Another friends w/Benefits question

The guy I was dating was unsure of where our relationship was going, so we decided to be just friends, didn't work, so we've upped it to "friends with benefits" The problem is that he seems to be sending out mixed signals. We are friends, but he seems to always want to snuggle and cuddle and touch. When we are in the same room, we have to be touching. yes, we are having sex, but he acts like it is more than that. Granted, I wouldn't mind at all us being more than friends, but I just think he is confused as hell. So GUYS.. what is up with the mixed signals? I just don't get it!

I know I'm not an expert from PartyGals.com or anything... but maybe... just maybe - you could... talk to him about it? I know it sounds stupid.. I'm sorry I'll go back to my hole...

Seriously though - FWB is dumb. You just let him have what he wants from you without him giving what you want from him. It's obvious you want more out of your relationship from him than just being physical... yet that's exactly what he gets. The whole time if he meets someone new he can just go out and bang her too! Why? Cause we're just........

.... Friends with Benefits!! So I, the woman, get my heart broke, while he, the man, gets his piece of ass!

I assure you, I am getting what I want, by a lot. I just don't get him. He just seems very immature und undecisive abot relationships. We have actually discussed it in length. I am more interested in some type of relationship because I never really thought I would ever be in a casual sex relationship. He told me himself that he thinks he too much of a chicken to commit. Problem is, I know this guy. I've known him for 13 years. He was my first kiss, we dated on and off throughout highschool, we were even engaged for a couple of months at one time right before we graduated. He sees me as the one who got away, but we haven't really talked much since I got married, and now that my divorce is almost final he's popped back up again.

Tone hit it right on the head with that one, I've been in a FWB situation once or twice before but it was because NIETHER of us wanted a relationship but we both seemed to want to get it on... but we talked about it FIRST then proceeded... and we agreed that because we were both single and gettin some we would only get some from each other. We were both ok with it, sounds like you want more which means somebody is getting disappointed in the deal... when that happens its not ok. TALK to him. Ask your questions. Communication is the ONLY thing that will make ANY kind of relationship/friendship work. If you're comfortable enough to be having sex with him you should certainly be comfortable enough to talk to him girl... and if you're not feeling happy about the situation you're not being fair to yourself by leaving it go until you are, one way or another.

Ah, as I was typing my reply you mustve finished your reply to Tone smiling... lol, my first post was written without reading your second :) FYI lol

hehe yeah now that you explained your situation a little it's not as bad as I initially assumed (forgive me)

Sounds like you guys know each other pretty well and have a history... I would just talk to him about it - find out what he's waiting for... how he can say you are the "one that got away" and then the next minute tell you he's not ready to committ to you is beyond me. Could have something to do with you still being married (when I first read that I slapped my forehead and just shook my head... but then I read the divorced part and was like "okay whew.." lol) but in the process of finalizing your divorce...

Just talk to him!

FWBs are psychologically unhealthy. One person always wants more than the other (in terms of a relationship), so having sex with them is simply selfish. One person is using the other to satisfy their physical needs while the other holds out hope for a relationship. I just don't see the point...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by shh!

FWBs are psychologically unhealthy. One person always wants more than the other (in terms of a relationship), so having sex with them is simply selfish. One person is using the other to satisfy their physical needs while the other holds out hope for a relationship. I just don't see the point...

---

The point is SEX. I'm just under the impression that if we keep this up, I'm going to end up falling for him again, like I did every other time we were together. He was my first love, and thats a hard one to get around.

Yes, but sex (or more accurately, orgasms) can be had without all the drama, mismatched hopes and expectations of FWBs. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if you fall for him again - sex and emotional attachment are usually connected for women. But of course, then he will remind you that the arrangement was only FWB, and you will be hurt.

The boys are right - you ought to talk this over with your friend and see what's up. It seems like it would be in your own best interest...

he might be kinda spooked since it has never actually worked out between you two before....

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by smilingeyes

The point is SEX. I'm just under the impression that if we keep this up, I'm going to end up falling for him again, like I did every other time we were together. He was my first love, and thats a hard one to get around.

---

How much MORE information do you need to know what you have to do?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by smilingeyes

The point is SEX. I'm just under the impression that if we keep this up, I'm going to end up falling for him again, like I did every other time we were together. He was my first love, and thats a hard one to get around.

---

who, exactly, are you trying to convince?

i get the feeling you've already fallen for him. a looooooooooooooong time ago. you're just pretending you haven't because he isn't being with you.

i think he's using you for SEX. i think he's using you as a fall back plan in case he's not getting any SEX. i think if he got the opportunity he would use somebody else for SEX. so i'll agree with you, the point is SEX.

smilingeyes----Your situation has 'disaster' written all over it. You may get very hurt in the process.

Just because he cuddles with you and holds you after sex doesn't mean too much. I know this from experience.....

I have already been down the whole FWB route and trust me someone always ends up getting hurt! I thought too that it meant more just cuz the guy would look into my eyes, cuddle with me, kiss me....and talk with me after sex and before that it actually was gonna turn into more. The whole point of it all is the sex. The guy can have it all......the sex and the whole cuddling that comes afterwards without the commitment! I mean if he can get all that and not have to be in a relationship....hes gonna. He probably thinks this way you won't get involved with anyone either and he has you all to himself. The point is that if you can't separate your feelings from the sex then its not gonna work! It tends to be harder for women to do this then for men.

Yes you both have a history together but that doesn't mean anything! He has you right where he wants you. The best thing to do if your not happy w/ how things are is to give him an ultimatum. Either he wants a relationship or nothing. If he chooses nothing then u really know exactly how he really feels about you.....and not just how he feels about sex with you...

OH ****!

FWB means "friends with benefits"?!

You learn somethin' new everyday.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ellynn

Just because he cuddles with you and holds you after sex doesn't mean too much. I know this from experience.....

I have already been down the whole FWB route and trust me someone always ends up getting hurt! I thought too that it meant more just cuz the guy would look into my eyes, cuddle with me, kiss me....and talk with me after sex and before that it actually was gonna turn into more. The whole point of it all is the sex. The guy can have it all......the sex and the whole cuddling that comes afterwards without the commitment! I mean if he can get all that and not have to be in a relationship....hes gonna. He probably thinks this way you won't get involved with anyone either and he has you all to himself. The point is that if you can't separate your feelings from the sex then its not gonna work! It tends to be harder for women to do this then for men.

Yes you both have a history together but that doesn't mean anything! He has you right where he wants you. The best thing to do if your not happy w/ how things are is to give him an ultimatum. Either he wants a relationship or nothing. If he chooses nothing then u really know exactly how he really feels about you.....and not just how he feels about sex with you...

---

hi, welcome. and i agree.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by smilingeyes

The guy I was dating was unsure of where our relationship was going, so we decided to be just friends, didn't work, so we've upped it to "friends with benefits" The problem is that he seems to be sending out mixed signals. We are friends, but he seems to always want to snuggle and cuddle and touch. When we are in the same room, we have to be touching. yes, we are having sex, but he acts like it is more than that. Granted, I wouldn't mind at all us being more than friends, but I just think he is confused as hell. So GUYS.. what is up with the mixed signals? I just don't get it!

---

mm...friends with benefits are so dumb, jsut break it off and find someone else..

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ellynn

Just because he cuddles with you and holds you after sex doesn't mean too much. I know this from experience.....

I have already been down the whole FWB route and trust me someone always ends up getting hurt! I thought too that it meant more just cuz the guy would look into my eyes, cuddle with me, kiss me....and talk with me after sex and before that it actually was gonna turn into more. The whole point of it all is the sex. The guy can have it all......the sex and the whole cuddling that comes afterwards without the commitment! I mean if he can get all that and not have to be in a relationship....hes gonna. He probably thinks this way you won't get involved with anyone either and he has you all to himself. The point is that if you can't separate your feelings from the sex then its not gonna work! It tends to be harder for women to do this then for men.

Yes you both have a history together but that doesn't mean anything! He has you right where he wants you. The best thing to do if your not happy w/ how things are is to give him an ultimatum. Either he wants a relationship or nothing. If he chooses nothing then u really know exactly how he really feels about you.....and not just how he feels about sex with you...

---

*cheers*

yay for Ellynn, when we gettin married darlin?

I gotta agree with misombra, i would put my money that you have already fallen for him and that is why you are still FWB, if I where you I would go to your firend and set the table straight, cut the FWB crap you are either in a relationship or your not, what your doing now is holding up a poster saying "Please Hurt Me". I dont mean to sound offensive but thats what the deal is, cut the crap and set things straight like an arrow ASAP before you get hurt

Sebas

I don't know..I got the general feeling that it was the other way around on this one.

My advice is that you define exactly what your FWB situation exactly means. I guess it takes the "romance" out of a situation, but nothing beats communications to clear things up, and inefficient as you want to call it, verbal communication is the best tool we have.

It sounds like his take on this FWB situation is simply that you're not exclusive or committed to one another. You can have your intimacy along with kissing, hugging, snuggling after sex, but tomorrow you can both date other people, and do the same with them if you desire.

I do agree that no matter what, someone will probably feel more than the other, unless you're both on the same page, but you have to decide that for yourselves. As long as there is no lieing or misleading, I see no fault in either..but if you have anxieties, communication is key.

Everyone is different, so I won't say what is right for you exactly, I would say talk to him and see what he wants exactly, if cuddling is bothering you, make sure he knows.

For me though, friends with benefits didn't work. I was seeing a girl as a F**k buddy for about 2 months. One day she goes to a party I am at, and sits in one of my best friends laps, and I was completely pissed off, the alcohol didn't help but I didn't realize I was developing this kind of attachment, so I just broke it off, we don't even talk now.

Relationships are where its at, may not be what is cool in some circles but its what I perfer.