Please help.. trying to get back with an ex

[sxi12345]

Hi everyone

To cut a long story short... I met and dated a girl over a year ago. We hit it off straight away and made some wonderful memories together in those 3 months we were together. I know it was a short term rship but you know when that person is right for you and I believe we would have been still together to this day if I hadn't broken it off. The thing is I was suffering from depression at the time I met her and was on prescribed medication. We wasn't all that sexually active as I would have liked.. as the side affects of the medication effected my mood and erections! So I decided to come off the mediation but slowly fell back into my old ways to a point where I needed space and broke it off with her. I left her heart broken and I continued to do my thing. After a few months passed I realised what I had done and tried to win her back with no success.

Now a year on.. I recently got back in contact to wish her a happy birthday. We exchange a few messages and phone calls and it seemed she was interested in me again. She told me that she's dated 3 guys since after we split.. all which have failed and been horrible to her. She's told me I'm the only person that's treated her well in a long time and that she trusts me.

We met up a week ago and it was great to see her. We don't live close to each other anymore as I temporarily moved away from the area. When we met, it felt like we hadn't been apart and we had a good day together and we agreed we would see how things go between us again. We got a bit intimate in the evening which was going to lead to sleeping together... but I stopped it. I must have been mad to stop it!! But I felt under the circumstances I would have preferred to wait until we were back on track and I had a long journey to go home that evening. I didn't want to just sleep with her and then leave.. I wanted to do it where we had longer time together.

A week has past now and it seems she's gone really cold on me. It seems she's lost interest when is was her who was sending me texts all the time before. Her texts aren't very forthcoming and it seems hard to make conversation with her. Aren't you suppose to get more acquainted with each other again by communicating more with each other? I hardly hear from her and when I do it's me that's texting first. We agreed we would be more open with each other and would talk to each other if something was troubling us. I feel that she isn't going by her word on that. I really unsure what to do anymore.. I fed up of doing all the chasing and not getting anywhere.

Look forward to hearing from your replies.
Many thanks

[pcmaster]

Your topic name is pushing posters away cause we here on LF tend to suggest breakups not to bring people together after breakups.

Anyway if what you are doing is not appreciated then stop doing it. I think you doing same mistake as I recently - Pushing girl away by being too needy. As more you text as more you push her away. You now should aim for replying each of her text but dont write longer texts than she does. She writes - you write. But dont write several texts in a row or message first all the time when she lost interest. Sometimes you get more results by doing less. If this dont work and she dont ever text you first or reply your messages then she clearly shows she is not interested and that means theres nothing you can do, you just have to let her go. besides you can google some texting guides and watch youtube vids on texting. That could help you improve.

Still if someone else is texting her or shes interested in someone else or busy with other things then again its not your fault.

[Hooo!]

so you stopped being sexual out of modesty

what do you think she thinks what you stopped it for?
probably she thinks because you dont like her or whatever

the problem is that you dont communicate....
being open and honest about your fears and intentions is one of the KEY factors to success in relationships in my oppinion.

[TheEvilJester]

I do agree somewhat with PC about your topic. Me personally, my general rule of thumb about getting back with an ex is.... DON'T! Generally speaking, there is rarely any good reason to get back with an ex....... But the key word there is GENERALLY. Some people may see a topic like that and just skip it. Some of us, though, do read on to at least see what the person has to say. Glad I did this time....

There are some situations where it actually CAN work. One of those is when the problem or problems that broke you up in the first place have improved. This sounds like that could be the case for you. There were issues you were dealing with at the time that you say you are not dealing with anymore. So, this is certainly one time where it could be worth trying again.

So, you have... but now things seem to be cooling off from her side. I think both PC and Hooo make some good points. I, in fact, had the same question Hooo posed. When you rejected her sexual advances.... how exactly did you do so? How did you explain it to her, if at all? My first thought was maybe she mistook this to think you weren't interested, so that caused her to feel hurt and start to pull away.

I also do agree with PC that it is possible you could be pushing too much. Seeming overly-eager can push people away. So, I think as a way of testing the waters a little, I would agree you back off. Stop being the first to text, stop being so insistent, and just take a bit of a break from her. If she, in turn, then makes the effort to reach out first then great. Then maybe keep seeing where things are going.

If, after what you feel to be a reasonable amount of time, she doesn't bother (so, in other words, you stop being the first to reach out, so she responds by no longer reaching out at all) then I think that is your excuse to break it off. You needn't even argue with her about it or anything. I would just say you keep it very simple, something like "I am truly very sorry for the way I ended things between us before. I regret that and sincerely wanted to have a second chance to see if we could have something special. I am getting the feeling you are no longer interested. That is fine, I understand that, but I'd have appreciated honesty rather than just feeling like I am ignored. I need to move on, but I sincerely wish you the best and I truly am grateful for the time we did share. But, this is goodbye."

Something like that, but obviously put it in your own words. Honestly, hopefully you'll never even have to do that. Hopefully she will come around.... but she can't just string you along. That isn't fair. Either she can look beyond your past and give you a sincere second chance.... or she cannot. If she cannot, that is perfectly understandable. That is okay. But she should just be honest. What is NOT okay is for her to tell you she wants to give you two another chance.... but then lead you on.

So, hopefully it doesn't have to come to this, but if it does, then your best bet may be just to move on. Better to find somebody who will not punish you for sins of the past... so long as they actually are in your past. Good luck to you.