Shall I go or stay?

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12-07-05, 12:00 AM
ritehereritenow

Shall I go or stay?

My bf and I have been together for 3 months (after committed). We started dating soon after we had met each other (9 months ago) but stopped in the middle b/c he was confused and didn't know if he was ready for a long-term relationship. Right before I almost moved on, he figured he's really happy to be with me and asked me to give him another chance 3 months ago, so I did.

Last night I talked to him b/c I felt he was kinda different in the past week, like doesn't hold my hand and we don't really talk about things. So yeah, he told me he was confused again (for nothing) and his feelings are different(not stronger or weaker, but just different) now. He has been honest w/ me all the time. He said he didn't want to mislead me and wouldn't have told me this if I hadn't asked those questions. He said he knows he overanalyzes things and thinks too much but couldn't help it. Also, he felt he wasn't needed by me b/c I am attractive, strong and independent. I asked him isn't this why he likes me, he said yes (what the $&*#!).

We emailed each other everyday at work and have spent a lot of time together. Both of us have tried to know each other better, but it's harder for me b/c he likes to keep things to himself and we come with different cultural background. But I just hate he isn't passionate enough and gets confused so easily!! I am 24, he's 25. If feelings change, I don't think there's anything I can do. But what the hell does it mean if feelings don't become stronger or weaker?! I just want to love someone who loves me. I don't want to deal with this "feelings" stuff again and again, maybe it's time for me to leave...
12-07-05, 12:03 AM
Tone

Okay.

__________________
12-07-05, 12:57 AM
TAVS

It's hard to know when it's time to walk away. I'm currently in the same dilemma. Unfortunately, I have 4.5yrs invested. Given the shorter-term span of your relationship, it might be time to move on. Remember, the things that bug you about him now will only magnify with the relationship. People tell me that at this age, we're too young to be putting up with this type of junk.
12-07-05, 02:51 AM
ritehereritenow

You loved/love him, he loves/loved you, it's a good thing, nothing to regret. I had two serious relationships before. I never feel bad/sorry that they cost me 6 years(in total). I enjoyed it.

Thanks for your suggestion. My friends also think I deserve a better man. But he just sent me flowers half an hour ago!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by TAVS

It's hard to know when it's time to walk away. I'm currently in the same dilemma. Unfortunately, I have 4.5yrs invested. Given the shorter-term span of your relationship, it might be time to move on. Remember, the things that bug you about him now will only magnify with the relationship. People tell me that at this age, we're too young to be putting up with this type of junk.
12-07-05, 02:55 AM
shh!

Flowers are the cheap, quick fix men resort to to distract women from issues...
But enjoy them, anyway.
12-07-05, 03:06 AM
Junket

Quote:

Originally Posted by shh!

Flowers are the cheap, quick fix men resort to to distract women from issues...

::looks at bouquet::

You mean these are just...?

::throws them in trash can and sulks::
12-07-05, 03:08 AM
douloveme613

It is always difficult to walk away from something like a relationship because you have found yourself something that's come somewhat easily and you are comfortable. With 3 months under your belt and you questionning whether or not you should leave ... maybe you should. I really shouldn't be saying that as I should be dumping my BF, but most of the time I can't get past the great times. I actually, in your situation, would ride this one out. Flowers do fix things quickly, but they are definitely a larger gesture than "gee sorry" while staring at his feet and fumbling around with his belt buckle. Just because he is confused doesn't mean he doesn't still love you. Love is a very strange thing and tends to change form when you are not looking.
12-07-05, 03:10 AM
Asip4u

Quote:

Originally Posted by shh!

Flowers are the cheap, quick fix men resort to to distract women from issues...
But enjoy them, anyway.

I usually make a girl one of those gift baskets..They seem to enjoy it much more With many different things like candy, chocolate, coffee and so on.
12-07-05, 03:11 AM
ritehereritenow

Sharp.
But I take things in a very simple way, either I enjoy or not. So I am not going to bother to think what he really thinks. :nerd:

Quote:

Originally Posted by shh!

Flowers are the cheap, quick fix men resort to to distract women from issues...
But enjoy them, anyway.
12-07-05, 03:13 AM
whaywardj

Quote:

Originally Posted by Asip4u

I usually make a girl one of those gift baskets..They seem to enjoy it much more With many different things like candy, chocolate, coffee and so on.

Ah. A true romantic and a gentleman. Very nice, Asip.
12-07-05, 03:29 AM
shh!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Asip4u

I usually make a girl one of those gift baskets..They seem to enjoy it much more With many different things like candy, chocolate, coffee and so on.

Me likes chocolate and coffee!! I think I love you, ASIP. It's too bad you are so damn young. Oh well, I guess I will just have to console myself with chocolate and coffee. Can you make me a basket even if you've done nothing wrong?
:-D
12-07-05, 03:37 AM
Asip4u

Quote:

Originally Posted by shh!

Me likes chocolate and coffee!! I think I love you, ASIP. It's too bad you are so damn young. Oh well, I guess I will just have to console myself with chocolate and coffee. Can you make me a basket even if you've done nothing wrong?
:-D

Me
Not
Young
Almost 35..hehe..j/k..25
Of course i'll make you a basket, shh!..i'll send it express ASIP..i mean ASAP :D
12-07-05, 03:39 AM
whaywardj

I'M not too young, Shh!

::pick me! pick me! peeing all over puppy kennel::
12-07-05, 03:41 AM
Asip4u

Quote:

Originally Posted by whaywardj

I'M not too young, Shh!

::pick me! pick me! peeing all over puppy kennel::

LMAO, whaywardj!
12-07-05, 03:49 AM
Asip4u

Quote:

Originally Posted by shh!

Me likes chocolate and coffee!! I think I love you, ASIP. It's too bad you are so damn young. Oh well, I guess I will just have to console myself with chocolate and coffee. Can you make me a basket even if you've done nothing wrong?
:-D

I wish some of those younger girls would say things like that, shh!...Only women above my age seem to really connect with me. Not that i mind..hehe :)
12-07-05, 03:49 AM
whaywardj

That should be a clue, Asip. Raise the bar.
12-07-05, 03:54 AM
shh!

This thread leaves me speechless.
12-07-05, 03:57 AM
whaywardj

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tone

Okay.

__________________

She never did ask a question, did she?
12-07-05, 04:01 AM
shh!

I don't know - I think it was the standard "I just don't get why he treats me like crap" story, or some version of the same.
12-07-05, 05:09 AM
artyemi

Quote:

Originally Posted by Asip4u

I usually make a girl one of those gift baskets..They seem to enjoy it much more With many different things like candy, chocolate, coffee and so on.

You must be a master at distraction then?
12-07-05, 05:11 AM
artyemi

Quote:

Originally Posted by shh!

I don't know - I think it was the standard "I just don't get why he yreats me like crap" story, or some version of the same.

But he didn't treat her like crap. He just said he's confused and she doesn't want to deal with these feelings of doubts anymore.

And she's asking what should she do.

And she already answered it.
12-07-05, 05:12 AM
ritehereritenow

Thanks, douloveme613. I just don't think he did anything wrong, so he didn't need to say sorry to me. Yep, he is not passionate enough and told me he is confused. But that's what it is.

I am in love w/ him, that's why I can put a lot of efforts in this relationship and keep trying. But I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this. And i believe this kinda feelings stuff will happen again in the future if we stay together.
12-07-05, 05:19 AM
artyemi

How much more of it do you think you can take?
12-07-05, 05:24 AM
ritehereritenow

No, he treats me ok. He is a nice guy and everybody likes him. He just gets confused easily and acts differently. He thinks too much and overanalyzes things! Very defensive in a relationship. That's why I get dissappinted in this relationship. I just want to love someone who loves me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by shh!

I don't know - I think it was the standard "I just don't get why he yreats me like crap" story, or some version of the same.
12-07-05, 05:24 AM
Tone

Then how can you say he treats you okay?

You have every right to want to be with someone who cares for you the same you do for them.
12-07-05, 05:30 AM
ritehereritenow

Ahh?What did I say?

Quote:

Originally Posted by artyemi

And she already answered it.
12-07-05, 05:34 AM
artyemi

"I just want to love someone who loves me. I don't want to deal with this "feelings" stuff again and again, maybe it's time for me to leave..."

That is what you said.
12-07-05, 05:45 AM
ritehereritenow

I told him I am tired of this. And I don't think he will stop thinking too much. Next time he tells me feelings change or he is confused again, he is gone absolutely. But I don't know if I should even wait till then.

Quote:

Originally Posted by artyemi

How much more of it do you think you can take?
12-07-05, 05:46 AM
ritehereritenow

Oh :)
I said "MAYBE"...

Quote:

Originally Posted by artyemi

"I just want to love someone who loves me. I don't want to deal with this "feelings" stuff again and again, maybe it's time for me to leave..."

That is what you said.
12-07-05, 05:46 AM
artyemi

I hadn't realize you're from Boston. That's cool.

Remember that he is the way he is. He will always continue to think too much.

If this is the second time and you're already tired of it, then.....
12-07-05, 05:47 AM
artyemi

Quote:

Originally Posted by ritehereritenow

Oh :)
I said "MAYBE"...

You said "maybe" but you said you don't want.. etc.. etc..
12-07-05, 06:24 AM
ritehereritenow

thanks! I love living in Boston. Especially now - the summer time!

We didn't talk about break-up at all last night. It sounded more like we want to get closer. But when he said feelings change, it just hurts so much. And I don't know what the hell he means (he is not clear, either). Yes, it's the second time. Last time when he said that, we stopped dating. And this time he said it could be either good way or bad way but he just didn't know it yet.

Anyway, he is coming to see me after work. I will see how things go and make a decision soon. Thanks for all your help, artyemi. I also appreciate the inputs from everybody here. I will be back later. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by artyemi

I hadn't realize you're from Boston. That's cool.

Remember that he is the way he is. He will always continue to think too much.

If this is the second time and you're already tired of it, then.....
12-07-05, 11:55 PM
ritehereritenow

I know, my best friend said the same thing. I had two serious relationships before and am good at giving other people suggestions in relationship. But this time, I have no clue...

Quote:

Originally Posted by shh!

This thread leaves me speechless.
13-07-05, 12:53 AM
artyemi

Quote:

Originally Posted by ritehereritenow

thanks! I love living in Boston. Especially now - the summer time!

We didn't talk about break-up at all last night. It sounded more like we want to get closer. But when he said feelings change, it just hurts so much. And I don't know what the hell he means (he is not clear, either). Yes, it's the second time. Last time when he said that, we stopped dating. And this time he said it could be either good way or bad way but he just didn't know it yet.

Anyway, he is coming to see me after work. I will see how things go and make a decision soon. Thanks for all your help, artyemi. I also appreciate the inputs from everybody here. I will be back later. :)

I love living in Boston too. Sometimes, I think about moving to other places, but usually, after visiting there, my heart aches to come back. I get so homesick.

Honestly, if he doesn't know, he just doesn't know. People don't always know what they're feeling. But do you really want to stay with someone who doesn't know how they feel about you?

What's the purpose of a relationship? Ok, so you say you're with him because you love him. But man, I wonder if it's worth it to keep staying around when someone doesn't feel the same way about you.
13-07-05, 04:37 AM
ritehereritenow

Just noticed you are from Boston too! Hug! :) I live and work in Harvard Sq. Enjoy living in this area so much!

I just wish he could have given me a clear answer. I am not afraid of leaving. It's not worth it to stay with someone who doesn't love you. If he doesn't or ever treated me like crap, we wouldn't be together. We haven't said Lwords to each other, though.

Seems everybody thinks I should just leave. ;) I still want to try it for one more month. If it didn't work out, i could just go w/o any regrets. We had dinner together last night. Everything seems fine on the surface, he hold my hand and we kissed. Hope things will be better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by artyemi

I love living in Boston too. Sometimes, I think about moving to other places, but usually, after visiting there, my heart aches to come back. I get so homesick.

Honestly, if he doesn't know, he just doesn't know. People don't always know what they're feeling. But do you really want to stay with someone who doesn't know how they feel about you?

What's the purpose of a relationship? Ok, so you say you're with him because you love him. But man, I wonder if it's worth it to keep staying around when someone doesn't feel the same way about you.
13-07-05, 08:35 AM
exclamationpoii

oh no

My boyfriend has acted similarly (confusions, mood changes involving the relationship, etc.) but we found out he has some emotional issues. So maybe you could suggest.. some.. help?
13-07-05, 11:22 PM
ritehereritenow

Thanks! :D But I think he is fine, b/c he's never got very emotional w/ anything (Me, his parents, work or other stuff), except after drinking...Plus, if I suggested some help, he would be really mad.

How did you guys find out his emotional issues? ?_?

Quote:

Originally Posted by exclamationpoii

My boyfriend has acted similarly (confusions, mood changes involving the relationship, etc.) but we found out he has some emotional issues. So maybe you could suggest.. some.. help?