Pleasuring yourself, being found out.

Not sure if I'm posting in the correct section, sorry if not.

I've been with my wife for 15 years now, but very recently she's found out that I've been pleasuring myself to porn every once in a while. Obviously my wife is not at all happy and says she's absolutely disgusted.

She's asked me to stop doing it completely and to definitely stop watching porn. Is this a reasonable request?

From what she's been saying it sounds like she's taken it really personal, she thinks that she's not good enough, or that I get more pleasure doing it myself than I do when we do things together. I've tried explaining that it's completely different but it doesn't really seem to make much difference.

She won't leave me alone in the house anymore through fear of me doing it and she's making regular reference to it in conversations, like when I go to the loo she'll remind me not to pleasure myself. I find myself rushing when I take a shower and going to the loo so she doesn't think I'm spending too long in the bathroom.

What you are doing is normal male behavior so long as it does not replace intimasy with your wife. Just don't let it get out of hand.

The way she is behaving is not okay. It is your body and if you want to touch yourself you can. Porn can crush a womans self-esteem especially older woman who are self-conscious about their body so maybe you should cut that out as you know now how much it upsets her now or find a compromise where you can sometimes watch it together.

Porn can become addictive and many women have come here saying "found receipts for prostitutes....... I knew he was watching too much porn and now this..." etc

There is nothing wrong with getting yourself off from time to time but if you feel the need to look at porn to get the job done then you may be moving towards an addiction. You need to listen to your wife on this one. Lose the porn on a regular basis and get back to finding ways to put the focus back on your wife.

Masturbate on the bed beside her and ask her if she'd like to join in. Better yet, pop a porn tape in while you do it. Maybe she'll get turned on too and give you head... save your wank for when you're alone. Silly twit,

There is zero evidence presented that would indicate that you are addicted to porn, and most people masturbate. I would not marry a woman that didn't rub one out once and awhile if I were a guy because if she didn't, then certainly she'd be an idiot like the one you married.

Your wife feels like you are wasting these valuable protein injections nowhere.

She is acting unreasonably. I found porn on my boyfriend's laptop history, and at first it upset me, but after about 30 seconds, I came to my senses and realized that he's a man, and he's gunna do it whether he's in a relationship or not. As long as it is not affecting your sex life, then she shouldn't have a problem. Just keep it to yourself, and make sure you know you're going to be alone.

^^^ not all men watch porn... I wouldn't be comfortable with my bf watching it either. It can become addictive at any point in your life especially if you use it as a distraction, a replacement for sex or for stress.. It can and does lead to cheating and it can make a man or woman rather porn than their partner. Lucky for me my bf never had an interest in porn and its not something we ever needed to discuss in our relationship.

OP your wife cannot treat you like a 5 year old kid who has been caught stealing candy from a baby... You need to put your foot down. Man up and tell her you will not be bullied or harassed over this, it is your body and it is perfectly normal for people to masturbate when in a relationship. Its just a release so you dont have to pester her for sex all the time as you possibly have a higher sex drive. Tell her if she wants more sex-you will be happy to oblige but if she is not horny and you are-you will masturbate and there is not a damn thing she can do about it. If any man told me I am not allowed to touch my own body I would tell him to f**k off.

Tell her you will cut out the porn if it bothers her that much. Maybe you should try to explain that the sexual aspect to porn is what turns you on-not the women in it (if that is true-many men say it is).. and tell her you can watch it together to find new ideas to spark up your sex life.

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Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

^^^ not all men watch porn... I wouldn't be comfortable with my bf watching it either. It can become addictive at any point in your life especially if you use it as a distraction, a replacement for sex or for stress.. It can and does lead to cheating and it can make a man or woman rather porn than their partner. Lucky for me my bf never had an interest in porn and its not something we ever needed to discuss in our relationship.

OP your wife cannot treat you like a 5 year old kid who has been caught stealing candy from a baby... You need to put your foot down. Man up and tell her you will not be bullied or harassed over this, it is your body and it is perfectly normal for people to masturbate when in a relationship. Its just a release so you dont have to pester her for sex all the time as you possibly have a higher sex drive. Tell her if she wants more sex-you will be happy to oblige but if she is not horny and you are-you will masturbate and there is not a damn thing she can do about it. If any man told me I am not allowed to touch my own body I would tell him to f**k off.

Tell her you will cut out the porn if it bothers her that much. Maybe you should try to explain that the sexual aspect to porn is what turns you on-not the women in it (if that is true-many men say it is).. and tell her you can watch it together to find new ideas to spark up your sex life.

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Clearly if she's behaving like this, she probably won't be interested in watching it with him lol. And obviously porn every other day is not healthy for a relationship, but if I'm on my period, and I don't feel like giving him head, then I can't exactly hold it against him if he wants to get off while I'm at work, or something lol. Not everyone who watches porn gets addicted, and porn does not necessarily lead to cheating. If it does, then that person would have probably cheated anyways.

Wow - she's been your wife for 15 years and she only just realized you watch porn and masturbate!? O_O

I think it's perfectly normal to pleasure yourself - whether you do it with or without watching porn doesn't really matter - as long as it's not negatively interfering with your sex life and/or other aspects of your life.

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Originally Posted by anonymous_a [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Clearly if she's behaving like this, she probably won't be interested in watching it with him lol. And obviously porn every other day is not healthy for a relationship, but if I'm on my period, and I don't feel like giving him head, then I can't exactly hold it against him if he wants to get off while I'm at work, or something lol. Not everyone who watches porn gets addicted, and porn does not necessarily lead to cheating. If it does, then that person would have probably cheated anyways.

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If they become addicted-it can and does lead to cheating. That is the only reason I dont approve of it. Its okay if he watches it occasionally but some men grew up watching it every single day and have a serious addiction to it. Others are only starting to watch it now in their 40's/50's become addicted and eventually it can lead to him seeking out sex on the internet or paying for sex coz he saw some new fantasy that he becomes obsessed with and wants to carry it out...

Its not healthy in a relationship-not if its a replacement for your partner or an escape from reality. Men do not need porn. They have a perfectly good imagination that many replace with porn over time and eventually it can become the only way they are able to get off

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Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If they become addicted-it can and does lead to cheating. That is the only reason I dont approve of it. Its okay if he watches it occasionally but some men grew up watching it every single day and have a serious addiction to it. Others are only starting to watch it now in their 40's/50's become addicted and eventually it can lead to him seeking out sex on the internet or paying for sex coz he saw some new fantasy that he becomes obsessed with and wants to carry it out...

Its not healthy in a relationship-not if its a replacement for your partner or an escape from reality. Men do not need porn. They have a perfectly good imagination that many replace with porn over time and eventually it can become the only way they are able to get off

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What does being addicted to porn have to do with cheating? It's an addiction to PORN, not sex. Big difference.

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Originally Posted by anonymous_a [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What does being addicted to porn have to do with cheating? It's an addiction to PORN, not sex. Big difference.

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one addiction can lead to another. It has a lot to do with it. Do you think those men would pay a prostitute to do something to him that he is too ashamed to ask his wife to do if he never watched porn and didnt know that these warped sex acts exist.. I am not saying it is an excuse. Its not. It doesn't justify cheating and I wouldnt listen to or accept any crocodile tears if my husband blamed his "addiction" for cheating on me. He would still be thrown out on his arse and I would have divorce papers in front of him asap but porn has a lot to answer for imo.

i can tell a guy who watches a lot of porn compared to a guy who doesnt. Two totally different ways of seeing women and treating them. Im not talking about OP. I am talking about males who have grown up watching it nearly every day from the age of 12.. May explain why some men have a lot of respect for women and value the emotional connection of a relationship and sex whilst some objectify women and think sex is nothing

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Originally Posted by anonymous_a [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What does being addicted to porn have to do with cheating? It's an addiction to PORN, not sex. Big difference.

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Yes, agree and it ("it" being addicted to porn or to sex) has nothing to do with this thread in the least.

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Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

one addiction can lead to another. It has a lot to do with it. Do you think those men would pay a prostitute to do something to him that he is too ashamed to ask his wife to do if he never watched porn and didnt know that these warped sex acts exist.. I am not saying it is an excuse. Its not. It doesn't justify cheating and I wouldnt listen to or accept any crocodile tears if my husband blamed his "addiction" for cheating on me. He would still be thrown out on his arse and I would have divorce papers in front of him asap but porn has a lot to answer for imo.

i can tell a guy who watches a lot of porn compared to a guy who doesnt. Two totally different ways of seeing women and treating them. Im not talking about OP. I am talking about males who have grown up watching it nearly every day from the age of 12.. May explain why some men have a lot of respect for women and value the emotional connection of a relationship and sex whilst some objectify women and think sex is nothing

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Biggest jumping to conclusions post I've ever seen. "Addiction" to Porn doesn't lead to anything that the user wouldn't have been predisposed to already. An "Addiction" to video games doesn't lead to an "Addiction" to alcohol-ism.

Most men at some point in their lives, that have internet access, have seen or have watched or will watch porn at some point. Many women will do it too. An addiction to any single thing doesn't always correspond to the gateway to other addictions. Being an alcoholic doesn't make you a crack addict. Getting addicted on prescription meds doesn't mean you also like Heroine.

This isn't the Amazon.com of addictions... "If you're addicted to porn, you might also like -- Sex addictions for people who like Vegetables."

... lmao. ...

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This isn't the Amazon.com of addictions... "If you're addicted to porn, you might also like -- Sex addictions for people who like Vegetables."

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i think my point is valid. i said it can and does lead to sexually addicted behaviour. it can get more and more out of control. an alcoholic could start off with two pints a day for 5years, then under stress increase it to 3 than 4 etc until it turns into 2litre bottles of cheap vodka a day.

sex addiction is not the same as alcoholism or drug addiction. it is placed into an entirely different category just like gambling. eventually porn is not enough, they need live chat, then cybersex, then arranging sex in a hotel room, strip clubs, prostitutes. it gets more and moreout of control

if people cannot see my point here then i give up..

btw i am NOT calling OP an addict at all. i am just giving reasons why i personally dont agree with porn

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Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i think my point is valid. i said it can and does lead to sexually addicted behaviour. it can get more and more out of control. an alcoholic could start off with two pints a day for 5years, then under stress increase it to 3 than 4 etc until it turns into 2litre bottles of cheap vodka a day.

sex addiction is not the same as alcoholism or drug addiction. it is placed into an entirely different category just like gambling. eventually porn is not enough, they need live chat, then cybersex, then arranging sex in a hotel room, strip clubs, prostitutes. it gets more and moreout of control

if people cannot see my point here then i give up..

btw i am NOT calling OP an addict at all. i am just giving reasons why i personally dont agree with porn

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Actually that's not what you said, you said one addiction can lead to another, not that an addiction can worsen over time... in the case of your alcoholic, your example is of his disease taking hold and getting more serious... but then you're taking porn as a possible addiction and rather than compare like with like (i.e. frequency) you're instead claiming it will lead to all sorts of other types of less than ideal sex-related behaviors as if that were a fact... apples and oranges.

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Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i think my point is valid. i said it can and does lead to sexually addicted behaviour. it can get more and more out of control. an alcoholic could start off with two pints a day for 5years, then under stress increase it to 3 than 4 etc until it turns into 2litre bottles of cheap vodka a day.

sex addiction is not the same as alcoholism or drug addiction. it is placed into an entirely different category just like gambling. eventually porn is not enough, they need live chat, then cybersex, then arranging sex in a hotel room, strip clubs, prostitutes. it gets more and moreout of control

if people cannot see my point here then i give up..

btw i am NOT calling OP an addict at all. i am just giving reasons why i personally dont agree with porn

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I understand what you're saying, but thats like saying... if Alcohol isn't washing their problems away, the need to try something stronger, and stronger still, and so on. Its okay to not like porn, but in my opinion, looking down on it as the OPs wife does, will just make him want to hide it due to shame, or just to stop the incessant nagging.


If you're going to watch porn, just be straight about it. Michelle, I'm not saying its definite, but what if there was a chance your boyfriend watches porn while you're away? But he won't tell you because of the way you'd react to it? Would you rather know and be a part of it, or have him keep it a secret?


I think anyone who pushed to have an affair, its not due to porn. Everyone makes their own choices... I can't recall the last time an insanity plea was used in a sexual encounter, but I assure you the verdict was still "Its your fault".

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Most men at some point in their lives, that have internet access, have seen or have watched or will watch porn at some point. Many women will do it too.

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I'm doing it right now, as we speak. :emot126:

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Originally Posted by steviejobs [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Not sure if I'm posting in the correct section, sorry if not.

I've been with my wife for 15 years now, but very recently she's found out that I've been pleasuring myself to porn every once in a while. Obviously my wife is not at all happy and says she's absolutely disgusted.

She's asked me to stop doing it completely and to definitely stop watching porn. Is this a reasonable request?

From what she's been saying it sounds like she's taken it really personal, she thinks that she's not good enough, or that I get more pleasure doing it myself than I do when we do things together. I've tried explaining that it's completely different but it doesn't really seem to make much difference.

She won't leave me alone in the house anymore through fear of me doing it and she's making regular reference to it in conversations, like when I go to the loo she'll remind me not to pleasure myself. I find myself rushing when I take a shower and going to the loo so she doesn't think I'm spending too long in the bathroom.

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That's really sad because mastubation, fantasizing and using tools such as porn or sex toys is totally natural thing to do, in fact it's just a healthy part of your sexlife. Women have a total misconception of why men (and women too) indulge in "alone time" and watching porn. Porn doesn't turn you into an addict, your personality has the addition already. I think you both could use some couples counseling because I don't think the porn is the whole issue here but a symptom of other things going on in your relationship that YOU may not be aware of.

if my bf did watch porn i wouldnt react badly to it. we have never had that discussion. i just no he has no interest in it as he suspects his brother is addicted to it and he has told me a few times that hes never been interested in it. at his house a few times his uncle was showing him porn on the computer and the were both laughing and slagging the people on screen. it didnt bother me. we have watched loads of sex ed programes together and i find them interesting. he doesnt particularly like watching it.

he doesnt watch it in secret. he wouldnt even have the time. he goes to sleep before me every night and never locks himself in a quite room etc and we dont even have internet access at home.
if i did find out he watched it-id never shame him the way OP's wife has done. i would just ask why he kept it from me

he knows i am open to watching together if he wants to. i have no prob with that occasionally and he said he has no interest in it bjt if i wana watch it we can

Find it outside. There are plenty of women that will do it for you for a fee. Your wife won't be upset that you viewing porn inside the home and you'll be happier that a female's hand is touching you and not a man's (even if it is your own).