I've never hated somebody as much as my mother.

I don't know why.

I can't point out a specific reason.

I wanted to have a last get together at my grandmother's today but my grandmother is in the hopsital as a result of a blood clot (she's also on chemo).

My sister Gina called me ealier today and told me she wouldn't want to go because our mother would be there.

So I figured "fine, **** her".

Soon afterwards I found out my grandmother was in the hospital.

I tried to get in contact with my mother but her phone was off and nobody was picking up at home.

So when evening comes around I head over to my mom's house, figured I could visit and maybe pick up a few things.

It's a ****ing pigsty, always was, always has been, and it's only gotten worse since I left.

I found out that one of my favorite cats died which didn't help.

Tried goin' in my room which was taken over by my dumbass ****in' sisters and I could barely get in the door.

I gave up my search for an old bag I wanted to use for the trip and went back downstairs.

Bad memories, bad emotions followed me everywhere I walked in that ****ing house.

I couldn't tell you specifically why but as she was talking about why they wouldn't let her see my grandmother, and how Gina said I'd be hanging out with her tomorrow (which I never planned on nor intend on doing) I just started hating her, I can't explain to you the hate I was feeling right there.

For the house.

For the past.

For being a ****ing stupid b i t c h.

So I just left.

She started calling me, left a blubbery message about how she wanted me to come back and at least eat with her before I left.

I never felt so good, so ****ing mean, I love hurting her so bad, not physically, but emotionally. I want her to realize what a dumb **** she's been all these years I want to cause her as much anguish as she caused us.

I want to burn that ****ing house to the ground.

The best thing she's ever taught me, is how to hurt people.

And it feels good, in a horrible and sick way.

what the crap?

I'm sorry you feel that way. There's nothing good about feelings like these.

i may not know how much hate you feel, but i can relate. iv'e hated my mother for many reasons.. thinking of what she's done and the decisions she's made that have turned my life into hell made me want to kill myself, but each time i thought of how much i hated her, i would gain a little strength.. i kept thinking over and over that if nobody else would take care of me, i would have to take care of myself. so to make a long depressing story short.. if it weren't for the hurt and anguish those assholes bring, i wouldn't be as strong and determined as i am now.. instead of letting the pain take over you let it inspire you.. if that makes sense. hope that helped.

Something similar happened on my graduation day from highschool.

I actually had to have my friend's mother take me to my school because I couldn't stand being around my mom.

I did spot my mother at the graduation but I didn't even acknowledge her presence, didn't even make eye contact.

I really do get kind of satisfaction from hurting her anymore.

Hey Fras - I'm sorry you feel this way. I really don't know what to tell you in this kind of situation. To me, family is the most important thing in life - which is why my advice may be biased. But I hope you listen to what I have to say.

If your Mother and you girlfriend/wife where on a Bridge, and the Bridge was about to break, and you can only save One person, who would it be? Would it be your Girlfriend/Wife or your Mother? I'll tell you why the answer is Mother at the end of this post, for now, bare with me.

You've heard the saying, 'you can't aways get what you want' - Well, you can't choose your parents. But it's important to know what a mother is for. A mother is for protection, and guidance, to bring you into this world. I've not known you for that long, but for the time I Have known you, I can say that your mother has done a pretty darn well good of a job - you've seemed to grow up into a stand up kind of guy!

I promise you - these feelings are NOT good to have. Having feelings that you have right now will get you nowhere in life. They are simply unproductive, and 90% of the time, these feelings lead to more hardship and more hate. For your sake, and for the sake of your surroundings, try your best to rid of these feelings about your mother. Try to set a positive frameset of mind, be optimistic. THINK POSITIVE.

You seem like a mediator in your family. Maybe this is your calling. Maybe it's a chance for you to take on a role as an adult in your family. And to do this, it takes a lot of courage and heart. Maybe it's time for you to be a leader. Take this as a chance to strengthen your relationships with the people around you.

Let me tell you something about being a leader. A leader makes most of the sacrifices. A leader stands in the front row of battle, and fights with his cavalry. A leader is respected by others, because he/she puts aside any ego, and transforms himself/herself into the common man.

Your mother and you may not be on the same page - but if you know that your mother doesn't have it within her to realize what you think she doesn't - then take a chance with this 'adopted' role as a central figure in your family.

A mother, will ALWAYS be your mother. To all you females that might be reading this - you will all be mothers one day, so maybe you can provide better advice to our buddy fras on this subject. But as far as I'm concerned, I say rid these bad thoughts to the main woman of your life, then one that fed you when you were hungry, the one that raised you to who you are today.

Back to the question above, about who you would save. The answer is your mom, because you can get another girlfriend/wife, but you can never get another mom. Moms are irreplacable.

A man once told me, to get respect from others, one has to give respect. Respect your mom, and make a few sacrifices, and then see the results. That's the eye of a great leader.

Hope EVERYTHING works out for you Fras - Your a stand up guy, and I know you'll go far in life.

RK

OMG.. I kinda hate you for saying that RK 'cus it's the truth.

RK.

There are so many points in your advice I could point out as faulty.

This is because what I posted isn't even close to a quarter of the whole story.

The everything.

I could go into detail what and why I feel this way.

There's so much more to it that I am not going to post here as doin' so will probably further dampen my less than cheery spirits and waste hours of my life.

But thanks for posting in spite of my dislike for you.

I'm sure there's others here that can benefit from that advice.

And don't let those two previous comments go to your head.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lovestruck

Instead of letting the pain take over you let it inspire you.. if that makes sense. hope that helped.

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Hey lovestruck - that's an interesting concept - I never thought of it that way. I'm glad to hear things are going well for you now.

If I were to let this pain inspire me, I would do it by having gone through an experience that I wouldn't want my kids to go through. Sort of like negative inspiration.

It's kind of like a mouse being conditioned to eat bread instead of cheese. Every time the mouse goes for the cheese, he is electicuted. And everytime the mouse goes for the buscuit - nothing happens. Obviously, over time the mouse would be 'conditioned' to only eat the bread.

And with the same reasoning, you will have been conditioned to behave in ways that caused 'greater pleasure' as oppose to ways which cause hardship among others. So, I do see your point.


However, I think it's important not to have ANY of these ill feelings AT ALL! No good can ever come from a situation in which you 'hate' your mom (or anyone for that matter). It's important to have an open heart.

When years and years pass - you'd be drowned in your sorrow of hate. And to avoid this day - you must empty your mind which has been flooded with these bad thoughts.

Sorry for being poetic - but I'm just a firm believer of family unity - and it is important for you to do anything to take a leading role in your family. If you succeed at this, then in five to ten years down the road - you will have so much confidence, and pleasure from your surroundings.










There are two outcomes:

1) Remain the way you are, and become miserable in the future.

2) Think Positive. Be Optimistic. Be a leader. Bring people together. And live a happy life in the future.



Just to let you know - choice one is an easy route - it's the route the loosers take. And choice 2 is the tougher, yet more fulfilling route.

Honestly RSK...even though i partially agree, there are a few things that bother me about the way you see things. First, not every person grows up in a loving family like yourself. If your mom makes your life a living hell, i'm sorry but you have every right to be pissed...Now, I'm not talking about the little things here and there that every family goes through..i'm talking MAJOR depression (suicidal thoughts) that so many kids have to go through because their parents are too incompetent. If a stranger loves your kid more, you know you've got problems. As for the fact that it makes him a better person because of what he went through, that's bs...Fras is great because he chooses to be, so i give credit to Fras and Fras alone.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Asip4u

Honestly RSK...even though i partially agree, there are a few things that bother me about the way you see things. First, not every person grows up in a loving family like yourself. If your mom makes your life a living hell, i'm sorry but you have every right to be pissed...Now, I'm not talking about the little things here and there that every family goes through..i'm talking MAJOR depression (suicidal thoughts) that so many kids have to go through because their parents are too incompetent. If a stranger loves your kid more, you know you've got problems. As for the fact that it makes him a better person because of what he went through, that's bs...Fras is great because he chooses to be, so i give credit to Fras and Fras alone.

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in my post above, i allready said that i may be bias - so i don't think you should be suprised of my point of view.

i'm just giving Fras another view. your right, i don't know what it feels like to be in Fras' shoes.


I do think i'm right when i say it's wrong to harbor the kinds of feelings fras has. It's just not right under any circumstance - that's basically my whole idea.


i think it's selfish to hate someone - this may sound crazy - but it's true.

let me explain:



if someone does something 'bad' to me, i could just go ahead and 'hate' them. i would do this, because it makes me feel better and is a form of revenge. in the long run - NOTHING good can come out of this situation.


instread of hating the person, i could try and make him/her understand, and if that doesn't work, i'd be the higher man, (and drop my ego) to reason why people act the way they do.





I'm sure everyone here can agree with me when I say that Fras should get rid of these feelings, right?

It's easier said then done, RSK...Fras has done a good job so far and as long as he doesn't do anything with those feelings he has, putting them down on paper or on here can only help. It's like asking me to forget about all the women and children that were killed in front of my own eyes...Even though it was over 10 years ago, some things will never be forgotten. All i can do is be the best person i can be and hope that the rest of humanity can do their part. Certain things will always come back and make you angry but as long as you dont' cross that line there's nothing wrong with telling others that something makes you mad...there are those who dont express themselves on paper or on here, they do that by damaging others and/or themselves.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by RSK

but it's true.

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Truth is subjective.

This was a rant.

I never claimed that this behavior was right, or justified in any way.

I just told it how it is.

Look at it this way.

You all now know a slightly darker side of Choi.

And in that, you know me a little better.

Lots of us struggle with hatred towards our mom and/or dad, Frasbee. You aren't alone, and if you hate her, I'm sure she is deserving. I wish I had something really optimistic and positive to tell you, but all I can say is that I really feel for you. You will probably fluctuate between hated (anger) and pity for her incompetence throughout your life. In the end, I am sure you will someday end up a better parent.

To those of you who can't relate to what Fras is saying: be very thankful and kiss your parents. You are lucky.

And RSK: people don't become great people because of their mothers; sometimes they become great people in spite of them. Personality is inherent, not learned, and sadly not everyone deserves the wonderful children they get.

Frasbee the abused child ...sad sad sad.

Frasbee---You're spewing fire and brimstone (not to mention red and black). It's a good thing you're going into the americorps. Channel that anger somewhere constructive.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Only-virgins

Frasbee the abused child ...sad sad sad.

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a**hole. :mad:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lovestruck

a**hole. :mad:

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Actually, I think he was being sincere there...

Just so you all know.

I gave my mother a several big hugs and even a kiss before I left.

She always gets weepy when any of us leave.

So yeah that's all done and over with.

(this doesn't change what I said earlier though)