Why is boyfriend now upset as I have given him the same treatment?

[belif]

I've been with my boyfriend for almost half a year. We are very close, friendly with each other's families and genuine about each other and have plans together for our future. When we first started dating he would comment on girls appearances in front of me, this obviously hurt, not because they were any more attractive than I as I'm signed with IMG models and I'm fairly confidence (not arrogant) and perfect in his eyes. He even went to pathetic extents of messaging me about this. However, I told him I did not like it and found it disrespectful. He promised to stopped and apologised. It did happen a couple more times.

Last night my brothers friend was coming over for dinner and I mentioned that he was attractive. The guy came over for dinner who is a lovely, charming taken man. I was in my room for a while and he said to my parents "Will your beautiful daughter make an appearance tonight?" Which I texted my boyfriend saying. He then got very hurt. He messaged me saying "If you brought up your brother's friend just to spite me or make me feel jealous, then that is just a low blow" "Since you find your brother's friend attractive and clearly your parents likes him as well, then I would just let you guys have a heartwarming dinner together" "I may have said certain comments about the other gender before, but it was never the case where it was about someone who is supposedly close to me or I was doing it just to spite you or anything. But your comment about this guy is way different from me. It was intentional, the guy is your brother's friend who is actually going to visit you and have dinner AT your house with your parents, and your parents actually like this guy enough to want to have dinner with him. In addition, your parents know about our arguments and probably think lesser of me as a boyfriend right now and this guy probably sounds like a better deal for you than me. Also, this guy asked if you would be joining him for the dinner and indicated his attraction to you, at the very least about your beauty. I may have said inappropriate comments to you before and have already multiple times apologised and would stop doing it again. But this comment by you just really hurt me even more and I can't do anything about the fact that some guy is right now at your house having dinner with your parents in the middle of our relationship crisis. I just don't want to think about this and I'm going to go do what I'm going to do for today. I'm not mad at you and I don't want to end things because of this, but I'm just hurt, that's all. I'm happy to be with you and you're my closest friend and girlfriend, I'm not saying I'm not happy. There's a difference between saying someone is pretty/hot/fit/beautiful and saying that you're attracted to another person or that person is attractive. I have never said all those inappropriate comments with a motive but you said another person, someone that is actually close to your family and who reciprocates and feels the same way about you, is attractive with a motive to hurt me. That is the difference. I never intended to ever hurt you. I won't end things with you because of this but I hate to say this but I'm jealous and hurt. I may say that those girls are fit but I never said I'm attracted to them. If you're that attracted to him, then go chat him up during dinner or even after dinner then. I have hurt you before and i would strive to be a better boyfriend. But you've hurt me too. And you could still laugh about the fact that he said you're beautiful, in the midst of our crisis, that's just disturbing. If you find him attractive, then it doesn't matter whether I'm informed or not. Go be with him if he's that attractive to you"

He had a lecture and meeting that day however could not focus and did not go. I do feel bad, I have apologised and set boundaries.

Not thinking this would ever hurt him this much as he's done the same to me before quite a few times, when I have told him to stop.

[richiro]

yeah.. you both need to stop it and give it up and treat each other with more respect.
he did it first and it hurt you i get it.
but you can't lecture him AND THEN GO AND DO THE SAME THING!!!! that is even worse. to tell somebody they can't, then you do. see?

so you're both at fault here. you should've known it would hurt him because.. well.. LOOK AT HOW IT HURT YOU!

you both need to grow up and stop being so self-centered.

[TheEvilJester]

Yeah, once again richiro is very much saying what I was just about to say. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming you. I most definitely DO agree that it is awfully hypocritical of him to get so upset with you for basically doing exactly what he had absolutely no problem doing. He didn't seem to think there was any problem with it when he'd tell you about other attractive women, but all of a sudden you notice an attractive guy and that somehow is so terrible? You can't have it both ways.

HOWEVER....

You have been upset with him for doing exactly this in the past. Why would you then turn around and do it yourself? I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you didn't do it just to spite him like he claims..... but how could you not see how it would feel that way to him? You've told him in the past how his doing that hurts you..... yet you turn around and do the same to him? Again, I'll assume that wasn't your intention, but I think if you step back and look at the situation, you can imagine how it came off that way to him.

I'd also be curious, though, to know exactly what prompted that lengthy message you say he shared with you. Was that the product of a long discussion (even if just via text message) that went back and forth? I only ask because the way you presented it (and I could just be misunderstanding) it sounds like you mentioned to your boyfriend how you thought the guy was attractive/he told you he thought you were beautiful.... and then your boyfriend just instantly launched into this long tirade you shared with us here.

If I'm close to right in that, then I also kind of wonder about this guy's sanity/lack of maturity. I mean, that sounded like insane rambling to me. He goes ON AND ON, berating you with why it was so wrong what you did. Good gravy, that was quite a tirade..... and this coming from a guy who can go on and on himself. LOL!

But, maybe I'm just misunderstanding and that was just what was said over the course of a long back and forth conversation. Either way, I don't think this specific offense is really what is important. I think you two need to develop better communication. That, or if it seems your relationship is more trouble than good, then perhaps it is best just to move on. But, only you two can really know that. Good luck to you.

[belif]

Yeah, once again richiro is very much saying what I was just about to say. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming you. I most definitely DO agree that it is awfully hypocritical of him to get so upset with you for basically doing exactly what he had absolutely no problem doing. He didn't seem to think there was any problem with it when he'd tell you about other attractive women, but all of a sudden you notice an attractive guy and that somehow is so terrible? You can't have it both ways.

HOWEVER....

You have been upset with him for doing exactly this in the past. Why would you then turn around and do it yourself? I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you didn't do it just to spite him like he claims..... but how could you not see how it would feel that way to him? You've told him in the past how his doing that hurts you..... yet you turn around and do the same to him? Again, I'll assume that wasn't your intention, but I think if you step back and look at the situation, you can imagine how it came off that way to him.

I'd also be curious, though, to know exactly what prompted that lengthy message you say he shared with you. Was that the product of a long discussion (even if just via text message) that went back and forth? I only ask because the way you presented it (and I could just be misunderstanding) it sounds like you mentioned to your boyfriend how you thought the guy was attractive/he told you he thought you were beautiful.... and then your boyfriend just instantly launched into this long tirade you shared with us here.

If I'm close to right in that, then I also kind of wonder about this guy's sanity/lack of maturity. I mean, that sounded like insane rambling to me. He goes ON AND ON, berating you with why it was so wrong what you did. Good gravy, that was quite a tirade..... and this coming from a guy who can go on and on himself. LOL!

But, maybe I'm just misunderstanding and that was just what was said over the course of a long back and forth conversation. Either way, I don't think this specific offense is really what is important. I think you two need to develop better communication. That, or if it seems your relationship is more trouble than good, then perhaps it is best just to move on. But, only you two can really know that. Good luck to you.

Thank you!

Unfortunately you are correct. My boyfriend will rave and rave until he believes he is correct. I do think he is the type of man that loves to talk about himself, believes he is right and will argue and argue till he gets his last word. Not very impressive. I admit, I can be guilty of this as well but not to this extent.

[melancholia]

Just apologize and don't do it again. If you don't like his comments about other females, why would you think it's cool to do the same thing to him? It's very confusing to be told you've done something hurtful, and then have that person turn around and do the same thing to you. Grow up, and stop trying to spite your boyfriend. Acknowledge how your actions have made your boyfriend feel, apologize, and do better next time.