asked a girl out, she said no, can I try again?

For the girls here:

if you say no to someone when he asked you out, what would you think if this guy told you after a while he still has feelings for you? Or asked you out again?

Story in short: I really like a girl, I was under the impression she liked me too, I guess I was wrong here. I asked her to go out for a drink, after hesitating she said no.
Now I have been acting all professional with her (no chit chat anymore, but still friendly , she is also friendly). Should I dare to explain her in a few weeks/months that I still have feelings for her or in some casual way approach her about it and let her know I am still interested or is this not something I should risk?

Did she give you a reason why she wouldn't go out with you?

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Originally Posted by dem862 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Did she give you a reason why she wouldn't go out with you?

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I had to "push" her to give me a yes or no ... she was not really saying a lot, so no she did not give me a reason.
Stupid as I was, I also did not ask for the reason, I do regret this now, but I can't really change this.

Well, she doesn't sound all that interested if you had to push her. If you have nothing better to do, you might ask her again. But she might already have a boyfriend or she might not be available. But you should hold off on telling her you have feelings for her. Women are very attuned to avoid guys who are stalker-ish, sketchy, or awkward. Your best bet is to try to make her laugh rather than to get all serious on her.

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Originally Posted by dem862 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well, she doesn't sound all that interested if you had to push her. If you have nothing better to do, you might ask her again. But she might already have a boyfriend or she might not be available. But you should hold off on telling her you have feelings for her. Women are very attuned to avoid guys who are stalker-ish, sketchy, or awkward. Your best bet is to try to make her laugh rather than to get all serious on her.

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Well actually I made her laugh a lot in the past.. we really got along very well...

She is shy so perhaps thats why she hesitated... I asked her and she mumbled something/didnt say something and then I had to ask her again if she wanted or no, yes or no, she said no.

I'll do that. I'll just avoid her a bit, no small talk anymore. Or should I not do this and keep the small talk? Before I asked her, we talked a lot and I could see her laugh a lot.. but this changed actually a while ago (even before I asked her, I think she noticed I wanted more)

No she has no boyfriend, she is single.

I guess she already knows I have feelings, why else would I ask her out?

Can ask again, but if she says no again, leave her alone because her mind is made up regarding you, IMO.

A man I saw in a coffee shop asked me out a while back, and I said no, even though he was attractive. I had just broken off with someone I cared about, and my daughter was getting ready for a serious surgery, so the timing just wasn't right.

If I ran into him and he asked me out again, I would say yes.

That said, if you ask her if she'd consider it again, and she still says no, don't ever ask again.

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Originally Posted by anya_may21 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Can ask again, but if she says no again, leave her alone because her mind is made up regarding you, IMO.

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How long should I wait than?

At the moment I do not feel I should ask since she is avoiding me (at least thats how it looks).

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

A man I saw in a coffee shop asked me out a while back, and I said no, even though he was attractive. I had just broken off with someone I cared about, and my daughter was getting ready for a serious surgery, so the timing just wasn't right.

If I ran into him and he asked me out again, I would say yes.

That said, if you ask her if she'd consider it again, and she still says no, don't ever ask again.

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Ok, but you situation is a bit different, you dont really know him. In my situation we work in the same place and she knows me...
And I do not think she is interested to be honest.
But this might change over time of course, so perhaps I still have a chance!

I'd just keep it friendly from here on out and not ask her again. In fact, I'd only be "friendly" if she initiated first. Leave her alone and see if she cares where you got to.

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'd just keep it friendly from here on out and not ask her again. In fact, I'd only be "friendly" if she initiated first. Leave her alone and see if she cares where you got to.

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Yes, this makes sense.
I will do this.

I had to talk to her a few times the last few days for professional reasons and she is always friendly/answers my questions, but I do notice she will not start a talk with me herself.

I hope one day I have a chance with her, but I guess this is just stupid to think.

It is a waste of your time so stop thinking or hoping you "have a chance with her." Quickly get rid of in thought and hope any woman who does not show you that she wants to be with you. Its best to go "pffffft" to them and then restart your search for someone who DOES want to be with you.

After all... that's the best way to find someone on the same page, who is ready to date just as much as you're ready to date her. win/win.

Good luck in your next romantic adventure. :)

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It is a waste of your time so stop thinking or hoping you "have a chance with her." Quickly get rid of in thought and hope any woman who does not show you that she wants to be with you. Its best to go "pffffft" to them and then restart your search for someone who DOES want to be with you.

After all... that's the best way to find someone on the same page, who is ready to date just as much as you're ready to date her. win/win.

Good luck in your next romantic adventure. :)

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I know you are right, but its just not that easy! lol

I have had a crush on this girl for months before I asked her out. I am also the type of person that hardly ever falls in love.

It will take a while before I will be over her, but doing my best haha

Listen you can start "getting over her" by realized that there is absolutely NOTHING to get over. You have not been shown one iota of evidence in actions that she reciprocates your infatuation (yes it's not love). You have NOT been given the opportunity to show her in actions that you "love" her either.

This is a crush that can easily be over-ridden by you getting on with your life, by changing your thinking of her when she pops into your mind and by actively seeking out other woman to date and actually spend quality, fun time with.

You have nothing to "be over." That is THE truth if you sit and think about it.

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Listen you can start "getting over her" by realized that there is absolutely NOTHING to get over. You have not been shown one iota of evidence in actions that she reciprocates your infatuation (yes it's not love). You have NOT been given the opportunity to show her in actions that you "love" her either.

This is a crush that can easily be over-ridden by you getting on with your life, by changing your thinking of her when she pops into your mind and by actively seeking out other woman to date and actually spend quality, fun time with.

You have nothing to "be over." That is THE truth if you sit and think about it.

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I know, I know. Its just not easy for someone who almost never has a crush on someone (in all honesty: its the second time ever I feel this for a girl and I am 28).
Its easier said than done. Changing my view on her, its really not that easy. I see her every day and see how nice/good she is.

And thats just it: actively seeking out other women is not just something I do. I really do not fall for women that easly. It takes a long time for me to really start liking someone or even date someone. The latter is just not my thing. I need to know them a bit more before/start liking them before I would even concider dating someone.

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Originally Posted by polop [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I know, I know. Its just not easy for someone who almost never has a crush on someone (in all honesty: its the second time ever I feel this for a girl and I am 28).
Its easier said than done. Changing my view on her, its really not that easy. I see her every day and see how nice/good she is.

And thats just it: actively seeking out other women is not just something I do. I really do not fall for women that easly. It takes a long time for me to really start liking someone or even date someone. The latter is just not my thing. I need to know them a bit more before/start liking them before I would even concider dating someone.

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Well, take them out and get to know them then if they're nice you can start to like them but only if they like you too. You can discover if they like you too by asking them out again and if they keep saying "yes" to your invites then you can start to be infatuated with them.

It a waste of your time to "love" someone before you have even gone on a date with them. Look how you wasted your time on this girl who ended up not even wanting to go out with you. Don't make that same mistake again.

Just meet girls (join a dating site or a meet up site like meetmarketadventures.com) and just have fun with girls until you meet one that actually wants to go out with you. No sense "loving" someone who you haven't even found out if they like you enough to go on a date with you.

That's all I have to tell you. Bottom line: Don't love someone who isn't showing you in actions that they love you too. If you find them attractive then ask them out and then get to love them. Not love them and then ask them out.

Good luck.

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well, take them out and get to know them then if they're nice you can start to like them but only if they like you too. You can discover if they like you too by asking them out again and if they keep saying "yes" to your invites then you can start to be infatuated with them.

It a waste of your time to "love" someone before you have even gone on a date with them. Look how you wasted your time on this girl who ended up not even wanting to go out with you. Don't make that same mistake again.

Just meet girls (join a dating site or a meet up site like meetmarketadventures.com) and just have fun with girls until you meet one that actually wants to go out with you. No sense "loving" someone who you haven't even found out if they like you enough to go on a date with you.

That's all I have to tell you. Bottom line: Don't love someone who isn't showing you in actions that they love you too. If you find them attractive then ask them out and then get to love them. Not love them and then ask them out.

Good luck.

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Everything you say makes sense! I know this, but its just not that easy at the moment.

Also: this girl was always very nice around me, we had nice chats, teased eachother... I really had the idea that there was the possibility she also liked me as I liked her. I was wrong, I know this now.

And I doubt you can really "control" it when someone becomes infatuated with someone...

Its also more than just finding her attractive to be honest, its her entire personality that I felt for, this makes it even harder.

Anyhow, I know you are right and I know I have to accept it and move on!
Thanks for the advice.