6 months ago I was in a relationship with a woman that had spanned 13 yrs. She was my first relationship ever, I met her when I was 20. However she was married, so I always played the part of the best friend hoping and waiting that one day she would get the courage to leave her husband for me. We are both female so both of us were always petrified of what our families would think and whether they would disown us for being in a same-sex relationship so for years we lived this way, me living near her by myself but occasionally have her stay over and occasionally going away together. Over the years I got tired of waiting and so the relationship dwindled and devolved into a friendship, we have everything in common and there wasn't anything that one of us liked that the other didn't.

6 months ago another friend started showing interest in me, he was male and I had never been with a male before. I broke up with my GF and got swept away by the guy, he ended up breaking my heart pretty quickly and I moved on. Two months ago I met another guy and we have been dating since, we don't have much in common but I enjoy spending time together. He is very affectionate, loving and caring and always wants to cuddle and be around me. He always talks to me about a future together and children.

During this time however my ex-GF's husband got sick. He died two weeks ago and since then I haven't been able to get the thought out of my head that finally after all this time my GF and I could finally have a life together. You see ever since I broke up with her 6 months ago she hasn't been able to let me go and has consistently tried to win me back, there has been a few periods of time when she hasn't contacted me at all. The longest time was 3 weeks and this particular time I felt like I had finally lost her and she had moved on, it made me feel like a had lost a piece of myself.

I feel so torn and it doesn't matter how much I run the thoughts over in my head I don't know what to do. The guy I'm seeing at the moment has so much potential, I know I don't love him just yet but I think I'm not far off. He could give me everything a girl usually wants in life, marriage, family, that safe feeling that you are getting looked after. We don't have much in common which worries me a bit but we communicate really well and are able to get over the arguments we do have quite easily.

But then there is my ex-GF, I waited so long to have the dreams we used to discuss like living together, travelling together. Finally we could have these things and we both want these things but it's a different life, life would be easier with her because she was left with a small amount of money however I would possibly have to sacrifice my desire to have the family, the marriage, the children. when it comes to common interests comparing them is like comparing apples and oranges, she loves everything I love but with him, we only have a few things in common. I don't mention anything physical between between both of them they are rather the same in the sex department so that doesn't concern me.

I hope someone could give me some words of advice or tell me how they see it from their point of view because to me it looks like a fork in the road with one path leading into an abyss, not knowing which one and knowing that once you go down one path there is no turning back and choosing the other one ever.