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How have anyone dealt with a bf that cheated. He just told me tonite he did with a person he worked with it was a one nite stand. I am hurting a lot. But at the same time i so want to be with him. i love him so much and i know he loves me. We dated for 2 and a half yrs almost and i dont want are relationship to be over he means the world to me.
Sorry, sweetie, but if he's done it once, he is probably going to do it again. If you are okay with that, then go ahead and forgive him. If you are not okay with that, ignore your pain and kick him to the curb. You will get over him given enough time, but it will definitely hurt for a while.
If he cheats, and he knows you know about it, and you let him know you still want to "be with him so bad" he'll know he can do it again and you'll ALWAYS be there.
Get some sense.
Yeah .....unforunately what the other guys said is true. If he does this once.....chances are he may do it again... And how could you trust him not to? I know once my ex cheated it was over.....and I did try to forgive him and everything....but the relationship was never the same afterwards and I ended up breaking up with him a bit later.
Yes no matter what its gonna hurt.....but it will hurt you more in the long run if you waste your time and stick with him and keep wondering what hes up to. It will literally drive you crazy....trust me....I know .....ive been there. And it will hurt even more when it keeps happening again and again....
Honestly its your choice what you do....but you also have to realize what he did was not right...and that you did not deserve it. No one does....and you can find better.
I was in the same boat as you. The guy I dated all through high school cheated on me 2 times (that I know of, and possibly more). Plus, he just treated me like crap all around.
But I was in love with him, and we were going to get married and have two kids and a white picket fence.... blah.
I wasted a lot of my life on him, but the thing was that he knew he could always come back to me since I loved him. I had no back bone and couldn't stand up for myself. It took a long time to realize that he wasn't worth the tears, and that I deserved someone better than a looser. I wish I could have figured it out sooner, but at least I got it all straightened out eventually. And I'm much better off now, anyways.
sami09----dump him.
Hey my lady, sorry to say ive to agree with ppl above.. cheating blows away trust once for all. theres no remedy when trust is gone. listen darlin.. is it a boy who cheated on you the one you want by your side?
you dont deserve it my lady. hug
thanks everyone for your input. I dont think he will make that mistake again. He was feel really bad and guilty. We dated for almost 2 and a half yrs i really got to believe he wont ever do that again because i still know he loves me and though they all i totally love him. I was just askin what everyone though i am going to try to make it work i totaly want to be with him. I know most of you think i am stupid if its just happened that ones and never happens again i may be able to forget and move on with my man
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Originally Posted by MajorGlory
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Originally Posted by Sami09
I agree with Tone. Very sad.
Ok, I agree with everyone else who posted, but let's play Deivl's advocate, ok? K.
He cheated, admitted it was a one nite stand. He is sorry and you two have a past. He was upfront and honest, it's not like you caught him in a lie.
Are people entitled to make mistakes? I say yes. Remember, he was upfront.
The other option would be a guy having an affair, hiding it, spending his money on her as well as some part of his heart. This would be worse IMO.
Well, that IS another way to look at it, and if they were married, I would probably agree. Since they are not, I don't see a good reason for trying to justify his behavior. Right now, all she will lose is her time investment if she calls it off, but if she were married, things would be more complicated.
How old are you, Sami? I am thinking you are pretty young, right?
I know how your feeling. Even though you are hurt....you don't want things to end. You don't want to start all over w/ someone else. I know because I felt that way after finding out my ex cheated. I gave him a chance after that and figured he was only human. But what I found out is that I ended up being unhappy. Maybe you can forgive him.....but for me it was hard to forgive...let alone forget. But honestly if you have to see for yourself how its gonna be now.....and if your relationship will change.....then you gotta do what you gotta do. We are just preparing you for what could happen.....and trying to make you realize that even though you plan on sticking with him....it might hurt you more in the long run.
It was good he was honest with you. My ex was not....and actually got pissed at me for finding out the truth. He tried to place the blame on me for being the nosy as to find out who this girl was......and what happened. But I thought it was my right. Its all a learning experience I guess.
I am 21. My man is still a good guy i think he finally got it that he almost lost me and will get his act together. I know for a fact he will never cheat again because of what he said he felt he made a huge mistake and totally wants to make it up to me. I know he loves me and i totally still love him i am really going to try to make it work because we want to be together. thanks everyone for everything for advice and support.
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Originally Posted by Ellynn
I guarantee you he will cheat on you again. I have cheated in all of my relationships..so take it from me. You are asking the gals for advice on how to deal with a cheating bf. DUMP HIM NOW!
Cheating works very much like a drug addiction. First it just started off with one girl. Just kissing. Then one girl hooking up. Then two girls one just kissing and one hooking up. Then two hooking up. Then etc...etc..etc. Once it got really out of control my logic became: "Well I dont care if gf finds out because one of two things will happen:
1. She will get over it.
2. She will not get over it.
Trust me, regardless of how sincere he may seem: he is playing you.
Carp, I don't think you understand. She knows her man loves her and won't do it again.
I mean how can you argue with that?
Really.
Dump the cheating scum right now!
hmmmm
i would say dump him tbh, i wish i did with my gf when i caught her kissing some other guy when she was drunk... but now i cant trust her... i think i can but deep down i dont, i see it as very conceivable thing to happen..
seriously dump him while your pissed off with him, over time you wont think its as bad, then forgive him, and in turn you will be in my situation, which i assure you, SUCKS.
by the way, does trust ever come back? ..
I might forgive once, only if I knew he was very sincere and only if we were married (but he would be in lots of shit with me for a long time!). But a bf? Hell no. He doesn't respect you enough to resist cheating on you? It's not like he doesn't have time to think "What I'm doing is wrong." He did, but he still went ahead and did it.
This tells me there's trouble in paradise.
thanks everyone for the advice we somehow worked it out. I totally love him so much and i know he love him. I feel he just made a mistake and i know it wont happen again because he feels so bad and guilty and he used to be the type of guy that would say look at that hot girl not anymore he more mature. I am looking forward to my future with him we totally want to get marriage he even change and said he wants kids. We may even elope soon. Thanks all for the advice and support
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Originally Posted by bluesummer
So he proposes marriage and your ok with everything else that happened? Thats not gonna solve your problems girlie..... Marriage is a big step....and if things aren't stable now.....chances are they aren't gonna be stable in a marriage... But then again thats your choice. Hopefully he won't cheat again...... I know I wouldn't want to be one of them wives that "look the other way" while my husband cheats. Thats just me though.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sami09
Not saying hes gonna do it again....but I would seriously consider what just happened before rushing into marriage....
well it looks liek you really love him, but the point is if you rush into marriage right now you don't wanna regret it later. It's very hard for people to change and it's possible that in his guilt he's changed temporarily...but u have to make sure the change is real...my ex used be very controlling and once when we almost broke up he said he'd change, and for a few months he even did but after i had forgiven him he snapped back into his controlling self...what i'm saying it...it's easy to make promises but hard to keep them, you have to make sure he means everything he's said before u guys get married....Quote:
Originally Posted by Sami09
Well it looks like our advice hasn't done much to convince you, Sami09. You want our opinions, but then all you can say back is how much you love him and how much he loves you back and wants things to work out between you two again. If he really honestly knew how bad he hurt you, he wouldn't be looking for the quick solution, which is eloping. You need time to heal and he needs time to gain your trust back again. This is not something you can just fix in a week. Running off to get married will certainly not help anything. I really think you should consider slowing things WAY down, taking a breath and give yourself some time to think things through rationally.
heys guys i am not sayin we are for sure going to elope its a possible. We have worked out are problems now and are on stable ground. He new he hurt me really badly and i know he will never do that again its like he is a change man in a way. He used to also say look at that hot girl in a sense of humor type of way but he said he doesnt care about any women but me now. He is really sitting up and its because he almost lost me. A lot of guys would never have told there women when they mess up but he did and he took responable. thanks everyone
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Originally Posted by aloha22
She knows her man loves her and won't do it again. By Tone
Thats right. Because, as you know the man who says he loves the girl he's with would never lie to her especially after he cheated on her. Now that his love has been trully confirmed and set in concrete (Because his love may not have been as fully confirmed before as it is now) he will definetely never cheat again. Especially if he swore and crossed his heart three times. He probably only cheated in the first place because he didn't know it was wrong. Because they didn't have a subject like that at school he went to and it's not like it's against the law to cheat is it? But NOW that he KNOWS that cheating is very very impolite he will never ever do it. Even for the rest of his life. Even if he has millions of opportunities to cheat with hot, blue eyed blonde haired, easy girls begging for Infidelity and knows he can easily get away with it and will not get into a lot of trouble if he doesn't get away with it, he simply will not do it because he now knows it's not very nice to do something like that to someone you love. Why does everyone find it so hard to understand that?
Respect...
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Originally Posted by Mishanya
Gee I guess I was under the impression they were in a long term relationship(over 2 years) and usually when that occurs.. cheating shouldn't. You shouldn't need to learn about it in school to know its wrong..... He may not ever do it again( I hope for her sake he doesn't) but there are no guarantees. I don't find it hard to understand. What I find hard to understand is that you would let a guy get away with that if he told you "I didnt know it was wrong to cheat". Peace....
Dear Ellynn
Please don't tell me you took everything i wrote above at face value lol
I am trying to show why Sami thinks it's a good idea to totally forgive this guy to the rest of us (Me included) who are silly enough to not understand her point of view :)
Didn't you all realise he's now a changed man? :)
Respect...
Wow and I thought you were for real.....lol.... Ok ...the sarcasm sometimes is hard to pick up sometimes on here. Thank god you weren't for real....Quote:
Originally Posted by Mishanya
Sigh....I just hope she does the right thing.....
__________________Quote:
Originally Posted by Tone
We dated for 2 and a half yrs almost. Of course he knew it was wrong and he saden by what he did. We are movin forward in are relationship. I said before it wont happen again if you say the pain in his eyes you would understand the though of almost losing me did that. He doesnt even care to look at other women he just wants to be with me and i believe in him thanks all for the advice. some guys can make a mistake ones and it wont happen again.
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Originally Posted by Ellynn
Sami09, you sound JUST like one of my exes. Go ahead and stay with him..its your weakness not ours. Cheating boyfriends have girlfriends like you to thank. Thank you Sami09 for allowing us to thrive! :)
So how much pain in your eyes do you need to have to get away with cheating?
Some people need all the pain to learn, I know a couple of people like that. "He's proven so much, he's changed, I cant imagine life without him, he wouldnt fight so hard to keep me if he didnt really love me, he promised... again...,"
Whatever, it only hurts me as the 3rd party if I watch and listen to the BS she talks about when the bad is happening... for the 60th time, and guess what, I dont listen or watch anymore.
There are 3 types of people:
1 Those who think and learn from things
2 Those who learn the hard way
3 Those who never learn
You can only control the type of person YOU decide to be.
So true Abraxxas, so true.
Very insightful.Quote:
Originally Posted by Abraxxas
I'm so sorry, but he will do it again. My ex-husband was very sorry, he didn't know what he was thinking, he loved me so much and would never do it again. That is, until he did it again, and then again, and then again. If you give him the "OK" to cheat, he WILL do it. One night stand or not, guys don't cheat until they are already out of the relationship anyway (in their own heads) I'm thinking that as far as he's concerned, thought maybe not conciously, you guys aren't even together anymore.
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Originally Posted by Sami09
OMG listen to yourself! Have you lost all your self-respect?!? Don't put up with a cheater! If he did it once he'll do it again and do you want to be paranoid and miserable the rest of your life?? Do you see yourself married to this dude? C'mon, grow a spine and kick this ass to the curb and find a new man....Other men can give you great sex....
I've already told you all my thoughts on MSN. I still think your insane though.
You can't have a relationship without trust and it will never be the same again.
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Originally Posted by Sami09
My god, why on earth would you want this man touching you after knowing he has been in someone else's bed??? How can he mean the world to you when he betrayed your trust like this? He may mean the world to you, but to him, someone else is his world. Think girl.
wow - so this is where all the serious discussion takes place, huh?