Painfully shy unsure how to move forward

A guy I like who is also quiet has given me some signals that he likes me. I am ok flirting with him at a distance. But when he wants me to come to him I freeze. I have done this about two or three times. I think he has given up on me. He usually is outside after I take my walk in the evening. I have not seen him all week. Except for on the back porch where he does not usually sit. I want to apologize to him and see if we can start over. But, he isn't out. I was thinking of leaving a note on his car. But unsure if that is ok to do. Please any help you can give will be appreciated. If I write a note should I put it on his car or mail it. He is right across the street. Either way seems weird to. Me. What are your thoughts?

How about a "hey, how are you?" To start :) then see if that takes the comversation somewhere.

I never see him that is the problem. He stays in the house.

Is he the same guy you were trying to talk to a few months ago?

You could leave him a note, but if you can't have a conversation with him, there's no point in doing so.

Does your shyness prohibit you from having friends?

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Leave a note....why the hell not. It will hopefully give him the confidence to approach you.

No different one

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No I just seem to get really shy around guys I like. Initially I am but after the first meeting I am ok.

Believe me, I know how you feel. I, myself, am ridiculously shy and am kind of just now trying to learn how to get over it. After a lengthy relationship that I should have realized long before I did that I deserved better.... I am having to start over and realizing I really never did get over all that. So, I can certainly relate.

The thing is, I'm not going to get over it, and you're not going to get over it if we don't just try. Trust me, I know firsthand how hard this is.... but the only way to really start to get over it is by forcing yourself to go for it. Even if it doesn't wind up going well, the more you do it the easier it will be to do again. Really, even if it doesn't go well, wouldn't you feel so much better knowing than you would wondering what could have been?

Now, in this case it sounds like he was receptive to your flirting. So, at least that would make it seem as though he does have some interest. So, give it a shot. Honestly, I would say he is every bit as much to blame as you may be for not trying. He could have come over to talk to you instead of expecting you to make the first move. Who knows, though? Maybe he is just as shy as you.

I would say a note is just fine. Any way to take a chance, go ahead and take it. I will say this, though. I don't think you should apologize at all for not talking to him sooner, or anything like that. I would just say you don't even mention that at all. Just approach him like you would any other guy you were hoping might ask you out. Don't be afraid to ask him out if he doesn't take the hint and ask you.

Above all else, if it doesn't work out, don't let that get you too discouraged. If this fella doesn't want to give you a chance, then that is his loss and not yours. Somebody else will. You need to tell yourself that you are AWESOME! That any guy would be lucky to be with you. That any guy who can't see that doesn't deserve you anyway. I am NOT suggesting you become cocky. I am NOT suggesting you believe you are God's gift to the world.... I'm just saying you realize that you DESERVE happiness. Don't be afraid to try to make your own happiness happen.

Good luck to you! I hope you find the guy of your dreams very soon, whether it winds up being him or not.

How does this sound. I can't seem to catch you outside. I was wondering if you would like to go out sometime. You can name when and where. If I do not hear from you i understand.

That sounds great. Maybe this is just me, but I think I'd just leave off the "If I do not hear from you I understand" part. If he doesn't want to go out with you, he's not going to force himself to go out with you anyway, so no need to give him that easy out. It could also possibly project a negative energy, so to speak, that you didn't intend.

Believe me, I actually have the same instinct and know I have to fight it. If I were to be asking a girl out, I'd almost want to say something similar. I'm not sure if, in my mind, it is because I think it would make them more comfortable being honest (I wouldn't want them to go out with me out of pity, but because they actually WANT to), or if I feel like it would make me less embarrassed if they weren't interested or both. Either way, I think it is probably best just to leave that part off. Even though it makes sense to you and I, I think it actually projects a negative image we don't intend that could just hinder your chances.

I'd also add some sort of instructions on how you want him to follow up. In other words, after you say "You can name when and where..." Maybe leave your phone number and ask him to call you sometime. (As long as you are relatively sure that, wherever you leave the note, there is no risk somebody else will grab it by mistake or intentionally.) Or, maybe tell him to meet you one time when he sees you on your walk. Something like that. Some way for him to answer you back.

Hopefully he does, but if not, then at least you know. If, unfortunately, he does not answer or he answers in the negative, at least you can move on and find somebody else. Good luck to you. I hope it goes well. :-D

Thanks for the good advice. I really appreciate it. One other thing I am so shy that I am having a problem leaving the note. The mailbox is right next to the front door and window on the front porch. I am afraid him or his mom will catch me putting it in there. Any ideas other than mailing it. I worry over everything. As if you can't tell :)

Oh irene, just walk over there without thinking of whether they saw you or not. If they did, good! At least he will know it's you definitely :)

I know I think too much. :)

Now I am having second thoughts. I think I hurt his feelings and I am really doubting whether I should drop him a note.

Oh God, I so know how you feel. I overthink everything. I drive myself absolutely crazy with it. Here's the good news, though, I think.... You and I are both aware we do this. Why is that good news? Because, as the saying goes, knowing is half the battle.

You know that you overthink, so that makes it easier to realize when you are overthinking it. This very likely is one of those times. Really, who cares if anybody sees you leaving the note? As Lily said, that might even actually be a good thing. Then he would know you left it.

What makes you think you hurt his feelings? I'm sure it is just your imagination, but if you are okay with sharing details as to what caused you to second guess leaving the note and to think that maybe you'd hurt his feelings, we may be able to help you think it through. I am sure, though, it is probably still worth it to give it a shot.

Why I second guessed myself with the note is, I feel like I am playing a game with him. It feels like I am playing cat and mouse with him as the mouse.

Playing cat and mouse would mean that you keep pretending as though you are interested in him, only to then pull away. Have you been doing that? I didn't get that impression. I got the impression that you've enjoyed talking to him whenever you have, but have just been too shy to try to get the ball rolling on it becoming anything more. How could he fault you for that considering he hasn't either?

To be playing cat and mouse with him would be if you leave the note.... and then suddenly act disinterested if he actually responds favorably. So, if you are going to leave the note, leave it with the full intention of embracing your opportunity if he returns interest. If you think you can do that, then why not leave the note? Believe me, take it from somebody with experience in letting so many opportunities get away without even trying..... you would be so much happier knowing than having to wonder what if. Even if it turns out he is not interested, knowing that is so much better than never trying and always wondering.

Just wanted to update. I went and clipped the note to his mailbox. He just came home and saw me coming off the porch. He wanted to know why I was there. Me being me I apologized for shying away from him. He was not too happy. I could not ask him out. He would have laughed. I went back and took the its back and left. I thought that would have turned him off but, the other day he was out and I drove past and he wanted my attention. I do not get him. I don't think he wants to make a move because he knows how shy I am. I give up. Any other suggestions advice?

What was his expression when he saw you on his porch? (Any sigh, surprise look, shock, smiling, etc)
what is it he does to try to get your attention?
I would usually think someone who's into someone seeing them there would say something like "hey, what are doing here?" With a smile or something

Agreed with Lilly, and I'd also second her questions. Exactly what was it in his actions/reaction that made you think he was specifically not happy to see you? Also, do I misunderstand, or do you mean to say you retrieved the note before he could see it?

If you did, I have to admit that I can't blame you if he reacted so unfavorably to seeing you leaving his porch as he was arriving home. I can tell you, if I were him that sure as Hell would not have been my reaction. Heck, even if we were just friends, I would have still considered it a very pleasant surprise to see you.

Again, I can't really know since I wasn't there, but I kind of feel like you dodged a bullet here. Maybe I'm over-reacting based on the details you share, I don't know..... but he kind of sounds like a jerk if you ask me. I am honestly thinking you deserve better than this guy. If that is the case, then it is honestly better you figured that out now rather than later.

Good luck to you. Believe me, you WILL find somebody some day. There will be a guy who is so crazy about you that he'll JUMP at the chance to go out with you, whether that is by him actually asking you out first, or if you ask him out and he happily accepts. Maybe that won't be this guy, but you know what? That is HIS loss, not yours.

I did not see his face through the car window but. He opened the door and in a gruff voice said "yes" .before he even got out of the car. I apologized while he was in the car. He gets out no smile, don't worry about it and goes in the house. And yes I retrieved the note before he read it. I was too embarassed for him to read it.

He said yes to what? Not sure I understand. That and I am also not sure I understand what you apologized for in the first place. What offense had you felt you made that required an apology?

Let me ask you this... Did his reaction at all surprise you, or did it seem very in-character for this particular fella? I ask because, you never know, maybe he just came home from having a terrible day and he wasn't 100% himself. I'm not saying that EXCUSES him treating you so rudely, I am just saying it may explain it. We all have a bad day now and then, and often wind up in kind of a grumpy mood as result.

If this is just in this guy's nature, though, then I'd reconsider your feelings for him if I were you. If that IS the case, then I certainly think you deserve better. Especially being as shy as you are, the last thing you need is to deal with some a-hole who only reinforces your insecurities.

If you feel like it might just be possible he was in a bad mood and he is normally otherwise a good guy, then maybe you don't give up right away. I would still, though, not recommend you make the first move next. He was rude. Give him the chance to apologize for that, or at the very least be more cordial to you in the future. If he does not, then forget him. To be honest, though, considering the history of interactions you've explained to us with him, I think I'd just suggest you forget him now.

Good luck to you either way, though. Like I said, you don't deserve a guy who would treat you like that. If he's too stupid to see that you are awesome and he's lucky you'd be willing to give him a chance, then forget him. Some other guy will be out there who would kill to get the chance he is throwing away.

Theeviljester said what i wanted to say already :) did he ever apologize for that day? If not a shy girl like you deserve better.having a bad day is no excuse to be like that.

That's because I read your mind, Lilly. By the way, you think about kittens a lot. LOL! Kidding. (But, if you actually do think about kittens a lot then I just BLEW your mind for a second there. :-P )

I agree with you, though. Even if he DID have a bad day and that is the only reason he was so gruff and rude... you are right, that still definitely doesn't excuse such rude treatment. I'm just saying, I think we've all had bad moods and sometimes been rude to others without meaning it. I wouldn't necessarily say that ONE interaction alone is reason to consider him to just be a rude person....

However, I don't exactly find any of the other (admittedly few) details we know about him to be all that encouraging either. So, honestly, I kind of lean towards thinking this guy IS just a rude jerk, and that he doesn't even deserve Irene anyway. I just try not to be too quick to judge on this board because we obviously only get the very few details that each poster chooses to share. So, it isn't like we can truly know the situation closely enough to know for sure. Most often, when I feel there may be gray area, I try to err on the side of caution and offer potential advice for either possibility.