I want my ex back..

Ok I'll try to make this long story short as much as i can....Please be kind (as my heart is still broken and tender from the breakup). My ex and I broke up in August after being together for 6.5 years so (on his birthday he moved out and moved in with his bff and at the time my bff) His bff and my ex bff are dating.....so when my ex got his own place....he came back to me and for a month we had sex, kept seeing each other every weekend etc....then at the end of the month, (although we are still broken up) his bff spent the night with him and i basicallly caught him sleeping with another girl (that appeared that they just got done having sex) so the following week after i caught him he rebounded to some young 21 that pursued him at the bar and they were together for a month...then after his rebound dumped him for another man....we started talking again....and then a friend of mine who is friends with him on facebook sent me a status of his that said: Goodbye POF....I found the rarest rose you hae to offer and you have nothing more for me ....Life will lead the way naturally from here" so I when I text him and confront him about it, he basically said that the post was about getting rid of a dating site because its BS and that he was not currently seeing anyone....


So fast forward to this past weekend....I couldn't sleep so i randomly text him to see how his thanksgiving was and if he was still up, so he calls me (drunk) and wants me to pick him up, (he told me he was at his parents-that lives 30 minutes away from where i live) and well I guess i misunderstood him or misheard him and turns out he was in the town where i was at, and then this unknown woman (who turns out to be married with 4 kids) gets on his phone and basically tells me : GO HOME!!! B shouldn't be contacting you or calling you. He is seeing someone else!!! GO HOME!!! Then she hangs up on me... Then when I get back to the city, he kept calling and calling me (during the times i answered there were times i just got dead air on the other end) SO finally when i answered his last call, he thought i was avoiding him.....and he still wanted me to pick him up but he was so drunk he didn't know where he was at, and couldn't give me the address (the married woman didn't want me to come pick him up) so she took his phone away from him for the rest of the night, I search for him for 2.5 hours (cause prior to the woman taking his phone away...i had to reactivate my facebook to gps where he was at...but the address he thought he was at wasn't what gps was saying.....so i gave up....then the next day when I ask him if he got a ride home, he said yes...and so i call him if he can talk about what happened last night, and he said he's about to hop in the shower to get ready for the day...the married woman "friend" was with him and at his place....and so i text him telling him that I"m not mad or accusing him of anything....and that i care deeply about him (and what happens to him) and that i don't know why i'm scared of losing him and fighting for him when we aren't even together.....then I told him not to share my texts or show off my texts to anyone because its between us.. and that the only reason i text is because he leaves me no choice to since i can't talk to him face to face......and then,


I get a 2 page text (knowing its NOT him texting me this) that said:

You need to stop and leave me alone I am with another girl and she is amazing and so is her daughter
and she is the one for me...were done and you need to STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Move on ur not the one for me
goodbye if you keep harassing me I will get a restraining order....



So i just respond back to his married womans "friend" text and said:

Ok that's all you had to say. I wish you two the best and I hope both of you are very happy together.
Glad you found the one for you.


Then 2 hours later, He finds out what his friend had done and text me saying:
I don't know ok.


So the last thing I texted him with was: ????? Call me later when ur ALONE I'm NOT texting anymore


So today he texts me saying: "A friend had my phone and typed that message yesterday, but yeah,
I have been "talking" to someone, but its nothing serious yet. Have a good day."

I didn't respond back to his message....I don't know what to do. I feel so confused and don't know what to believe. I'm scared to even text him at all because I don't know who he is hanging out with or who's hands his phone will end up in......I want him back, but I don't want to come off desperate and obsessive! I wanna leave the door open for him...but if his married friend didn't send that text, I don't think he would of told me he was talking to someone else and me at the same time.


PS. sorry this this so lengthy, and detailed...don't think there was any way to make it short (although i tried).

Thoughts anyone? what should i do???

There is only one solution to this: he's your ex and it's time to drop him out of your life. Do not contact him and ask him to not contact you. If he persists, then block his number. Delete him from all social media too.

Staying around as one of his harem will only prolong your heartbreak.

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Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

There is only one solution to this: he's your ex and it's time to drop him out of your life. Do not contact him and ask him to not contact you. If he persists, then block his number. Delete him from all social media too.

Staying around as one of his harem will only prolong your heartbreak.

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yeah I deleted him from social media, but don't think I'm ready to cut him off completely...so far, I decided not to text him at all and that if he wants to talk to me, it has to be over the phone or in person. I mean, I still want him in my life weather we are together or not. I don't think I have the heart to cut him out of my life completely.

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I mean, I still want him in my life weather we are together or not. I don't think I have the heart to cut him out of my life completely.

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As long as you believe this, the cycle will continue. He doesn't know what he wants, which in short means he wants to keep you around until he finds something concrete with someone he really wants. It is foolish to think that he'll come back to you after all of this, and the fact you keep coming when he calls shows that you're still very much in love with him.

If you want to leave the door open for him, tell him one more time that if he wants you back, to contact you. If he does for any other reason, you don't respond, and pretend he doesn't exist. You need to move on, chasing this is wasting the time you could be getting over this and moving on.

This doesnt sound healty anymore. You being reused like a plastic bag. This leads to low confidence and as long you are hanging on to his guy you are fcking it up for next guy who will love you. Infact you are keeping away future by not letting go past.

And isnt thats the most importand thing in new relationship? - Confidence and loving yoursef, knowing your worth.

Eventualy everything goes full cycle. Something crashes but something new comes in place.

If you love him then let him go. Sometimes its the hard to learn not to love, but even this can be easly done when you love yourself.

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You will not get him back. We have all had this happen to us, one way or another. You must move on. Do something to get your mind off him.

Thanks for the advice and thoughts everyone. Yeah, I. decided to leave it alone... but if he tries to contact me to tell him one final time, to only contact me if he wants a relationship with me. ..otherwise, to not contact me anymore.

Why do you want a relationship with him after everything hes done these past months? Hes changed and for the worst-hes turned into a sleaze just using women (including you). Do you really want him back knowing that hes slept with at least 3 others since you broke up? It didnt take him v long to replace you. Id be angry and i would tell him to f off and dont ever come back

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I know, I feel like a fool for wanting him back...but I'm still very, very, very much in love with the guy..and I guess the only way I would take him back is after bouncing from woman to woman and he doesn't find the unconditional love I gave him from any of them...is when he realizes thatI was his true love all along. in his mind, he wants someone who he can intellectually and mentally click with..but I hope he realizes soon that that doesn't matter.. what matters is how is treated and how he is loved.

As long as you believe this, the cycle will continue. He doesn't know what he wants, which in short means he wants to keep you around until he finds something concrete with someone he really wants. It is foolish to think that he'll come back to you after all of this, and the fact you keep coming when he calls shows that you're still very much in love with him.

If you want to leave the door open for him, tell him one more time that if he wants you back, to contact you. If he does for any other reason, you don't respond, and pretend he doesn't exist. You need to move on, chasing this is wasting the time you could be getting over this and moving on.

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Originally Posted by MeloveeNetwork [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

As long as you believe this, the cycle will continue. He doesn't know what he wants, which in short means he wants to keep you around until he finds something concrete with someone he really wants. It is foolish to think that he'll come back to you after all of this, and the fact you keep coming when he calls shows that you're still very much in love with him.

If you want to leave the door open for him, tell him one more time that if he wants you back, to contact you. If he does for any other reason, you don't respond, and pretend he doesn't exist. You need to move on, chasing this is wasting the time you could be getting over this and moving on.

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I know, that's what I'm gonna have to do. :(

Julie, awesome smile in profile picture. Is that you? Is it? If so then you can easly find a good guy. Just give one of these smiles to the guy you like and talk a bit. Have you seen my guide on interacting with girls? Theres a fun diagram in the end. You could start by trying first steps and then just see how it goes, go with a flow.

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Originally Posted by ju1ie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I know, I feel like a fool for wanting him back...but I'm still very, very, very much in love with the guy..and I guess the only way I would take him back is after bouncing from woman to woman and he doesn't find the unconditional love I gave him from any of them...is when he realizes thatI was his true love all along. in his mind, he wants someone who he can intellectually and mentally click with..but I hope he realizes soon that that doesn't matter.. what matters is how is treated and how he is loved.

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Look up the five stages of grief. Right now your in complete denial. Your sooo desperate to have him back your not thinking about how youd actually feel about this if he came back. Too much damage has been done. Hes treated you like some piece of meat. After 6 years together, how dare he use you for sex. How f**king dare he! He doesnt respect you or love you. Your being a doormat and you need to wake up and realize what a cunt he is!

Stop being so damn desperate! Im sorry for being harsh but you need a reality check. How long more are you gonna let him dangle you on a string like a puppet? Wheres your self respect, your dignity? Your pride?

This guy is a f**king asshole and the sooner you realize it the better!

You need to cut ALL contact with him. Tell him to get out of your life. No matter how much it hurts you need to be STRONG and STOP letting him hurt you. Hell never leave you alone, hell always keep you as some cheap bit on the side while he searches for a new love and then hell drop you like a hot potato.. take control of the situation and put an end to this now before he destroys all your self esteem and leaves you with a deep hatred for men and serious trust issues.

Go and see a counsellor. You need help to get you through this and to stay away from him

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Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Look up the five stages of grief. Right now your in complete denial. Your sooo desperate to have him back your not thinking about how youd actually feel about this if he came back. Too much damage has been done. Hes treated you like some piece of meat. After 6 years together, how dare he use you for sex. How f**king dare he! He doesnt respect you or love you. Your being a doormat and you need to wake up and realize what a cunt he is!

Stop being so damn desperate! Im sorry for being harsh but you need a reality check. How long more are you gonna let him dangle you on a string like a puppet? Wheres your self respect, your dignity? Your pride?

This guy is a f**king asshole and the sooner you realize it the better!

You need to cut ALL contact with him. Tell him to get out of your life. No matter how much it hurts you need to be STRONG and STOP letting him hurt you. Hell never leave you alone, hell always keep you as some cheap bit on the side while he searches for a new love and then hell drop you like a hot potato.. take control of the situation and put an end to this now before he destroys all your self esteem and leaves you with a deep hatred for men and serious trust issues.

Go and see a counsellor. You need help to get you through this and to stay away from him

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Thank you for the "reality check" hun. I really do appreciate your input on this. I do need to hear the harsh truth. I have my doubts that He will contact me again (all of my friends are saying he will eventually contact me) but I have my serious doubts he will contact me/try to see me again (especially if he's "playing the field") and talking to various women He has no reason to contact me. I am getting counseling for this--and take things from there.

if your tempted to contact him-come here for advice so we can stop you. If he contacts you-come here so we can stop you replying. Hes a douchbag. Hes showing his true colors now and his behaviour is disgusting. If my bf dumped me to "play the field" id lose ALL respect for him and think "this is not the man i fell in love with so i dont want him back"

We mourn every loss and then we move on. I know its cliche but time really does heal all wounds and you need no contact

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Originally Posted by pcmaster [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Julie, awesome smile in profile picture. Is that you? Is it? If so then you can easly find a good guy. Just give one of these smiles to the guy you like and talk a bit. .

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Yes, yes it is me. Thanks for the compliments! I appreciate the nice words!

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Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

if your tempted to contact him-come here for advice so we can stop you. If he contacts you-come here so we can stop you replying. Hes a douchbag. Hes showing his true colors now and his behaviour is disgusting. If my bf dumped me to "play the field" id lose ALL respect for him and think "this is not the man i fell in love with so i dont want him back"

We mourn every loss and then we move on. I know its cliche but time really does heal all wounds and you need no contact

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Yeah, he is very vain. I found out from someone who went to a party of his recently last month that he was passing around his phone showing everyone how much i text him etc and how his texts are only one worded words; and he had one of my ex best friend's read my texts that i sent to him.He definitely changed for the worse. beyond worse! Turns out, He's "talking" to someone who has a daughter etc. I'm beyond hurt. I hope I can get past this. Thank you for the support though! I have 0 expectations that he will contact me, call me, or try to see me *shakes head* Its such a damn shame!

PS. To make matters worse, I haven't F**** anyone since he moved out in August or since i caught him cheating (after he had been sleeping with me for a month) when I walked in on him and the first rebound he was with! I guess that doesn't mean anything (I guess my faithfulness even after the breakup didn't mean anything) I'm beyond hurt and angry.

Well maybe you should. Not f**k someone. But go out on a few casual dates, flirt, have some fun.. itl boost your confidence a little and distract you from all this bollox but DONT get involved sexually or romantically. Your vulnerable right now and need to heal first..

His low self esteem explains a lot. Hes an insecure twit who uses women to validate and stroke his tiny ego. And him slagging you off shows how immature he is. Dont worry about it. Most people will think hes the tool-not you..

And i bet a handful of his friends think hes a muppet for how he treated you. Bet theyd love a chance with you.. revenge plot maybe?? :P just joking btw..

But seriously your worth more and you are really pretty btw :)

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Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well maybe you should. Not f**k someone. But go out on a few casual dates, flirt, have some fun.. itl boost your confidence a little and distract you from all this bollox but DONT get involved sexually or romantically. Your vulnerable right now and need to heal first..

His low self esteem explains a lot. Hes an insecure twit who uses women to validate and stroke his tiny ego. And him slagging you off shows how immature he is. Dont worry about it. Most people will think hes the tool-not you..

And i bet a handful of his friends think hes a muppet for how he treated you. Bet theyd love a chance with you.. revenge plot maybe?? :P just joking btw..

But seriously your worth more and you are really pretty btw :)

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Thanks! Yeah, I think I need to be alone for awhile cause i think I would be tempted to be "dependent" on someone and I don't wanna do that. I need to heal me first, do me, and focus on myself. Casual dating hasn't even crossed my mind. I need to learn to be alone for awhile...before i can even think about even casual dating.

Thats good :) have fun with your friends so. Get all dolled up and go clubbing or to a karioke bar. Do things that make you laugh. You can still come home and scream into your pillow or cry all night if you need to but try to live your life. Surround yourself with positive things and people. Join some hobbies, make new friends, get promoted or study a new topic. You will be fine. It just takes time. He wasnt the right one and theres someone better out there for you when your ready to be found..

Btw i agree with your friends. Hell have his rebounds and then realize hes f**ked up. He likely will come back and you need to be prepared to tell him where to go if/when he does. No second chances

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Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

if your. If my bf dumped me to "play the field" id lose ALL respect for him and think "this is not the man i fell in love with so i dont want him back"

We mourn every loss and then we move on. I know its cliche but time really does heal all wounds and you need no contact

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

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Michelle, I was thinking about your comment above for the past few days, and I've realized my ex used the f***** up bullshit excuses. that "I FELL OUT OF LOVE WITH YOU""WE'RE NOT MENTALLY ON THE SAME WAVE LENGTH " "WE DON'T MENTALLY OR INTELLECTUALLY CLICK " "I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU" as all pretty much excuses to get out, do him (and deep down, I.think he wanted to "play the field " and screw whatever girl he wants... but couldn't tell me that to my face.

Well of course he did coz thats what hes doing!! Asshole! You deserve better then some insecure twit like him.

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He's an asshole hanging out with bitches. He's very shady in my opinion. You can do so much better. Never contact him again.

In order to get him back in your arms you have to first get your emotions under control. Losing the man you love is likely the hardest thing you've ever faced and your emotions are showing it. Crying endlessly, feeling depressed and wanting to hide out from the world are all common emotions women experience at a time like this. You need to learn how to harness all of that emotion. One of the biggest mistakes you can make right now is showing him that you're so emotional. Most men just aren't comfortable being around someone who is that emotional. If he sees or hears you acting that way he's going to label you as unstable and desperate. Once that happens it's even more challenging to get him back. Bite back the tears, put a smile on your face and appear to be okay. This will help you to show him that you're strong and stable.

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Originally Posted by 4 ratties [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He's an asshole hanging out with bitches. He's very shady in my opinion. You can do so much better. Never contact him again.

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You are right

yeah, that's the last thing I wanna come off as (desperate and unstable )...I'm trying to get past those emotions so staying really busy and working my a$$ off at work, and it seems to help alot. Thank you everyone else, for your advice and support. it means alot .to me.

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Originally Posted by ju1ie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Ok I'll try to make this long story short as much as i can....Please be kind (as my heart is still broken and tender from the breakup). My ex and I broke up in August after being together for 6.5 years so (on his birthday he moved out and moved in with his bff and at the time my bff) His bff and my ex bff are dating.....so when my ex got his own place....he came back to me and for a month we had sex, kept seeing each other every weekend etc....then at the end of the month, (although we are still broken up) his bff spent the night with him and i basicallly caught him sleeping with another girl (that appeared that they just got done having sex) so the following week after i caught him he rebounded to some young 21 that pursued him at the bar and they were together for a month...then after his rebound dumped him for another man....we started talking again....and then a friend of mine who is friends with him on facebook sent me a status of his that said: Goodbye POF....I found the rarest rose you hae to offer and you have nothing more for me ....Life will lead the way naturally from here" so I when I text him and confront him about it, he basically said that the post was about getting rid of a dating site because its BS and that he was not currently seeing anyone....


So fast forward to this past weekend....I couldn't sleep so i randomly text him to see how his thanksgiving was and if he was still up, so he calls me (drunk) and wants me to pick him up, (he told me he was at his parents-that lives 30 minutes away from where i live) and well I guess i misunderstood him or misheard him and turns out he was in the town where i was at, and then this unknown woman (who turns out to be married with 4 kids) gets on his phone and basically tells me : GO HOME!!! B shouldn't be contacting you or calling you. He is seeing someone else!!! GO HOME!!! Then she hangs up on me... Then when I get back to the city, he kept calling and calling me (during the times i answered there were times i just got dead air on the other end) SO finally when i answered his last call, he thought i was avoiding him.....and he still wanted me to pick him up but he was so drunk he didn't know where he was at, and couldn't give me the address (the married woman didn't want me to come pick him up) so she took his phone away from him for the rest of the night, I search for him for 2.5 hours (cause prior to the woman taking his phone away...i had to reactivate my facebook to gps where he was at...but the address he thought he was at wasn't what gps was saying.....so i gave up....then the next day when I ask him if he got a ride home, he said yes...and so i call him if he can talk about what happened last night, and he said he's about to hop in the shower to get ready for the day...the married woman "friend" was with him and at his place....and so i text him telling him that I"m not mad or accusing him of anything....and that i care deeply about him (and what happens to him) and that i don't know why i'm scared of losing him and fighting for him when we aren't even together.....then I told him not to share my texts or show off my texts to anyone because its between us.. and that the only reason i text is because he leaves me no choice to since i can't talk to him face to face......and then,


I get a 2 page text (knowing its NOT him texting me this) that said:

You need to stop and leave me alone I am with another girl and she is amazing and so is her daughter
and she is the one for me...were done and you need to STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Move on ur not the one for me
goodbye if you keep harassing me I will get a restraining order....



So i just respond back to his married womans "friend" text and said:

Ok that's all you had to say. I wish you two the best and I hope both of you are very happy together.
Glad you found the one for you.


Then 2 hours later, He finds out what his friend had done and text me saying:
I don't know ok.


So the last thing I texted him with was: ????? Call me later when ur ALONE I'm NOT texting anymore


So today he texts me saying: "A friend had my phone and typed that message yesterday, but yeah,
I have been "talking" to someone, but its nothing serious yet. Have a good day."

I didn't respond back to his message....I don't know what to do. I feel so confused and don't know what to believe. I'm scared to even text him at all because I don't know who he is hanging out with or who's hands his phone will end up in......I want him back, but I don't want to come off desperate and obsessive! I wanna leave the door open for him...but if his married friend didn't send that text, I don't think he would of told me he was talking to someone else and me at the same time.


PS. sorry this this so lengthy, and detailed...don't think there was any way to make it short (although i tried).

Thoughts anyone? what should i do???

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Trying to be gentle but dear lady, sound like you may have to let this one go. You say you don't want to come off as desperate but this situation is making you just that. Not exactly what you had in mind is it.

Look, any person that truly digs another would not subject the other to any of that nonsense. Self respect. Find it again.

Well wishes for mending your broken heart.

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Originally Posted by woody [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Look, any person that truly digs another would not subject the other to any of that nonsense. Self respect. Find it again.

Well wishes for mending your broken heart.

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yeah that's what I initially thought after his "unknown married woman friend " texted me that bullshit. I mean, I'm a firm believer in giving 2nd chances, but yeah I didn't deserve to be talked to like that from his "married friend " at all. I'm still pretty upset about it..

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Originally Posted by ju1ie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

yeah that's what I initially thought after his "unknown married woman friend " texted me that bullshit. I mean, I'm a firm believer in giving 2nd chances, but yeah I didn't deserve to be talked to like that from his "married friend " at all. I'm still pretty upset about it..

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No you didn't deserve that. Was he even aware she was texting you or was he the one who asked her to and why is he with a married woman? Where is her husband?
Anyway, hope your well.
Sometimes people can be cowardly and avoid confrontation at all costs but from what your saying about this guy, yeah, your better off with one who will love and respect you and not screw around on you.
good luck

Yeah, sounds like you got yourself a real loser. And you, being a typical woman, are, of course, hopelessly in love with him. Probably makes you feel better about yourself. You're not actually in love with him. You're in love with you first of all, and then you're in love with the idea of being in love, but mostly you're in fear of not being in love. That's what you have. Fear of not being in love. Fear of not being in love is what keeps driving you back to him. But that's not love. It's about you, not him. YOU. You love YOU. You're in love with YOU. And to be totally in love with YOU, YOU need a man to give you a perceived social status context. He's a context...for YOU.

Maybe you can 'save' him, right? And he's going to be in a relationship with YOU, right? Always has to be about you, doesn't it?

Pfft.. Why do I even type for this tripe...

You will never convince me that this is love, but you would convince me that at least 52% of all marriages are driven by this very motive. It's the same motive that leads to 52% of divorces. You got married because you fell in love with you. And you got divorced because you fell in love with you again with either another context for you, or an independant context for you. Whatever it is, it's going to be about you.

He's a total user :< Sounds like some people I've met. After so long having been with him, I have no doubt you actually love him. But he's incapable of returning that love. He sounds like he has some kind of personality disorder, and being bait for those kinds of people, having been raised with emotional abuse, let me tell you from experience it's not a happy place to be. But these people are right in ways. You have to figure out what you need and want. You have to value yourself, you have to love yourself so much that you would not subject yourself to something so hurtful as being with someone like that, someone that doesn't respect you, someone that makes fun of you for loving them, someone that acts in totally abusive and shameful ways. He cheated on you and acted like it was nothing. We are treated badly only as long as we allow it. You shouldn't allow this anymore. He won't change. He'll continue to lie and use you until you are so broken you don't know up from down, you won't even be able to recognize a good guy, you might even pick up some evil tricks from being forced to play by his messed up rules. Don't do that to yourself.