He flew off the handle - but was I in the wrong?

I've recently been thrown back into the dating scene. Things with the man I was posting about just did not work out. There are no bad feelings. I recently started chatting with someone new.

I've known this guy for over six years. We've had one of those dynamics where we've always had a thing for one another, but the universe just seems against us - timing never seems to work out and one of us has always been involved with someone else. We recently started chatting again, and the connection felt very strong this time. We are both single and it has been a very exciting week of conversation.

He was spending the week down at his family's beach house, and has asked me earlier in the week if he could see me this weekend. I said I would try to work something out. A few days later, he mentioned his car was in the shop. I assumed this meant he was not coming up this weekend. This is where the miscommunication began.

Last night, he texts me around 8pm saying he is going to be in the area tonight, and he would like to see me after he has dinner and drinks with friends. It was very last minute. I told him it probably wouldn't work out, but I would TRY to work something out. He said it wouldn't be till "later". I had previous made plans and I had no idea what he meant by "later", so I continued with my plans, thinking maybe I would be free when he was ready for me. He texts me around 11pm asking "are you coming over?" I responded that I was with a friend, that tonight wasn't going to work out after all. I apolgized and asked if we could reschedule soon, that I really wanted to see him.

He completely blew up. I had never seen this side of him in all my years of knowing him.

He started saying that I was "playng him", "messing with a man's head", "getting his hopes up for nothing". That "he was more important than some friend", that I was "making excuses" and that all of this was making me look like "all talk and no action." He also started cursing at me and saying "OH WELL I TRIED".

I was very alarmed by this reaction and asked if I could please call him, that this was all a big miscommunication and I wanted him to understand those were not my intentions AT ALL. We ended up on the phone, and it was very obvious he was extremely drunk. He started rambling that "This past week of talking to me had made him so happy and all he wanted to do was spend some time together" that since he's starting a new job soon that he's not going to be free much and "this was all he was looking forward to". I tried explaining to him that if it was so important, we should have made definate plans. He was being very stubborn. I kept very calm.

So, I then said I was sorry and if he wanted to stop communication I understood I had hurt him. He was SHOCKED by this, and it aggitated him more. OF COURSE NOT. PLEASE DON'T PLAY ME OUT. I WANT YOU. I WANT TO BE WITH YOU. YOU'RE AMAZING. ETC.

We ended up on the phone for quite some time, and as he sobered up, he started making more sense....but not much. He started saying "Am I being an asshole? I feel like I'm being an asshole. Am I overreacting?"

I'm clearly very put off by this behavior. I feel like his reaction was TOTALLY flying off the handle. A simple "I'm dissapointed we can't see eachother, I was looking foward to it" would have sufficed. What the heck is going on here?

He sounds like a complete bitch. Dump him.

He probably won't leave you alone if you do, so you should **** a random guy and tell him all about it.

Show no mercy.

When people are drunk they often show their true colours because they lose their "grown up filters". He reacted like a child having a temper tantrum. He sounds extremely controlling. Don't coddle him, steer clear. Yes he was an asshole and yes he did overreact. And he will keep doing so. At least you saw this side of him before getting involved. My bf only showed that side months into our relationship when I'd already fallen in love with him.

It scared me, to be honest. I felt like if I said the wrong thing to him he was going to REALLY lose it and do something extreme. I'm not even his girlfriend, we were just talking. Grant it, it was leading in a romantic/sexual direction but....jeez...

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Originally Posted by shortyrock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It scared me, to be honest. I felt like if I said the wrong thing to him he was going to REALLY lose it and do something extreme. I'm not even his girlfriend, we were just talking. Grant it, it was leading in a romantic/sexual direction but....jeez...

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Don't fall for the sweet talk now. Trust me, from experience, it will continue and you'll be miserable and always wondering what YOU have done wrong. And worse, if he's that verbally hostile, it could lead to physical violence too.

If he actually respected you and wanted this to be more then him getting to **** you when it was convenient only to HIM, then he would have made a proper date with you rather then an after thought after his dinner date.

The guy's an asshole who you've fantasized about so long that you've convinced yourself that the only reason you haven't been together was due to timing. pppffffft! Hardly!

He hasn't even apologized. Not even remotely. Something about him gives me this awful feeling. I don't know how to handle this situation.

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Originally Posted by shortyrock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He hasn't even apologized. Not even remotely. Something about him gives me this awful feeling. I don't know how to handle this situation.

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Easy. Don't contact him anymore. Ignore him and let him have his tantrums on his own time. You have no responsibility to be friends with him.

Tell him to **** off and leave you alone. You are'nt some afterthought that should jump when he says you should. If he's not going to have time to see you because of his new job then what kind of relationship of convenience did he want with you? Two words: Booty Call.

Get rid of the chump. Block and delete or ignore.

He sounds very insecure and VERY controlling! Not to mention a possible temper problem. Run for the hills lady!

Just cut contact. Ignore his msgs and his calls, and leave it at that.

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Tell him to **** off and leave you alone. You are'nt some afterthought that should jump when he says you should. If he's not going to have time to see you because of his new job then what kind of relationship of convenience did he want with you? Two words: Booty Call.

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This^. I would say it differently, but the final message is the same. There was a miscommunication (his as much as yours) and he blew up beyond all proportion to the situation. So you didn't meet up, so what? Sane people don't do this. Unless there is some really unusual circumstance (someone died and he didn't want to tell you but in person) there is no excuse for this kind of behaviour. Be grateful for a bullet dodged.

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Originally Posted by shortyrock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

As he sobered up, he started making more sense....but not much. He started saying "Am I being an asshole? I feel like I'm being an asshole. Am I overreacting?"

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You should have told him "Yes, you are acting like a total douche. Call me when you are ready to apologize. Good bye."

People give you the respect you take for yourself.

I'd be weary of someone who shows this side of themselves before you even meet. Drunk or not. I'd be wondering what he would be like if you guys were actually together. If he can't control himself at this stage of the game...proceed with caution.

hes just looking for sex. if he was serious he would have taken you for dinner and drinks and then walked hou home and kissed you goodnight! instead he called you drunk at 11pm and asked you to come over for a booty call. he also dropped in how "busy" hes gonna be when he starts his new job. thats his way of subtly telling you not to expect too much from him without making himself sound like an asshole .

hes a player. block him and dont bother with him again

He was horny, booty called you at 11PM last minute, you didn't go over to screw him, so he threw an abusive tantrum.

What more do you need to know about this douchebag?

He doesn't respect you, doesn't want to legitimately date you, and has an anger/impulse problem you want no part of.

There's a reason the Universe kept you apart... ;)

I agree it was just for sex - which isn't something I was opposed to. I even said to him that night that if he was just looking to mess around, I'm fine with that, but just to be honest about it. THAT angered him further. That he is "legit" and "f-you if you think that". And I totally agree that if he's acting this way now, how AWFUL he must be in relationships. Maybe he thinks he wants a wife, but he sure doesn't act like it. I'm hoping things just fizzle out. I just want him to leave me alone. He showed his true colors and I want no part of that.

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Originally Posted by TablesandChairs [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'd be weary of someone who shows this side of themselves before you even meet.

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Nothing personal T&C, just a pet peeve of mine. I'm seeing this word misused a lot lately.

war·y (wâr)
adj. war·i·er, war·i·est
1. On guard; watchful:

wea·ry (wîr)
adj. wea·ri·er, wea·ri·est
1. Physically or mentally fatigued.
2. Expressive of or prompted by fatigue: a weary smile.

Good girl! I'm very proud of you! This is a time when many women decide to stick with a guy, and try and "fix" him. Good on you for realizing he's not your project, and that you deserve better. Well done. :)

Drunks do crazy things, BELIEVE me.