Boyfriend/Sex Addiction/Craigslist/Weird Bondage Site
My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years. I recently moved into his apartment (2 months ago) and things have felt better than ever. We've have had our ups and downs in the past though, which have led to some trust issues. About a year ago when we were going through a rough patch (arguments, work stress, etc) and I found out he'd created an online profile on plenty of fish. I found out because he'd received a late night text message while sleeping. I saw "Andrea" flash on his screen and went through his phone (breach in privacy blah blah blah, I know). Initially he denied it, but was forced to confess after I found more evidence. He apologized etc., and it took months for me to get over it.
Fast forward a year and I've made another discovery. Yes, I invaded his privacy again -- and discovered he'd created a profile just a few days ago on some weird bondage site -- with a picture of his chest, stating he was looking for an online romance (among other bondage-y details). I flipped. He of course begged me to forgive him etc. Said he thought he might have a sex addiction problem, but that he never intended to physically cheat on me. He says he would NEVER do that -- he just got off on the thrill of chatting online.
The day after my discovery, I felt really paranoid. I wanted to forgive him because I love him, but I started digging more. I racked my brain trying to think of other places he might have a hookup profile. That brought me to craigslist. Obviously the 'Casual Encounters' section is anonymous. But I used his email and said forgot my password. BOOM and email from craigslist enters his email box (yep, I have access to that and no, I don't normally go through it). I reset his craigslist password and login to his account. And BOOM. There's a posting that was deleted from one month ago -- the day after Christmas, while him and I were in another state visiting his family.
The post briefly described him -- and what he was looking for -- "light bondage" and an "ongoing relationship with a submissive woman" and that he wanted to "first meet in public to see if they got along well."
(Aside: The bondage obsession is also weird. We've done silly light bondage things before -- tape, rope, cheap handcuffs -- but we don't have some weird sub/dom relationship).
I confronted him. At first he was angry. Then he was despondent. Then he begged for me to forgive him. Said he would go to therapy, do anything and that he didn't want to be that person. He claims he deleted the post about 10 minutes afterwards and that he NEVER actually wanted to go through with it, he just got a sexual thrill out of it. He again claimed he might have a sexual addiction, and that he's ashamed. He loves me more than anything -- blah blah blah.
I'm torn. I'm disgusted. I'm stressed. I could move out this weekend. Take everything I own -- which includes the bed, couch, table and chairs, coffee maker -- mostly everything (we got rid of his stuff when I moved in because my was nicer/newer).
I just don't understand his behavior. It's so risky and stupid (we JUST moved in together, he'll have no furniture after I'm gone and a pretty large rent payment on the 1st) that it might be sexual addiction, but he could be lying. He maybe cheated physically. I'll never be able to prove that. He claims he'll do anything to make this right, begging me to give him another chance to be a better man, etc., but I don't even know what could make this better. He's shattered my trust and these huge dreams I had for our future (after months of what seemed like an amazing relationship).
Looking for honest, thoughtful advice, not just "dump his ass"...though it was certainly my first (and still lingering) reaction...
Thanks in advance if you've read this lengthy post.
