyone for your comments though.. no doubt you'll be hearing again from me.

---

I dont blame you for wanting to come back here...

Does anyone else think he may have said these things with the intention of hooking up once M.Rose left?

I think he may have been planning on ditching the relationship once you came back here (to Australia) anyway.

Mick

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by mini696

I think he may have been planning on ditching the relationship once you came back here (to Australia) anyway.

Mick

---

Mick it honestly wouldn't have suprised me.. for some reason =/

this guy sounds like an aaaaaaaasshooooooooole. lol

Well Australia is still beautiful. So at least you still have that to smile about.