Please help, long winded problem.

[jar2012]

Warning, This is a long winded and detailed problem.

21 year old male. GF is 20. I am currently in grad school for just this semester 500 miles away, but am coming back and going to school back home where she is. We've been together for 9 months and in a LDR for 4. Relationship has been truly amazing for both of us. We both wanted this relationship to last and knew we were very compatible and marriage was definitely int the future. We planned to try and get a place together and plan stuff for when I returned in the summer. But up until 2 months ago , she started to change. Despite writing her letters, texting almost every day, and visiting for valentines and Spring break, she seemed different. I attribute this to her pressure of her school program's final semester and her recently coming off an IUD. She was getting sick like never before (headaches,vomiting,so forth). So I recommended removing it and she did. But she seemed skeptical that it wasn't the problem. But said she was too busy to get a CT scan which seems like it would rule out other much more serious conditions.

During spring break two weeks ago, we planned to look at houses and plan for the summer activities. We did, but during the she seemed disturbed about hanging out for the 3 days I had planned, as if I was impeding her. She has had a rough time in life and has had bad encounters with men. She moved in with her last BF at months and after 3 months he cheated on her and tried to make up for it by doing all these overly nice things for her. I feel this may be a part of the problem.

After picking her up the last day to go to dinner, she seemed very ticked off about not finding the right house, how I was assuming things, and other wise changed from when I left. That night, we had an argument about all of it and she indicated that she was unsure about moving in and needed time to think. I indicated that I wasn't having a great time at school and with my roommate and that i was really looking forward to coming back and studying closer to school , with her being a major part of it. Despite telling her this before, she was angry and said she couldnt bet he major reason for me wanting to come back, and that I accounted for about 10-20% of her decision making, which hurt me quite a lot.

We remained neutral for the rest of the break and I thought it got better the last day when we had a night with friends. It seemed like the last month at school would go back quick and we could sort things out when I get back.

But by the end of my first week away from home again, she said she had become very sick, with the same symptoms before removing the IUD but were even worse now, she couldn't eat and she lost her voice to vomiting. And on top of that, she was now on her first period after finally coming off of it. On the 4th consecutive day, she said that her mother might take her to the hospital, shes had 3 IVs from work (medical field student) and still eaten nothing. I tray and call but she says she can not talk and doesn't want to talk to anyone for awhile. I'm very concerned at this point at tell her she should try and go to the hospital. She again becomes angry and says every one is telling her what to do. She continues to elaborate that a coworker performed an EKG and found a Right Bundle Branch Block and that she is going to die...

Needless to say I'm taken back, and being 500 miles away its impossible for me to do anything quickly on top of responsibilities. After doing some research, all of this cold add up to be a life threatening problem. That night I send a text saying I'm not trying to tell her what to do and hope everything will get better, and try and go to bed.

In the morning I receive a long text, see picture (add colon : after http)-

http//postimg.org/image/f00ncnt6d/


I just woke up and thought on top of all this, she was trying to now break up with me over text.

It seems as if she just wants to take a break to try and fix all of whats going on by her self, and wants no help from me. But I have been trying to understand everything and need some help. Didn't talk to her for three days until she text-ed me today:

http//postimg.org/image/43h6nvq3x/


At this point I can summarize:
-GF is sick, may be serious to the point she may die, but also may not be. Hormones and other feelings seemed to have changed due to IUD and influenced this behaivor.

-Previous relationships, and terrible life events have caused some
bottled up issues. She was asked to see a psychiatrist by her school program because of the stress levels and such events to medical field, and she had stated that it is bringing up some of those issues and making her feel bad.

-She is working 24 hour shifts 3 days a week for the next 3 weeks and then taking exams the last week. And is in the national guard. Because of this, she honestly doesn't have much time to get around to see doctors.

-She seems to want to remove the relationship aspect either for fear of hurting me if something happens to her(protecting me by making me feel less) or doesn't really see this continuing and wants to pacify me to friendship status.

So as you can see this is a very detailed problem and I have tried my best to give you some context. I feel like she obviously needs some space, and since she doesn't want any help what so ever, I have no choice but let this happen. I deeply care for this girl and want things to work out, but obviously want her to succeed and be healthy above all else.

Please give me some advice on trying to see if this will work out given the situation or if i need to try and initiate dialogue again, what I can do to help that I haven't tried, or if I should just let this run course and see if we can reconvene.
Thank you

[eve.ashley]

she seems to be very stressed out and going through a lot.

her hormones are out of wack, she is ill, and she has a very stressful job/school.

the question here is how much she likes you romantically, and how much you like her.

if she likes you a lot and is simply at a very bad place in her life now, and cannot handle a relationship, than you should remain friends and wait for her situation and health to improve, and try again...so it be on a break sort of situation.

if she doesn't see herself with you, not coz of her situation, but coz you are not what she wants, then it be better for you to protect yourself and walk away...

BUT!

she is ill, and frankly, you have to stay and be her friend and risk getting hurt, if you care for her at all.

i'm sorry man, but she needs a good friend now.

someone who cares enough to say, ok, you cannot handle a relationship now, but you are ill and i cannot just walk away...

this is not much fair to you, since you will stay, develop even more feelings, and she might not change her mind about the relationship, or she might be very ill...etc

but sometimes life throws us a curve ball, and i cannot advize you to walk away on someone, if you care about them, who is in such a bad situation.

let us know about her health!

[jar2012]

Hello. I come again to see if there is anything further I can do regarding my situation. It’s been 2 and a half weeks. She text-ed me 3 days later, still wanting to talk but saying I had to remove the feeling from the conversation. I was most interested in her physical wellbeing. Over the course of this month her symptoms have apparently remained steady. These are: extreme headache, extreme nausea and vomiting, multiple times a day of heavy dizzyness to the point you feel you will faint but do not, moody, and possible heart palpitations and RBBB. Her mood is very pessimistic, but changes sometimes, so this leads me to believe it’s nearly all hormonal or thyroid based. At this point, I attribute this at least 80% to what is referred as post IUD crash and the other being stress from work and school. Countless research and forum post after forum post from women detailing symptoms that align closely to the exact ones I described her having. Even considering the women who are hypochondriacs or suffer from another condition and blame the IUD, the sheer volume of posts and discussions has to probabilistically lead to the theory that the IUDS have some serious effects on women. Telling her this, she wholly does not think this is the case. She had the IUD in for just under one year, and although she may think the same symptoms she was having while on it might have been from the implant, she says everyone she talks to believes it is he crash from the IUD but thinks it is "f***ing stupid" and impossible that it could cause this effect 6 weeks after removal for someone only having it for a year (also the exact same week she started her first period off of the IUD and all this started). She is naturally stubborn and has her own notions on the medical field and treatment
She now will not talk to me after I brought up the extreme probability that all of this is caused by the iud, and has also uninvited me from the trip we planned at the end of May. She refuses to go to the doctor despite losing 15 pounds, being on IVs from work, and having still the possibility of other conditions; at least until the end of her testing and the majority of her commitments.
I return to town in 2 weeks, but she has to finish testing for a medical program she is in next week, of which she will graduate next Friday. I don't want to bother her anymore due to knowing she needs to study and do well as finishing it is the most important thing to her, and she truly is one on the best medical professionals I have seen in her field and is really capable.
She has had a difficult past and has had unfortunate problems, but she truly is an amazing person with a strong power to succeed and someone I would want to be with even considering all of this. But I am almost positive the IUD is responsible for literally turning everything upside down completely altering her personality to the point she sold all the stock so to speak in life except to finish the yearlong program she has slaved over to finish this coming week.
I will be investigating the whole IUD and medical stuff on other forums, but hope to see if I can, despite my uphill battle, do anything more to save this from the terribly unfortunate set of events.
Thank you