am I turning into my father??

my dad is an alcoholic. It runs in my family. I am scared I will one day end up like him. I drink once a week at home usually. My partner rarely drinks but I will get drunk alone while he goes to bed occasionally. I never drink two days in a row and sometimes I can go months without drinking but when I do drink it is usually purely because I want to get drunk.

It helps me sleep.. I have always had anxiety and think too much and find it hard to sleep most nights so alcohol does help me unwind, relax and sleep properly occasionally.

I am a v nice drunk. loving and affectionate (not like my dad) and just enjoy good conversation, music and dancing when I drink.

My question is how much is too much? when do I know for sure if I have a problem. How can I prevent becoming an alcho and just drink sociably.

I went 9 months without alcohol during pregnancy and never touched a drop. I do enjoy a few glasses of wine now though and like getting drunk sometimes to help me get a good night sleep but always regret it when I wake up groggy and tired. Sometimes I feel ashamed of being drunk even though I didn't do anything bad

Is this just because alcohol is a bad thing in my mind due to my dads dependancy?? or is it a warning sign that I am becoming like him?

I love him. Hes great in a lot of ways but his addiction has caused a lot of pain and I never want to put my baby through anything like that.

However I don't want to give up alcohol completely as I do enjoy it sometimes and I don't feel like its affecting anything or anyone right now. I am just scared coz it runs in my family

Drinking for the sole purpose of getting drunk isn't drinking "socially"

In order to keep your drinking to just socially, maybe you should discuss your poor sleeping ability with your doctor and get a mild sleeping pill to help you with that? Of course talk to him about anything he gives you to make sure it's not addictive. At this point you're not sure if you have an addictive personality or not so be cautious.

If you can't stop drinking in order to get drunk, then I would say that, yes, you may be headed for a drinking problem/addiction. Personally, I'm not sure how you cope (even occasionally) getting drunk and then having to get up early to tend to your wee one. Blech!

I am scared sleeping pills will knock me out so I don"t hear my baby if he wakes at night.

I cope fine with my boy. I am very good with him and a very loving mama. He is my world

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I never get very sick day. I know my limits and never drink to the point I cannot remember. I drink to the tipsy point so I can sleep usually only once per week

Three questions:
-On average, how many drinks have do you have nightly?
-During your big drinking night of the week, how many drinks do you have?
-How many times during the week do you wake up with a fuzzy feeling? Headache?

For me the answers are 3, 5, 2, and 1. If you're answering high than that on any of those questions, and you're questioning your drinking habits, I'd consider drinking less or asking for help.

If you can leave it you probably don't have a serious issue, imo those who can't live without are the ones who have an addiction and a lot of those people would never even question themselves like you have.
It could still benefit you to have a therapist just to help you work through things and concerns help you with your anxiety too.

It's really not all that cut and dry. You say you can sometimes go weeks/months without drinking. That certainly doesn't sound to me like you have a problem. Honestly, even sometimes drinking solely to get drunk does not automatically mean you have a problem. I think just about all adults who aren't me (I don't drink at all) do that at some point, and a lot enjoy doing that from time to time. Nothing wrong with it as long as you don't let it get out of control.

However, there are also highly functioning alcoholics who often do seem as in control of it as you seem, but still have a problem/dependency, and it can often get worse. So, that is a question we cannot really answer for you. SupperHappyTime's questions are definitely a good start. Here are a few others you can ask yourself to give you even more clues....

- Do you ever drive while under the influence?
- Even if you do not regularly, have you ever?
- When you do drink, even when doing so with the intention of getting drunk, do you still have some reasonable point at which you realize you've had enough, or do you have a problem with getting yourself to stop once you get going?
- Do you have withdrawal symptoms if you don't drink?

Questions like that can help you better determine if you have a problem or not. Having alcoholic relatives can predict that the same could happen to you..... but there are plenty of people with family history of alcoholism who never have the slightest problem and plenty of people with NO history of it in their family who themselves become alcoholics. So, you never really do know.

If ever you feel it is starting to hinder your life, then as much as you may not wish you give it up completely, that may be what is needed. It doesn't sound, to me from what you share, that you are out of control, but I wouldn't know that without being you, or being closer to the situation. So, just do your best not to overdo things, and if ever it feels you are starting to, do whatever you can to stop.

Good luck to you.

Here OP... Take the quiz in the following link and let us know the outcome.

[url=http://www.retorno.org/addiction/am-i-an-alcoholic/]Am I An Alcoholic? - Retorno.org[/url]

I think I am guilty of binge drinking and abusing alcohol sometimes but I am not dependant or addicted. I just feel a sense of shame or guilt if I wake up hungover and its not a nice feeling. I think its just because alcohol is a bad thing in my mind but I do enjoy it occasionally. I am going to quit drinking at home and only drink for social occasions.

It does help me fall asleep but I feel awful when I wake up so what is the point? I am going to try better methods to help me unwind and sleep.

As for anxiety, its just part of my personality to worry. I have always been this way where I over think and sometimes my mind is so active, it interferes with sleep but I don't think I need therapy for it because it is not affecting my life or preventing me from doing anything.

Again, we can't really answer this question for you, but it does still sound more and more like you don't necessarily have a drinking problem. I can't really know that for sure, but binge drinking "sometimes" doesn't necessarily mean you are abusing alcohol and/or are addicted. In fact, the very fact that you say "sometimes" leans me towards thinking you don't necessarily have a problem. Then again, sometimes people say things like "sometimes" when they really don't mean it. Often times, you are the last to realize it, or at least admit it, when you have a problem. So, I can't say without knowing you better whether you really are in control of it or not. I'll have to just take you at your word, though the evidence you provide does cause me to lean toward believing that you don't necessarily have a problem with it.

I very much know what you mean about anxiety, though. I can never shut my brain up. Thankfully, for me that USUALLY actually helps me to get to sleep. When I lay in bed, I sort of think of my day, day-dream (for lack of a better term since that is kind of like what it is) about random stuff. Things I wish could happen, things I want to make happen, good things that did happen, or even just crazy stuff to amuse myself like imagining myself in a horror movie, etc. and usually that helps me to get to sleep. Sometimes, it gets bad enough to where I can't shut my brain off and go to sleep, but usually it is actually my way of slowly calming down and drifting off to sleep.

There are ways to deal with it, though, if it keeps you awake. Have you ever tried a white noise machine? That or relaxation sounds, like thunder storm CDs or ocean noise. Stuff like that. I always loved that myself. I even have a fan that I use for when it is warm, but I happen to love the noise it makes and find it helps me sleep, so I wind up using it year-round.

Too much alcohol is really bad. And stop thinking that you will be like your dad because if you continue to think like that, that will really happen. That's what you call "Self-Fulfilling Prophecy".

I never ever drink during the day. I look after my 2boys all day whilst SO is at work and only drink once a week, (sometimes less). But I do really enjoy my wine 😐

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my dad was here today and I felt crazy coz he was drunk at 1pm and then drove back to my mums house after. It makes me sooo mad!

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Originally Posted by lightstar [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

my dad was here today and I felt crazy coz he was drunk at 1pm and then drove back to my mums house after. It makes me sooo mad!

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Why didn't you call the cops and get him arrested for driving under the influence? You are an enabler and you would really do well to get yourself to some meetings from a codependents anonymous group or Alanon. Both groups will help you with your personal boundaries and having the strength to tell you irresponsible father the he is not allowed to drink at your home and drive afterwards.

If he had killed someone or himself, you would be an accomplice.

He would lose his job and his ability to provide for my mother if I did that. This has been happening for years. He has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. We have tried to get him help but he wont do it unless he wants to. There are times when I avoid him for weeks at a time because he annoys me.

He turned up here drunk to fix my washing machine and had cans in his car. I told him he shouldn't drink and drive but he never listens.

You only drink once a week, and sometimes less..... Again, further evidence that suggests you probably do not have a problem. Still, even if you don't that doesn't mean you should cease to be careful. It can be easy to slip into it becoming a problem, especially considering you have a family history of it. So, just remain careful and you should hopefully be okay.

Now, I definitely understand what you say about your father. It would be very unfortunate if he lost his job and could not care for himself and your mother. ...The thing is, if he is making it a habit to drive drunk, that may happen anyway...... or worse. He is endangering his life, endangering the life of anybody who is in the car with him, and endangering the lives of any innocent people in their own cars, driving responsibly. Not to mention bystanders/pedestrians he could hit. God forbid, if there was some accident, wouldn't that be much worse?

At this point, you say you've all tried to get him help and it doesn't work. Have you tried an intervention? In fact, look for a professional interventionist to help you through it. Often times, people with addictions cannot/will not do anything to help themselves until they've hit a "rock bottom." So, the idea of an intervention is to create a rock bottom for them before something horrible happens to create that rock bottom for them.

Part of that will be setting consequences if he does not accept help. Consequences such as his loved ones no longer being in his life. I understand that may be hard and you may think it SOUNDS heartless, but it very much IS NOT. If that is what it takes for him to get the help he needs, then it is worth it. If even that is not enough, then you can't just sit by and let him drag you down with him. I hope it doesn't have to come to that, though. Good luck to you, and good luck to your father.

Genetics play a big role in alcoholism. Are you an alcoholic? Probably not yet, but there is a strong tendency that you are headed that way if you do not stop your binge drinking.

honestly I have accepted his drink problem and I chose a long time ago not to let it affect me or my family anymore. I used to stress like mad over him but I am now at that point where I am like "hes a grown man, he is responsible for him and I cannot let him control my life or hurt me anymore" I have made my feelings clear to him and my mother. I have told her to leave or he will never stop. But its their lives. They are adults. I am their child and I am sick of always having to be the grown up. Now I am focusing on my own kids, my husband, my family.

I have no desire to create interventions or call the police on him. I think he will only stop if he wants to and he has to do it for himself-not for me or anyone else. I just don't ever want to be like him and I wont be as I only allow myself to drink occasionally and I never drink before 8pm. It is a rule I have. I always eat first and if I am hungover, I punish myself by making sure we take the kids out for the day which is difficult when you feel like shit lol 😂 it then makes me not drink again for ages

As long as Op and her mother (and any other family members) keep enabling him to be the irresponsible drunk that he is by not doing anything out of fear of being without, then he will NEVER change and lets hope if he ever has a drunk driving accident that it only involves himself.

You people really need to stop being the enablers that you are and kick his ass out of your lives and not allow him back until he is sober for at least a year and attending either personal therapy or AA.

Y'all should be in Al-anon to help you with your enabling tendencies.

That is easier said then done. When it is a parent-child relationship, it is not easy to just kick somebody out of your life.

And I am done emotionally, mentally.. I have already accepted that he is probably going to kill himself and drink himself into an early grave.

The drink driving bothers me but other than that, I just don't care anymore. I am numb to it.

I think we can all definitely understand that him being your father makes it extremely difficult for you to kick him out of your life. The thing is, he is making that inevitable anyway. If he keeps up his abuse of alcohol it WILL eventually lead to some kind of problem. He may cause an accident and hurt himself and/or hurt others. God forbid, if he were to lose his life in some way as result of his drinking problem, that would remove him from your life permanently in a way that can never be changed.

If you and your family kick him out of your life unless he agrees to get help, then that leaves open the possibility that he gets the help he needs and is welcomed back into your lives. That is removing him from your life in a way that CAN possibly some day be fixed.

Believe me, I understand, as I think we all do, how hard that would be for you to do. None of us mean to imply that it is so easy to do that to any loved one, much less somebody as close as your father. The problem is, as far as he is concerned right now, there are no consequences to his drinking problem. At least none about which he cares enough. Maybe that would change if he started losing people who could no longer sit by and watch him self-destruct. That is the whole point of an intervention. It is to show them what they can and will lose if they do not get help in hopes of that being the motivation they need.

You are right that you cannot make somebody do anything. You are right that he won't stop unless he wants to stop. The point, though, is that he may well want to stop if he sees that it will cost him consequences he could not live with facing. That could include losing his loved ones. You say that you've accepted that he isn't going to change and that you don't let it bother you..... but he's still in your life. So, no matter how much you may think you've moved on from any hope of him changing, you won't realize how deeply it will truly affect you unless something terrible happens. So, if he's still in your life, you've not really accepted the situation and moved on appropriately.

Again, please don't misunderstand as I know I certainly don't and I don't think anybody else here intends to blame you or your family for having a hard time with the idea of removing him from your lives. You are enabling him to continue his bad habits, but I get that this is not your intention.

I certainly understand if you are unwilling to do anything, but I just hope you can at least consider what we have said here. He's not going to change if he never feels like there are consequences for his poor behavior. God willing, hopefully those consequences don't have to cost him and/or anybody else their lives.

^^^ What he said...