Feelings for work girl

[Perfguy]

Well, I have an update. I went ahead and gave her the chocolate on Monday and she said "Oh (my name) that was so sweet", along with a big smile on her face. But, later in the day, I found out she is going to Idaho with her BF to see her mom and introduce him. That had me down but I was able to ask her if things are serious with him and she said no. So, maybe there is still a chance.

I think I've made the decision to not say anything until she breaks it off with this guy (if and when it happens). At that point I will go ahead and ask her out but make sure she keeps it on the DL so the work girls don't know. I think she is a good enough person to respect that, even if she isn't interested. But deep down, I think she would be willing to go out on a friendly date, at least.

[jurupa]

I found out she is going to Idaho with her BF to see her mom and introduce him. That had me down but I was able to ask her if things are serious with him and she said no. So, maybe there is still a chance.

Normally a girl will not introduce her bf to her mom if the relationhip was not serious.

I think I've made the decision to not say anything until she breaks it off with this guy (if and when it happens). At that point I will go ahead and ask her out but make sure she keeps it on the DL so the work girls don't know. I think she is a good enough person to respect that, even if she isn't interested. But deep down, I think she would be willing to go out on a friendly date, at least.

A couple of things, if you ask her out after she breaks up with her (this is assuming she does in the furture), your most probably going to be the rebound bf and nothing more. Do you really want that? I doubt it. Ask her out in a month or two and you may have a chance with her. As far as keeping things on the down low it is not possible trust me. The other girls will see the relationship and will talk, there is no way of escaping it.

[Cybog]

Never date a co-worker.

Why cause the drama WHEN the two of you break up? What if she says no, and now that uncomfortable bullshit happens? What if you DO date, and now you have this stupid gawky "workplace relationship" that everyone is going to talk shit about and want to know about?

This is one of the dumbest things you can do, unless its a shit job and one of the two of you are on your way out.

[jurupa]

Never date a co-worker.

Why cause the drama WHEN the two of you break up? What if she says no, and now that uncomfortable bullshit happens? What if you DO date, and now you have this stupid gawky "workplace relationship" that everyone is going to talk shit about and want to know about?

This is one of the dumbest things you can do, unless its a shit job and one of the two of you are on your way out.

I agree 1000% with you. The only way I would date a girl at a place I work at is if she was in a totally different department and even then I would think about not dating her even if she is a good fit for me.

[KillaJakez]

If she is asking you to set her up with other guys, I think you are already in the "just friends" zone. Sorry.

She hit the nail on the head. I've been in this same situation many times. Did you ever hang out with her outside of work? I have a game plan for you if you didn't.

Get some sports event or movie or whatever tickets. Come into the office and say, hey *name*, I won these tickets and was supposed to take my friend Danny to the game but he was incapacitated in an accident (obviously im exaggerating but you get the point..friend couldnt make it). The event is (make sure its within a day , not more than 2). Making sure beforehand if she has plans for that day REALLY helps. Now here is the key...the golden, beautiful key.

Check it....

She knows you as "the guy at work that dresses like this and talks like that".

When you come pick her up (and remember, play along as a 100% friendly hangout type of thing)...

Redo your hair in a very nice way. If you normally just comb over, go get a blow up (tape up). Or mess it up softly with gel, somethin like that. (I can help you out with what to do if you dont know).

Put on some very nice faded boot cut low rise jeans, and some dressy shoes, but not dress shoes. Something like diesels or dknys. Wear a dress shirt, but one that is an evening patterned one. These cost around 40-60 dollars. I have one that is a slim fit style that is white, and has a sick woven pattern on one side. Over that put on some type of sport jacket, something like a FCUK or armani, or diesel jacket. Put on some cologne. Curve, Giorgio armani, armani code, davidoff cool water, or echo, dunhill desire,...etc.
Put on a nice chain (not bling). I usually wear a black undershirt, put a chain over it, and then put on my black dressy slim fit shirt with a pattern.

When you pick her up, have some good , exotic music she NEVER heard before. Maybe some italian or greek techno, or whatever you are into. If she asks you what it is, just say oh my grandmother is greek or italian or whatever the hell you want to make up and say you like to listen to this music. Just make sure its a likeable cd mix and nothing that will put out a "gangster" or "im a wannabe" image, or something too ethnic that will confuse her (unless its her culture).

Pick her up, and she will look at you and her mind will flip. This isnt the same *name* I know from work? Whats going on!!!!

She will say..why are you so dressed up???
THIS IS WHAT YOU SAY....
Haha, im not that dressed up, I just like enjoy to look my best when I go out after work. Make it clear that you didnt DRESS UP FOR HER, but for yourself. Keep your distance, and talk in a slow, confident manner. NO FLIRTING......make friendly conversation like...

Yeah its good you came along...all my OTHER friends are working late. I'm so glad we could finally HANG OUT after work, its fun.

Go to your show or whatever, and you know what she will be thinking....Holy crap this isnt the same *name* i know from work. You have to put on a totally different image. She will notice it. And if you do your best...you may, just may pull it off.

Once she has a different mindset of you, ask her out on another friendly thing in a week. Go forth from there and make it happen. Once you knock down the stone walls, its easy game.

Good luck private. Go get 'em

[derm]

Attention to detail, thats our KillaJakez.

That should work, but if she declines from the word go he's doomed

[KillaJakez]

Not exactly...if she says no I can't, then he can try something again in two weeks. What I did is i had a movie pass that was expiring and i told a girl that none of my friends could see the movie at that time so otherwise its being thrown out if she doesnt come.
The whole shtick in my plan is her agreeing to some sort of activity after work.

[derm]

Not exactly...if she says no I can't, then he can try something again in two weeks. What I did is i had a movie pass that was expiring and i told a girl that none of my friends could see the movie at that time so otherwise its being thrown out if she doesnt come.
The whole shtick in my plan is her agreeing to some sort of activity after work.

I see where you're comming from. However if you keep asking and she finally gives in and says yes. She's really only going out with you because you pestered her and isn't really interested in you or attracted to you.

I prefer to ask girls who are attracted to me first and if they're not at first. I try a different approach. I get them interested.

Thats my style which has never really failed me

[Gigabitch]

Original poster, you should read through the many, many threads about how well it works out when you date a co-worker.

Wait a minute... Oh yeah. THERE AREN'T ANY.

[KillaJakez]

Wait a minute... Oh yeah. THERE AREN'T ANY.

Well what I was getting at is if she says no more than once.. you obviously get the drift.

[Perfguy]

Well, everything came to a head today. The other day I complimented her on how nice she looks in her new sweater and today I told her on e-mail "Well, since you're special I'll (yada, yada work stuff)". It was just meant to be an off the cuff remark. Well, that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Her replay was "Thank you [name] Hey, have you been hittin on me or something lately? LOL" That was her exact reply. So, that kinda flipped me out a little bit. I couldn't believe she said that.

Me: Wow. You really suprised me with your comment. :-) Well, was that just an off the cuff comment or do you really want me to lay it out?

Her: LAY WHAT OUT??

Me: Why did you ask if I was hitting on you? Were my actions like that?

Her: You have just been extra nice and complimentary... dude, whats your deal?

Me: Sorry. I just don't how to respond to that, that's all...
I'm sure you meant it as a joke :-)

Her: Of course [name]

Me: Well, I think you're a great girl with many appealing qualities but I would NEVER try to get between a girl and her BF. :-)

Her: no response.

But, I was in the back room again today and she came back and definitely was not uncomfortable. If anything, she was being slightly friendlier. Plus, we had some e-mail coversations about this other girl and she was still her same friendly self. At least I didn't make her feel awkward.

So, I guess it's done. I didn't want to go into asking her if you she would like to go out if she were to break it off with him because that is kinda creepy

So, I still have no definite answer on wheather she would be interested in the future but I think I'm pretty safe in saying she knows how I feel...

[Junket]

Never bring up the boyfriend.

Never.

[KillaJakez]

Ditto. Why remind her of him? She is talking to YOU now, not him.
This operation is ready for Stage 2. Load the gun, lock and cock...as I would say...hehe...I hope you bring us good news from the front. We stand behind you, oh brave trooper!

[derm]

Done and dusted then.

Thanks for the update.

You seem to be taking it all very well.....tooooo well

[vashti]

I would have preferred you tell her that you were interested once she left the boyfriend, but I am glad you feel you are making progress.