Printable View
Personaly I've never been a confident person, so I don't know what it feels like to be confident. I've summed my main problems with relationships down to lack of confidence and low self esteem.
What does it mean to be confident? And how can I go about becoming confident?
Confidence is nothing more than a state of mind. Turning your question upside-down might help you acquire it. Instead of asking "what is confidence?" ask, rather, "what are my doubts?" Then follow them wherever they lead you and learn to accept, gladly, the full measure of who and what you are.
Could you elaborate a bit please? Your reply was a bit vague, sorry.Quote:
Originally Posted by whaywardj
Probably not. Let someone else give it a shot.
confidence is all about the way you perceive things imo. to be confident you need to be able to relax, try smoking weed or drinking alcahol. sad but true, lol
pffft. You don't need drugs or alcohol to be confident. I didn't used to be very confident, but I've changed a lot. Change how you look, think, etc. Find pride in the things that make you acutely unique from the rest of the world. Doing this will help you realize that there is far more to you than you or others think, and it will help you find these same small but special attributes in others, which women truly appreciate.
To be honest smoking dope makes you paranoid and think of the negatives. I know, I've smoked it for 7 years, until recent quitting.Quote:
Originally Posted by cheazypeaz
And alchohol, if you need alchohol to be confident it just proves how confident you aren't. I've been tested before on dates for this and failed miserably, I'd rather show a woman I can be comfortable without alchohol, wheter she is drinking it or not. Plus I don't really drink anyway nor do I particualy like it.
Being comfortable with my self I think I'd probably find easier, but being confident around women is going to be a lot harder. I can be comfortable around a woman if I have no interest, but if I have interest I seaze up and the more the interest the worse it is. I have to try just to be my self and come across really insicure.
This is why I have to sort it out.
Practice hearing "no." Stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself, "No." That's the worst that can happen; the object of your interest says, "No."
I'm not bothered about rejection. I need to relax, but I can't. It's like "your so f****ng gorgous and I'm so in to you, your intimidating me." Most guys I can imagine would be over joyed about being out/around a hot woman and find it no different to any other women. But not with me. I feel, so to speak, threatened by them. I can't explain it.
I don't know what it feels like to be confident around someone I'm that into, I don't know what frame of mind to put my self in. I know the whole, you never know till you try and, theres plenty more fish in the sea c**p, that's not the case. If I can't get past this initail barrier, I'm not going to get past an initial date.
You understanding me better?
Oh, I think I understand you. I just don't believe you. If you weren't afraid of rejection, you wouldn't freeze up around those women who appeal to you and NOT freeze up around those who don't. As long as it "doesn't matter," you're fine. When "it matters," you're not fine. That's fear of rejection, almost by definition.
con·fi·dence ( P ) Pronunciation Key (knf-dns)
1. Trust or faith in a person or thing.
2. A trusting relationship: I took them into my confidence.
3.
a. That which is confided; a secret: A friend does not betray confidences.
b. A feeling of assurance that a confidant will keep a secret: I am telling you this in strict confidence.
4. A feeling of assurance, especially of self-assurance.
5. The state or quality of being certain: I have every confidence in your ability to succeed.
n 1: freedom from doubt; belief in yourself and your abilities; "his assurance in his superiority did not make him popular"; "after that failure he lost his confidence"; "she spoke with authority" [syn: assurance, self-assurance, self-confidence, authority, sureness] 2: a feeling of trust (in someone or something); "I have confidence in our team"; "confidence is always borrowed, never owned" [ant: diffidence] 3: a state of confident hopefulness that events will be favorable; "public confidence in the economy" 4: a trustful relationship; "he took me into his confidence"; "he betrayed their trust" [syn: trust] 5: a secret that is confided or entrusted to another; "everyone trusted him with their confidences"; "the priest could not reveal her confidences"
Confidence is knowing you have something of genuine value to offer another human being. This does not include looks, which are transitory and trivial.
Spoken by a drop-dead gorgeous female. Try convincing an ugly woman of that.Quote:
Originally Posted by shh!
Your lack of confidence or self esteem can be from a number of things, but dissecting that is just too lengthy, so let's just talk about how to fix your problem.
First, start by doing things in your life that are confidence builders. Go to the gym, work out, set some goals and achieve them. Start small and then work your way up. This is for your self esteem. Do something out of your realm. Step up to the plate on something.
Secondly do not get your happiness or your validation from other people, especially women. YOU must be generative, creative and fun, be the man, and take the lead. Walk tall, stand tall, don't slouch, tuck your shirt in, comb your hair, be trimmed neatly, practice speaking well, and in complete sentences.
If you are scared to talk to women, or get flustered when you approach them, you need to desensitize yourself. Start saying "hello" to just about every woman you pass by. Don't be obnoxious, just say hello and keep walking. If she says nothing, gives you dirty look, or maybe she will smile back, in any event, you just keep walking and don't let any of her reaction bother you. By the way it is good manners to greet someone in passing. "Hello", "Afternoon", "good evening" ect. Flirt with all women, just not the ones you are attracted to. This will make it easier to speak with the ones you are interested in, it will be routine, and you will have done it a hundred times.
So, go buy some red meat, go to the gym, walk tall, speak well, start talking to people, do not take what people do personally, get your happiness from you and your life, be creative, honest and challenge yourself every day to grow a bit outside of your comfort zone. Failure is no big deal, it is far less the regrets, so don't take it personally.
Quote:
Originally Posted by shh!
Very well said.
The way I see it is... If you dont have it and you have to ask what it is then you will never have it. I am not a confident person..I realized though that I dont really want to be. I like knowing my strong points and negative points. I am less cocky and more quiet/reserved. I like that about my-self.
Confidance and self-esteem go hand in hand, if you have a good self-esteem you will generally be a confidant person because if you think well of yourself you will be confidant enough to do things you may not otherwise do. For example you will go up and ask that girl out because you figure:
"Hey i'm a good guy, yes I have my faults but she has far more reasons to say yes than no."
instead of:
"I'm not worthy! Why would she go for me over that jock?"
Confidance is the feeling that you are happy with who you are and feel good about your various strengths and are able to minimalise your weaknesses, though you still recognise them for what they are, yet they do not bother you.
Great post.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluevetteracer
Sorry, can't help you here; I usually pee my pants around beautiful women. :(Quote:
Originally Posted by Unity
I used to be the most insecure person in the world, so I know how you're feeling.
I finally realized a few things over the years however, that changed MY outlook:
1. Nobody's opinion really matters.
2. Everyone fails at something sometime, and no one is perfect
3. Rejection is a way to learn
4. There are people out there in the world with far worse problems than you
5. Physical beauty means nothing if your personality is ugly
6. What you think about yourself is how others will perceive you
7. The people that judge you do it to hide their own insecurities.
8. Money is not a measure of success
When you realize all these things, you will gain confidence.
1. Nobody's opinion really matters.
2. Everyone fails at something sometime, and no one is perfect
3. Rejection is a way to learn
4. There are people out there in the world with far worse problems than you
5. Physical beauty means nothing if your personality is ugly
6. What you think about yourself is how others will perceive you
7. The people that judge you do it to hide their own insecurities.
8. Money is not a measure of success
Bluesummer, well said :)
Except your own to you.Quote:
Originally Posted by bluesummer
Agreed.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tone
Thanks everyone, even reading your replys has made me feel a bit better. I understand how you mean self esteem is linked to confidence, guess it's how I knew it's part of my problem. I like my self, but I've been hurt a lot, every woman I've had feelings for has made me feel like I should hate my self. I always fall for the wrong ones. Kind of made me lose trust in them all together, I guess it's why I feel intimidated when feelings get involved.
But thanks for your help, I know what I need to do now, I'll get right on it.
Forget and move on.
Not every woman you meet will be like the last.
You know, W, sometimes confidence can be as simple as a denial (real or imposed) for the consequences of a situation. Lack of imagination or refusal to engage such. This useful trick can be learned.Quote:
Originally Posted by whaywardj